When wanking just isn't enough . . .Married Man Dilemmna

[MrMatrix]

I think we could all do with being a bit more honest with our OH's about sex, but I guess we need to make sure we're also open to making changes on our side. Like I said in my thread earlier my OH and it would appear other folks OH's know but they seem not to be willing enough to do something about it. Like you said ..  . 30 mins a week if that (Truth be told I haven't had a good 30 min session with my OH for years!) but it seems too difficult. This maybe due to a number of reasons such as 'not feeling sexy', 'body image', 'The man not as sexy/appealing'

I may need to do some research on Mumsnet

External Link/Members Only

External Link/Members Only

External Link/Members Only

No clear consensus. Some of the ladies are calling us bastards and abusive. Strange species..

WBW

Speedracer. WBW has summed up my agreement of your comments as well.
WBW- I've looked at the 3 mumsnet threads and whilst all are fundamentally on the same subject,

I don't want to have sex with my OH.......well they come across as "why would any one want sex, after all we don't and we're normal"...err you think!. Then they've gone down the root that its a form of abuse and we don't respect our OH. The whole thread is fired up into dislike men and there fore sex isn't for them. They wonder why men get huffy and upset, then its spun round well why would I want sex when he's like that. Not  thinking the root cause is the rejection in the first place and they go months with out it.

I don't want to have sex with my husband.  This thread is started by a bizarre activity of OH insisting hubby can wank but only into a condom. Yea you couldn't make this one up. If this was on UKP I think admin would bounce this as touting. What is interesting with this thread is that most of the contributors empathise with the husbands. And one of them agrees that sex is essential in a healthy marriage.

Fed-up-dont-want-sex-should-I-make-myself. This is like a half way house between the previous 2 threads. However the last item reads like someone from the 1st thread going for the feminist route. The bulk of this thread is about roles and responsibilities not being shared to a degree and the pressures of being a mum. Many have feelings of inadequacy and no friends and needing counselling (which is a good route to start to resolve matters)

Having read these threads in the main- there is no conclusion. What  I do know is that the majority of marriages that have healthy sex lives (we never hear of them as they have no need of such a platform as this) work just fine and they for the majority are happy and still in love. Conclusion is that sex lubricates the working cogs and wheels of a marriage and makes it work. But you BOTH have to make the effort in which case you'll jump through hoops for the other. But it probably wont work if one of you is continually making excuses.

[Bluefin]

Mr Matrix if you think those threads are bad you should read some of the man hating bile on the feminism chat section. One of the cunts that stood out said that men who pay for sex are rapists because without paying we wouldn't have consent WTF 

[MrMatrix]

Mr Matrix if you think those threads are bad you should read some of the man hating bile on the feminism chat section. One of the cunts that stood out said that men who pay for sex are rapists because without paying we wouldn't have consent WTF 

Hi Bluefin. I actually struggled through the 1st thread. I can't read any more crap from these bizarre women. And they wonder why their lives are a car crash and their husbands are pissed off and resort to escorts. Its self explanatory...........they are just bonkers They shouldn't have got married in the first place and they should all go and live in a convent if they don't want a balanced relationship.

[Bluefin]

Hi Bluefin. I actually struggled through the 1st thread. I can't read any more crap from these bizarre women. And they wonder why their lives are a car crash and their husbands are pissed off and resort to escorts. Its self explanatory...........they are just bonkers They shouldn't have got married in the first place and they should all go and live in a convent if they don't want a balanced relationship.

Yea its fucking hard work reading some of that shit on there.
Better for the blood pressure staying on here 

[Jumping Jack Flash]

Jeez pity the poor bloke that has to wank into a condom. That is extreme. I wonder if he's on here? Hope you're filling your boots elsewhere mate, you certainly deserve to be if you are!

[MJ.spritzen]

"Wank into a condom" fuck me, she even controls where and how he can wank?!! I almost want to take this guy aside and pay for an hours session with a 19yo WG and rekindle his manhood.

Yh my woman doesnt like sex and i aint getting any from her, there a long long story for that involving her past, her health etc but it still boils down to i like to fuck pretty girls, and if my woman cant/wont fuck with me I WILL FUCK OTHER WOMEN.

What do they expect really? Those mumsnet threads are hilarious. If im a rapist for paying a woman for sex, then what is she for advertising her pussy online for rent? Is my boss a rapist for paying me to work? Because without payment i wouldnt turn up on monday morning.

[wheeliebinwanking]

Maybe he wanks into a condom over her? 

Not exactly fulfilling.

I agree Matrix, your summary of those threads are the same as mine. None of it makes sense. I saw one post that said

'What gives him the right to your body'

What about those wedding vows?

'to have and to hold'

Look I am not a sexist man, but I expect my partner to have access to my body and me theirs. Simples. TO have and to hold (At least once a week please!)

WBW

[Turtle Z]

What do they expect really? Those mumsnet threads are hilarious. If im a rapist for paying a woman for sex, then what is she for advertising her pussy online for rent?

Yes, using the same logic, these women are fraudulent and should be locked up. The are ruining mens lives by luring them into marriage with the bait and switch scam. They bait them with sex leading up to marriage and switch to a cold frigid sexless lump once they're married.

[Bluefin]

Bait and switch marriage fucking classic    
Regarding the condom wank, some men need a good fucking slap to come to their senses, I mean have they no self respect?

I'm not a greedy fucker and would be content with a h/h missionary with the missus ONCE a week but it seems even that is too much, so if I don't pay for it,  I'm living the life of a monk for the rest of my days, fuck that.

So according to the mumsnet brigade  I'm paying to rape someone as without payment I don't have consent, but its the same as saying anyone buying anything is a thief because without payment its stealing but hey don't let logic get in the way of a feminist argument!

BTW WBW great thread, its got legs!

[jcdmj12]

Jeez pity the poor bloke that has to wank into a condom. That is extreme. I wonder if he's on here? Hope you're filling your boots elsewhere mate, you certainly deserve to be if you are!

He gives her oral sex, too.

To be fair, there are some blokes who would get off on that arrangement, but I suspect the woman would be posting about it on fetlife rather than mumsnet if that were the case.   

[jcdmj12]

I'm currently in a position where I view my (actually rather enjoyable thanks to UKP) sexlife as something totally separate from my marriage.  Not healthy, long term, I'm sure, but does me fine for now.  If (and hopefully it will be never happen) I were to get confronted about it by OH, my response would basically be 'well, what the fuck do you expect?'

[MrMatrix]

Hi JCD
How are you mate. My reply would be the same. Hopefully it won't happen..........

[X3 Guy]

The simple fact is that most of them know that sex is a way of luring you, then controlling you once they have got that ring on their finger. It annoys me when I hear that men are begging for sex- fuck that, have some respect for yourselves- wank or go and find someone else! Most women  love nothing more than being in that situation, they are totally in charge.

I saw from a very young age the power that a fanny holds, and was damn sure that I wouldn't be trapped by any devious woman! I have a sexless marriage, but it's me that doesn't want sex with her, I go and find younger working girls if I want sex- I would never entertain having a mistress.

So I have no mortgage, no kids, nice house and luxury car, plenty of money and a bit on the side when I want it!

Ok I have a warped view of the world but I am happy with it!

[GreyDave]

   X3 guys right with sooo many of these out there in civey land

I am now what would of been called Mondeo Man grey featureless (might make a good spy) nobody now notices me I blend with the wallpaper as a result people talk in front of my in shops banks ect..  A few months ago I was behind a late 30`s looking gym bunny type who was telling her girlfriend "well this will be my 3 divorce I hope to get a good bit of the old farts pension and the house and be @ 300k up by next month or so"  Cunt I thought I wished I had coughed the word at her..

It left me in no doubt as the old saying goes If it Fly`s.... Rent it.

[X3 Guy]

  X3 guys right with sooo many of these out there in civey land

I am now what would of been called Mondeo Man grey featureless (might make a good spy) nobody now notices me I blend with the wallpaper as a result people talk in front of my in shops banks ect..  A few months ago I was behind a late 30`s looking gym bunny type who was telling her girlfriend "well this will be my 3 divorce I hope to get a good bit of the old farts pension and the house and be @ 300k up by next month or so"  Cunt I thought I wished I had coughed the word at her..

It left me in no doubt as the old saying goes If it Fly`s.... Rent it.













Yes, that's another thing that get me going, wealthy men who marry younger women- by all means fuck them, but marrying them puts your wealth at risk so don't!! Move on to the next sucker- pardon the pun.

Same as girls who go out on the town with no money knowing that muppets out there will fund their night out, buying their drinks then saying see yah at the end of the night- SOOO many muppets out there! They tried it with me but we're told to do one.

[Aspen]

The simple fact is that most of them know that sex is a way of luring you, then controlling you once they have got that ring on their finger. It annoys me when I hear that men are begging for sex- fuck that, have some respect for yourselves- wank or go and find someone else! Most women  love nothing more than being in that situation, they are totally in charge.

I saw from a very young age the power that a fanny holds, and was damn sure that I wouldn't be trapped by any devious woman! I have a sexless marriage, but it's me that doesn't want sex with her, I go and find younger working girls if I want sex- I would never entertain having a mistress.

...

A bit harsh, but I know where you're coming from.

One of the things that I learned and really surprised me as the years went by, is just how ruthless and devious women are. They will pick you up, use you, and then leave you hanging. It's not just the odd one, it's pretty much all of them.

Somehow this is something that we all grow up to expect men to do, but women are far, far worse.

[Aspen]

I should have mentioned also that when it comes to devious and ruthless women, prostitutes are right up there amongst the worst.

So in a sense, if you're in any kind of relationship and go out and pay for sex, it's rather like out of the frying pan into the fire. At least though you're not padlocked to the fire.

[Monsieur69]

My theory is that Women are not "programmed" for recreational sex but men are. By "recreational sex" I mean sex enjoyed for itself and not for procreation / making babies. So this would appear to be a major cock up by Mother Nature. Women over 10s of 1000s of years have traditionally looked for a  "good man" / one who will stay with them and look after them and the sprogs. Go hunting and bring back the bacon or the wildebeest or whatever. Men on the other hand are programmed to fuck as many women as possible to keep up the population and to do so with healthy good looking ones with big tits so that breast feeding is ok. Most of the attributes which attract us men- big tits, long legs, not too much fat are things which meant that the Women were healthy and good child bearers. It stands to reason that women would be very horny by nature when looking for a mate but then once the mate has been "snared" and a few sprogs have been born there is no reason to have sex and very good reason not to have sex as Nature doesn't need 10 children per woman.
So- if my theory is right then women are just behaving as they have done for 1000s of years and we punters are just doing what the rich have done since Roman times. We need recreational sex and pay for it while remaining married and looking after the kids. Don't feel guilty about it ( I don't suppose many of you do ) it's totally natural and it's Mum's Net which is weird and anti Nature.

[MrMatrix]

Monsieur69, very astute observation and You made me laugh. Could well be very true.

[MJ.spritzen]

It's funny, in the bible days the sole purpose and goal of every woman was to marry a man and provide him with as many children as possible. They even didn't think anything of plural wives, because it would ensure your husband would get more children wouldn't he? If she couldn't conceive due to old age she'd go and find you and nice young new wife or slave to have children with... and this new woman would be into it because it ensures her family line doesn't die out. It was a golden age guys.

Unfortunately, TV, Magazines, Feminists have brainwashed today's woman into thinking she can withdraw sex and still have the standard of life she wants. And if the man wants/needs sex then he's "a rapist/perv/deviant/insensitive/demanding".

I think i may go and live in the middle east - find myself a few wives and settle down.

[MrMatrix]

MJS - you missed out mumsnet....

[jcdmj12]

The simple fact is that most of them know that sex is a way of luring you, then controlling you once they have got that ring on their finger. It annoys me when I hear that men are begging for sex- fuck that, have some respect for yourselves- wank or go and find someone else! Most women  love nothing more than being in that situation, they are totally in charge.

I saw from a very young age the power that a fanny holds, and was damn sure that I wouldn't be trapped by any devious woman! I have a sexless marriage, but it's me that doesn't want sex with her, I go and find younger working girls if I want sex- I would never entertain having a mistress.

So I have no mortgage, no kids, nice house and luxury car, plenty of money and a bit on the side when I want it!

Ok I have a warped view of the world but I am happy with it!

Honest question (rather than a rhetorical one - I'm genuinely curious)... what the purpose of a marriage with no sex and no kids?   I can understand the point with missing one or the other, but not both?

[MrMatrix]

If you are missing both there is no point. It good excuse for a separation as i see it.

[ali2112a]

I've followed this thread and have been impressed by the honesty and its in this spirit that I offer my opinions :

I disagree with the theory that women lose their sex drive as they get older. I've always been into older woman and in my 30's I met a lot of women on the internet in their 50 and 60s who had ridiculous sex drives, dogging  swinging parties the lot .

I them met my OH and initially the sex was OK ( but only OK ) but she mainly instigated it. We still have sex once a week but its very vanilla and tbh we dont really get much out of it. In fact one of the worst things I've done to her is for me to fall asleep whilst I was having sex with her on top of me 
 but we do it to keep that part of our marriage alive as we both know that once that goes its harder for it to come back.

The problem for me is that although I still love my wife after 9 years and I still find her attractive but we stress about all the normal stuff in life, money,kids , houses ,health etc. And that stuff kinda takes away the excitment in our relationship and the sex suffers. The other thing that kills the excitment is that after along time together we've done most of the sexualt things we wanted to do.
It is for this reason I believe that the woman on mumsnet for example are complaining about sex , it a result of everything else going on in their lives, not because their sex drive has disappeared, but because they are bored with the other stuff .
I really dont think men and women think that differently but the one thing that I know is a true difference is that men are able to break things down into compartments better than woman . So if sex isnt offered at home a man can find a replacement for that bit and still carry on with the other parts of the marriage, whereas a woman would find that harder to do and would see no sex (if she wanted it)as a sign the marriage is failing

[gamelghari]

I've followed this thread and have been impressed by the honesty and its in this spirit that I offer my opinions :

I disagree with the theory that women lose their sex drive as they get older. I've always been into older woman and in my 30's I met a lot of women on the internet in their 50 and 60s who had ridiculous sex drives, dogging  swinging parties the lot .

I can't disagree; my missus is living proof they do. I had a brief affair with a friend who is five years younger than both my missus and I and she remarked she was surprised to be more sexually active after the menopause [there was nothing she wouldn't do, CIM, Anal, rimming, swallowing, the lot] as her female friends mainly lost all interest and willingness.

Why did I sever links with her, instead seeing the odd WG?  As a divorcee she started thinking about her future - she noted my big house and so on - and wanted me to leave the missus in favour of her. The missus might be a fridge in bed but I still love her and she is good company otherwise; she also keeps a good house for me and I come home to a meal after work and so on.

Whilst this situation with my missus is very unfortunate; I have friends and acquaintances in the same boat and I think those little facts do rather snooker your idea that women don't lose their libido. From my point of view most will, a few won't and just the small minority will be geriatric nymphomaniacs.

One thing in longer years that will finish anyone's libido is the long term treatment, with medication,  for blood pressure. Atenolol, one of the most common prescribed medications has this as a well known side-effect so if you have BP problems, such as older men or women, avoid.

[jcdmj12]

I can't disagree; my missus is living proof they do. I had a brief affair with a friend who is five years younger than both my missus and I and she remarked she was surprised to be more sexually active after the menopause [there was nothing she wouldn't do, CIM, Anal, rimming, swallowing, the lot] as her female friends mainly lost all interest and willingness.

Why did I sever links with her, instead seeing the odd WG?  As a divorcee she started thinking about her future - she noted my big house and so on - and wanted me to leave the missus in favour of her. The missus might be a fridge in bed but I still love her and she is good company otherwise; she also keeps a good house for me and I come home to a meal after work and so on.

Good call. If you had made the leap, I suspect you'd have found yourself in a similar position a few years on.

[wheeliebinwanking]

I've followed this thread and have been impressed by the honesty and its in this spirit that I offer my opinions :

I disagree with the theory that women lose their sex drive as they get older. I've always been into older woman and in my 30's I met a lot of women on the internet in their 50 and 60s who had ridiculous sex drives, dogging  swinging parties the lot .

I them met my OH and initially the sex was OK ( but only OK ) but she mainly instigated it. We still have sex once a week but its very vanilla and tbh we dont really get much out of it. In fact one of the worst things I've done to her is for me to fall asleep whilst I was having sex with her on top of me 
 but we do it to keep that part of our marriage alive as we both know that once that goes its harder for it to come back.

The problem for me is that although I still love my wife after 9 years and I still find her attractive but we stress about all the normal stuff in life, money,kids , houses ,health etc. And that stuff kinda takes away the excitment in our relationship and the sex suffers. The other thing that kills the excitment is that after along time together we've done most of the sexualt things we wanted to do.
It is for this reason I believe that the woman on mumsnet for example are complaining about sex , it a result of everything else going on in their lives, not because their sex drive has disappeared, but because they are bored with the other stuff .
I really dont think men and women think that differently but the one thing that I know is a true difference is that men are able to break things down into compartments better than woman . So if sex isnt offered at home a man can find a replacement for that bit and still carry on with the other parts of the marriage, whereas a woman would find that harder to do and would see no sex (if she wanted it)as a sign the marriage is failing

But that's one of the difference between the sexes. Priorities . . . The world can be caving in but most men will make time for a 'quickie'

I don't think sex drives completely dissapear it just pales away into isignificance. Whilst it's still very high on many males list of priorities

WBW

[dieseldriver]

Was in a supermarket once when I heard a female voice say loudly "I'll decide when we have little treat". Thinking haha, hubby wants a shag. Only to see her removing something from the shopping trolly!!   

[Bud$]

This may have been dealt with in one of the posts here, but I haven't read all 8 pages, but why does anyone feel guilty about having sex with someone else outside a marriage? Really - why feel guilty? Or ashamed, for that matter - why?

[wheeliebinwanking]

This may have been dealt with in one of the posts here, but I haven't read all 8 pages, but why does anyone feel guilty about having sex with someone else outside a marriage? Really - why feel guilty? Or ashamed, for that matter - why?

Sorry to dig up old thread but

There can be all manner of reasons to feel guilty. But for me it's society. . .

Whether it be family, friends, religion . . .  The monogamous lifestyle is the ideal and anyone straying off that path in a relationship is frowned upon and thus guilt soon follows.

[webpunter]

Whether it be family, friends, religion . . .  The monogamous lifestyle is the ideal and anyone straying off that path in a relationship is frowned upon and thus guilt soon follows.

Not if you don't get caught