Married punters, why do we never learn?

[RedKettle]

Sex with my OH pretty much stopped years ago. I got over it, lots of reasons to stay together and of course I have my hobby. I also of course live in hope.......

Then a fucking pandemic stopped the fucking and the pressure at home builds.  I have not been with a woman for weeks, I did a couple of post lock down punts but then decided to be more responsible.

I had an opportunity to punt this week and I thought it would be fairly safe. But then I think I am receiving signals that there will be some domestic action. Just a few little things but they all seemed to be pointed in the same direction. So like some stupid twat of a teenager I get all excited and hold myself ready for a lovely romp with the missus. The ongoing preparations including not fucking a prossie (a true romantic as I am).

But of course no, as fucking usual I have utterly mis read it. No sex, no nothing except a huge row because I was so unreasonable.

I have had that particular lesson so many fucking times, why can I not learn?

I have now had many beers so apologies for the rant. Fucking hell.

[Digby232]

You been married long? I done just 35 years and sex seemed to dry up about 5 years ago. No reason just stopped. Seems to happen in most marriages. Most woman just use sex to get what they want!!

[GingerNuts]

You been married long? I done just 35 years and sex seemed to dry up about 5 years ago. No reason just stopped. Seems to happen in most marriages. Most woman just use sex to get what they want!!

Two years ago you were still having sex with your wife.

I’ve just joined this site. My reason for wanting to try escorts is the same as most. Sex with the wife about once a fortnight and then very vanilla. Missionary only and never puts anything into it. In 27 years never once given a blow job! So that’s it time to fuck a prossie! Condom on and should get away with it. No sti and she will never know .

Anyway, have you punted in the last two years?

[Billy no mates]

I love a good beer fuelled rant.

Sorry to hear about your position OP, just get back on the punting bus and take your frustrations out on some hot girl, half your age.

[standardpostage]

I've misread the signals many, many, many a time 
Or it could be that they are giving out the correct shagging signals  "but"  then change their minds ! ! !
Who knows what goes on  "in"  their minds ?
When all you want to do is get  "in"  their fanny 

[CanOfRedBull]

I feel your pain,  very similar situation with the Mrs, not interested in sex but then the odd light of hope appears.   But unless I am clean saved and only play by her rules it often doesn't happen, what does happen is no sex and an argument. 

Then comes along covid and lockdown and so i have been stuck working from home with the Mrs and kids in the house almost 24x7

Living the dream 

[Payyourwaymate]

Go on the deadbedrooms forum. Plenty of men there have not had sex for years with their wife, but they don't even punt. They just suffer in silence in real life and lament in their posts of where did it all go wrong. At least you can punt.

[standardpostage]

Go on the deadbedrooms forum. Plenty of men there have not had sex for years with their wife, but they don't even punt. They just suffer in silence in real life and lament in their posts of where did it all go wrong. At least you can punt.

Never heard of deadbedrooms, just had a browse, very interesting. Makes decent reading.
Very educational ukpunting. Cheers.

[NelsonH]

So who gets the record for the longest time with a wife with no sex?

Might be me, because it was last century!  And no, I don't know exactly which year.

[Home Alone]

Never heard of deadbedrooms, just had a browse, very interesting. Makes decent reading.
Very educational ukpunting. Cheers.

Is it deadbedrooms.com or deadbedrooms.co.uk? Or some other suffix? I couldn't find it under the first two 'links'.

[iq129]

I have gone 8 years without even a kiss from the wife. The only positive is that I am not alone.

[GingerNuts]

Is it deadbedrooms.com or deadbedrooms.co.uk? Or some other suffix? I couldn't find it under the first two 'links'.

There's a DeadBedrooms thread on Reddit.

External Link/Members Only

[iq129]

Never heard of deadbedrooms, just had a browse, very interesting. Makes decent reading.
Very educational ukpunting. Cheers.

I just had a quick browse too. It has made me really depressed. Punting is not an alternative to many who don't get sex with their partners, due to religious, moral, financial and many other issues. At least I can punt, although I would prefer sex with my wife like it used to be many moons ago.

[RedKettle]

Thanks guys.

Argument is ongoing today. Had enough of this.

Of course it is all my fault!

[wylie anchor]

Am I a rarity on here? Never had the need to punt in a relationship, sex never an issue, been married twice and had 2 long term relationships, I'm 60 now and happy single.   

[Thecunninglinguist]

So who gets the record for the longest time with a wife with no sex?

Might be me, because it was last century!  And no, I don't know exactly which year.

Only if you can beat 32 years

[The Owl]

No sex, no relationship, no marriage. I don't know why people stay together when the relationships not completely fulfilling unless there's a really good reason, like the punter on here that's still very much in love with his wife but she's too disabled to have a sex life with him so they silently collude for him to get his rocks off.

Money and kids seems to be the main reason for not ending a shit marriage. Lots of happy kids with parents that have split up and lots of happy people with less money. 

[itk]

Sex with my OH pretty much stopped years ago. I got over it, lots of reasons to stay together and of course I have my hobby. I also of course live in hope.......

Then a fucking pandemic stopped the fucking and the pressure at home builds.  I have not been with a woman for weeks, I did a couple of post lock down punts but then decided to be more responsible.

I had an opportunity to punt this week and I thought it would be fairly safe. But then I think I am receiving signals that there will be some domestic action. Just a few little things but they all seemed to be pointed in the same direction. So like some stupid twat of a teenager I get all excited and hold myself ready for a lovely romp with the missus. The ongoing preparations including not fucking a prossie (a true romantic as I am).

But of course no, as fucking usual I have utterly mis read it. No sex, no nothing except a huge row because I was so unreasonable.

I have had that particular lesson so many fucking times, why can I not learn?

I have now had many beers so apologies for the rant. Fucking hell.

Ive lost count of a very similar situation to yourself. Thinking there was a chance of a fuck with the OH when she wants it, only for it to be the same old story, no bj, me down on her and the very same two positions which get her off. Eventually got tired of the situation and decided to turn her down when she’s interested, which is quite funny seeing her think I’ll jump at the chance, only for myself to say, ‘No thanks love, not worth my time.”

[itk]

No sex, no relationship, no marriage. I don't know why people stay together when the relationships not completely fulfilling unless there's a really good reason,

Personally, in my case it’s a case of the OH refusing to split up and sell the house to take 50/50. She thinks I’ll walk and give it to her, plus it’s a case of our child, who I guess in a couple of years will move out as it’s getting to that age and then they’ll be no reason for her not to stop us selling the house.  I’ve tried legal options to force the sale, but with a child in education it’s not possible.

[B4bcock]

Eventually got tired of the situation and decided to turn her down when she’s interested, which is quite funny seeing her think I’ll jump at the chance, only for myself to say, ‘No thanks love, not worth my time.”

I've done this and it's quite empowering watching the OH try to come to terms with the rejection.   The downside is that, for some strange reason, they soon get suspicions you may be getting fulfillment elsewhere and they start to check your every move.   We just can't win.   

[winkywanky]

Go on the deadbedrooms forum. Plenty of men there have not had sex for years with their wife, but they don't even punt. They just suffer in silence in real life and lament in their posts of where did it all go wrong. At least you can punt.

Never been married meself, but I feel for you guys that are and feel shafted when the marital sex dries up.

Deadbedrooms forum? Wow! Says it all. Guys never talk about anything (intimate or important), we're famous for it, but you know there's real desperation when such a site exists. I guess it's essentially a self-help community for conjugally-spurned guys?

Payyourway, you could do them all a favour by tipping the wink about UKP. Having said that, I wouldn't mind betting that very, very many of them already punt, and are actually UKP members already.

[Plan R]

"If you like fucking marriage ain't for you"    External Link/Members Only

[mj]

Similar situation, probably (lost count!) 6+ years now.  OH spends endless hours watching Love Island or other crap on the TV and wonders why real life just isn't the same. Sex would maybe be on offer if I could really be bothered - but it's a lot of effort required for something that might not happen and won't be very good even if it does.

I've looked into divorce, but house kids and that it's not so bad keep us together. On the plus side, she actually thinks it me that's not interested so wouldn't suspect my punting.

Never learn OP? I've learned that punting gives me the best of both worlds. Still got the house and can afford to see SP's that do all the things that OH wouldn't. Splitting up for me would mean a big downgrade in home life and no money to be able to punt or go on dates - which lets face it, can be as expensive and more hassle as punting but without the results!

[Punterenas]

Last sex with the OH 2003!
Married 25 years next year!
I gave up asking as I couldn't keep taking the kick in the balls that was constant rejection. Decided she would come to me, guess what, she never has! Its like as soon as she got what she wanted a switch was thrown in her head that turned her libido off. She obviously didn't consider my feelings on the matter at all!
We live parallel lives, have separate bank accounts, it is a shame its come to this but I never would have found this hobby otherwise and my sex life prior to marriage was incredibly vanilla so, in a way I guess I should thank her.
Read the book "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi.
2 of his "iron rules" are: 1. Women are incapable of loving men the way they want to be loved.
2. If a woman makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies you will wait for sex, the sex you will get will not be worth the wait!

[what-a man]

For me when she is in the mood, it has to be a quickie and expects my cock to stand alert as soon as I am in bed, forgetting that for us men as we get older we take longer to get an erection and need more foreplay for that to happen which she is not interested in.

When I fail to get an erection, she would just say well..... it seems you are not in the mood, which leads me to think she is playing a game. When I explain why I cant get an instant erection, it leads to arguments so these days I dont say a word.

[Jardent6]

Ive lost count of a very similar situation to yourself. Thinking there was a chance of a fuck with the OH when she wants it, only for it to be the same old story, no bj, me down on her and the very same two positions which get her off. Eventually got tired of the situation and decided to turn her down when she’s interested, which is quite funny seeing her think I’ll jump at the chance, only for myself to say, ‘No thanks love, not worth my time.”

This made me genuinely laugh 

[tynetunnel]

It’s good to know I’m not alone. And just 6 years for me. Although she thinks it’s the meds I’m on that means I don’t want sex. I have lots of sex, just not with her, I no longer want or desire anything intimate with her 

[Payyourwaymate]

Never been married meself, but I feel for you guys that are and feel shafted when the marital sex dries up.

Deadbedrooms forum? Wow! Says it all. Guys never talk about anything (intimate or important), we're famous for it, but you know there's real desperation when such a site exists. I guess it's essentially a self-help community for conjugally-spurned guys?

Payyourway, you could do them all a favour by tipping the wink about UKP. Having said that, I wouldn't mind betting that very, very many of them already punt, and are actually UKP members already.

I don't know where they are based, I'm not a member of the forum either, it's part of Reddit; anyone can browse it as long as it is a public thread. Another member posted the link a couple of posts above. I'm sure they don't punt, they do not have it in them, I've read enough of their stories. They would rather try everything to fix the marriage or impress the wife to get sex and despair while the woman does not give two shits about them. They have kids aswell and their financial lives are so intertwined so can't take risks and end up losing it all either. I just used to browse it because it seemed interesting at the time until I read the pain of the men there and stopped because it was too sad.

[Home Alone]

There's a DeadBedrooms thread on Reddit.

External Link/Members Only

Thanks, GingerNuts.

Wow, reading some of the comments can make you realise how, erm, 'fortunate' you are, esp. when you've not had an OH for the best part of 20 years.

[Home Alone]

"If you like fucking marriage ain't for you"    External Link/Members Only

Some lovely distinctions drawn there! Thanks, Plan R.

[winkywanky]

I don't know where they are based, I'm not a member of the forum either, it's part of Reddit; anyone can browse it as long as it is a public thread. Another member posted the link a couple of posts above. I'm sure they don't punt, they do not have it in them, I've read enough of their stories. They would rather try everything to fix the marriage or impress the wife to get sex and despair while the woman does not give two shits about them. They have kids aswell and their financial lives are so intertwined so can't take risks and end up losing it all either. I just used to browse it because it seemed interesting at the time until I read the pain of the men there and stopped because it was too sad.

...ouch...

[pewpewpew]

I have found a few times that I'm planning a punt so abstain from any wanking for a few days and must give off some kind of pheromones and the missus wants a bit. Sad to say there's been numerous times where I've declined her advances in favour of a prossie as sex with the missus is not as exciting

[RedKettle]

Something of a development. After arguing for a day suddenly we were having sex, some of the best I have had for years with anyone.  Then we had a nice evening and to my astonishment we were having sex again, the astonishment being that I managed to perform again.

She was incredibly sexy. I am in shock.

So here I was contemplating whether to give up punting when I remembered the title of this thread. Let’s wait and see whether this is to be a regular event on a frequency greater than every 5 years.

I have always said I would not have started punting if the OH had kept having sex with me. Never been sure if I would stop if that sex restarted.  Hopefully I will be able to find out.

[paper7]

You been married long? I done just 35 years and sex seemed to dry up about 5 years ago. No reason just stopped. Seems to happen in most marriages. Most woman just use sex to get what they want!!

Yep. 16 years in September. Seems that the Missus got what she wanted (Pregnant) now she is not interested in me, or my feelings. Divorced is an option but would be FAR TOO expensive and having put a lot of time, energy and money into this house I ain't going anywhere!

[LLPunting]

Something of a development. After arguing for a day suddenly we were having sex, some of the best I have had for years with anyone.  Then we had a nice evening and to my astonishment we were having sex again, the astonishment being that I managed to perform again.

She was incredibly sexy. I am in shock.

So here I was contemplating whether to give up punting when I remembered the title of this thread. Let’s wait and see whether this is to be a regular event on a frequency greater than every 5 years.

I have always said I would not have started punting if the OH had kept having sex with me. Never been sure if I would stop if that sex restarted.  Hopefully I will be able to find out.

GL!
"Free" sex and more happiness in the marital home, may the rainbows and unicorns be plentiful 

[LLPunting]

To those (many) chaps who have lost favour at home, any of you go to Relate or other marriage counselling and discover why she turned off the taps?  Menopause?  Ambivalence? Disgust?

[Home Alone]

Something of a development. After arguing for a day suddenly we were having sex, some of the best I have had for years with anyone.  Then we had a nice evening and to my astonishment we were having sex again, the astonishment being that I managed to perform again.

She was incredibly sexy. I am in shock.

So here I was contemplating whether to give up punting when I remembered the title of this thread. Let’s wait and see whether this is to be a regular event on a frequency greater than every 5 years.

I have always said I would not have started punting if the OH had kept having sex with me. Never been sure if I would stop if that sex restarted.  Hopefully I will be able to find out.

🤞 for you RedKettle. I don't intend this to come out all cynical - I'm sure I was in a similar situation to what I've highlighted in your post - I like to think I'd have put more effort into trying to 'save' our marriage if the OH hadn't 'turned the tap off' - but I hope you get whatever it is you want.

[B4bcock]

I have always said I would not have started punting if the OH had kept having sex with me. Never been sure if I would stop if that sex restarted.  Hopefully I will be able to find out.

This is something I often chew over, but it seems very unlikely OH will start giving out again, especially on a regular basis.   Anybody experienced this and was it enough to make you stop punting, or is the addiction too strong?

[RedKettle]

🤞 for you RedKettle. I don't intend this to come out all cynical - I'm sure I was in a similar situation to what I've highlighted in your post - I like to think I'd have put more effort into trying to 'save' our marriage if the OH hadn't 'turned the tap off' - but I hope you get whatever it is you want.

Punting saved my marriage, without a shadow of a doubt. I could not have lasted without any sex.

What I want is a full relationship with my wife, that is what I have always wanted but has not been on offer for at least 10 years, probably nearer 15. 

Is it going to happen now? I suspect not but I will hope for the best, as always.

[JamesKW]

Same,I get these signals occasionally,but I know nothing is going to happen,my marriage is getting on for 30 years.In a way I guess most of us are happy this is the case as it gives us an excuse to sample a little, in our own minds.

[winkywanky]

Something of a development. After arguing for a day suddenly we were having sex, some of the best I have had for years with anyone.  Then we had a nice evening and to my astonishment we were having sex again, the astonishment being that I managed to perform again.

She was incredibly sexy. I am in shock.

So here I was contemplating whether to give up punting when I remembered the title of this thread. Let’s wait and see whether this is to be a regular event on a frequency greater than every 5 years.

I have always said I would not have started punting if the OH had kept having sex with me. Never been sure if I would stop if that sex restarted.  Hopefully I will be able to find out.

Nice work, Red Kettle  .

Can you actually put into words what you think led to the sex? Was it basically argument-sex? Did you (both?) somehow re-discover that primeval animal urge which transcended worries about new kitchen/the cladding on the house/the kids' schooling/work and money worries/other married life shit?

I guess in a basic sense, do you think you can make it happen again?

Best of luck in this, and here's hoping it can continue 

[Vic69]

I've thought long and hard about commenting and maybe oversharing...but here goes.....me and my OH had a fantastic sex life, then one day it just stopped (unknown to us at the time it was a medical condition).  The feelings of rejection and frustration were awful, it became a subject that wasnt discussed, and eventually I just gave up trying.  Fast forward 5 years my Husband is better, resuming sex is difficult, feels very awkward and we both feel like nervous teenage virgins.  I actually find it much easier to have sex with a stranger.  Things are improving bit by bit though, and hopefully we can get back to how we used to be.  So maybe this is what us happening to your wives, for one reason or another they went through a period of not wanting sex (tiredness, kids, hormones etc) but now dont know how to begin again, as the intimacy part of your relationship has been broken.  So maybe take things back to the beginning, start slowly touching massage etc, dont expect that intimate moments will necessarily lead to sex, sometimes the pressure of knowing your partner wants sex is off putting.

[CanOfRedBull]

This............

Hidden Image/Members Only

[notcalledchris]

I've thought long and hard about commenting and maybe oversharing...but here goes.....me and my OH had a fantastic sex life, then one day it just stopped (unknown to us at the time it was a medical condition).  The feelings of rejection and frustration were awful, it became a subject that wasnt discussed, and eventually I just gave up trying.  Fast forward 5 years my Husband is better, resuming sex is difficult, feels very awkward and we both feel like nervous teenage virgins.  I actually find it much easier to have sex with a stranger.  Things are improving bit by bit though, and hopefully we can get back to how we used to be.  So maybe this is what us happening to your wives, for one reason or another they went through a period of not wanting sex (tiredness, kids, hormones etc) but now dont know how to begin again, as the intimacy part of your relationship has been broken.  So maybe take things back to the beginning, start slowly touching massage etc, dont expect that intimate moments will necessarily lead to sex, sometimes the pressure of knowing your partner wants sex is off putting.

. There is slot of truth in that.  After a dry patch it can be ackward to get going again.  Sometime you can wait for ever for the right moment to arise for sex to seem natural when you would just be better putting those feelings aside and fucking each other.  Once that becomes a habit sex will start to feel natural again.

[ronthebrummie]

Feel for you guys, I was married 29 years divorced, met a girl 17 years younger 3 years later thought I’d died and gone to heaven, within 5 years it had gone tits up, we were like brother and sister, anyway we split 5 years ago, been with a couple of women since but tbh just can’t be arsed, a date will cost me £80-100 by the time I’ve bought the booze and a meal, with no guarantee of anything, so a good punt now and again and a 2 week Thailand trip twice a year does me, plus I’ve 100% control of the remote.

[Dorsetpunter]

Punting saved my marriage, without a shadow of a doubt. I could not have lasted without any sex.

What I want is a full relationship with my wife, that is what I have always wanted but has not been on offer for at least 10 years, probably nearer 15. 

Is it going to happen now? I suspect not but I will hope for the best, as always.

After reading a different thread on here i bought a bed geek wand. Managed to make the moment all about my OH and intrigued her with the thought of a new sex toy. Had her climbing the walls and one of best nights ever after that. If you can find a way to introduce one it could be the best £27 youve ever spent.

[Fishface]

I've thought long and hard about commenting and maybe oversharing...but here goes.....me and my OH had a fantastic sex life, then one day it just stopped (unknown to us at the time it was a medical condition).  The feelings of rejection and frustration were awful, it became a subject that wasnt discussed, and eventually I just gave up trying.  Fast forward 5 years my Husband is better, resuming sex is difficult, feels very awkward and we both feel like nervous teenage virgins.  I actually find it much easier to have sex with a stranger.  Things are improving bit by bit though, and hopefully we can get back to how we used to be.  So maybe this is what us happening to your wives, for one reason or another they went through a period of not wanting sex (tiredness, kids, hormones etc) but now dont know how to begin again, as the intimacy part of your relationship has been broken.  So maybe take things back to the beginning, start slowly touching massage etc, dont expect that intimate moments will necessarily lead to sex, sometimes the pressure of knowing your partner wants sex is off putting.

Thought provoking. The one aspect you don't touch on is how what you do for a living might have impacted his psyche? Some men might get off on it like a cuckold but many would feel jealous or inadequate with follow on relationship difficulties. Appreciate there was also a physical illness affecting things and that might be the primary reason for the change.

I can see going back to the beginning makes sense in the way a boring marriage counsellor might dictate but surely its more about making a spark that ignites the relationship so it will be different than before but just as good as it was. Whether that's swinging, talking to him about your exploits with clients if not the jealous kind or him setting you tasks to do with them and reporting back, I don't know!?

Whatever floats yer boat really but what makes sex exciting is the spark and if you have to work too hard at it it seems a chore not a pleasure. I can see how some couples don't have sex but otherwise great relationships and are soulmates.

[Vic69]

Thought provoking. The one aspect you don't touch on is how what you do for a living might have impacted his psyche? Some men might get off on it like a cuckold but many would feel jealous or inadequate with follow on relationship difficulties. Appreciate there was also a physical illness affecting things and that might be the primary reason for the change.

I can see going back to the beginning makes sense in the way a boring marriage counsellor might dictate but surely its more about making a spark that ignites the relationship so it will be different than before but just as good as it was. Whether that's swinging, talking to him about your exploits with clients if not the jealous kind or him setting you tasks to do with them and reporting back, I don't know!?

Whatever floats yer boat really but what makes sex exciting is the spark and if you have to work too hard at it it seems a chore not a pleasure. I can see how some couples don't have sex but otherwise great relationships and are soulmates.

That was one of my thoughts when the problem arose, that it was my job, but he assured me it wasnt, plus I've been playing about (swinging etc) for a long long time and it has never been an issue (quite the opposite).  The spark is definitely still there, even after 25 years, i think we have to just get back in the saddle (as my old horse riding instructor used to tell me after I'd had a fall......if you dont get back on the horse and leave it you never will never get back on lol)

[RedKettle]

Nice work, Red Kettle  .

Can you actually put into words what you think led to the sex? Was it basically argument-sex? Did you (both?) somehow re-discover that primeval animal urge which transcended worries about new kitchen/the cladding on the house/the kids' schooling/work and money worries/other married life shit?

I guess in a basic sense, do you think you can make it happen again?

Best of luck in this, and here's hoping it can continue 

With hindsight it was interesting. The argument was prolonged and at times quite vicious on her part. Harsh things said on both sides and we came very close to splitting up. Something that has not happened before, we bicker but rarely have full blown row.

There was then a change which I think was from us looking over the abyss and deciding we did not like what we saw. Suddenly there was an easing and we spent some time together and then ended up in bed.

The past 24 hours have been great. However I recall brief interludes in the past that were good!

I hope that the full and frank exchange of views, including on the physical side of things, has caused a permanent change.  At the moment physical affection level is high and to be fair her performance in bed has always been fantastic, just so infrequent that we probably average 1 a year over the last 10 years!

It is corny to say (and smacks of absurdity given my hobby) but we do still love each other and for me that means the sex has a dimension that fucking a WG cannot match.

It has been a confusing couple of days and I fear I will be back here in a week or so saying it is all back to normal and let’s find a young WG.

[thor555]

As per many on here, full time at home with missus and kids, no space for punting.
Gave up on the sex years ago with the OH, always wanted to say, nahh not tonight love, but though not gonna give up sex for the sake of it, but might just, when the next, once in 6 months occurrence happens...

As per op, not worth pulling out the stops just to end in an argument, or a half assed handjob. Seriously whats the point, rather spend time and effort on something else.. any thing else.

I still find weekends away strange, no kids, no worries, no period and no sex..

But a random day in the middle of the night at home she is up for it, i dont get it.. Was not bothered about that stuff as i could always get it from from punting or relief from massages.

Covids crappy.. lost the punt live..