Fallen out with a regular of 25 years

[Jujy78]

I didn't want to share this but I thought I'll get this off my chest. so I've been seeing a regular since 2000, before she was in my locality so used to see her about 5 to 6 times a year up until 2005. Lovely lady very friendly. Post 2005 I saw her once or twice a year since. I used to travel 320miles 6hr drive there and back just to see her for 2 hrs. In between she moved out and moved further up but the distance remained more or less same. I feel a connection with her and always make it a point to see her at least once a year. She does this part time as she has a main job so she sees very less people and works from her home. Anyway as I said I feel a connection with her so I travel all the way not just for the shag but a good conversation too and what we've been up to in our lives. Since I've known her since I was a young lad it kinda gives me that nostalgic feeling when I see her. Anyway recently I booked her in advance as I usually do. But unfortunately my car broke down day before and I had to cancel. I was in a bit of a mood as moneys currently tight and I have to budget my punts too so was a bit annoyed. I messaged her to explain what happened and we'll have to cancel. To that she replied 'on my AW website I charge for cancellation'. As I wasn't in the right mood as it is I just ignored her message and didn't bother making contact. In hindsight I think I should've replied and just said how much and can we sort it out in our next meet. But I was kinda annoyed (now you might think I'm being entitled) that we've known eachother so long and I have never cancelled in 25 years and she's asking me for money.

Anyway I've made no contact since then and I'm kind of missing her. Not sure if she's blocked me. Do you reckon I should apologise and ask for another booking and say I'll pay the extra money for cancellation when I see her next.

And yes I do have feeling for her who wouldn't if you've been seeing them for over 25 years. But I kinda know where I stand. As at the end of the day it still is a paid service. But there has been times where I've overstayed and just chatted for hours without the sex with no charge.

[alabama1]

Charge for cancellation, after you have been a loyal and trustworthy  customer for 25 years ? Fuck her right off mate is my advice !! There are plenty more options now, and in the future. Her loss !  Who is she by the way ? Have you reviewed her , or been keeping her to yourself ? lol

[Jujy78]

Charge for cancellation, after you have been a loyal and trustworthy  customer for 25 years ? Fuck her right off mate is my advice !! There are plenty more options now, and in the future. Her loss !  Who is she by the way ? Have you reviewed her , or been keeping her to yourself ? lol

I'll be honest with you I haven't reviewed her but she does have a couple of reviews here. I know there are options but as I said I've been seeing her for so long so feelings have evolved at least from my side. Over the years we've been talking about what we've been doing with our lives etc she talks to me about her shit and I about mine. To me seeing her once a year is like a therapy session lol otherwise I'm no mug that will travel 6 hrs there and back to see someone just for 2 hours. Then again I probably am a mug 😂 her AW hasn't been touched since April so I think she only sees either regulars or very few people due to doing this part-time.

[alabama1]

I'll be honest with you I haven't reviewed her but she does have a couple of reviews here. I know there are options but as I said I've been seeing her for so long so feelings have evolved at least from my side. Over the years we've been talking about what we've been doing with our lives etc she talks to me about her shit and I about mine. To me seeing her once a year is like a therapy session lol otherwise I'm no mug that will travel 6 hrs there and back to see someone just for 2 hours. Then again I probably am a mug 😂 her AW hasn't been touched since April so I think she only sees either regulars or very few people due to doing this part-time.

To be honest mate, i wouldn't class her as a regular. She may like you, but she is in it for the money, so , as hard as it may seem, in financial terms, you are low priority. But you probably already knew that.

[RedKettle]

I think she was foolish and out of order to suggest a cancellation fee in the circumstances.  That said it is her business and she has a right to charge as she likes, and we have the right to decide not to see her.

Perhaps send a message saying that you are sorry about the cancellation you have sorted things out now and would like to make another booking.  See how she responds to that and if stroppy etc then bin her off, but I suspect she will be fine.  Then if you want when you see her you could always take a modest gift just to say sorry for the cancellation.

[dub6747]

Please take this as a kind comment. Your relationship with this woman doesn't sound like a regular relationship. You have to put in a lot more than a couple of times a year and as you don't see her that often and it's only for a couple of hours she's probably pissed with you and however much you may bond etc, you're both seeing other as a transaction

Good luck with getting over it. She's unlikely to get back to you, so if you want to keep it going you're going to have to be a grown up and sort it out

Or, just leave it and hope to get over the EAS

💜

[Matium]

Perhaps she just wanted to put you in your place and remind you that you are just a client.

It's so very easy to get EAS.

[alabama1]

25 years on, she must at least be in her mid forties ? Why don't you replace her with a younger regular 

[superchamp]

I can't remember whether it's rule number 3 or rule number 4 when it comes to apologising to women. If she's right, you apologise. If you're right, you apologise. It does help if you know the rules.

[MichaelDBW]

I think if I were in your shoes I would leave it, 25 years custom is a long while and she knows how far you travel, so by charging a cancellation she's shown her true colours.

[Jujy78]

25 years on, she must at least be in her mid forties ? Why don't you replace her with a younger regular 

Mid 50s but she's still fit I'm mid 40s but no longer as fit as I was when I used to see her in my early days 😂

But yeah it's not about finding someone younger. Obviously I've been seeing her for so long so a relationship of sorts has developed and as I said on my OP seeing her is like a therapy session as well as good sex.

Obviously I'm aware tomorrow she could stop working and that'll be the end of it.

[alabama1]

Mid 50s but she's still fit I'm mid 40s but no longer as fit as I was when I used to see her in my early days 😂

But yeah it's not about finding someone younger. Obviously I've been seeing her for so long so a relationship of sorts has developed and as I said on my OP seeing her is like a therapy session as well as good sex.

Obviously I'm aware tomorrow she could stop working and that'll be the end of it.

, i am struggling to give you any advice. Wishing you well 

[Jujy78]

I can't remember whether it's rule number 3 or rule number 4 when it comes to apologising to women. If she's right, you apologise. If you're right, you apologise. It does help if you know the rules.

Well I'm thinking exactly that just apologise and say happy to pay extra in the next visit and if no response then just sod it

[alabama1]

Well I'm thinking exactly that just apologise and say happy to pay extra in the next visit and if no response then just sod it

Fuck that !!

[WAY-WARD]

Cancelling the day before is hardly last minute.
Have you in been in regular contact in between your meetings, texting and the like?
WhatsApp once it came in to being...10 years into your relationship

[MLawro93]

Ultimately, it is a transaction. Can't speak for your relationship with this SP entirely, but if every interaction was only through the exchange of cash at some point, then that should be clear where you stand. You can be friendly, almost friends, but it is all a bit of illusion, as there are clearly boundaries, but it's not surprising that it could get a bit blurry over 25 years.

It will probably be hard to move on, but no harm in reaching out and seeing if a booking is possible. You've been seeing her since you were young as well, so you are bound to have an attachment - ideally, you'd have had some normal relationships in the time between. So you understand the difference between this relationship and those outside the world of punting.

[tightfoot69]

Sounds like she is taking the pee a bit.

She must be getting on a bit now so maybe you could find a younger lady 🤣

[Massagetugga]

Cancelling the day before is hardly last minute.

Exactly.
This is tricky. What I will say is that I’m surprised her behaviour hasn’t just served to fuck you off and sort of ruin any vibe.. It’s an unusual situation if you don’t see her all that often but you would like to think all those years mean something. Even if just on a business/transaction level.

It would’ve left me really questioning her true colours so I doubt I’d want to put myself out with the costly long trips. If it was just a local easy visit I might be more inclined to send the message seeing if you can sort it out.

She probably doesn’t deserve a second chance and particularly not a bonus for her cheek.

[Lou2019]

You wouldn’t be considered a regular visiting 5/6 times a year in my opinion. Just because you’ve known the SP for a long time it doesn’t mean that you’ll be treated any different than any other client. This is where you are getting your lines blurred.

[MLawro93]

You wouldn’t be considered a regular visiting 5/6 times a year in my opinion. Just because you’ve known the SP for a long time it doesn’t mean that you’ll be treated any different than any other client. This is where you are getting your lines blurred.

Just curious, what would you consider a regular? Just seen this definition vary wildly from different SPs

I think bit of a reality check for OP, clearly not the relationship he thought it was

[Lou2019]

1-2 per month at least

[RandomGuy99]

I would find someone closer and move on. It'll be way cheaper and more convenient

[Lou2019]

A think bit of a reality check for OP, clearly not the relationship he thought it was

This 

[Stevelondon]

Just curious, what would you consider a regular? Just seen this definition vary wildly from different SPs

A think bit of a reality check for OP, clearly not the relationship he thought it was

I’d certainly go along with this.

This is another one of those “Can you advise me guys” posts. Where only the asker really knows the answer.

I’ve nothing to give here. Go with your gut feeling mate.

[dub6747]

You wouldn’t be considered a regular visiting 5/6 times a year in my opinion. Just because you’ve known the SP for a long time it doesn’t mean that you’ll be treated any different than any other client. This is where you are getting your lines blurred.

That's my thoughts too,  probably have seen  my regular on average 30 times a year including overnights and days together and even that amount of contact is still transactional and requires sensitivity to keep it going

Never straightforward 🤣😂

[Punterperson1971]

Op I have a few regulars who I see quite often,my main regular I’ve known for 20 plus years and I see her once twice a month at least(actually was seeing her today but she canceled with car problems and rearranged for tomorrow)that’s what I would class as a regular not half a dozen times a year,anyway if I had to cancel with the regular or any of the others I see they don’t charge me for cancelling,it happens but I certainly wouldn’t be going back to her asking to see her,put this down to experience and move on.

[Thephoenix]

OP

For the last 20 years seeing the lady sometimes once a year may make her a 'regular' for you If you're not seeing anyone else, but even if she's only working part-time she could still be getting 100 bookings or more in that time.
Many of them may be HER 'regulars'.

Sadly the experience has been a reality check for you.
Her reaction to your cancellation is unfortunate, but perhaps indicates that she doesn't see you as the regular YOU think you are.
If she was that interested, she'd get back in touch with you to check why you haven't replied.

Your post could be kept as a warning to all young 20 year olds about the pitfalls of EAS.
You've been here long enough to read similar posts and yet unwittingly you've fallen into the trap.
That's often the nature of EAS isn't it?

You'll miss the company and the feeling that maybe she viewed you as someone special.....ie as a regular.

Try and move on and put it down as a learning experience.

[jimbobted]

Obviously I've been seeing her for so long so a relationship of sorts has developed

No. No it has not.
You're an occasional client to her, nowt more and nowt less.

Been there and done that thinking there's a mutual whatever. There isn't. The only one where there possibly was, she gave me a huge discount for a very full on overnight - I had not asked for a discount. But even then it was just a business arrangement.
Others where I've thought oh there's some kind of mutual connection here I was quickly disavowed of when I realised they are just good at the game.

[Mhp2024]

I think sadly to the op who thought there was some sort of relationship, the way she has quickly reacted like this after so many years of your loyalty kinda shows she's not classing this relationship with the same value that you do.

Think she valued your money and you valued her, two different things which now shows in her behaviour.

Upto you if you want to try and make amends but maybe this has been a bit of a warning sign that she's shown her true nature?

Good luck pal but maybe time for a new regular and closer to home?

[mr.bluesky]

I think sadly to the op who thought there was some sort of relationship, the way she has quickly reacted like this after so many years of your loyalty kinda shows she's not classing this relationship with the same value that you do.

Think she valued your money and you valued her, two different things which now shows in her behaviour.

Upto you if you want to try and make amends but maybe this has been a bit of a warning sign that she's shown her true nature?

Good luck pal but maybe time for a new regular and closer to home?

You've hit the nail on the head. If I only saw someone 5 or 6 times a year I would not class myself as a regular. What the op has is more EAS. For the lady in question  you are nothing more than a 5 or 6 times a year business transaction. Time to move on and see someone else. As for charging you for a cancellation due to unforseen  circumstances  she has shown her true nature . As the saying goes " plenty more fish in the sea."

[southcoastpunter]

You've hit the nail on the head. If I only saw someone 5 or 6 times a year I would not class myself as a regular.

actually its not even that. He says he saw her 5 or 6 times during 2000-2005 then once or twice a year. So for the last 20 years its only been once or twice a year. That, in my book, is def NOT being a "regular" - its being an "occasional" - ok over a long period of time but its still an "occasional" not a "regular" for 25 years"!

[Davey80]

Not on the same scale but I had something similar a few years back with a now retired SP who was based in Edinburgh. I saw her multiple times a year from 2017 for 5 or 6 years. Always felt a warmth and a real connection outside of the sex.

On one single occasion, I had to cancel on the morning of the punt due to a family illness expecting her to be understanding of that. Instead she insisted on being owed the full amount which took me aback at that time.

On reflection, it reminded me that this is pretty much a hard nosed transactional business, despite all the warm words and GFE type cuddles along the way.

[HSG]

actually its not even that. He says he saw her 5 or 6 times during 2000-2005 then once or twice a year. So for the last 20 years its only been once or twice a year. That, in my book, is def NOT being a "regular" - its being an "occasional" - ok over a long period of time but its still an "occasional" not a "regular" for 25 years"!

You are very right about that - I think.
Regular means once a month- not once a year.
Saying that everyone has their reasons to do things their way- so 25years is a long time…. And in that time ppl can change quite a lot.

[Stevelondon]

This punting lark is all about fantasy.
It’s the selling of sex and we as the purchasers buy into the idea that occasionally, just occasionally. That hour or two might just be real.
Nowt wrong with that if it makes you feel good about it.

Some of us just see the transaction as money handed over, fuck suck etc….. move on. Might see her again cos it was ok. 

Others see it differently cos we feel there is a connection etc.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a lass regularly enough to say I have a regular. 

But I have felt great fondness for a few over the years and have certainly built up friendships where I can say the girl is a friend.

I’ve known one lass for well over 25 years and see her if she comes to London to visit friends. We socialise a little. Have a laugh. We might but not very often have sex. It wouldn’t matter if I threw her fee at her (she still escorts) . She wouldn’t pick it up and actually would be highly annoyed if I disrespected our friendship doing that.

Now that’s not her being a regular and it’s definitely not EAS.

@Jujy78………. Lesson learned. Keep seeing this SP if you want. Cos you enjoy the so called relationship. But for jeez sake don’t think it’s anything other than transactional.

[Doc Holliday]

Regular means once a month- not once a year.

The definition of a regular is a common and problematical discussion with sex work. IMO this arises as 'regular' is not an ideal broad term to use but has become widely accepted.

Th definition of regular means something that fits a definite repeated pattern with the same interval in between.

This means that if an activity is carried out every Thursday, week on week ,for some time it is most definitely regular. A monthly direct debit is a very regular payment, but an annual DD is also regular if it happens each year.

Other activities may occur multiple times over a prolonged period, but not in a regular pattern. Some regular activity, for example a course of medication, may follow an extremely regular daily pattern, but only last a week.

A much better term IMO would be a repeat customer. Repeat custom is normally highly valued financially in most spheres, but that custom may be random and not follow a regular pattern. Valued customers are not always equally valued though for a variety of reasons including non financial ones. Sex work is no different.

My point is people should not get 'agitated' about trying to clarify how often is 'regular' for the reasons above.

[Jujy78]

Always felt a warmth and a real connection outside of the sex.

Exactly that although I am fully aware that it's a transactional business and she'll never let me shag her or see me for free

Tbh the answer does lies with me but just wanted to share it hear to get it off my chest 😂

At my age you want a bit more than sex bit of affection which I get from her. When I visit her place it's not straight money transaction and sex. She'll make me a cuppa and whilst she's doing that I'd sneak behind her grope her a little bit whilst she's making tea. We'll chat on the sofa touching each other chatting away till we're ready. I can walk around her house freely. Basically doesn't feel like paid sex or company.

[Atrueyorkie]

You’ve been a walking ATM for 25 years for her.

I had to read that again 25 years, what the hell. Looking at the mileage you do for her no wonder the car broke down, a lot of this is reading like desperation.

If I was your friend I would speak to you very sternly and tell you to wake up.

[Cheltclient]

Exactly that although I am fully aware that it's a transactional business and she'll never let me shag her or see me for free

Tbh the answer does lies with me but just wanted to share it hear to get it off my chest 😂

At my age you want a bit more than sex bit of affection which I get from her. When I visit her place it's not straight money transaction and sex. She'll make me a cuppa and whilst she's doing that I'd sneak behind her grope her a little bit whilst she's making tea. We'll chat on the sofa touching each other chatting away till we're ready. I can walk around her house freely. Basically doesn't feel like paid sex or company.

This is a wake up call though. No judgment from me as it’s easy to feel like you are special for an escort. Dare I say it, I think some deliberately cultivate this to keep you hooked. I’d say the best escorts provide a great service but keep that boundary that it is transactional and although friendly in comms, also keep boundaries there. Not only is that better for them but it’s also better for the client. Like you, I crave a bit more of a connection but it’s sensible to remind yourself that this is a transaction.

Although, having seen her for 25 years and with the perceived connection you’ve described, I think this is really poor from her and it’s a stark and unpleasant reminder.  I would not see her again. If she is so rigid with the transactional side of the arrangement, demanding a cancellation fee, then she shouldn’t have allowed you to think you had this connection. She would have known how she came across and probable that you saw this as something a bit more.

[scutty brown]

Regulars get taken for granted
And the more effort you make, the more you get taken for granted
And the longer the history, even more you get taken for granted.

Dump her, find other women. And forget about regulars, unless you want to be taken as a sucker again

[LLPunting]

The definition of a regular is a common and problematical discussion with sex work. IMO this arises as 'regular' is not an ideal broad term to use but has become widely accepted.

Th definition of regular means something that fits a definite repeated pattern with the same interval in between.

This means that if an activity is carried out every Thursday, week on week ,for some time it is most definitely regular. A monthly direct debit is a very regular payment, but an annual DD is also regular if it happens each year.

Other activities may occur multiple times over a prolonged period, but not in a regular pattern. Some regular activity, for example a course of medication, may follow an extremely regular daily pattern, but only last a week.

A much better term IMO would be a repeat customer. Repeat custom is normally highly valued financially in most spheres, but that custom may be random and not follow a regular pattern. Valued customers are not always equally valued though for a variety of reasons including non financial ones. Sex work is no different.

My point is people should not get 'agitated' about trying to clarify how often is 'regular' for the reasons above.

I'd suggest adding the terms "frequent" and "long-standing" into the vernacular.

OP
The way an SP treats you doesn't have to be determined by how often or over how long you see her.  Some SPs I've been seeing over the years still take the original fee even if I'm only infrequently visiting them.  Others who I might see more often have raised their fees and expected me to pay it, for those not earning their due that meant a parting of ways.  IF the girls are phoning in the performance rather than being present and genuine then it's far easier to keep the "relations" in their proper place over a long association.  IF they are elevating their performance and adding more acts into the mix for more mutual enjoyment then maybe you run the risk of EAS but only if the banter is sincere and fond and goes beyond just bookings i.e. they contact you between bookings to talk about things other than when is your next visit.

I'd say you need to cut bait and get yourself into counselling because seeing a prostitute 1-2 times pa over 20 years should not be engendering any lasting affection that's healthy.  Especially if you have real friends and engage in true civvy romance.  IF you have neither of the latter in your life then you definitely need to get into counselling and sort out any social anxiety and intimacy issues.

Good luck getting your head and heart straight.

[Fuzzyduck]

I didn't want to share this but ...

 

Thanks for sharing. It's been interesting to see the breadth of replies. It reminds us that, in relationships, not all sides see or experience the same thing. Even the definition of "regular" varies depending on who you talk to. The only way to get on the same page is through good communication. She might not have known about your mood or money issues and you don't know what's going on in her life or week. Maybe she's had a spate of cancellations and is frustrated. Maybe be she had to make special arrangements to fit you in.

You can't get any of that context in a couple of written messages. Clearly the "relationship" means more to you than to her so you're going to have to initiate the contact. I'd call her and talk it out with her. You seem to have had enough talks in the past to be honest with each other. I'd apologise for cancelling and also for not replying to her reply. She will have had time to reflect (hopefully soften). Personally I'd hope that knowing someone, even in a business context, for so long would count for something. In that way, I'd know where I stood and can make a better decision. So, even if you decide to not revisit, it would still be good to get it off your chest with her rather than us mugs on here.

[Pillowtalk]

Obviously I've been seeing her for so long so a relationship of sorts has developed and as I said on my OP seeing her is like a therapy session as well as good sex.

It seems to be a pretty one sided relationship to me.

[Doc Holliday]

I'd suggest adding the terms "frequent" and "long-standing" into the vernacular.

Yes indeed  .... although how often is frequent? 

[Doc Holliday]

If I was your friend I would speak to you very sternly and tell you to wake up.

Agreed 

There is definitely EAS at play here. Starting a thread about it is usually a sure sign. Perhaps she also thought so and this was an attempt to restore reality or even end it?

[Doc Holliday]

Regulars get taken for granted
And the more effort you make, the more you get taken for granted
And the longer the history, even more you get taken for granted.

Dump her, find other women. And forget about regulars, unless you want to be taken as a sucker again

I would probably agree, but many punters are happy to be taken for granted if it feels part of something 'more special'.

That said, of the many hundreds of different SPs I have seen, very few were repeat visits, let alone 'regular', so perhaps I am not qualified to judge?

[MLawro93]

I think it depends on the SP as well in this situation. Some people are generally nicer, and maybe in this example, the SP was having a bad day as well. We don't know the full story given he never really followed up.

Ultimately it was transactional from both ends, but the lines were a bit blurred from one end. Good lesson to learn regardless of age and experience.

[RandomGuy99]

Shit happens. Life goes on.

[Norman Osborn]

Looks like you're paying for the complete GFE, grief and stress included

[Strawberry]

I think it depends on the SP as well in this situation. Some people are generally nicer, and maybe in this example, the SP was having a bad day as well. We don't know the full story given he never really followed up.

Ultimately it was transactional from both ends, but the lines were a bit blurred from one end. Good lesson to learn regardless of age and experience.

This is what I am wondering, she may have been having a 'moment' particularly if receiving a spate of cancellations, having other things going wrong or to deal with at the same time. She could have just been being factual. Also might depend on the amount of contact the OP has with her between bookings, he has already mentioned staying into off the clock, unpaid time. She may think she has already been generous.

I would suggest when ready to book again, contact her to book as usual - see what her response it. She might not mention the fee, or she might - the OP can then decide whether he wants to rebook or to cut loose.

[superchamp]

Thanks for sharing. It's been interesting to see the breadth of replies. It reminds us that, in relationships, not all sides see or experience the same thing. Even the definition of "regular" varies depending on who you talk to. The only way to get on the same page is through good communication. She might not have known about your mood or money issues and you don't know what's going on in her life or week. Maybe she's had a spate of cancellations and is frustrated. Maybe be she had to make special arrangements to fit you in.

You can't get any of that context in a couple of written messages. Clearly the "relationship" means more to you than to her so you're going to have to initiate the contact. I'd call her and talk it out with her. You seem to have had enough talks in the past to be honest with each other. I'd apologise for cancelling and also for not replying to her reply. She will have had time to reflect (hopefully soften). Personally I'd hope that knowing someone, even in a business context, for so long would count for something. In that way, I'd know where I stood and can make a better decision. So, even if you decide to not revisit, it would still be good to get it off your chest with her rather than us mugs on here.

I kind of get that, and it could be good to clear the air so to speak, but I also think that if the OP does this, and then resumes his annual visit for a cuppa and a grope, will he not just be re-joining the same vicious cycle, but then also maybe harbouring a tiny bit of resentment for what's happened? That's not healthy in any sort of relationship, personal or professional. I know goodbyes can sometimes be difficult, but sometimes they're for the best.