You know you're a punter when...

[Horizontal pleasures]

You get asked to attend a meeting to discuss DP policies and then realise they mean Data Protectoon

that's rich coming from you, DP.

It's like me attending a meeting about HP = Hire Purchase, which is sort of what we do with our ladies.

[Dorsetpunter]

that's rich coming from you, DP.

It's like me attending a meeting about HP = Hire Purchase, which is sort of what we do with our ladies.

Unintended consequence of my username 

[threechilliman]

When a bird in the office says something wholly inappropriate, you act shocked, but secretly think 'Yes please...'

[Puntking001]

When you're looking at Adultwork whilst at work!

[mh]

When you're looking at Adultwork whilst at work!

Unless you have control of the firewall logs, only do this via your personal device, on mobile data...

[YidArmy]

When you're looking at Adultwork whilst at work!

Presumably not on your work or corporate device.

[cunningman]

It's like me attending a meeting about HP = Hire Purchase, which is sort of what we do with our ladies.

I don't normally intend to own them at the end of it.
There's been a couple I would have been happy to elope with though.
But there are threads about that sort of thing.
Surely its more like AirBnB, or renting a hotel room for a night?  Less like a car.  You expect to bond with your car and keep servicing it.

[Home Alone]

... you've picked up a (free) Friday edition of the Manchester Evening News at Piccadilly station to read on the journey to London, and you decide to do the Codeword to pass the journey.

And the two letters they've given you to start you off are, in this order, 'R' & 'O'!   

[WKD123]

..... you start investigating:

1. Exercises to keep the erection.... erm.... erect!
2. Exercises to be able to hold back that precious moment
3. Ways to safely remove pubic hair, in the hope that the next WG will give you DT
4. Ways to disguise the removal of said pubic hair from the OH

plus.... you draw out a little bit more cash than you need on a regular basis and use cashback a whole load more than before and have a little punting kitty which, like Fagin, or Scrooge, you can't resist regularly counting to see how many punts it might get you.

And, like previous posts, when you get told you are going to a meeting your first thought is to check out the local WGs, verify them on UKP and then plan how the fuck you are going to get a punt in...

[threechilliman]

..... you start investigating:

1. Exercises to keep the erection.... erm.... erect!
2. Exercises to be able to hold back that precious moment
3. Ways to safely remove pubic hair, in the hope that the next WG will give you DT
4. Ways to disguise the removal of said pubic hair from the OH

plus.... you draw out a little bit more cash than you need on a regular basis and use cashback a whole load more than before and have a little punting kitty which, like Fagin, or Scrooge, you can't resist regularly counting to see how many punts it might get you.

And, like previous posts, when you get told you are going to a meeting your first thought is to check out the local WGs, verify them on UKP and then plan how the fuck you are going to get a punt in...

On your last point you're doing it wrong. Get the punt booked and then make the meeting fit in.

[WKD123]

On your last point you're doing it wrong. Get the punt booked and then make the meeting fit in.

    

[PleadInsanity]

If you ever visit a friend or relative any distance away you check to see who you might be able to visit en route to or from.

[Home Alone]

If you ever visit a friend or relative any distance away you check to see who you might be able to visit en route to or from.

What a coincidence! Only last night, I had a phone call from cousins in Scotland, telling me their long-planned change of address has finally taken place and inviting me to visit their new place in the New Year!

[Horizontal pleasures]

I was driving along in the London traffic when I found myself behind a van with the label UPSIDE DOWN CLEANING. Odd.
External Link/Members Only
I fancy that, a naked cleaner upside down! Great suction either way.

Well I thought of all those adverts for naked cleaners and also of the thread on here about the guy who wanted to screw is cleaning lady, and I wondered if he ever did, what was the ending?

[mh]

what was the ending?

Not a happy one. 

In reality, if I recall correctly, he threw his toys out of the pram and refused to tell us the final instalment.

But don't take my word for it...

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=130017.msg1555009#msg1555009

 

[Robinh191]

Visiting supposedly new places with OH during the day with a feeling of deja vu only to realise that that you have actually been there before in the evening for a punt.

[notcalledchris]

Visiting supposedly new places with OH during the day with a feeling of deja vu only to realise that that you have actually been there before in the evening for a punt.

  biting tongue in car as OH navigates roadworks in a part of town she hasnt been to for ages but you were there last week banging a whore.

[Dipper]

Your predictive text somehow starts storing UKP phrases...

‘TOFTT’ being suggested as I typed ‘soft’

[Avg_Joe]

 

[Horizontal pleasures]

You see an advert for Co-op Food exhorting you to 'come together'
nuff said

[Thepenetrator]

You have a separate bank account for punting expenses, phone and email address

you eat avocados daily to keep your t levels high

you have lube,baby wipes and hand sanitizers in your car glove compartment

[Apu]

Probably been said before...

When suspect every bloke leaving a flat to be a punter.

[mrpeterman]

Probably been said but fuck it.

You keep paying women to have sex with you

[seeker]

Also probably said before ....
You see a Fit  young lady
And think "id do her for £80hh"

[Robinh191]

Probably been mentioned - You see Facials advertised at beauticians etc and after the briefest of pauses you say to yourself "not kind of facial".

[Dipper]

Reading a restaurant review where the bill totalled around £60 with drinks and thinking “ no I’d still prefer 30 mins with a whore.”

[Cumberland]

You know you’re a punter when in EVERY face to face conversation with ANY woman at the office there is always a moment when you stop listening while you visualise a slash of your spunk painting their face.

[JimmySW]

apparently BBC is a cocktail in the Caribbean not a Big Black Cock - who knew!

[Plan R]

New piece of software at work - I signed into it for first time yesterday and had to make a user account.
Security question was a drop down list.. 'What is your Favourite film', 'First dog's name', that kind of thing

One of em was 'Favourite hobby'
I thought about it, but nahhhh  - went for 'Place of birth' instead   

[Bogof60]

New piece of software at work - I signed into it for first time yesterday and had to make a user account.
Security question was a drop down list.. 'What is your Favourite film', 'First dog's name', that kind of thing

One of em was 'Favourite hobby'
I thought about it, but nahhhh  - went for 'Place of birth' instead   

Yes that would have gone down well 

[bhudda]

when for 3 days nearly every horse you back wins and you start thinking this is easy then on the fourth every horse you back turns out to be a donkey!!! 

there's more than one type of punting.

[Cum_again]

You know you’re a punter when in EVERY face to face conversation with ANY woman at the office there is always a moment when you stop listening while you visualise a slash of your spunk painting their face.

Not just me then.....

[signy]

Overheard conversation at work. "I hear EE are pretty good". A moment of ... WHAT?... before realising it was all about phones.

[Steely Dan]

You decide to give cash as a Christmas present.  But you can't tell your OH why it seems weird when you give your daughter an envelope with £200 pounds cash in it....

[Real John Doe]

When you recognise a girl and don't know whether it's because you've seen her on websites like this or have seen them on social media/in person

[Sudawrirfwa]

Probably already been said but when you drive passed a WG’s flat and reminisce over that session

[Spacecowb0y]

When corn in the cob translates to Come on Breasts

[Anallover6969]

When the first thing you do when you get in is log on to UK punting 

[Marmalade]

New piece of software at work - I signed into it for first time yesterday and had to make a user account.
Security question was a drop down list.. 'What is your Favourite film', 'First dog's name', that kind of thing

One of em was 'Favourite hobby'
I thought about it, but nahhhh  - went for 'Place of birth' instead   

I find some of those questions near impossible. Name of your first teacher at school? You must be fucking kidding. Name of your first pet. No way. They’re all too often questions for people below the age of 40. Fucked if I want to spend time and risk a security password based on the bloody nickname of a schoolboy crush or my favourite uncle who was a dickhead even when I could remember my uncles or extended family members given that title who were the second husband, since divorced, of a hot aunt’s sister who I fancied but wouldn’t remember her name now. Not exactly things worth the brain cells expended. 

[Cumberland]

I find some of those questions near impossible. Name of your first teacher at school? You must be fucking kidding. Name of your first pet. No way. They’re all too often questions for people below the age of 40. Fucked if I want to spend time and risk a security password based on the bloody nickname of a schoolboy crush or my favourite uncle who was a dickhead even when I could remember my uncles or extended family members given that title who were the second husband, since divorced, of a hot aunt’s sister who I fancied but wouldn’t remember her name now. Not exactly things worth the brain cells expended. 

Agree Marmalade. Why doesn’t Cybersecurity give punters a break? Better chance to remember the answers to more appropriate security questions such as ‘Name of first Anal?’ or ‘Tighest Pussy you ever pounded?’.
Actually I can’t remember those either, prompting this addition to the thread:
You know you’re a punter when...you can’t remember the name of the whore who gave you your first punting anal !! Although to her credit I do remember the dirty deed vividly !!
 

[Phaedrus]

...You start to recognise all the AW turing letters.

[mrpeterman]

Agree Marmalade. Why doesn’t Cybersecurity give punters a break? Better chance to remember the answers to more appropriate security questions such as ‘Name of first Anal?’ or ‘Tighest Pussy you ever pounded?’.
Actually I can’t remember those either, prompting this addition to the thread:
You know you’re a punter when...you can’t remember the name of the whore who gave you your first punting anal !! Although to her credit I do remember the dirty deed vividly !!
 

Donna of Walsall took my punting anal cherry, in as much as I fucked her the ass, she took it the hilt with ease, only other anal was with civvies who took a third if not half, and I’m not big

[Horizontal pleasures]

when you draw a deep breath from the appearance of Marmalade on the breakfast table. 

[PuntGuy]

Yes, and you can't be arsed to make even a token effort to pull them. Strangely enough your total lack of interest seems to draw a few of them to you. Who understands women?

+1

[PuntGuy]

Thinking about the younger guys at work who are starting to get married and/or having kids. Then thinking of the sex gradually being reduced. Yep, staying single and punting seems good to me.

[paulitor23]

When you can't step out of an underground station without thinking about someone you visited nearby.

[PuntGuy]

Probably already been said but when you drive passed a WG’s flat and reminisce over that session

Local parlour now residential. Always brings a glance and smirk out of me when driving by!

[Horizontal pleasures]

the first thing you do on a lazy 1 January once you are out of bed (where you read about the dangers of social media in the newspaper) is to look in here ...

[Home Alone]

... you're in the pub, having just had probably the best punt of your life & you see a bloke at the bar wearing a fleece with 'UK Subs' on the back.

And you think, "What's that all about??"

[mrfishyfoo]

....you're walking through the local shopping centre eyeing up fit young things while thinking.....

.....how much extra for her to take it up the ass ??