Author Topic: You know you're a punter when...  (Read 475011 times)

Offline Markus


When you are on the train and you see some guy opposite you sitting alone looking intensely at his phone.

The numpty didnt realise that I could see the purple website from the reflection in the glass behind him  :dash: :dash: :dash:


Offline Home Alone

... or you're overtaken by one who numberplate ends ..16MFF and you immediately start mentally reviewing who might be available.

... and when you address a Christmas card to a quite fit civvy woman friend whose postcode ends "BJ", & you wonder if she might.  This probably works best for those of us without an OH!  :rolleyes:

Yes; just now! ;)

Offline CoolTiger

When you are on the train and you see some guy opposite you sitting alone looking intensely at his phone.

The numpty didnt realise that I could see the purple website from the reflection in the glass behind him  :dash: :dash: :dash:


On a train once,  a guy was browsing AW on his tablet, so turned it inwards so that anyone passing by in the aisles could not spot him browsing the site.

Unbeknown to him, when the train went through a tunnel, you could clearly see the purple site in the window reflection!!

I was with other work colleagues, but even if I wasn't I don't think I would have said anything.

SNAP!!

Offline stevedave

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You should really use Private Browsing.

Fortunately, being single, I've no need to. If I wasn't, I'd be incognito every time.

Offline webpunter

Must have been on 3G coz Virgin rail block AW & UKP on their wifi.  Boring cunts.  And when i'm in 1st class / how very dare they !

When you are on the train and you see some guy opposite you sitting alone looking intensely at his phone.

The numpty didnt realise that I could see the purple website from the reflection in the glass behind him  :dash: :dash: :dash:

Offline catweazle

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Heard a radio advert for a long-established jewellers closing down, (they run several variants on their adverts) but the one that gave me a punters grin said that " a pearl necklace is always welcome, but especially on Christmas morning"!!

Offline mrfishyfoo

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When you fill your fat lardy 4x4 with diesel and think to yourself...

"Fuck me I could have had an hour with my fave pro$$ie for what that's just fucking cost"

 :D :D

Offline Gynaemyte

When you fill your fat lardy 4x4 with diesel and think to yourself...

"Fuck me I could have had an hour with my fave pro$$ie for what that's just fucking cost"

 :D :D

This evening with Jack Dee on “I haven’t a Clue” and the Uxbridge English Dictionary : -
“Hors d'oeuvre” means ‘Women who hang around diesel pumps’.  :rolleyes:

Offline hungrypunt

when you see this car and think CIM, then be sad enough to take a pic for this thread :lol: :lol: :lol:
Jeez I hope its no ones car on this thread in the north west

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« Last Edit: December 20, 2016, 12:41:06 pm by hungrypunt »

Offline mrfishyfoo

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This evening with Jack Dee on “I haven’t a Clue” and the Uxbridge English Dictionary : -
“Hors d'oeuvre” means ‘Women who hang around diesel pumps’.  :rolleyes:

Hilarious.  :hi: :hi:

Offline mrfishyfoo

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when you see this car and think CIM, then be sad enough to take a pic for this thread :lol: :lol: :lol:
Jeez I hope its no ones car on this thread in the north west

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This ones even better.

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If the owner is a punter on here I apologise now.  :D :D
« Last Edit: December 20, 2016, 01:58:12 pm by mrfishyfoo »

Offline Tossamatic

Perhaps those cars belong to tarts?

Southernpunter8

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When you're listening to a radio programme discussing cognitive brain therapy, and every time someone refers to it as CBT, I wonder why they have changed the subject to Cock and Ball Torture   :scare:

Offline Randy Mcknob

You fuck a civi and wonder why she doesn't leap up offering baby wipes and treat the used Jonny like infectious medical waste.

Offline Horizontal pleasures

You are offered a jam tart to eat .....

Offline threechilliman

A relative asks you what you're going to do with the money they gave you for Xmas. I said 'Not sure yet'. I wanted to say 'I'm going to use it to get a whore to drop her knickers for me'.

tcm

Offline pusfunman

A relative asks you what you're going to do with the money they gave you for Xmas. I said 'Not sure yet'. I wanted to say 'I'm going to use it to get a whore to drop her knickers for me'.

tcm

Dito. Small amount onto prepaid card. The rest into German FKK fund. It is a merry Christmas after all :)

Offline hungrypunt

when typing a text to someone who asks you what you doing...you reply
nothing ATM

He he

Offline azrael

At a xmas party in a night club chatting to decent looking bird, i was bored trying chatup lines i offered her £150 if we skipped the first three stages and jumped straight into the fourth. I got a nice lovely slap and she stormed off. I guess that was a no then  :wacko:

Offline ChiefAM

Heard a radio advert for a long-established jewellers closing down, (they run several variants on their adverts) but the one that gave me a punters grin said that " a pearl necklace is always welcome, but especially on Christmas morning"!!

Haha... heard this myself and made a joke of it at work with some of the more crude guys... still got an open eyed look  :blush:

Offline Horizontal pleasures

when you are looking at AW and UKP late on New Year's Eve.

JV547845

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When thinking of mothers, you realise they're barebackers.

Offline mrfishyfoo

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when you are looking at AW and UKP late on New Year's Eve.

Hilarious but oh so true.  :hi: :hi:

Offline The Beano

When you google Kirsten Dunst to remind yourself what KDD looks like.
TB

mrpeterman

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When thinking of mothers, you realise they're barebackers.

Fucking classic

Autopunter

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You see a client at work and think "You could make so much more money on your back"

Yup!

Offline flouch

Agonising for weeks over a small purchase, then realising you'd quite spend that amount on a WG meet without a second thought.

Offline CoolTiger

Agonising for weeks over a small purchase, then realising you'd quite spend that amount on a WG meet without a second thought.

+1


Offline Spacecowb0y

1. Every purchase is equated to 30 mins with a WG (£70 for petrol = 30mins with X)
2. Waiting over 40 mins for a customer , could have had a shag and back in that time
3. You wonder if every flirty woman is a WG


Offline webpunter


Knobhead

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You have learned to adjust yourself to enable walking through public places full on hard as you make your way to the WG's door, without it being too obvious.
This! +1

Offline El Jefe

You think any half decent looking woman at the sexual health clinic is a prossie.  :D

Offline El Jefe

When thinking of mothers, you realise they're barebackers.

I was thinking this the other day   :lol:

Offline HornyHemel

You think any half decent looking woman at the sexual health clinic is a prossie.  :D

+1 I went for a check up last week and there were a couple of student girls in the waiting room, one was very cute and certainly WG material!!!


PuntGuy

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You drive by certain locations and smirk.

PuntGuy

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A relative asks you what you're going to do with the money they gave you for Xmas. I said 'Not sure yet'. I wanted to say 'I'm going to use it to get a whore to drop her knickers for me'.

tcm

ha ha + 1

PuntGuy

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At a xmas party in a night club chatting to decent looking bird, i was bored trying chatup lines i offered her £150 if we skipped the first three stages and jumped straight into the fourth. I got a nice lovely slap and she stormed off. I guess that was a no then  :wacko:

+ 1 masochist freebie  :D

Offline Horizontal pleasures

You are vaguely anxious about a planned tourist day out to visit Cambridge with the missus who was at university there many decades ago. What if she asks to go punting?

Offline CoolTiger

You are vaguely anxious about a planned tourist day out to visit Cambridge with the missus who was at university there many decades ago. What if she asks to go punting?

Presumably you would go unprotected..... i.e. without a life-jacket  :D

I'll grab me jacket, oops coat!!

Offline rovingman

1. You make purchase decisions based on their comparability to punting... "£80 for some new shoes? ... for £10 more I could spend half an hour with an absolute hottie, think I'll leave the shoes".

2. You find yourself defending prostitution when it arises but try not to let on how much you know about it.
:thumbsup:

Offline rovingman

You think any half decent looking woman at the sexual health clinic is a prossie.  :D
:thumbsup:

Neal69

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Offline Home Alone

I've been trawling through this thread - sorry, mixed metaphor - to see if anyone had offered something on these lines

When a hotel door opens and there is no one there, they are behind the door

because, although it wasn't an hotel but a SP's 'apartment' where that happened to me at lunchtime today, the same thought immediately crossed my mind as appropriate for this thread.

Offline Home Alone

You trawl this thread to make sure you aren't repeating what someone else has said, and you come across  ;) dear old hp re-cycling his joke a couple of times! ;) :D

when you are invited to go punting in Cambridge ....

Being with the OH on a summer tourist visit to Cambridge and you have to discuss possible punting.

You are vaguely anxious about a planned tourist day out to visit Cambridge with the missus who was at university there many decades ago. What if she asks to go punting?

No. Sorry that doesn't happen when you're a punter; that happens when you're mildly OCD!  ;) :D :lol:
« Last Edit: January 04, 2017, 05:00:51 pm by Home Alone »

mrpeterman

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You compare your oh technique vs. Blow jobs or sex you have had with wg's ..ide say the oh is in top 5 punts, but for value she is in bottom 5

Offline lostandfound

I think that now, I can not only recognise a Polish accent, but distinguish between different Polish accents.

Also other useless information about EE that I would not otherwise know.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2017, 06:17:49 pm by lostandfound »

GolfNut

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You're sitting on the train home and you catch a whiff of pussy on your fingers  :lol: