Penis care and review question

[yorkshire123]

Marmalade, I have read your posts and you are one of the reasons I post.
I'm just sharing cos you guys share with me on the forums.
I'm not lying sir. Honestly

Gillis, its been fun but now its time to take Marmalade's advise & fuck off & get some help.

FFS when the careers officer asks you what you want to do when you leave school, don't tell them erotic writing because you really are crap at it.

Off to bed with you, you don't want to be late for your job in the morning & i believe those Sunday papers can be quite heavy so you will need all the strength you can muster.

[gillis01]

Bottom line, I am a nice guy, and I hoped that in this forum I would find similar. And I have, some of you guys are cool. But some of you have your own agendas.
I like this forum and will continue to be a part of it.
I shared an experience with with you all. Be respectfull of that.
We all have our own experiences 

[gillis01]

Gillis, its been fun but now its time to take Marmalade's advise & fuck off & get some help.

FFS when the careers officer asks you what you want to do when you leave school, don't tell them erotic writing because you really are crap at it.

Off to bed with you, you don't want to be late for your job in the morning & i believe those Sunday papers can be quite heavy so you will need all the strength you can muster.

I like your posts. Why you giving me a hard time?

[vorian]

Bottom line, I am a nice guy, and I hoped that in this forum I would find similar. And I have, some of you guys are cool. But some of you have your own agendas.
I like this forum and will continue to be a part of it.
I shared an experience with with you all. Be respectfull of that.
We all have our own experiences

OK may I ask how long you read this forum before joining as a member a couple of weeks ago.

[yorkshire123]

I like your posts. Why you giving me a hard time?

Hard time, I'm a mere amateur, wait until the day shift clocks on 

[gillis01]

OK may I ask how long you read this forum before joining as a member a couple of weeks ago.

Not long.
Am I doing something wrong? it seems that because I have had a sex life before this seems to be annoying people!?

[wristjob]

Bottom line, I am a nice guy, and I hoped that in this forum I would find similar. And I have, some of you guys are cool. But some of you have your own agendas.
I like this forum and will continue to be a part of it.
I shared an experience with with you all. Be respectfull of that.
We all have our own experiences

Oh god, the A word. I have an agenda - to stop paying money to birds who give me a crap shag.

This forum is very much focussed around punting. You can ask brutally blunt questions but if you aren't actually a punter you really won't find a home here - no matter how nice you are.

[gillis01]

Oh god, the A word. I have an agenda - to stop paying money to birds who give me a crap shag.

This forum is very much focussed around punting. You can ask brutally blunt questions but if you aren't actually a punter you really won't find a home here - no matter how nice you are.

Your response to the 27 year old guy who posted earlier about not wanting to punt anymore was exactly what I was gonna post. So you are the same as me sir. It's late so I am gonna play some music on y t. PM me bro

[Bangers and Gash]

Why is forum being flooded with these sock puppet's and bullshitters?   

[cockneybstrd]

Why is forum being flooded with these sock puppet's and bullshitters? 

Bangers I have no idea.

Unlike the OP I am not a nice guy I am a total cunt. So I find his home spun comedy postings a load of drivel.

If your going to be a comedy or a wind up poster at least be interesting.

[Welsh and Proud !]

OP! One minute your talking like a dyslexic Arab with a toffee up his arse and next minute your calling people bro! WTF? Take your head for a shit and use some olive oil to clean the skids off the pan, but most importantly! Fuck off!

[SeekingtheTruth]

Bottom line, I am a nice guy, and I hoped that in this forum I would find similar. And I have, some of you guys are cool. But some of you have your own agendas.
I like this forum and will continue to be a part of it.
I shared an experience with with you all. Be respectfull of that.
We all have our own experiences

Look, you've had your little foray on the big bad punters forum but now it is clearly time for you to fuck off back to SAAFE.

[Sedlmayer]

OP -what percentage body fat do you have?

[Welsh and Proud !]

I would suggest 2% body fat 98% bullshit!

[Sedlmayer]

I would suggest 2% body fat 98% bullshit!

Bore da!

[Horizontal pleasures]

avoiding getting into the controversial aspects of this thread I should like to suggest a great lubricant which has a product for with condom and a different product for without condom, called YES made by a company called Luberation. I have mentioned it before probably in reviews. I am not sales rep! I am just a punter who likes things to go smoothly and hates bad chemicals.

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[Rochdull lad]

I am SO annoyed!

Why on earth did I choose to watch England 0, Honduras 0 late [by my standards] last night when I could actually have joined in this game instead?

[JV547845]

So OP is asking for knob cleaning tips but have done anal bareback?  You've never heard the urban legends about finding shit covered sweetcorn kernels under your foreskin then?  I think I first read about that in Fiesta.  Your cock's gonna need a good clean after that.

[Quatro]

The OP is clearly an olive oil salesman touting his product.

That's against the rules. 

[Marmalade]

Still fucking here as well! Can someone send Nik a nice bunch of flowers? (Or email him to say you've bought his book - he sounds pissed off.)

[yorkshire123]

Hard time, I'm a mere amateur, wait until the day shift clocks on

OP, i did try to warn you 

[Marmalade]

There must be a forum where young men can chat about their sexual experiences, true or not. UKPunting is a bit too specific for some people. I guess the clue is on the name. People who punt. Not people who think about, fantasise about it, phone up prossies and change their mind. That's for Daily Mail reporters . . .   

[Roland D Hay]

I care for my penis by not going anywhere without one of these so it's always snug and warm.

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[CoolTiger]

Olive oil, gives a new meaning to tossing the salad 

Don't forget, you'd have to use "Extra Virgin Oil" for that. 

[wristjob]

Am I doing something wrong? it seems that because I have had a sex life before this seems to be annoying people!?

What annoys people is there isn't a "this".

If I want to rub olive oil on my cock or boast about analising random hippy birds I can do that down the pub or probably on most forums. If I'm 68, 40 stone, have grey pubes and shriveled dick and can hardly get it up and want to know if a 20yo size 6 babe will refuse to suck me off, should I stick to fat old mingers, this is the place to ask - without people laughing too much. It's great to have that freedom and generally we don't want it polluted by wannabes and irrelevant crap..

Now you are welcome to join us. It's £60 membership - go pay your local UKP "subscription collector" whose number can be found on AW. Go pay her today and you can call everyone bro.

[wristjob]

Don't forget, you'd have to use "Extra Virgin Oil" for that. 

They say it's extra virgin but we know better 

[smiths]

So do you guys have any penis care tips? Myself I have sensitive skin, and soap can give me a rash, but I have found that olive oil is great! And on a similar note I would like to tell you a story about olive oil but it is not a review of a wg but just a tip on A levels that is to do with olive oil. Does that belong in the review section or just no Gillis noone wants to hear?

Thought so. Another low life bites the dust.

[Frenchie]

I 'd take more notice if this twat had any command of the english language and proper punctuation !!

He talks like a white sixteen year old , 'down with the kids' from the ghetto ( 'innit ) and  given some verbal smacks round the back of the head from established members still insisted on giving us his 'story'

New members are ALWAYS welcome..... but this bloke hasn't done his homework . ANY posting talking about bareback (on a punters forum !! ) will be met with a less than welcoming reaction.

I'm no Charles Dickens - but I like to think I can compose a decent post FFS.

I do hope he just goes away...........

[vorian]

What annoys people is there isn't a "this".

If I want to rub olive oil on my cock or boast about analising random hippy birds I can do that down the pub or probably on most forums. If I'm 68, 40 stone, have grey pubes and shriveled dick and can hardly get it up and want to know if a 20yo size 6 babe will refuse to suck me off, should I stick to fat old mingers, this is the place to ask - without people laughing too much. It's great to have that freedom and generally we don't want it polluted by wannabes and irrelevant crap..

Now you are welcome to join us. It's £60 membership - go pay your local UKP "subscription collector" whose number can be found on AW. Go pay her today and you can call everyone bro.

Well said,  if you follow his posts I'm sure he was female, how many men ask why are you "Guys are being so mean to them".

[Rochdull lad]

I care for my penis by not going anywhere without one of these so it's always snug and warm.

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Hey Roland, could you knit me one of these, please?!

[brianthedog21]

Hey Roland, could you knit me one of these, please?!

Hi Roland,

While you are knitting one for Rochdale Lad could you also do one for me please, but in Extra Large

Thank you

[CBPaul]

I am SO annoyed!

Why on earth did I choose to watch England 0, Honduras 0 late [by my standards] last night when I could actually have joined in this game instead?

Given his use of 'talk in the yard' and calling everyone sir my guess he is a native of the part of the world that god awful game was played in. Perhaps he got bored when the thunderstorm interrupted the soccer game.

Entertaining thread and I downloaded last tango in Paris, haven't seen it for ages - cheers Vorian. Can't help thinking of Harry Enfield's randy old lady sketch - 'ooooh butters gone up again' 

[Roland D Hay]

There you go RL, where shall I send it?

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[Rochdull lad]

Awh, Roland; shucks, how kind!

Your generosity deserves a better answer than the only one I can think of at the moment!!  

[Dani]

I actually feel a little sorry for the lad who got banned as he is obviously underage and posting while his parents thought he was in bed and was trying to fit in with the men but unfortunately does not have the experience or any experience for that matter of sex so assumes everyone would be really interested in his version of an erotic story.
A young lad can find words like tits pussy anal and arse a total turn on without the need for added padding of a back story or details.  For him this sounded like erotica so he assumed you would all be patting him on the back saying way to go!
Also again with the story of ringing a prossie, for him that was a turn on talking to a real woman about sex so he again expected everyone to be as impressed as he was. (we get a lot of calls from young boys pretending to be clients)

I am sure once he has finished puberty and has actually been with a real woman and not just his hand he will be back and read his posts and cringe with embarrassment.

[yorkshire123]

I actually feel a little sorry for the lad who got banned as he is obviously underage and posting while his parents thought he was in bed and was trying to fit in with the men but unfortunately does not have the experience or any experience for that matter of sex so assumes everyone would be really interested in his version of an erotic story.
A young lad can find words like tits pussy anal and arse a total turn on without the need for added padding of a back story or details.  For him this sounded like erotica so he assumed you would all be patting him on the back saying way to go!
Also again with the story of ringing a prossie, for him that was a turn on talking to a real woman about sex so he again expected everyone to be as impressed as he was. (we get a lot of calls from young boys pretending to be clients)

I am sure once he has finished puberty and has actually been with a real woman and not just his hand he will be back and read his posts and cringe with embarrassment.

I disagree Dani, along with others i actually think it was a girl & an adult one at that.

Well said,  if you follow his posts I'm sure he was female, how many men ask why are you "Guys are being so mean to them".

I have brought up 3 boys to adulthood & i don't think i have ever heard them use statements like this ^.
Whoever of whatever it was i have zero sympathy for anyone who tries to infiltrate & cause disruption to a valued (& free) resource for the punting community.
However they did offer some light relief after "spat gate" yesterday.

[yorkshire123]

Hey Roland, could you knit me one of these, please?!

And me Roland please, 9 inch long (but pack out the last 5 inch with cotton wool  )

[smiths]

I actually feel a little sorry for the lad who got banned as he is obviously underage and posting while his parents thought he was in bed and was trying to fit in with the men but unfortunately does not have the experience or any experience for that matter of sex so assumes everyone would be really interested in his version of an erotic story.
A young lad can find words like tits pussy anal and arse a total turn on without the need for added padding of a back story or details.  For him this sounded like erotica so he assumed you would all be patting him on the back saying way to go!
Also again with the story of ringing a prossie, for him that was a turn on talking to a real woman about sex so he again expected everyone to be as impressed as he was. (we get a lot of calls from young boys pretending to be clients)

I am sure once he has finished puberty and has actually been with a real woman and not just his hand he will be back and read his posts and cringe with embarrassment.

Whereas i like to see low life liars banned asap as they are here to cause disruption.

[Bigus Dickus]

On the subject of oil fuelled sex, I recall a fellow recipient of the queens shilling using a hastily grabbed bottle of this stuff to aid bumming his beloved!

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[Rochdull lad]

Whereas i like to see low life liars banned asap as they are here to cause disruption.

I know what you're saying, smiths, and while I agree that they cause disruption, I'm not sure that, in the main, they're mature enough to post on here with that intention.

Fwiw, I think that Dani's assessment of the boy is probably fairly close to the truth.

[Marmalade]

I know what you're saying, smiths, and while I agree that they cause disruption, I'm not sure that, in the main, they're mature enough to post on here with that intention.

Fwiw, I think that Dani's assessment of the boy is probably fairly close to the truth.

So whatever the scenario, too young, troll, idiot, prossie, it's best that they got banned swiftly - either for the board's good or for theirs or both.

[Dani]

I know what you're saying, smiths, and while I agree that they cause disruption, I'm not sure that, in the main, they're mature enough to post on here with that intention.

Fwiw, I think that Dani's assessment of the boy is probably fairly close to the truth.

Can I also add the "I feel sorry for him" was more tongue in cheek as it was obvious he was not mentally adult enough to be posting on a forum that was not about Xbox or PS4. 
The being mean to me statement just shows the level of immaturity and trying to sound like an adult and failing.

A woman is more likely to say picking on me or ganging up on me  or being bitchy to me, not, being mean to me, as I have never heard an adult female say those words.  they are the words of a child.  As in "Mum she/he is being mean to me" or "Im gonna tell the teacher you are being mean to me".  It is phrased in a way only a child would use

[smiths]

I know what you're saying, smiths, and while I agree that they cause disruption, I'm not sure that, in the main, they're mature enough to post on here with that intention.

Fwiw, I think that Dani's assessment of the boy is probably fairly close to the truth.

I couldnt care less what their intention is, i just like to see them gone asap.

[london]

use this one mate  save yr money - u won't pay for puning after 

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[ciscoxxx69]

I don't think we do really even though you seem desperate to tell us. I wouldn't bother if I were you it won't be a patch on a real life Hendrix or Cisco review. 

Edit posted after him and seems I was right 

I am immensely flattered sarahjayneleeds 
If ever I am in Leeds...........

[hendrix]

I am immensely flattered sarahjayneleeds 
If ever I am in Leeds...........

Two's up? I'll bring the olive oil.

[SirFrank]

Another one bites the dust. An odd question but as it's been asked I suppose I spend a lot of time polishing my bishop. I've been known to buff it so much that I can see my face in my Herman Gelmut

[ik8133]

So do you guys have any penis care tips? Myself I have sensitive skin, and soap can give me a rash, but I have found that olive oil is great! And on a similar note I would like to tell you a story about olive oil but it is not a review of a wg but just a tip on A levels that is to do with olive oil. Does that belong in the review section or just no Gillis noone wants to hear?

At night I wrap mine up in a sock to keep it cosy, read it an erotic bedtime story and it always rises to the occasion in the morning, so must we a happy contented little willie!   

[Ali Katt]

I thought Gillis was more into Bluto.
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[jcdmj12]

My only tip would be to use some lubricant if you're up for a particularly prolonged or vigourous session of wrestling with the purple-headed serpent. Friction burns are nasty.