what's the closest you have come to being caught by your spouse?

[Bum Lovin Criminal]

Understood!..

Just for a bit'o Strange, us punters have to juggle our alter egos like Batman/Bruce Wayne..

[Blackpool Rock]

This was so many years ago - but despite it being ancient history I still shudder and break out in a cold sweat thinking about it.

I was heading off for a punt with a target WG and a back up.  For some reason I thought it was a good idea to print both AW profiles to take with me to reference as trying to sort out the day.  However in the rush of getting sorted and out of the house I forgot to pick them up from the printer.  It did not occur to me until much later, by which time my wife was not only home but working in the study sat next to the printer.

I stayed cool (well sort off) and went in and did all the usual "hi darling, good day" stuff and slipped over to the printer and retrieved the profiles.

I did tell the story on here at the time and the consensus was (well apart from that I was a total dickhead) that she had seen them and was going to pick her moment for maximum harm to me.  I know they say revenge is a dish best eaten cold but that must have been over 10 years ago so I think I am in the clear!!

[/color]
You spoke too soon, someone's just started a thread on not allowed about this saying if this has ever happened to you then your hubby is deffo a punter as it's just been posted on UKP 

Only joking but not beyond the realms of possibility     

[quatter11]

This was about 30 years ago. I was bollock naked and eating out a big titted 40 year old Colombian masseuse in the health club in a hotel in the German part of Majorca when I heard my soon to be wife’s voice on the other side of the frosted glass door. She was talking to a member of the gym staff who was asking if he could help her. I worked out in the gym most mornings while she’d have a lie in but this morning she’d come to join me in the gym. I froze and put a finger to my mouth to indicate to the masseuse to be quiet. I rapidly lost wood as I waited for my other half to leave. I got dressed and checked for all the clear before I caught up with my other half and told her I must’ve missed her as I was in the toilet. I laugh about it now and have even tossed myself off thinking about eating out the masseuse while my now wife was literally on the other side of a glass door but at the time my life flashed before my eyes.

[webpunter]

Not up to scary & funny levels shared ⬆️ back in the day punting was a bit different in terms of logistics getting to an SPs venue
There weren't maps on my Nokia 6210 punting mobile
Every self respecting UKPer who was punting back then needed to have had a Nokia
Amazing battery life on this model which meant a full charge in the car would last for ages, especially when switched off most of the time

It was easier to get the postcode / maybe road & scribble down on a small piece of paper to put into the sat nav
Then outta the window it goes rolled up i dont usually litter from cars an exception here & only small + paper is bio degradable
Remembering to clear the sat nav address added & substituting for another as cover for the trip before getting home

I should have put / hidden the postcode into my notes for a business meeting after the punting but i was in a bit of  rush so a piece of paper it was
The ex asked me where's the receipt for whatever it was from the previous day & she saw me previously put it in my jacket pocket hanging bottom of the stairs
Adding didnt you put it in your jacket & i can get it
Fortunately i was closer to the jacket than her - i had a shiver go through me
It was time to be calm as i eased the jacket on & said i think i put it in the kitchen let me have a look
At the same time searching through my pockets finding it next to the piece of paper with the postcode
What an idiot i am - never to be repeated
I would have struggled to explain the postcode, ooh i must have written it down wrong
Lesson learned - and i cleared out the postcode on the sat nav when arriving before the meet rather than afterwards [easy to forget tanks emptied]

Sat Navs back then a risk area - different these days with Waze i use my main mobile as easier a bigger screen
Though i do clear entries out just in case the GF were to check when i've dozed off post shoot
Any UKPers who do the same make a note to self to clear if an OH GF in play, when MOTD is on & they've fucked off to bed a good window to do so

I remember it vividly the feeling of the blood draining out of me, like it was yesterday [hence easy to share here]
The SP was Mistress Sujirra [MS] in Eastbourne
It was half & half an hour session the 1st 30 mins domme stuff me restrained handcuffed hands & feet to a frame on the wall
The pin wheel came out ouch
Along with electrics littleWP connected to the national grid 
Finally i was released & the second 30 mins was a R&T edging HJ MS still in her black leather & latex clobber 
The enormity of the close shave the restrained stuff & skilled edging made the end explosive
I dithered re a return visit & then she was gorne 

[webpunter]

This was about 30 years ago. I was bollock naked and eating out a big titted 40 year old Colombian masseuse in the health club in a hotel in the German part of Majorca when I heard my soon to be wife’s voice on the other side of the frosted glass door. She was talking to a member of the gym staff who was asking if he could help her. I worked out in the gym most mornings while she’d have a lie in but this morning she’d come to join me in the gym. I froze and put a finger to my mouth to indicate to the masseuse to be quiet. I rapidly lost wood as I waited for my other half to leave. I got dressed and checked for all the clear before I caught up with my other half and told her I must’ve missed her as I was in the toilet. I laugh about it now and have even tossed myself off thinking about eating out the masseuse while my now wife was literally on the other side of a glass door but at the time my life flashed before my eyes.

 
Happy [& scary] days 

[quatter11]

The things you do when you’re young, although I wasn’t actually that young when the above happened. But I have an even crazier story involving shagging my best mate’s 18 year old sister on the carpet while he was asleep drunk on the couch in the same room. Man, the things you do when you’re an lad and on heat. And, no, he didn’t wake up! Thank fuck.

[runner in the woods]

Car fan belt snapped on the car park of the hotel the waiting whore was in, so rather than panic and cancel, I carried on, fucked her, and then paid for her stockings, put one on the car which got me home, stopped to get a new fan belt and put it on when I got home, throwing the whores stocking in the wheelie, horror of horrors the Mrs took the trash out, she never ever does it. She comes back into the house with the stockings, demanding to know whose they were as she wears tights. So I told her the fan belt had snapped and I bought them at a garage to get me home, I ended up showing her the receipt for the new fan belt . Luckily it covered me. But goes to show , take extra money with you to get you out of a hole if something goes wrong.

[webpunter]

Car fan belt snapped on the car park of the hotel the waiting whore was in, so rather than panic and cancel, I carried on, fucked her, and then paid for her stockings, put one on the car which got me home, stopped to get a new fan belt and put it on when I got home, throwing the whores stocking in the wheelie, horror of horrors the Mrs took the trash out, she never ever does it. She comes back into the house with the stockings, demanding to know whose they were as she wears tights. So I told her the fan belt had snapped and I bought them at a garage to get me home, I ended up showing her the receipt for the new fan belt . Luckily it covered me. But goes to show , take extra money with you to get you out of a hole if something goes wrong.

 

[webpunter]

But goes to show , take extra money with you to get you out of a hole if something goes wrong.

Wise words
I always take extra money funds for added time xtras & also incidentals
Including for with massage burds to get into a hole if the mood strikes

[Massage Bloke]

Jeez, punting today!

Phones, satnavs, fan belts and stockings.  WhatsApp, Telegram, punting phones, etc.

I long for the days when there were phone boxes everywhere, a quick call and then walk down to the local brothel. Job done.

[webpunter]

I long for the days when there were phone boxes everywhere, a quick call and then walk down to the local brothel. Job done.

This is how i had my first punting [well rather massaging] adventure many many moons ago
I went prepared [paper pen coins - everyone had coins then] walked past the parlour & scribbled down the number
[edit:  the number was on what was a shop front]
From a phone box across the road 50 yards away i called them asked them how many masseuses were available
It was me & a mate which must have looked a bit weird both of us in the phone box
He put is ear next to the phone to be able to just about listen
We were both bricking it  me especially as it was me speaking
The answer was two [maybe three - two was the critical number] i replied me & a mate would be there in a couple of mins
I'd wager that the maid figured that lots of punters used that phone box, whoever it was would rock up sharpish
Me & my mate tried not to run to the parlour it was a very brisk walk
I've been addicted to the whiff / smell of johnsons ever since

[Blackpool Rock]

Car fan belt snapped on the car park of the hotel the waiting whore was in, so rather than panic and cancel, I carried on, fucked her, and then paid for her stockings, put one on the car which got me home, stopped to get a new fan belt and put it on when I got home, throwing the whores stocking in the wheelie, horror of horrors the Mrs took the trash out, she never ever does it. She comes back into the house with the stockings, demanding to know whose they were as she wears tights. So I told her the fan belt had snapped and I bought them at a garage to get me home, I ended up showing her the receipt for the new fan belt . Luckily it covered me. But goes to show , take extra money with you to get you out of a hole if something goes wrong.

How long ago was this and how old was the car 

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Yes interesting BR, seeing that to change a fan or more likely  serpentine belt these days involved removing quite a bit of stuff in most cars even ones a few years olde!.

Excepting EV's, flat battery in the wrong area not that good!...

[Monaco]

How long ago was this and how old was the car 

Stocking as a fan belt jumpers for goal posts isn't it.

[runner in the woods]

probably a good 20 yrs ago, was a Ford Sierra , Wish id still got it, be worth a fortune now. it was the days when you could repair stuff if it broke down, my now car is basically needing a degree in engineering to open the bonnet !

[Iamforreal]

Good job she didn't ask to see receipt for the stockings 

[dreamwrx]

I've got a good one.

Back in the day before broadband, I used to go in the office and print out details from Adultwork or whatever existed at the time (Punternet?) including a map to the SP's location.

So this one day, I was heading to Cardiff on biz, and found a girl in town I fancied booking with. Multi-page print out followed, including a horny, full on text dialogue we'd had.

Off I went, around 5am, full of the joys of spring. Biz meeting first, then leg over. My office was a good 90 mins from Cardiff.

Around 6.30 am, almost there for a breakfast meeting, I thought - FUCK FUCK FUCK ITTTTTT - I hadn't picked up the printouts. They were still in the printer. The bottom dropped out of my world. Instant RED CARD.

You see, my wife ran the office. Her and three other guys were also due in at around 8am.

I did the 90 mins back to the office in around 75 without picking up a speeding ticket.

Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly

Screech to halt back at base.

The printouts were still there.

Office was still locked.

I had fucking survived.

Called the client ... I'm going to be massively late, please forgive. Least of my personal worries ...

Hair turned white, near heart attack. I survived. Be MUCH MORE FUCKING CAREFUL next time fella!

And the girl? One of the greatest meets I ever had. We were bouncing off the ceiling, dirtiest girl I ever met.

[standardpostage]

I've got a good one.

Back in the day before broadband, I used to go in the office and print out details from Adultwork or whatever existed at the time (Punternet?) including a map to the SP's location.

So this one day, I was heading to Cardiff on biz, and found a girl in town I fancied booking with. Multi-page print out followed, including a horny, full on text dialogue we'd had.

Off I went, around 5am, full of the joys of spring. Biz meeting first, then leg over. My office was a good 90 mins from Cardiff.

Around 6.30 am, almost there for a breakfast meeting, I thought - FUCK FUCK FUCK ITTTTTT - I hadn't picked up the printouts. They were still in the printer. The bottom dropped out of my world. Instant RED CARD.

You see, my wife ran the office. Her and three other guys were also due in at around 8am.

I did the 90 mins back to the office in around 75 without picking up a speeding ticket.

Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly Pleasedon'tgetinearly

Screech to halt back at base.

The printouts were still there.

Office was still locked.

I had fucking survived.

Called the client ... I'm going to be massively late, please forgive. Least of my personal worries ...

Hair turned white, near heart attack. I survived. Be MUCH MORE FUCKING CAREFUL next time fella!

And the girl? One of the greatest meets I ever had. We were bouncing off the ceiling, dirtiest girl I ever met.

Lucky man that day    Good story.

[pantywetter]

The only tricky times for me are when I see a WG then go home and the girlfriend changes the habit of a lifetime and wants some action.  That can be hard work seeming interested and getting it up again a few hours after cumming twice with a WG. 

[dubs]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

[standardpostage]

The only tricky times for me are when I see a WG then go home and the girlfriend changes the habit of a lifetime and wants some action.  That can be hard work seeming interested and getting it up again a few hours after cumming twice with a WG.

+1 

[standardpostage]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

Didn't know they has smart bathroom scales 

Just looked on-line. There's loads.

[Blackpool Rock]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

Fuck how unlucky is that 

[DastardlyDick]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

Just his luck to get an SP on a diet!

[Massage Bloke]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

Jeez, that's another one you couldn't make up.

[pantywetter]

Jeez, that's another one you couldn't make up.

It’s remarkable that some of us can go 10/20/30 years without some random slip up.
Touch touch touch touch touch wood absolutely nothing has slipped through yet

[webpunter]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

Shitting on your own doorstep
Whether a civvy or SP highly risky
So many things can go wrong playing at home, albeit you couldn't possibly imagine getting caught like this 
A hotel incl. day use / air bnb the way to go
The guy is doubly f****d caught & the OH will go even more ballistic as the action will have taken place in what she regards as her bed

[MissWolf]

Shitting on your own doorstep
Whether a civvy or SP highly risky
So many things can go wrong playing at home, albeit you couldn't possibly imagine getting caught like this 
A hotel incl. day use / air bnb the way to go
The guy is doubly f****d caught & the OH will go even more ballistic as the action will have taken place in what she regards as her bed

Not necessarily, I've done many a booking to a married man at home when the OH is in work, on a night out/away and most times we have used the spare bedroom rather than the master, agreed it does happen and others may have a different experience to mine, I can only speak for me obviously.

[webpunter]

Not necessarily, I've done many a booking to a married man at home when the OH is in work, on a night out/away and most times we have used the spare bedroom rather than the master, agreed it does happen and others may have a different experience to mine, I can only speak for me obviously.

You are an experienced reliable SP
As for others ..

Numerous discussions re punting at home
Less risk for punters with no OH however IMO lots of other potential issues waiting in the wings ...

Not the case with SPs however civvy burds tend to let their hair down in hotels 
Thats what hotels are for amongst other things
Sex sells hotel rooms
I know that hotel costs have gone up hugely since the virus however a worthwhile investment IMO

Edit: OH at work, what could possibly go wrong ? 

[pantywetter]

Shitting on your own doorstep
Whether a civvy or SP highly risky
So many things can go wrong playing at home, albeit you couldn't possibly imagine getting caught like this 
A hotel incl. day use / air bnb the way to go
The guy is doubly f****d caught & the OH will go even more ballistic as the action will have taken place in what she regards as her bed

Yeah, having a WG in your home is asking for trouble if you are in a relationship.  You’d need balls of steel to do that.

[Blackpool Rock]

I once heard about a guy who got girls round while his wife was out / at work / away / whatever but then asked her to wear his wife's clothes 

Apparently the girl thought it was just fucking weird (understandable as it's got psycho vibes) but how fucking risky is that given any smell of perfume etc or a couple of hairs could so easily be left on the clothes 

[NoStringsFun]

Surely everyone has a spare/old phone just explain it away like that.

I use an app called Hushed (all sounds and notifications turned off) on my main phone which is hidden so it isn't accidentally seen.

[Tugboat]

I was actively punting at uni whilst in a relationship some years back and had a nightmare!

Relatively small uni town (won’t say it for discretions sake) but hard not to bump into one another and that early evening I had gone for an expensive punt. It’s a shame I can’t review it due to UKP rules but she was a 19 year old British nymph, one of the best OWO’s I’ve ever received and she let me stay for multiple cums even though I only booked a 15 minute quickie.

Fast forward that same night me and the missus being in the same kitchen in halls, gathered our ‘group’ for a club night out. Alcohol and some other substances in the air we rock up to a nightclub.

I kid you not the first smoke break we took as a group and I see the SP with her group of friends in the smoking area, she was as scared to see me as I was to see her but wanna know the worst part???? My girlfriend ran up to her as she also attended my uni and they had previously made friends during freshers week… Luckily she didn’t say a word and I didn’t bother turning around to eavesdrop on their conversation as I thought it would make me look guilty.

The SP and I crossed paths again about a couple months later at a house party and my girlfriend introduced us but she didn’t seem to remember me, or she was just a good actor.

Still tho too close for comfort

[paul_2407]

I was actively punting at uni whilst in a relationship some years back and had a nightmare!

Relatively small uni town (won’t say it for discretions sake) but hard not to bump into one another and that early evening I had gone for an expensive punt. It’s a shame I can’t review it due to UKP rules but she was a 19 year old British nymph, one of the best OWO’s I’ve ever received and she let me stay for multiple cums even though I only booked a 15 minute quickie.

Fast forward that same night me and the missus being in the same kitchen in halls, gathered our ‘group’ for a club night out. Alcohol and some other substances in the air we rock up to a nightclub.

I kid you not the first smoke break we took as a group and I see the SP with her group of friends in the smoking area, she was as scared to see me as I was to see her but wanna know the worst part???? My girlfriend ran up to her as she also attended my uni and they had previously made friends during freshers week… Luckily she didn’t say a word and I didn’t bother turning around to eavesdrop on their conversation as I thought it would make me look guilty.

The SP and I crossed paths again about a couple months later at a house party and my girlfriend introduced us but she didn’t seem to remember me, or she was just a good actor.

Still tho too close for comfort

Crazy! Glad she was discreet for your sake.

On a separate note, how great life would be for more 19 yo nymphs to get into the biz today.

[jimbobted]

SP got carried away and scratched my back, then dragged her nails really hard from my shoulder blade right across my chest whilst we were fucking. Hurt like fuck (ripped a mole off it was so hard) but was kinda a turn on.
Anyway, we go for a mid punt shower and she suddenly gasps and says "Oh my god I'm sorry" at the exact moment I catch sight of myself in the mirror with four red/purple lines across my chest. It was so obvious what they were.
I was going away on holiday just over a week later, fortunately they had faded by then but I had to be careful not to be seen without a shirt on for a week.

[BrixtonBrewers]

I didn't realise my burner phone was linked to my usual phone via a google account and that photo's saved on my burner phone were saving on my normal phone in a gallery I had never used, I let my gf use my phone for something and she looked in the gallery and saw photo's/videos I'd dowloaded from AW and some screenshots of photo's posted by SP's on twitter but fortunately she just thought it was porn. She saw a photo an SP had taken with my cum all over her tits but again luckily it just looked like I was downloading porn.

I had a very lucky escape as there was also a video of me in a duo booking with me cumming on both girls tits that she didn't see - she would have seen it was my dick and I would have been royally fucked. Also a couple of screenshots of AW profiles and rates that weren't seen. Phew.

[paul_2407]

Not spouse but ex.

Booked a hotel before I knew day bookings were a thing and booked an escort for two hours. The session extended way over and there was a lot of fucking. Said goodbyes and let her go on her way.

Being a bellend, I thought it’d be smart to invite the gf to stay the night as a little post-dinner treat (having tidied up the bed post sex). Was on the way back to the hotel room after dinner when I realized I forgot to bin the used condoms from the table and told her to wait about while I went in to sort that out. Imagine if that was discovered 

[worstnameever]

dropped the Mrs around her friends who does her nails for her and scheduled to pick her up later, went round the local thai place 2 minutes up the road id arranged an hour.
Usually its quiet when you go in but this time there were loads of female voices coming from the living room, thought nothing of it and went and did the deed.
 Off i trotted to pick up the Mrs and off we went to a restaurant then into town. we decided to go to this sports bar that had recently opened and started playing pool. A while later a crowd of about 10 thai girls come in get drinks and start playing on the table next to us, Yep one of them was the girl id been with about 2 hours before and a second girl id been with the start of the week. Then i realised that id been with another one about 2 months before... My Mrs started talking to them so i had to interact, I lost every game of pool that evening.

[Massage Bloke]

dropped the Mrs around her friends who does her nails for her and scheduled to pick her up later, went round the local thai place 2 minutes up the road id arranged an hour.
Usually its quiet when you go in but this time there were loads of female voices coming from the living room, thought nothing of it and went and did the deed.
 Off i trotted to pick up the Mrs and off we went to a restaurant then into town. we decided to go to this sports bar that had recently opened and started playing pool. A while later a crowd of about 10 thai girls come in get drinks and start playing on the table next to us, Yep one of them was the girl id been with about 2 hours before and a second girl id been with the start of the week. Then i realised that id been with another one about 2 months before... My Mrs started talking to them so i had to interact, I lost every game of pool that evening.

Did the girls remember you?

[Blackpool Rock]

Did the girls remember you?

Nah all white guys look the same 

[webpunter]

Not spouse but ex.

Booked a hotel before I knew day bookings were a thing and booked an escort for two hours. The session extended way over and there was a lot of fucking. Said goodbyes and let her go on her way.

Being a bellend, I thought it’d be smart to invite the gf to stay the night as a little post-dinner treat (having tidied up the bed post sex). Was on the way back to the hotel room after dinner when I realized I forgot to bin the used condoms from the table and told her to wait about while I went in to sort that out. Imagine if that was discovered 

It doesn't begin to describe it 
You can't make it up
After a lot of fucking this must have impacted on your ability to service the GF
You might think you've tidied up the bed
However wimin will look at things differently they have an eye for detail & usually have a much better sense of smell than blokes
Very risky unless you have a dippy GF & are very lucky
On thin ice ooh i had a snooze in the bed this afternoon
I trust you didn't put the condoms in the bin in the room or the bog !

[webpunter]

dropped the Mrs around her friends who does her nails for her and scheduled to pick her up later, went round the local thai place 2 minutes up the road id arranged an hour.
Usually its quiet when you go in but this time there were loads of female voices coming from the living room, thought nothing of it and went and did the deed.
 Off i trotted to pick up the Mrs and off we went to a restaurant then into town. we decided to go to this sports bar that had recently opened and started playing pool. A while later a crowd of about 10 thai girls come in get drinks and start playing on the table next to us, Yep one of them was the girl id been with about 2 hours before and a second girl id been with the start of the week. Then i realised that id been with another one about 2 months before... My Mrs started talking to them so i had to interact, I lost every game of pool that evening.

That is a heart stopping experience 
You're on 3 out of 10 
Not surprised you lost every game, not quite up to your usual game darling ?
They could have easily rinsed you for a round [or three] of drinks for all of them, doubles all the way
Did you revisit ?

[webpunter]

Nah all white guys look the same 

Not 2 hours later they don't !

[worstnameever]

The girl from that day didn't look to pleased to see me and didn't really interact, it was the other girls that were chatty. They all blatantly knew as there were jokey comments about technique with my pool cue/ bending over, then about my balls (snooker balls obviously). The Mrs loves innuendos so was joining in which egged them on!. I was trying to take a mental picture of each one for when they pop up in my area.
I did buy a round of shots for everyone, looking back its pretty funny but at the time it was exhausting.   

[webpunter]

The girl from that day didn't look to pleased to see me and didn't really interact, it was the other girls that were chatty. They all blatantly knew as there were jokey comments about technique with my pool cue/ bending over, then about my balls (snooker balls obviously). The Mrs loves innuendos so was joining in which egged them on!. I was trying to take a mental picture of each one for when they pop up in my area.
I did buy a round of shots for everyone, looking back its pretty funny but at the time it was exhausting.   

The Mrs joining in egging .. WTF
If only she knew 
The thai burds really good sports havin a laarf along the way
Its pretty safe to assume that your Mrs doesnt speak thai just as well coz i bet they were speaking in this about what to say next
No wonder you were crap not winning a frame too much going on indeed exhausting your brain going at a million mph
I've had a few close shaves a bit of a laarf [in retrospect] tho nothing to compare to this, i'm local level & you are on the moon !
Life is all about memories punting included [obvs] & this is off the scale

[shagmore]

Recently-, my regular has long brunettes hair, when she was last round forgot to check to make sure when she combed her hair on leaving that there were no stray hairs on the tilled floor.
Fortunately noticed the next day, would have been hard to explain when my misses has short blonde hair

[paul_2407]

It doesn't begin to describe it 
You can't make it up
After a lot of fucking this must have impacted on your ability to service the GF
You might think you've tidied up the bed
However wimin will look at things differently they have an eye for detail & usually have a much better sense of smell than blokes
Very risky unless you have a dippy GF & are very lucky
On thin ice ooh i had a snooze in the bed this afternoon
I trust you didn't put the condoms in the bin in the room or the bog !

In a bin bag and out in a corner in the hotel corridor until I could bin it later that eve

[webpunter]

In a bin bag and out in a corner in the hotel corridor until I could bin it later that eve

I was but jesting
The joys of having to do a CSI standard clean up

[Ivor Hunch]

I read about a guy being found out when his wife was away, she got a notification from her smart bathroom scales at 1am that someone 8st was weighing themselves.

THat is genius

[Ivor Hunch]

Not with SP, but with a (indeed, only) mistress-  pinged by a speed camera-  luckily it was still in the "legit"/ explicable part of the journey and not when I was off-piste; or worse, with the girl in the front seat.