Blitzing through my backlog of reviews - but headline says it all.
By the way her profile is written - she is of the same group as Pakistaniaisha, English-Lisa and a few others who generally tend to be attractive and offer a good service, although despite the one flop with Turkish-Aiyla I thought this could be a redemption punt.
Met her at a hotel in Slough opposite BP and next to a shisha cafe - not the easiest to get to if driving as parking is limited.
Comms - - she answers her own phone, pleasant, but not the most punctual. Kept waiting for aorund 15mins before being told the room number.
GIRL - Facially, very good looking IMO. She sounds, talks and in parts looks like Maisie Smith. If you don't know her, she plays Tiffany Butcher in Eastenders - who I think is FAF - so having her is the closest thing next to banging Maisie.
Body wise, she's a stocky 10, wears a one piece to hold it all into shape - but she carries herself well and looks good. Nice long dirty blonde hair. 5'4 curvy.
FEE - £80 / 30mins
SERVICES - OWO, DFK (but very limited to non existent)
She started by making me take a shower - Apparently hygiene is important to her and insists you have a shower before the punt, despite already having one before I came - I generally don't mind doing this when SP's ask as it gives me confidence that they'll give you a better service knowing you're squeaky clean - and like I mentioned, she's facially, super pretty so I'm a sucker for that. On memory, she had a chin piercing too which was a new experience for me, although it didn't add anything to the experience.
Now I mentioned this was an honest review, and I've been tinkering with the idea of making this a really brief one, but this is for my own context and memory too.
Despite booking, I wasn't feeling too well over the last few days before booking her - I had a slight case of food poisoning and I had some different case of IBS.
However, by the time of the booking, I was a little better, but not quite 100% - maybe 70% having taken Imodium for most of the day to stop any sudden outbursts.
I come out of the shower and we were besides the bed and she drops to her knees and starts to give head - decent technique but nothing special.
I was playing with her hair and stroking her body as she sucked away but I just couldn't attain full wood.
I decided I should give her some RO as I enjoy this and thought it might help my situation....I lay her on the bed and pull off her black panties...spread her legs, gently kiss her thighs and make my way up to the promised land....and then BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only is this some Eastenders lookalike, she smells like the East end Billingsgate market. The stench was amongst some of the worst I've come across before. She definitely had not washed between clients and this was a real buzz kill considering she thinks a client taking a shower is so important. I know I was a bit poorly with my food poisoning, but this smelt like her pussy was on life support.
Never one to back down, I took a few licks and held my breath and she responded, but not so great. I couldn't go ahead with it and it must've been the most pathetic attempt at going down on a girl I've ever made. I didn't have the attitude to tell her she smelt like a barrel of fish and to take a wash, so as my shitty attempt to lick this dead fish continued, she said she wanted to grab a vibrator (thank god) - she started using it on her clit and I was more than happy to let the little thing take the lead but the battery kept running out! Maybe the vibrator could smell what it was up against too.
As she pleasured herself I then began to feel my stomach rumble and I just wasn't up to it any further.
I lay on the bed thinking I have 15 mins left so I can get through this. But by now, I just couldn't get hard. She climbed on top and tried to put a condom on but I just couldn't sustain staying up - the mix of the smell from jaws and the IBS kicking in meant everything was going against me.
A little bit of clock watching on her side, "You've go 10 mins left as I've got a client coming straight after" - I hated this, and already in a sour mood I told her I just wasn't feeling too good and I would clean up and leave.
I went into the bathroom once again...stared at toilet and thought fuck it, I've never had a shit in a hookers room before and this kind of lifestyle means I'll try anything once.
I put on the shower to drown out the noise and began to unload one of the most rancid curry textured shits ever. I had to literally liquidate my assets. It was all around the bowl and everything. This is when I remembered that she doesn't wash between clients, so she likely wouldn't know what I've done in here unless she came in and took a whiff (but she might have thought it was just her pussy)...... I didn't flush. I jumped in the shower, gave my arse a thoroughly good clean and wiped it dry with her towels leaving skid marked souvenirs.
Got out the room and she was just on her phone, I said bye to her but she didn't even bother to come and say farewell, just turned her head and nodded - for me, this was the clincher that I wasn't going to bother going back in and flushing the toilet and would leave it for her to clean up - but also as a code to the next punter to let him know he's in for a shit time.
Would I return? No - I'll just continue watching Eastenders and imagining whether Tiffany smells like a butcher down there now.
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Topic: English-x-Emma - 6298828 - Slough - My most honest review (Read 6408 times)