Jyoti and Uma

[BillGoldberg]

Tantricmassagelondon.com

Date: 9June 2016
Time spent :1 hour
Price paid :£150

Venue: 5 minute walk from Earls Court tube
Very large, clean and well equipped room in a large, attractive Victorian flat, typical of the area, obviously very high rent, nice working standalone shower

Girls: Uma and Jyoti both I'd guess at 25-35
Both very attractive, Uma has a gorgeous, slim, yet beautifully and gently curvaceous all natural body, while Jyoti is more voluptuous with very big enhanced breasts and overall in good physical shape, no flabby bellies or wobbly arses in sight

The booking : Despite the attractiveness of the girls, I was fairly underwhelmed by the 'tantric' elements of the service, to the extent that I barely even managed to get hard, and I certainly didn't cum

This is almost a miracle considering that I had 2 attractive, naked women dedicated to my pleasure, a service that I typically love

I'd put this down to the fact that I generally find that I'm just not that sexually attracted to Eastern Europeans, regardless of how good looking they are (Nikita Denise and Monica Benjar are notable exceptions, I'd really struggle NOT to cum with those 2 dedicated to eliciting an orgasm)

But, in general for some reason, EE girls just don't float my boat, however I thought I'd forego my usual diet of Orientals and Latinas since the reviews so far have been stellar for these two

So it was that, coupled with what I found to be a pretty poor handjob technique from both girls, surprising to me given the rave plaudits from previous punters

And I would consider myself somewhat of an HR connoisseur since its a service I absolutely love (when it's done well........ REALLY well ! ), and this just wasn't, based on 20 years of personally paid for and enjoyed HR

The reason I've given a neutral and not a negative is that I found the professionalism of the setup, the venue, the comms and the girls themselves, along with their attitude, exemplary - I just didn't really fancy them so much and to me the HR technique left me cold (and practically limp)

The 4 handed, hot oil massage and B2B itself was very good

Summary : Since I didn't cum, and barely got hard, and I found the HR technique of both girls poor, I certainly can't recommend

Clearly it works for some, but for me it just didn't, and it wasn't due to a lack of horniness on my part

[Big Bad R]

Damn was keen to give them a go based on previous reviews. Not so sure now 

[london_punter56]

Thank for the review, no link??

[Expl1cit]

I certainly expected to see some neutral or negative reviews of this shoddy outfit - their biggest UKP supporter is a prossie fanboy, who unfortunately has let his credibility slip by providing unbalanced reviews - possibly to gain benefits in kind.  The pimp who runs this illegal brothel is a banned UKP member (Eva99) who has made veiled threats to punters, pestering admin to remove posts and continues to slag off UKP on other forums - including today!  She is a rude obnoxious cunt - formally a prostitute herself who has turned into a pimp.

Why the fuck would anyone choose to give their money to this ruined hippie when she makes threats to punters, including outing them to their families and openly admits to short changing customers for time because "most customers would prefer to get an appt than not to have one at all" and saying "we have a lot of wealthy customers, for whom our prices are reasonable, and their life is rushed and stressed and they prefer to get a slightly shorter time than none at all, and the price is of no concern to them". is beyond my understanding.

She says and I quote; "So I hired a private detective, who found out his address - and then I wrote to him at his home address and threatened to go and tell his wife if he didnt return the clocks, or pay me what they were worth" . Unfuckingbelievable!

[BillGoldberg]

I certainly expected to see some neutral or negative reviews of this shoddy outfit - their biggest UKP supporter is a prossie fanboy, who unfortunately has let his credibility slip by providing unbalanced reviews - possibly to gain benefits in kind.  The pimp who runs this illegal brothel is a banned UKP member (Eva99) who has made veiled threats to punters, pestering admin to remove posts and continues to slag off UKP on other forums - including today!  She is a rude obnoxious cunt - formally a prostitute herself who has turned into a pimp.

Why the fuck would anyone choose to give their money to this ruined hippie when she makes threats to punters, including outing them to their families and openly admits to short changing customers for time because "most customers would prefer to get an appt than not to have one at all" and saying "we have a lot of wealthy customers, for whom our prices are reasonable, and their life is rushed and stressed and they prefer to get a slightly shorter time than none at all, and the price is of no concern to them". is beyond my understanding.

She says and I quote; "So I hired a private detective, who found out his address - and then I wrote to him at his home address and threatened to go and tell his wife if he didnt return the clocks, or pay me what they were worth" . Unfuckingbelievable!

Oh Jesus, really ??!

She seemed very pleasant when i met her too

Just shows how deceptive first impressions can be 

[BillGoldberg]

Thank for the review, no link??

I used my phone to write the review and havent got the hang of copy pasting links using it so well

Here you are

External Link/Members Only

[BillGoldberg]

One thing I'd add is that while Uma and Jyoti are indeed physically very attractive they look quite a bit different to the gallery pictures, Jyoti especially, shes far more voluptuous, but that really wasnt the problem issue for me

[Yeboahsleftfoot]

I certainly expected to see some neutral or negative reviews of this shoddy outfit - their biggest UKP supporter is a prossie fanboy, who unfortunately has let his credibility slip by providing unbalanced reviews - possibly to gain benefits in kind.  The pimp who runs this illegal brothel is a banned UKP member (Eva99) who has made veiled threats to punters, pestering admin to remove posts and continues to slag off UKP on other forums - including today!  She is a rude obnoxious cunt - formally a prostitute herself who has turned into a pimp.

Why the fuck would anyone choose to give their money to this ruined hippie when she makes threats to punters, including outing them to their families and openly admits to short changing customers for time because "most customers would prefer to get an appt than not to have one at all" and saying "we have a lot of wealthy customers, for whom our prices are reasonable, and their life is rushed and stressed and they prefer to get a slightly shorter time than none at all, and the price is of no concern to them". is beyond my understanding.

She says and I quote; "So I hired a private detective, who found out his address - and then I wrote to him at his home address and threatened to go and tell his wife if he didnt return the clocks, or pay me what they were worth" . Unfuckingbelievable!

I write my reviews as I see them, without bias as do the vasty majority of punters on this board. Bill gave the meet a neutral, he is as entitled to his opinion and to report it as he decides, that's what this forum is all about.

Bill, it's a shame you had a neutral experience but be careful what you believe because this fella broadcasts lies and makes sly, untrue insinuations, his reputation for spewing vitriol on here goes before him.

fl0atab1lity your ability to cut and paste bollocks you have written previously is impressive, unlike your obsessive personality and penchant for spreading lies about me, which makes you look like a cunt every time, keep up the good work.

[James999]

fl0atab1lity your ability to cut and paste .

Well here's a cut and paste, is this true?

She says and I quote; "So I hired a private detective, who found out his address - and then I wrote to him at his home address and threatened to go and tell his wife if he didnt return the clocks, or pay me what they were worth" [/b]

[Yeboahsleftfoot]

Well here's a cut and paste, is this true?

Ask the numpty, he is the fount of all knowledge.

Virtually the full post is a cut and paste from previous post James, you know it https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=92731.new#new this fella has nothing new to say on this subject, just repeats the same old bollocks because he's crying like a pussy because he couldn't get an appointment and has to settle for other providers for whom he appears to be acting as a prossie fanboy judging by subsequent comments on this thread https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=92915.0

[Yeboahsleftfoot]

Oh Jesus, really ??!

She seemed very pleasant when i met her too

Just shows how deceptive first impressions can be 

So you are taking the opinion of a bitter keyboard warrior who is slagging someone off who he has never met over your own opinion of someone you have met Bill?

[BillGoldberg]

So you are taking the opinion of a bitter keyboard warrior who is slagging someone off who he has never met over your own opinion of someone you have met Bill?

I seem to vaguely remember other punters backing up a similar comment previously, but I really dont want to get into this as its immaterial and not why I contribute to this forum

This sort of 'drama' just gets tiresome

I was underwhelmed by the service, I've had 4 hands massage with 'happy endings' before that were far superior and the girls HR technique superlative, this setup just seems vastly overrated to me, by those who have reviewed it previously

'Choking' the base of your dick by gripping it far too hard and pulling down on your sack with clasped fingers to the point that its painful are the sorts of things I'd expect from rank amateurs, not supposed 'tantric experts', as is continuing to do the same thing and not altering pressure, speed, rhythm or anything at all when its obviously not working

[Yeboahsleftfoot]

I seem to vaguely remember other punters backing up a similar comment previously, but I really dont want to get into this as its immaterial and not why I contribute to this forum

This sort of 'drama' just gets tiresome

I was underwhelmed by the service, I've had 4 hands massage with 'happy endings' before that were far superior and the girls HR technique superlative, this setup just seems vastly overrated to me, by those who have reviewed it previously

'Choking' the base of your dick by gripping it far too hard and pulling down on your sack with clasped fingers to the point that its painful are the sorts of things I'd expect from rank amateurs, not supposed 'tantric experts', as is continuing to do the same thing and not altering pressure, speed, rhythm or anything at all when its obviously not working

Bill, I'm not having a pop at you, your review was a originally a neutral, your further comments make it sound more like a negative. It's different strokes for different folks, you had a poor experience and reported it as such, it's a shame. I was lucky enough to have enjoyed my visits and reported them as such. We had different experiences and reviewed them honestly.

My beef is only with floatability and his erroneous comments, lies, criticism, thinly veiled accusations and attempts to discredit me. He will no doubt make further comment when he is next allowed to go online, can't wait.

[BillGoldberg]

Bill, I'm not having a pop at you, your review was a originally a neutral, your further comments make it sound more like a negative. It's different strokes for different folks, you had a poor experience and reported it as such, it's a shame. I was lucky enough to have enjoyed my visits and reported them as such. We had different experiences and reviewed them honestly.

My beef is only with floatability and his erroneous comments, lies, criticism, thinly veiled accusations and attempts to discredit me. He will no doubt make further comment when he is next allowed to go online, can't wait.

Yes, I totally understood that, and likewise I have no problem with you at all either

I just dont want to get involved with this bad blood that seems to exist between you and Floatibility, especially since I've exchanged PMs with him and found him to be helpful and a fellow punter I'd happily exchange punting info with

[Yeboahsleftfoot]

Yes, I totally understood that, and likewise I have no problem with you at all either

I just dont want to get involved with this bad blood that seems to exist between you and Floatibility, especially since I've exchanged PMs with him and found him to be helpful and a fellow punter I'd happily exchange punting info with

It's strange, I had no issues with him before he was refused a booking at TML, I'm tired of it now, sorry our animosity clogged up your review thread.