Author Topic: The Joke Thread (Read 404239 times)

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5800 on:** July 20, 2026, 03:26:05 pm »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5801 on:** July 20, 2026, 05:34:45 pm »

What's the difference between a politician and a crossword?
A crossword has got a clue.

standardpostage · « **Reply #5802 on:** July 21, 2026, 07:13:42 am »

Quote from: WARSZAWA16 on July 20, 2026, 05:34:45 pm

What's the difference between a politician and a crossword?
A crossword has got a clue.

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5803 on:** July 21, 2026, 04:41:58 pm »

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Doc Holliday · « **Reply #5804 on:** July 21, 2026, 05:31:11 pm »

Great tits .... though fake AI photo and is not her

RobboBruce · « **Reply #5805 on:** July 22, 2026, 09:49:22 pm »

Dyslexia man walks into a bra

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #5806 on:** July 23, 2026, 04:48:45 am »

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mh · « **Reply #5807 on:** July 23, 2026, 12:59:56 pm »

Quote from: RobboBruce on July 22, 2026, 09:49:22 pm

Dyslexia man walks into a bra

New superhero sounds siht.

RobboBruce · « **Reply #5808 on:** July 25, 2026, 09:55:39 pm »

Ha .. bit ruff went to a rave last night had some F's

george r · « **Reply #5809 on:** July 26, 2026, 08:37:04 am »

last nights anthony joshua fight , it was a big joke

timsussex · « **Reply #5810 on:** July 26, 2026, 09:11:04 am »

My New Years Resolution was to improve my fitness running for 20 mins every day; now I realised that some days I would be too busy do it - life just gets on the way - so I promised to run 40 minutes the next day.

I'm just off now for my run - I'll be back on Thursday !

Xtro · « **Reply #5811 on:** July 26, 2026, 10:20:58 am »

In Britain, it is now illegal to view bondage porn..... And if you’re caught, you’ll be led away with no handcuffs.

The last time King Charles said, 'Andy Burnham', he was telling his brother to burn his stash of kiddy pics.

Before phones, what did people look at while driving?

RedKettle · « **Reply #5812 on:** July 26, 2026, 12:03:17 pm »

Quote from: Xtro on July 26, 2026, 10:20:58 am

Before phones, what did people look at while driving?

Women in short skirts and/or tight tops

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5813 on:** July 26, 2026, 09:59:34 pm »

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Jonestown · « **Reply #5814 on:** July 26, 2026, 11:39:12 pm »

I’ve always wanted to be able to estimate the weight of dogs, so recently I’ve been picking up a few pointers.

Stevelondon · « **Reply #5815 on:** July 27, 2026, 05:29:13 pm »

I phoned Heart FM today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize"..
"That's Fantastic!" I called out in delight.
"Feel Confident?" The presenter asked, "It's a Geography Question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Geography from Oxford University," I proudly replied, "and I've taught Geography to A-level students for the last 20 years"
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 VIP tickets to a Manchester United Game at Old Trafford and to meet the players after the game, what is the capital of France
"Preston", I replied.

Steve2 · « **Reply #5816 on:** July 27, 2026, 06:39:27 pm »

Quote from: Stevelondon on July 27, 2026, 05:29:13 pm

I phoned Heart FM today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize"..
"That's Fantastic!" I called out in delight.
"Feel Confident?" The presenter asked, "It's a Geography Question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Geography from Oxford University," I proudly replied, "and I've taught Geography to A-level students for the last 20 years"
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 VIP tickets to a Manchester United Game at Old Trafford and to meet the players after the game, what is the capital of France
"Preston", I replied.

The old ones are the best

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5817 on:** July 27, 2026, 07:54:50 pm »

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mr.bluesky · « **Reply #5818 on:** July 27, 2026, 08:29:09 pm »

Quote from: Stevelondon on July 27, 2026, 05:29:13 pm

I phoned Heart FM today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize"..
"That's Fantastic!" I called out in delight.
"Feel Confident?" The presenter asked, "It's a Geography Question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Geography from Oxford University," I proudly replied, "and I've taught Geography to A-level students for the last 20 years"
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 VIP tickets to a Manchester United Game at Old Trafford and to meet the players after the game, what is the capital of France
"Preston", I replied.

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #5819 on:** July 28, 2026, 06:33:04 pm »

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mr.bluesky · « **Reply #5820 on:** July 28, 2026, 10:20:13 pm »

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Waterhouse · « **Reply #5821 on:** July 29, 2026, 09:02:58 pm »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5822 on:** July 31, 2026, 02:22:39 pm »

I told the bloke in the sex shop that the blow-up doll he sold me kept going down on me.
'If I'd known it did that, I'd have charged you double', he replied.

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5823 on:** July 31, 2026, 02:23:13 pm »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5824 on:** July 31, 2026, 07:19:09 pm »

I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Ball.
I asked if there's any dress code and they replied: 'No, just come in your pants"!

I visited the doctor saying I suffer from premature ejaculation.
Doc "Your wife must find it stressful."
Me "To be honest, it's getting on her tits".

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #5825 on:** August 01, 2026, 12:12:55 pm »

Enya's Rugby Team has a tough set of fixtures coming up;
Sale away.
Sale away.
Sale away.

Yankee21 · « **Reply #5826 on:** August 01, 2026, 12:33:11 pm »

I went to a French restaurant last night & ordered Napoleon chicken for the first time.
When it came there was no meat just the carcass.
I said to the waitress, "What's this?"
She said, "It's the boney part."

timsussex · « **Reply #5827 on:** August 02, 2026, 03:26:11 pm »

A wise man once said
"If you lock your dog and your wife in the boot of your car for 20 minutes, when you come back which one is pleased to see you ?"

an even wiser man said
"Don't try it"

catweazle · « **Reply #5828 on:** August 03, 2026, 08:35:18 am »

Quote from: WARSZAWA16 on August 01, 2026, 12:12:55 pm

Enya's Rugby Team has a tough set of fixtures coming up;
Sale away.
Sale away.
Sale away.

As per my post#5611 22/03/2026...do keep up

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #5829 on:** August 03, 2026, 08:35:53 am »

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mr.bluesky · « **Reply #5830 on:** August 03, 2026, 10:51:29 am »

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Did you know Rod Hull was in the running to be the next James Bond

Doormatt · « **Reply #5831 on:** August 03, 2026, 08:02:21 pm »

Quote from: catweazle on August 03, 2026, 08:35:18 am

As per my post#5611 22/03/2026...do keep up

Wasn't funny the first time. And should people read 117 pages of jokes before they try to brighten up someone's day for fear of repetition? Please chill out!