Author Topic: You know you're a punter when... (Read 440548 times)

Plan R · « **Reply #700 on:** January 08, 2018, 04:16:09 am »

I was following a cooking recipe the other day - it said "pour in 150ml of vermouth"
Being an uncultured fuckwit I had to look up what Vermouth is..in doing so I stumbled across this brand..
Of course I now want a bottle of it for my kitchen.

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tantric talents · « **Reply #701 on:** January 08, 2018, 04:30:06 pm »

Well vermouth is just wine with some brandy to up the alcohol and a variety of botanicals especially wormwood to give bitterness, colour and flavour.
It comes in an enormous varietY of styles and sweetness.
Punt y Mes is of the class I call bitter vermouths. Smoother and classier than Campari and makes a great refresher mixed with ice and soda.

Plan R · « **Reply #702 on:** January 08, 2018, 06:16:36 pm »

Things ya learn at UKP

Titti Tatti · « **Reply #703 on:** January 08, 2018, 10:49:04 pm »

When you have Appointments in the west end, you make sure you have two pound coins with you. Just in case...

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #704 on:** January 09, 2018, 04:02:46 pm »

Quote from: Titti Tatti on January 08, 2018, 10:49:04 pm

When you have Appointments in the west end, you make sure you have two pound coins with you. Just in case...

is this a tip for the maid?

PleadInsanity · « **Reply #705 on:** January 10, 2018, 05:09:28 pm »

When you hear an advert on the radio for a programme called Kiri and you immediately think "barebacking skank"

Titti Tatti · « **Reply #706 on:** January 11, 2018, 06:34:28 am »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on January 09, 2018, 04:02:46 pm

is this a tip for the maid?

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #707 on:** January 11, 2018, 02:43:42 pm »

your supposed to tip the maids ?

oops

tantric talents · « **Reply #708 on:** January 11, 2018, 03:57:40 pm »

You type into aw notes an address and
autocorrect changes Tott ct rd to Toftt ct rd!

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #709 on:** January 11, 2018, 08:33:22 pm »

Quote from: Titti Tatti on January 08, 2018, 10:49:04 pm

When you have Appointments in the west end, you make sure you have two pound coins with you. Just in case...

so what are the coins for, seriously?

Titti Tatti · « **Reply #710 on:** January 11, 2018, 09:20:19 pm »

You were correct first time.

Both of my visits I've agreed the rate and services,pulled out the notes and she's said "anything for my maid?" From the Soho thread I gather £2,is perfectly acceptable but some give more. Don't want to start the meet asking for change from a fiver.
Last week I had a full set if appointment s booked with my clients with Shaftesbury. Ave booked for 2pm. Next one booked for 4.30. Perfect and the £2 in my pocket felt sweet. Then every one kept offering extra work and I ran right over. Normally that would be a great day but I'm still really missed off.
Other half better leave that £2 sitting on my side of addressing table.

Sedition · « **Reply #711 on:** January 14, 2018, 08:52:40 am »

You are driving along and realise you a following a car with Romanian plates. You automatically assume the driver is either a brass or a pimp.

Boringbob · « **Reply #712 on:** January 18, 2018, 08:34:43 pm »

Quote from: Phaedrus on December 31, 2017, 01:00:28 pm

...You start to recognise all the AW turing letters.

Ha Ha
Absolutely. They need to have a bigger set there.

Arfa2stroke · « **Reply #713 on:** January 18, 2018, 09:18:55 pm »

Someone calls out your punting name and you immediately turn around

threechilliman · « **Reply #714 on:** January 18, 2018, 09:22:24 pm »

Quote from: Arfa2stroke on January 18, 2018, 09:18:55 pm

Someone calls out your punting name and you immediately turn around

Fuck me, I hope not. 'Hi there tcm....'

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #715 on:** January 18, 2018, 09:45:16 pm »

Quote from: threechilliman on January 18, 2018, 09:22:24 pm

Fuck me, I hope not. 'Hi there tcm....'

TCM
Traditional Chinese Medicine

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #716 on:** January 21, 2018, 05:56:44 pm »

You read the Sunday Times Style agony aunt section column by Mrs Mills and you wonder if the writer is really an agony uncle named Mr Mills?

The sob story is a young woman whose boyfriend came home from ski-ing with a broken arm. There are tasks he cannot easily do with his left hand and she is not keen to help him.
Q: " Do you think I can reasonably insist that he does everything himself?"
A: " .... however it would nice if you still offered to help him out if every now and then with some hand relief by way of encouragement."

CoolTiger · « **Reply #717 on:** January 24, 2018, 03:35:18 pm »

Quote from: Phaedrus on December 31, 2017, 01:00:28 pm

...You start to recognise all the AW turing letters.

Quote from: Boringbob on January 18, 2018, 08:34:43 pm

Ha Ha
Absolutely. They need to have a bigger set there.

Worse is when you know all the letters which DON'T come up in the AW turing

mrfishyfoo · « **Reply #718 on:** January 24, 2018, 04:52:18 pm »

....you see a car number plate ending CBT and wonder if the driver is a domme.

threechilliman · « **Reply #719 on:** January 24, 2018, 05:06:23 pm »

Quote from: mrfishyfoo on January 24, 2018, 04:52:18 pm

....you see a car number plate ending CBT and wonder if the driver is a domme.

I play the number plate game every day. Passes the time quite nicely in the queues on the motorway. I sometimes wonder whether the current system was designed by a punter

Bogof60 · « **Reply #720 on:** February 01, 2018, 12:03:39 am »

saw number plate
BO 08 IES today
Boobies

Honest
In Norwich

Titti Tatti · « **Reply #721 on:** February 01, 2018, 04:58:20 am »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on January 21, 2018, 05:56:44 pm

You read the Sunday Times Style agony aunt section column by Mrs Mills and you wonder if the writer is really an agony uncle named Mr Mills?

The sob story is a young woman whose boyfriend came home from ski-ing with a broken arm. There are tasks he cannot easily do with his left hand and she is not keen to help him.
Q: " Do you think I can reasonably insist that he does everything himself?"
A: " .... however it would nice if you still offered to help him out if every now and then with some hand relief by way of encouragement."

I think the whole Mrs Mills thing was started as a joke by the writer Simon Mills. Not sure if 'she' exists.

Can be very funny but I think it's gone on to long now and the scraping are thinner.

acorn50 · « **Reply #722 on:** February 01, 2018, 10:22:42 pm »

You pull in at motorway services that have a hotel attached and scan the car park and foyer area to see if there are likely looking punters or SPs making their entrance or exit..

Phaedrus · « **Reply #723 on:** February 01, 2018, 10:52:08 pm »

You’ve mastered the art of being able to seek out the lift in an unknown hotel and can nonchalantly stroll to it without arousing suspicion.

Sir Lance-a-lot · « **Reply #724 on:** February 02, 2018, 10:02:24 am »

Followed a purple Jag on the way to work this morning. Numberplate PIMTP, got me wondering what the owner did for a living.

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #725 on:** February 13, 2018, 06:36:49 pm »

You find yourself planning punts and contacting wgs even though you know your skint. Fuck

myothernameis · « **Reply #726 on:** February 13, 2018, 06:42:06 pm »

You start grooming your self, and maybe go tot he gym, get fit, lose weight

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #727 on:** February 13, 2018, 06:50:31 pm »

Just watched a porn on punting.
Can tell it was the real deal as it showed the rigmarol leading up shower services paying etc. Neither looked like pornstars either. I watched and fuck its like watching myself punt.
Can forward the link if anyone's interested.

JonasG · « **Reply #728 on:** February 13, 2018, 07:45:10 pm »

Quote from: Whoisarrypotter on February 13, 2018, 06:50:31 pm

Just watched a porn on punting.
Can tell it was the real deal as it showed the rigmarol leading up shower services paying etc. Neither looked like pornstars either. I watched and fuck its like watching myself punt.
Can forward the link if anyone's interested.

Yeah go on lol.

Should be interesting.

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #729 on:** February 13, 2018, 08:18:03 pm »

External Link/Members Only

Apologies if the link doesn't work its from it.m.xhamster.

Be interested if anyone's punted with her and apologies if it turns out your reading this and you were the punter in question

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #730 on:** February 13, 2018, 08:25:22 pm »

I just saw a street poster for 'Audio Whore' in Brixton, whatever that may mean?
My mind boggled.

MrMatrix · « **Reply #731 on:** February 13, 2018, 08:27:32 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on February 13, 2018, 08:25:22 pm

I just saw a street poster for 'Audio Whore' in Brixton, whatever that may mean?
My mind boggled.

Perhaps she'll talk dirty to you HP..

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #732 on:** February 13, 2018, 09:33:22 pm »

Quote from: MrMatrix on February 13, 2018, 08:27:32 pm

Perhaps she'll talk dirty to you HP..

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two20 · « **Reply #733 on:** February 13, 2018, 09:40:09 pm »

“You know you’re a punter when” maybe you don’t know. I was single around 2011 after a painful breakup and started using dating sites. Quite often I’d meet someone I liked and they’d say “you’re not ready yet”. I thought WTF, but with hindsight they were right. I wonder if that happens with punting, something happens you’re not aware of.

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #734 on:** February 13, 2018, 09:43:28 pm »

Quote from: two20 on February 13, 2018, 09:40:09 pm

“You know you’re a punter when” maybe you don’t know. I was single around 2011 after a painful breakup and started using dating sites. Quite often I’d meet someone I liked and they’d say “you’re not ready yet”. I thought WTF, but with hindsight they were right. I wonder if that happens with punting, something happens you’re not aware of.

maybe you will know you are a punter when you write your first review, speedily and in our days?

Cumberland · « **Reply #735 on:** February 13, 2018, 10:38:06 pm »

Quote from: Whoisarrypotter on February 13, 2018, 08:18:03 pm

External Link/Members Only

Apologies if the link doesn't work its from it.m.xhamster.

Be interested if anyone's punted with her and apologies if it turns out your reading this and you were the punter in question

The punter patter is excruciating. The overly polite complements. The list of restrictions from the whore. The fact that it sounds just like me....aaagghhhhh.
You know you’re a punter when you want to stop watching after the first minute, but you find yourself watching it all to see how he does and cheering him on !!

JonasG · « **Reply #736 on:** February 14, 2018, 05:56:49 pm »

Yeah watching that doesn't make punting look as exciting as I think it does when I'm in one at the time lol.

M.clarkson · « **Reply #737 on:** February 14, 2018, 06:07:08 pm »

You cannot look at a single girl without thinking how much they are worth and how much they think they are worth

Bogof60 · « **Reply #738 on:** February 14, 2018, 10:24:41 pm »

yeah agree with the above
Then in the vets today and a very sexy looking Spanish vet and I did think how much she could be earning selling her fanny.
But then
Being a vet
Maybe not as I Walked out with $,120 bill for less than 15 mins

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #739 on:** February 15, 2018, 05:19:40 am »

You know your a punter when you are paranoid about shaving your nuts just incase an unexpected punt comes along

Strokemeplease · « **Reply #740 on:** February 15, 2018, 07:41:59 am »

You know that you are a massage shop punter when you find yourself gazing at women's hands and imagining them around your cock.

MrMatrix · « **Reply #741 on:** February 15, 2018, 03:04:43 pm »

At your grand childs nursey looking at the mums and thinking, would they

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #742 on:** February 15, 2018, 03:18:05 pm »

Quote from: Cumberland on February 13, 2018, 10:38:06 pm

The punter patter is excruciating. The overly polite complements. The list of restrictions from the whore. The fact that it sounds just like me....aaagghhhhh.
You know you’re a punter when you want to stop watching after the first minute, but you find yourself watching it all to see how he does and cheering him on !!

and that voice is so annoying, when the video started, the way she spoke reminded me of that polish beast from the comedy 2 broke girls

mrdiamond77 · « **Reply #743 on:** February 15, 2018, 09:06:06 pm »

When making my way back from a punt today, I walked past some apartment near the city centre on the way to the train station. A guy was having trouble gaining access to the building and was being helped by another resident. "It's my first time visiting here" he said. "Punter" was my first thought.

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #744 on:** February 18, 2018, 09:01:32 pm »

You turn on your WAZE satnav. The directions is the voice of a middle class Englishwoman. Ah, says your misssus, your dominatrix again ....

As if I always do what she says? Gulp. Minor shock. I have never ever heard her use that word before or since and did not discuss it with her. I smiled weakly. I also never visited a dominatrix.

threechilliman · « **Reply #745 on:** February 18, 2018, 09:24:09 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on February 18, 2018, 09:01:32 pm

You turn on your WAZE satnav. The directions is the voice of a middle class Englishwoman. Ah, says your misssus, your dominatrix again ....

As if I always do what she says? Gulp. Minor shock. I have never ever heard her use that word before or since and did not discuss it with her. I smiled weakly. I also never visited a dominatrix.

Mrs HP knows what you get up to, she just doesn't say anything. Some jobs are best subbed out......

Ali Katt · « **Reply #746 on:** February 21, 2018, 06:18:40 pm »

You see a dog eating an apple pie and it reminds you of the last time you gave oral to a woman.

theejaculator · « **Reply #747 on:** February 21, 2018, 10:06:46 pm »

Quote from: Cumberland on February 13, 2018, 10:38:06 pm

The punter patter is excruciating. The overly polite complements. The list of restrictions from the whore. The fact that it sounds just like me....aaagghhhhh.
You know you’re a punter when you want to stop watching after the first minute, but you find yourself watching it all to see how he does and cheering him on !!

Yeah "punter patter" describes it really well.....and when he says "can we change to missionary?" like Mr Bean reading "The joy of sex". Trouble is I also thought....that sounds similar to what I say...

BarryProudfoot · « **Reply #748 on:** February 21, 2018, 10:41:58 pm »

Quote from: myothernameis on February 13, 2018, 06:42:06 pm

You start grooming your self, and maybe go tot he gym, get fit, lose weight

Quote from: Whoisarrypotter on February 15, 2018, 05:19:40 am

You know your a punter when you are paranoid about shaving your nuts just incase an unexpected punt comes along

Yeah

mrfishyfoo · « **Reply #749 on:** February 21, 2018, 11:13:16 pm »

Quote from: M.clarkson on February 14, 2018, 06:07:08 pm

You cannot look at a single girl without thinking how much they are worth and how much they think they are worth

HILARIOUS and so true.

Author Topic: You know you're a punter when... (Read 440548 times)

Phaedrus

M.clarkson

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