English-x-Emma - 6298828 - Slough - My most honest review

[NuruGuru]

You’re something else. The crossing the line is you. You’re a piece of shit. Totally and utterly disgusting.
And the rest of your vile cheerleaders on here.

Lol, you must poop roses sitting up there on your pedestal. But thank you for reading the review, and on top of that, replying to it. I'm delighted that my experience triggered you so much on an internet forum 

[Ronald Trump]

Well done OP! Stinky lady needs to go back to working in Morrisons or just generally keeping her legs closed.

For future ref - try not to think with dick brain if belly rumbling

[scutty brown]

" English-x-Emma - 6298828 - Slough - My most honest review "

So are we to assume that your previous reviews are less than honest?

[Waterhouse]

" English-x-Emma - 6298828 - Slough - My most honest review "

So are we to assume that your previous reviews are less than honest?

Exactly my thoughts. You beat me to it.

[NuruGuru]

Only a cynic would think that.

I could’ve left a review saying she had a smelly snatch and I wasn’t feeling it and left.

But I gave the whole story of what happened which probably didn’t need to be reported.

Also “most honest” meant I left nothing out.

All my other reviews have been honest, but I’ve left some info out of previous ones as I didn’t think they’d add value to the read.

But also like I mention, I wrote it as it happened so I can look back at this one day for my own memories, as let’s face it, it’s not like we all remember every detail of our own punts

[scutty brown]

Only a cynic would think that.

I could’ve left a review saying she had a smelly snatch and I wasn’t feeling it and left.

But I gave the whole story of what happened which probably didn’t need to be reported.

Also “most honest” meant I left nothing out.

All my other reviews have been honest, but I’ve left some info out of previous ones as I didn’t think they’d add value to the read.

But also like I mention, I wrote it as it happened so I can look back at this one day for my own memories, as let’s face it, it’s not like we all remember every detail of our own punts

So it's cynical to take your post which suggests your previous posts were less than honest, at face value?

[contentguy]

So it's cynical to take your post which suggests your previous posts were less than honest, at face value?

I think the SP here was fortunate that the OP didn’t act out another fantasy he described in the review of arabianjazmine when he said “…… I almost want to choke out every girl I see now  …”

He started a thread on the joys of choking SPs which was removed by ‘the management’.

I don’t know whether this review, or his other reviews are honest.  He suggests they’re not honest and who are we to disagree!

Some may see this as an amusing story of “getting revenge” for a shit punt.
But the OP seems to have more than his fair share of shit punts. 
Rather than seeking revenge, perhaps he should take a look in the mirror and ask himself why that is.

Guy

[NuruGuru]

So it's cynical to take your post which suggests your previous posts were less than honest, at face value?

Re-read my answer and take in what I wrote.

Listen to what I said, not what you want to hear.

 

[lamboman]

But the OP seems to have more than his fair share of shit punts. 
Rather than seeking revenge, perhaps he should take a look in the mirror and ask himself why that is.

Guy

  I doubt he looks in the mirror much.

[scutty brown]

Re-read my answer and take in what I wrote.

Listen to what I said, not what you want to hear.

 

That's exactly what I'm doing

[NuruGuru]

But the OP seems to have more than his fair share of shit punts. 

As it stands you have 20 reviews, of which only 50% are positive. Seems like you've had your fair share of not so satisfactory ones too.

[NuruGuru]

I don’t know whether this review, or his other reviews are honest.  He suggests they’re not honest and who are we to disagree!

I've not suggested this at all. Read above threads.

But my advice would be not to read my reviews or take them with any credibility going forward. I won't be losing sleep over it 

[scutty brown]

I've not suggested this at all. Read above threads.

But my advice would be not to read my reviews or take them with any credibility going forward. I won't be losing sleep over it 

So we should regard your reviews as lacking in credibility?
Waste of time you posting them

[NuruGuru]

So we should regard your reviews as lacking in credibility?
Waste of time you posting them

You’re more than welcome to do as you please.

[Ricky69]

Interesting read.

But, dropping a shit and refusing to flush it on your way out is discourteous to the next fella that pays out £70 to her then goes to use that loo and assumes it was her that passed it, thereby causing him to lose his libido and endure a poor 30 mins/hour.  I'd have flushed either way.

Regarding the fishy smell. Agree, it is fucking annoying when they ask you to clean up and shower but don't bother cleaning themselves up. It is the worst feeling when you pay your hard earned money, go down only to find that she smells like Quavers crisps down there and expects you to continue.  Maybe, rub a finger against it and shove it against her nose next time and ask her what she thinks? ... I say that, i'd probably be too kind to do that but someone has to.

[NuruGuru]

Interesting read.

But, dropping a shit and refusing to flush it on your way out is discourteous to the next fella that pays out £70 to her then goes to use that loo and assumes it was her that passed it, thereby causing him to lose his libido and endure a poor 30 mins/hour.  I'd have flushed either way.

Regarding the fishy smell. Agree, it is fucking annoying when they ask you to clean up and shower but don't bother cleaning themselves up. It is the worst feeling when you pay your hard earned money, go down only to find that she smells like Quavers crisps down there and expects you to continue.  Maybe, rub a finger against it and shove it against her nose next time and ask her what she thinks? ... I say that, i'd probably be too kind to do that but someone has to.

Me refusing to flush isn't going to stop her pussy smelling of rot - so I don't see it as my fault.

Not sure why people are getting really uptight about this.

This SP refused to wash herself between clients yet expects it from her clients to wash for her?

I've said it before, the worst thing I did is take a dump and not flush, it's hardly a crime, and it was in the toilet, all she had to do was flush.

The SP in this instance, refusing to clean is a much more serious and worse public health concern, to herself and to fellow punters.

Not saying you're one of them, but there seems to be a lot of white knights jumping to this SP's defence when they weren't there to experience what I did.

[sensualencounter]

Me refusing to flush isn't going to stop her pussy smelling of rot - so I don't see it as my fault.

Not sure why people are getting really uptight about this.

This SP refused to wash herself between clients yet expects it from her clients to wash for her?

I've said it before, the worst thing I did is take a dump and not flush, it's hardly a crime, and it was in the toilet, all she had to do was flush.

The SP in this instance, refusing to clean is a much more serious and worse public health concern, to herself and to fellow punters.

Not saying you're one of them, but there seems to be a lot of white knights jumping to this SP's defence when they weren't there to experience what I did.

You really don’t get it. It’s nothing to do with her shit service, we all agree on that. It’s your cunty obnoxious attitude that a fair few of us have called out. You’re a childish prick and you think what you did was hilarious. When it’s really not.

[NuruGuru]

I'm actually more proud that it's riled you up so much 

You need to chill out - your opinion (although you're entitled to it) is totally irrelevant to me.

[sensualencounter]

I'm actually more proud that it's riled you up so much 

You need to chill out - your opinion (although you're entitled to it) is totally irrelevant to me.

So you’re admitting you’re a troll. Way to go 

[NuruGuru]

So you’re admitting you’re a troll. Way to go 

Where did I mention or admit to being a troll? Using an ad hominem just shows you have nowhere else to go with this because you've probably realised how pointless your anger sounds.

I just find it so amusing a total stranger would get so wound up by my experience 

[Dangermouse82]

Thanks for the review. Made me chuckle. I say each to their own. Either way her profile no longer exists.

[boffin]

  my ribs are aching 

[sensualencounter]

Where did I mention or admit to being a troll? Using an ad hominem just shows you have nowhere else to go with this because you've probably realised how pointless your anger sounds.

I just find it so amusing a total stranger would get so wound up by my experience 

You’re really over-inflating your own self importance, if you think I’m wound up by simply pointing out how disgusting you are as a human being 

And your little comment about being more proud of riling someone is the very definition of a troll.

If that escort had any common sense she’d be putting your details all over saafe, client eye and any other escort groups. But well done, hope you’re proud of yourself 

[NuruGuru]

You’re really over-inflating your own self importance, if you think I’m wound up by simply pointing out how disgusting you are as a human being 

And your little comment about being more proud of riling someone is the very definition of a troll.

If that escort had any common sense she’d be putting your details all over saafe, client eye and any other escort groups. But well done, hope you’re proud of yourself 

Yep, you’re doing a good job of not showing that you’re wound up.

🎣

Lol she should do all those things you mentioned. I’ll just change my punting number 😂

[Caratacus]

Blitzing through my backlog of reviews - but headline says it all.

By the way her profile is written - she is of the same group as Pakistaniaisha, English-Lisa and a few others who generally tend to be attractive and offer a good service, although despite the one flop with Turkish-Aiyla I thought this could be a redemption punt.

Met her at a hotel in Slough opposite BP and next to a shisha cafe - not the easiest to get to if driving as parking is limited.


Comms - - she answers her own phone, pleasant, but not the most punctual. Kept waiting for aorund 15mins before being told the room number.

GIRL - Facially, very good looking IMO. She sounds, talks and in parts looks like Maisie Smith. If you don't know her, she plays Tiffany Butcher in Eastenders - who I think is FAF - so having her is the closest thing next to banging Maisie.

Body wise, she's a stocky 10, wears a one piece to hold it all into shape - but she carries herself well and looks good. Nice long dirty blonde hair. 5'4 curvy.

FEE - £80 / 30mins

SERVICES - OWO, DFK (but very limited to non existent)

She started by making me take a shower - Apparently hygiene is important to her and insists you have a shower before the punt, despite already having one before I came - I generally don't mind doing this when SP's ask as it gives me confidence that they'll give you a better service knowing you're squeaky clean - and like I mentioned, she's facially, super pretty so I'm a sucker for that. On memory, she had a chin piercing too which was a new experience for me, although it didn't add anything to the experience.

Now I mentioned this was an honest review, and I've been tinkering with the idea of making this a really brief one, but this is for my own context and memory too.

Despite booking, I wasn't feeling too well over the last few days before booking her - I had a slight case of food poisoning and I had some different case of IBS.

However, by the time of the booking, I was a little better, but not quite 100% - maybe 70% having taken Imodium for most of the day to stop any sudden outbursts.

I come out of the shower and we were besides the bed and she drops to her knees and starts to give head - decent technique but nothing special.

I was playing with her hair and stroking her body as she sucked away but I just couldn't attain full wood.

I decided I should give her some RO as I enjoy this and thought it might help my situation....I lay her on the bed and pull off her black panties...spread her legs, gently kiss her thighs and make my way up to the promised land....and then BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only is this some Eastenders lookalike, she smells like the East end Billingsgate market. The stench was amongst some of the worst I've come across before. She definitely had not washed between clients and this was a real buzz kill considering she thinks a client taking a shower is so important. I know I was a bit poorly with my food poisoning, but this smelt like her pussy was on life support.

Never one to back down, I took a few licks and held my breath and she responded, but not so great. I couldn't go ahead with it and it must've been the most pathetic attempt at going down on a girl I've ever made. I didn't have the attitude to tell her she smelt like a barrel of fish and to take a wash, so as my shitty attempt to lick this dead fish continued, she said she wanted to grab a vibrator (thank god) - she started using it on her clit and I was more than happy to let the little thing take the lead but the battery kept running out! Maybe the vibrator could smell what it was up against too. 

As she pleasured herself I then began to feel my stomach rumble and I just wasn't up to it any further.

I lay on the bed thinking I have 15 mins left so I can get through this. But by now, I just couldn't get hard. She climbed on top and tried to put a condom on but I just couldn't sustain staying up - the mix of the smell from jaws and the IBS kicking in meant everything was going against me.

A little bit of clock watching on her side, "You've go 10 mins left as I've got a client coming straight after" - I hated this, and already in a sour mood I told her I just wasn't feeling too good and I would clean up and leave.

I went into the bathroom once again...stared at toilet and thought fuck it, I've never had a shit in a hookers room before and this kind of lifestyle means I'll try anything once.

I put on the shower to drown out the noise and began to unload one of the most rancid curry textured shits ever. I had to literally liquidate my assets. It was all around the bowl and everything. This is when I remembered that she doesn't wash between clients, so she likely wouldn't know what I've done in here unless she came in and took a whiff (but she might have thought it was just her pussy)...... I didn't flush. I jumped in the shower, gave my arse a thoroughly good clean and wiped it dry with her towels leaving skid marked souvenirs.

Got out the room and she was just on her phone, I said bye to her but she didn't even bother to come and say farewell, just turned her head and nodded - for me, this was the clincher that I wasn't going to bother going back in and flushing the toilet and would leave it for her to clean up - but also as a code to the next punter to let him know he's in for a shit time.

Would I return? No - I'll just continue watching Eastenders and imagining whether Tiffany smells like a butcher down there now.




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Absolutely pissed myself at this review. I wasn’t thinking of seeing her anyway but I deffo wouldn’t now. Cracking review though