Married punters, why do we never learn?

[winkywanky]

With hindsight it was interesting. The argument was prolonged and at times quite vicious on her part. Harsh things said on both sides and we came very close to splitting up. Something that has not happened before, we bicker but rarely have full blown row.

There was then a change which I think was from us looking over the abyss and deciding we did not like what we saw. Suddenly there was an easing and we spent some time together and then ended up in bed.

The past 24 hours have been great. However I recall brief interludes in the past that were good!

I hope that the full and frank exchange of views, including on the physical side of things, has caused a permanent change.  At the moment physical affection level is high and to be fair her performance in bed has always been fantastic, just so infrequent that we probably average 1 a year over the last 10 years!

It is corny to say (and smacks of absurdity given my hobby) but we do still love each other and for me that means the sex has a dimension that fucking a WG cannot match.

It has been a confusing couple of days and I fear I will be back here in a week or so saying it is all back to normal and let’s find a young WG.

That all makes perfect sense, and I hope you both can build on that. It seems amazing that your missus keeps that sexual performance locked away for months on end.

And it's true what you say about sex being that much deeper and satisfying when it's with a partner or lover. You don't feel empty after, you feel enriched.

[webpunter]

I've met a good few like this over the years
Usually moaning about lack of action & not having it in them to do something about it
The lucky ones get started on our fave sport having been introduced to it by a mate at some point
I've given a couple a blokes who were showing signs [that they could make the jump] a few pointers & left them to their own devices
The lamenters suffer in silence
Most seem to be a bit like a big girls blouse
Its not in their destiny

Plenty of men there have not had sex for years with their wife, but they don't even punt. They just suffer in silence in real life and lament in their posts of where did it all go wrong. At least you can punt.

[Charliehutton]

What an interesting thread. In my case it must be about 13 years ago.

Our sex life gradually withered on the vine when I became impotent in my early 50's, and we've just rubbed along without it since then.

Nearly 4 years ago a new GP took the trouble of looking through my medical history and noticed I'd been prescribed Viagra some years ago, which hadn't worked, and told me of a new, highly successful drug, Cialis, and would I like to give it a try?

The idea of suddenly rekindling sex with Mrs H after so long seemed ridiculous - and I'm not sure she'd have welcomed it, either - hence my discovery of the wonderful world of punting.

Having been a eunuch for the thick end of 10 years, I've been like a kid in a sweetshop ever since.

[RedKettle]

It seems amazing that your missus keeps that sexual performance locked away for months on end.

Years sometimes!

You are right though it is odd. She can be a tiger in bed and as much for her own satisfaction. Then nothing....

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Years sometimes!

You are right though it is odd. She can be a tiger in bed and as much for her own satisfaction. Then nothing....

This is just bloody weird that seen it here in the past from time to time..

Will anyone ever understand women ever????

[B4bcock]

Will anyone ever understand women ever????

Nah.

[Home Alone]

What an interesting thread. In my case it must be about 13 years ago.

Our sex life gradually withered on the vine when I became impotent in my early 50's, and we've just rubbed along without it since then.

Nearly 4 years ago a new GP took the trouble of looking through my medical history and noticed I'd been prescribed Viagra some years ago, which hadn't worked, and told me of a new, highly successful drug, Cialis, and would I like to give it a try?

Let's  hear it for young, enthusiastic GPs, eh, Charlie?

My Viagra was losing its magic effect a few years ago so I went to my local GPs to see what, if anything could be done. The Practice has links with Manchester University Medical School's trainee GP course  and I saw one of their pupils on placement. She went back to the Formulary and discovered Tadalafil.

I've never looked back since!

[sgc]

I feel your pain. It is a horrible lonely place to be in.

Deadbedrooms- I wish I knew this when I was married instead of suffering in silence but these days its spreading:

"If this isn't enough of a slap in the face for you fellas, you're on your own:" 

External Link/Members Only

I appreciate it is not easy for women either but neither is it easy for men to suffer without sex:

External Link/Members Only

[Vic69]

What I really dont get is why wives dont seem to understand that if they dont look after their man in the bedroom he will either have an affair or see a SP, it's a biological thing that men need sex.

[Fat Bob]

What I really dont get is why wives dont seem to understand that if they dont look after their man in the bedroom he will either have an affair or see a SP, it's a biological thing that men need sex.

Vic, in my opinion, it's a biological thing that most (not all) women don't need sex when they approach/reach menopause. I think a woman's sex drive probably starts to wane after multiple childbirths and will decline further over time. The decline increases more quickly as she approaches menopause and may even stop completely. Where as we "dirty old men" don't loose our biological ability to produce sperm, even after the age of 100. So, biologically speaking, I think men have every right to visit WGs if their OH has lost her "mojo". I think she can get some of her mojo back, but it takes a lot of thought and sensual perseverance from her OH. It's probably more rewarding to visit a fit young WG who will do whatever men desire without the extreme labour of love that may be required to turn things around in the marital bed.

[Vic69]

Vic, in my opinion, it's a biological thing that most (not all) women don't need sex when they approach/reach menopause. I think a woman's sex drive probably starts to wane after multiple childbirths and will decline further over time. The decline increases more quickly as she approaches menopause and may even stop completely. Where as we "dirty old men" don't loose our biological ability to produce sperm, even after the age of 100. So, biologically speaking, I think men have every right to visit WGs if their OH has lost her "mojo". I think she can get some of her mojo back, but it takes a lot of thought and sensual perseverance from her OH. It's probably more rewarding to visit a fit young WG who will do whatever men desire without the extreme labour of love that may be required to turn things around in the marital bed.

Yes I agree, and if I were a man in the same situation I would be seeing a SP, much less complicated (and probably cheaper) than an affair.

[winkywanky]

Yes I agree, and if I were a man in the same situation I would be seeing a SP, much less complicated (and probably cheaper) than an affair.

As a woman Vic, do you think a wife would be more or less offended if she found out her old man was seeing WGs, rather than having an affair? Or is it impossible to generalise?

[Vic69]

As a woman Vic, do you think a wife would be more or less offended if she found out her old man was seeing WGs, rather than having an affair? Or is it impossible to generalise?

I've always said I would far sooner my Husband saw a sex worker than have an affair.  With an affair feelings and a lot more lying and deceipt is involved, with a SP its transactional, both parties know where they stand, and I would understand that seeing a sex provider was more of a means to an end to scratch that itch lol

[winkywanky]

Well being a WG, I guess you would say that  .

But I've heard it before and it does make sense.

[Vic69]

Well being a WG, I guess you would say that  .

But I've heard it before and it does make sense.

Lol that is true, but even before I was a SP I would have thought that.  At least with an anonymous encounter with a WG you know there is very little chance of her turning up on your doorstep declaring her love for you lol

[webpunter]

Hence why outcall to where you live ain't a good idea
To a hotel fine
Or your mates house when he's on holiday & you have a key to feed his goldfish 

At least with an anonymous encounter with a WG you know there is very little chance of her turning up on your doorstep declaring her love for you lol

[binbag]

Twenty years ago my wife got pregnant and that was the last time we had sex. We're still together but , unknown to her, I would visit WGs a couple of times a year until 3 or 4 yrs ago when I met a woman 20 years younger. We've been having great sex, fantastic sex ever since so I gave up punting. Suddenly, a few months ago, she didn't want sex any more and it seemed she didn't want me either so the affairs over and its back to punting for me. Or, it would be if it wasn't for the virus and being in usa. Punting here at the best of times is a bit dodgy and, since this definitely isn't the best of times, I'll wait til I get back to UK in a few months. By then, with a bit of luck, most of the WGs will be back at work. I was over there when all the lockdown stuff began and had a few visits set up but had to cancel them. I was especially looking forward to seeing Anna 42 and Blonde Domme Girl so I hope i can reschedule before too long. In the meantime, still no sex with OH!

[winkywanky]

Lol that is true, but even before I was a SP I would have thought that.  At least with an anonymous encounter with a WG you know there is very little chance of her turning up on your doorstep declaring her love for you lol

...or saying she's carrying his child   

[winkywanky]

Hence why outcall to where you live ain't a good idea
To a hotel fine
Or your mates house when he's on holiday & you have a key to feed his goldfish 

 

You've obvously done that then, WP 

[webpunter]

I fed my mates cat
Goldfish referenced for artistic licence
It did briefly cross my mind
More as a laarf so that a while later i could mention & see him go off at the deep end 
Decided downsides considerably greater than upside so i dismissed the idea

You've obvously done that then, WP 

[winkywanky]

...I had so much fun feeding your cat mate...

Yes, I bet you bloody well did 

[Home Alone]

...I had so much fun feeding your cat mate...

Quite an appropriate euphemism, when you think what he was actually doing with a pussy!

Yeah; all right, I'll get me coat!!

[Charliehutton]

My Viagra was losing its magic effect a few years ago so I went to my local GPs to see what, if anything could be done. The Practice has links with Manchester University Medical School's trainee GP course  and I saw one of their pupils on placement. She went back to the Formulary and discovered Tadalafil.

Wow, that's amazing, HA. Hats off to you for getting the ball rolling. That pill must have transformed the lives of thousands of men for the better, and even that of their wives, too, sometimes!

[winkywanky]

Quite an appropriate euphemism, when you think what he was actually doing with a pussy!

Yeah; all right, I'll get me coat!!

If only a WG of a certain age would start up an AW profile called Mrs. Slocombe's Pussy.

For men anywhere between say 55 and 70, she would clean up. Possibly, quite literally.

[winkywanky]

Enjoys:

Catbath (Giving)
Catbath (Receiving)
Pussy Penetration
Mouse Eating
Spray (Receiving)
Spray (Giving)
Furballs (Giving)


etc...

[luv2kiss54]

Wow what a bleak picture you married guys paint of your lives in sexless marriages. I personally couldnt continue in a relationship with no affection or intimate contact but understand you have to due to finances,mortgage/kids etc., but what a horrible situation.
Thank god for sex workers, they have actually saved many marriages it seems !

[Home Alone]

...
Thank god for sex workers, they have actually saved many marriages it seems !

Aye, but the Mumsnetters of this world'll never see it like that!

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Aye, but the Mumsnetters of this world'll never see it like that!

Thats a bloody fact!, there was a thread on here a while ago where UKP'ers met the MN brigade and fur flew and I remember UKP retired to a Saffe disance;!

They from what I remember to a follow up, thought that a man seeing a WG was unforgivable whereas an affair was to a large extent excusable as it was it seemed something that just happened due to human failings!, whereas seeing an Escort was a premediated delibrate action followed by the MN war cry of LTB or leave the barstard!

OK some blokes may just be that but some suffer the cold married bed syndrome where the sex once was there and could be very good, then just stops... then there is no more:(

[Doc Holliday]

What I really dont get is why wives dont seem to understand that if they dont look after their man in the bedroom he will either have an affair or see a SP, it's a biological thing that men need sex.

Don't forget that whilst less common than with men, there are also a considerable number of women who have affairs.

[leftback1957]

Don't forget that whilst less common than with men, there are also a considerable number of women who have affairs.


Indeed it takes 2 to tango

[webpunter]

The difference between men & women having affairs is that women usually only get caught when they want to

It's easier for women to have affairs.  A click of the fingers, light on green & they are good to go.  They don't even have to be that fit

It's easier for men to get the 'folding' out.  Its then thunderbirds are go

IMO it isn't just about getting some action [from the OH].  She can get her legs open however what is key is what they do

So the chances of being edged for the best part of an hour finishing with some OWO CIM & her dribbling the harry munk over her stupendous rack ain't in reality gonna happen

And similarly for whatever else floats you boat

Presenting the OH with a strap on & asking to be taken from behind whilst being tugged off on a reach around is gonna end badly 

[Vic69]

Don't forget that whilst less common than with men, there are also a considerable number of women who have affairs.

True....but I think women have affairs for different reasons than men.  I think women have affairs more for attention that may be lacking in their marriage, affection, boredom, sex maybe bottom of the reasons for the affair.  I think men's reasons for the affair may start with sex at the top of the list, followed by all the other reasons. I maybe wrong but interested in what you guys think.

[webpunter]

Mars & Venus

True....but I think women have affairs for different reasons than men.  I think women have affairs more for attention that may be lacking in their marriage, affection, boredom, sex maybe bottom of the reasons for the affair.  I think men's reasons for the affair may start with sex at the top of the list, followed by all the other reasons. I maybe wrong but interested in what you guys think.

[winkywanky]

Mars & Venus

Gotta say, that was my least favourite Wings album 

[MissWolf]

I've always said I would far sooner my Husband saw a sex worker than have an affair.  With an affair feelings and a lot more lying and deceipt is involved, with a SP its transactional, both parties know where they stand, and I would understand that seeing a sex provider was more of a means to an end to scratch that itch lol

I absolutely agree with you Vic, f I was married I would far rather my husband see a sex worker than have an affair

Although when I was married it was him that went off sex and me that was the one interested,  which amongst other things is why i walked away

[Home Alone]

.........

IMO it isn't just about getting some action [from the OH].  She can get her legs open however what is key is what they do

So the chances of being edged for the best part of an hour finishing with some OWO CIM & her dribbling the harry munk over her stupendous rack ain't in reality gonna happen

And similarly for whatever else floats you boat

Presenting the OH with a strap on & asking to be taken from behind whilst being tugged off on a reach around is gonna end badly 

There aren't enough to summarise my reaction to this part of your post, webpunter!

[belfastpunter]

I have been with OH for quite some time now. I only see one or two escorts a year, and never for the same reason.

Sometimes OH wants to fuck for weeks on end until I cant take any more, sometimes she is a controlling bully, sometimes she is as sweet as anything,sometimes she is a dirty bitch teasing me about swinging clubs, sometimes she ignores me for days on end.

Can I just say that 7 out of 10 escorts treet me like crap. Sitting on their phones waiting for clients, bitching at me for friendly chat they took the wrong way, moaning there rates are too low, or throwing me out the second I come.

In general I dont enjoy the actual punt at the time but need them to fuel my hard core fantisies, it brings porn to life when you have a vivid recent memory of what a toned 19y.o tummy feels like. I can get OH to do reverse cow girl and I can hardly tell the difference.

[webpunter]

Hopefully you were but a tad amused
Gotta have some fun along the way which can be an ace part of UKP

There aren't enough to summarise my reaction to this part of your post, webpunter!

[webpunter]

On a more positive note its looking quite intruiging that Messi could be coming to the Prem

I have been with OH for quite some time now. I only see one or two escorts a year, and never for the same reason.

Sometimes OH wants to fuck for weeks on end until I cant take any more, sometimes she is a controlling bully, sometimes she is as sweet as anything,sometimes she is a dirty bitch teasing me about swinging clubs, sometimes she ignores me for days on end.

Can I just say that 7 out of 10 escorts treet me like crap. Sitting on their phones waiting for clients, bitching at me for friendly chat they took the wrong way, moaning there rates are too low, or throwing me out the second I come.

In general I dont enjoy the actual punt at the time but need them to fuel my hard core fantisies, it brings porn to life when you have a vivid recent memory of what a toned 19y.o tummy feels like. I can get OH to do reverse cow girl and I can hardly tell the difference.

Edit: other than that not sure what to suggest.  Outcall @ the Europa Hotel ?

[Doc Holliday]

True....but I think women have affairs for different reasons than men.  I think women have affairs more for attention that may be lacking in their marriage, affection, boredom, sex maybe bottom of the reasons for the affair.  I think men's reasons for the affair may start with sex at the top of the list, followed by all the other reasons. I maybe wrong but interested in what you guys think.

I would agree and studies suggest the same. I have highlighted boredom as key for both men and women and in my experience boredom in the bedroom can still be high up the list for women as well as men.

[jaydefo24]

I got bored of sex with the same person like I get bored of having the same style of food every day. Humans are not meant to be monogamous... simple as that. We are meant to fall in love and pair bond for extended periods but monogamy is entirely unnatural for both men and women... no wonder so many stray. And thank fuck for the prossies who allow us to express this desire without having to do proper affairs which are far more stressful in my experience.

[winkywanky]

I got bored of sex with the same person like I get bored of having the same style of food every day. Humans are not meant to be monogamous... simple as that. We are meant to fall in love and pair bond for extended periods but monogamy is entirely unnatural for both men and women... no wonder so many stray. And thank fuck for the prossies who allow us to express this desire without having to do proper affairs which are far more stressful in my experience.

That's a rather sweeping generalisation which might be seen as trying justify your own actions.

Not everyone feels that way, and I think the general consensus is that women are (much?) more likely to remain faithful than men?

[RedKettle]

Wow what a bleak picture you married guys paint of your lives in sexless marriages. I personally couldnt continue in a relationship with no affection or intimate contact but understand you have to due to finances,mortgage/kids etc., but what a horrible situation.
Thank god for sex workers, they have actually saved many marriages it seems !

Whilst I have spent years being angry and frustrated over the lack of sex at home I would say that my reasons for staying with her are positive and not related to finances and mortgage. Yes kids were part of the reason but that is less of an issue now they are themselves adults.  Other than the lack of physical intimacy it is a great marriage and partnership.

[jaydefo24]

That's a rather sweeping generalisation which might be seen as trying justify your own actions.

Not everyone feels that way, and I think the general consensus is that women are (much?) more likely to remain faithful than men?

Read a book called Sex At Dawn, it’s very interesting.

[MrMatrix]

Punting saved my marriage, without a shadow of a doubt. I could not have lasted without any sex.

What I want is a full relationship with my wife, that is what I have always wanted but has not been on offer for at least 10 years, probably nearer 15. 

Is it going to happen now? I suspect not but I will hope for the best, as always.

Sex has been so infrequent I really gave up 20 years ago. It was guaranteed on holiday when I'd get my good boy fuck for taking her away and her office party which I looked forward to more than she did as she'd come back feeling a bit pissed.
I had to have counselling 10 years ago as I was so pissed off but had discovered punting punting by then. One day after a session I came home and told her she and I would never have sex again. You want a sexless marriage you've got it....plus all the down sides now.
I dont understand her reactiion as she wasnt pleased. Shes since said shes never enjoyed sex. Her comments are all conflicting through the years and I gave up. I refuse to engage sexually with this mind fuck any more and she knows it.

Whilst we do get on very well in all other areas, its the punting thats saved my marriage. Indeed I've done things I never thought I'd do. It really has been an unexpected journey. But if I'm honest, I never wanted this. I still fancy my OH, I only wanted her if I'm honest. we could have had it all. But I'm not prepared to trade backwards as she'd just default to the fucking mind scrambled I've endured for years. I now put me first.

I hope to have my 1st punt since March next week, some one off my HL

And Red Kettle- Pleased you got lucky mate. But you know it will be a looong time before it happens again.

[RedKettle]

And Red Kettle- Pleased you got lucky mate. But you know it will be a looong time before it happens again.

Thanks and I know that is the likely story - but just like the title of this thread I cannot help thinking this time might be different.  We have had a lot of sex these last few days, mostly started by her.  We are talking frankly about things never properly discussed before (except in raging arguments) and I cannot but hope......

[MrMatrix]

Thanks and I know that is the likely story - but just like the title of this thread I cannot help thinking this time might be different. We have had a lot of sex these last few days, mostly started by her.  We are talking frankly about things never properly discussed before (except in raging arguments) and I cannot but hope......

You've had lots in last few days. She wants something matey. Why this sudden change in heart after all these years.
Sorry to sound so cynical and I hope I'm wrong. It would be a great achievement if this change of heart is genuine.

If shes enjoying the intimacy so much what has been her problem then?  I've been through similar process in years gone by. Same discussions. And all the explanations were totally conflicting. In the end I gave up listening to this nonsense and took control of my sex life.

Even after all these years of punting, it still doesn't really sit right. But it is what it is now.

[tynetunnel]

Sex has been so infrequent I really gave up 20 years ago. It was guaranteed on holiday when I'd get my good boy fuck for taking her away and her office party which I looked forward to more than she did as she'd come back feeling a bit pissed.
I had to have counselling 10 years ago as I was so pissed off but had discovered punting punting by then. One day after a session I came home and told her she and I would never have sex again. You want a sexless marriage you've got it....plus all the down sides now.
I dont understand her reactiion as she wasnt pleased. Shes since said shes never enjoyed sex. Her comments are all conflicting through the years and I gave up. I refuse to engage sexually with this mind fuck any more and she knows it.

Whilst we do get on very well in all other areas, its the punting thats saved my marriage. Indeed I've done things I never thought I'd do. It really has been an unexpected journey. But if I'm honest, I never wanted this. I still fancy my OH, I only wanted her if I'm honest. we could have had it all. But I'm not prepared to trade backwards as she'd just default to the fucking mind scrambled I've endured for years. I now put me first.

I hope to have my 1st punt since March next week, some one off my HL

And Red Kettle- Pleased you got lucky mate. But you know it will be a looong time before it happens again.

It sounds like you did the right thing MrM, i’m married to a mind fuck too.... I haven’t had any sex at home for 6 years and I don’t intend to again. Like you, I put me first now. I no longer ask or beg or plead for sex, I don’t desire her at all.

I hope you really enjoy your first punt in a while, pick someone you know will look after you and have fun - you deserve it 

[luv2kiss54]

Whilst I have spent years being angry and frustrated over the lack of sex at home I would say that my reasons for staying with her are positive and not related to finances and mortgage. Yes kids were part of the reason but that is less of an issue now they are themselves adults.  Other than the lack of physical intimacy it is a great marriage and partnership.

Forgive me but a relationship without sex and intimacy is a friendship in my eyes, but hey glad it works for you.

[cunningman]

Forgive me but a relationship without sex and intimacy is a friendship in my eyes, but hey glad it works for you.

If you can stay friends then that is something, surely?  And you stay married until you divorce, which is painful.
At some stage sex will cease to be important anyway, might as well have a friend that shares memories.