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Author Topic: Punting after a breakup?  (Read 1027 times)

Offline purple_t

Hi all, I started punting just over a year ago, I was punting regularly until around Christmas, but a few months ago started seeing a civilian girl, so put a stop to it. It was my first relationship in a good few years, but sadly as of a few days ago is now over, however for the few months we were together it was very intense and passionate.

I'm feeling pretty blue as I was dumped by this girl out of nowhere, and I still don't understand the reasons why. My question is, will a good punt cheer me up, or make me feel worse? Obviously I'm not looking for a WG to replace the void left by this girl, I know it's not a substitute for dating, I just thought it might help distract me and get over this girl more quickly. Anyone have any experience with this?

Side note, a few things I'd forgotten about sex with civilian girls - they definitely are not as skilled or adventurous, but much easier to make them cum! Oh to find a civvie who can fuck like a top pro... that's the dream :D

Sorry to hear you are back, punting is probably better for you than rebound civvies in my opinion, a good stop gap until you get your head round things !

Will it make you feel better, well that's something only you can say, maybe an initial high followed by a low !

Offline Zeusthedoc

Hey Purple

Sorry to hear about the breakup.

IMO - no, punting isn't going to make you feel better about it. Neither will a strip club.

You'll get over the break up in time.

If you want to continue punting, then be clear that you're doing it for the adventure, fun, sex etc. I wouldn't go so far as to say the blurring lines (on account of you acknowledging that you're not looking to fill the void) - but I've been there. If you start thinking of punting as the way to get over her - it'll be harder.

My 2 pence, the two should be kept as exclusive as possible. I have previously had one or two absolutely filthy punts (or picked up civvies) and then just taken some time to move on. Back in the game after a few months - happy as Larry!

Good luck buddy

Offline purple_t

Thanks for the replies guys.

I fully intend to start putting regularly again (until I next get into a relationship), because it"s a lot of fun and well I need a sexual release, just wondering if it's a bit soon to start back up. Maybe should wait until I get over this girl first.

Offline Nagilum

Go for a punt, it will take your mind off things.

Civvies are good to help save money. Hassle though as they want to cuddle after sex.

Offline baltar

Quote
It was my first relationship in a good few years, but sadly as of a few days ago is now over, however for the few months we were together it was very intense and passionate.

I'm feeling pretty blue as I was dumped by this girl out of nowhere, and I still don't understand the reasons why

Sounds like bpd. Starts intense, then at some point they'll just discard you like you were nothing to them. Less than nothing, because they'll often treat you so badly it can seem like they hate you, and in a way, they do. She may end up trying to start things up again as she'll see you like a backup, so be on your guard.

I'm feeling pretty blue as I was dumped by this girl out of nowhere, and I still don't understand the reasons why. My question is, will a good punt cheer me up, or make me feel worse? Obviously I'm not looking for a WG to replace the void left by this girl, I know it's not a substitute for dating, I just thought it might help distract me and get over this girl more quickly. Anyone have any experience with this?

It could make you feel better, or it could make you feel worse. Different people will have different reactions.

There's reasons I could suggest it would help you feel better, but equally there's reasons why it could make you feel bad.

Basing your sense of self worth on external validation is a bad thing. Basing your sense of self worth on the opinion of women can be crippling. So long as you're getting your supply of validation you can potentially chug along nicely, you might not even notice there's a problem, but if you end up losing that validation it's going to hit pretty hard.

You could say this is a reason to not do it, since you could say you're just looking for that validation. But there's another aspect here. At the same time, healthy human minds  need emotional and physical connection to stay stable and sane. That's why people will always go loopy if they're isolated too long. We more and more that feeling physical connection, especially skin to skin touch is also incredibly important to our emotional health and development. It's why deprived infants grow up emotionally damaged.

So on an unconscious level you need to feel emotional and physical connection because you're human. If you're of the right mindset even paying for sex can still fool your unconscious into thinking it's getting more than just physical connection, something which is also important anyway in itself. So you can see a few escorts and your unconscious can feel more secure and validated, even if you know consciously you didn't do anything other than part with money. Where it can become a bad thing is if you're so addicted to validation that each experience no matter how good feels unsatisfying. This could be down to the money where you're unable to really relax and enjoy it because you know how much money is flying out your ass as time goes by, or it could be that it feels unsatisfying because you know she's only there because of the money so it can ruin the illusion.

Don't know if any of that helped, but I don't think there's a single answer here. It can be a very good thing for you, or it could be a bad thing for you. It also depends on how good your experience you end up having. She could make you feel special and good about yourself, or she could make you feel like shit and you leave thinking you've been taken advantage of (not exactly a feeling you want if your girl just left you and you don't know why). You have to ask yourself some questions in order to figure out if it's a good thing or not.

« Last Edit: April 21, 2016, 11:03:10 PM by baltar »

Offline Nagilum

Sounds like bpd. Starts intense, then at some point they just discard you like you were nothing.

It could make you feel better, or it could make you feel worse. Different people will have different reactions.

There's reasons I could suggest it would help you feel better, but equally there's reasons why it could make you feel bad.

Basing your sense of self worth on external validation is a bad thing. Basing your sense of self worth on the opinion of women can be crippling. So long as you're getting your supply of validation you can potentially chug along nicely, you might not even notice there's a problem, but if you end up losing that validation it's going to hit pretty hard.

You could say this is a reason to not do it, since you could say you're just looking for that validation. But there's another aspect here. At the same time, healthy human minds  need emotional and physical connection to stay stable and sane. That's why people will always go loopy if they're isolated too long. We more and more that feeling physical connection, especially skin to skin touch is also incredibly important to our emotional health and development. It's why deprived infants grow up emotionally damaged.

So on an unconscious level you need to feel emotional and physical connection because you're human. If you're of the right mindset paying for sex can still fool your unconscious into thinking it's getting more than just physical connection, which is also important anyway in itself. So you can see a few escorts and your unconscious can feel more secure and validated, even if you know consciously you didn't do anything other than part with money. Where it can become a bad thing is if you're so addicted to validation that each experience no matter how good feels unsatisfying. This could be down to the money where you're unable to really relax and enjoy it because you know how much money is flying out your ass as time goes by, or it could be that it feels unsatisfying because you know she's only there because of the money so it can ruin the illusion.

Don't know if any of that helped, but I don't think there's a single answer here. It can be a very good thing for you, or it could be a bad thing for you. It also depends on how good your experience you end up having. She could make you feel special and good about yourself, or she could make you feel like shit and you leave thinking you've been taken advantage of (not exactly a feeling you want if your girl just left you and you don't know why). You have to ask yourself some questions in order to figure out if it's a good thing or not.

This is overthinking a simple thing.

It's paid sex with a hot 20 something year old (my personal preference) who is going to hopefully shag him senseless, cause him to limp home and give him the best nights sleep in ages?

Can you imagine a man leaving without a smile in this scenario  ;)

Offline baltar

This is overthinking a simple thing.

It's paid sex with a hot 20 something year old (my personal preference) who is going to hopefully shag him senseless, cause him to limp home and give him the best nights sleep in ages?

Can you imagine a man leaving without a smile in this scenario  ;)

I can actually!  You could be upset that it wasn't "real" and feel lonelier than ever. Probably less likely to be a problem for guys on here for obvious reasons.

It's nice to know that whether it's a good idea or not really all depends on how you personally think. He should ask himself how he thinks he feels about things rather than go by what someone else tells him they think. Also you're assuming every escort experience will be as good as what you described, I can personally say that it isn't always the case, even with the best will in the world. Sometimes it just doesn't go like you hoped and you could be in a vulnerable place emotionally and so take it much harder than you would normally. Even times I've gone to see an escort and it's been good, it can still feel kind of emotionless and unconnected and that can seem strange, which is something that might have a negative effect on someone craving that kind of lost intimacy.
« Last Edit: April 21, 2016, 11:11:06 PM by baltar »

Offline Nagilum

I can actually!  You could be upset that it wasn't "real" and feel lonelier than ever. Probably less likely to be a problem for guys on here for obvious reasons.

It's nice to know that whether it's a good idea or not really all depends on how you personally think. He should ask himself how he thinks he feels about things rather than go by what someone else tells him they think. Also you're assuming every escort experience will be as good as what you described, I can personally say that it isn't always the case, even with the best will in the world. Sometimes it just doesn't go like you hoped and you could be in a vulnerable place emotionally and so take it much harder than you would normally. Even times I've gone to see an escort and it's been good, it can still feel kind of emotionless and unconnected and that can seem strange, which is something that might have a negative effect on someone craving that kind of lost intimacy.

He will be fine if he picks a well reviewed girl, I'm not asking him to TOFTT. Punting is not about emotion and feelings, it's sex that gives pleasure from the time it lasts.

Only he can decide ultimately, but from experience and having been there myself, I believe he will be fine.

Remember it isn't real, it's not supposed to be. If you are doing it for that reason, then don't.

« Last Edit: April 21, 2016, 11:21:36 PM by Nagilum »

Offline baltar

Punting is not about emotion and feelings, it's sex that gives pleasure from the time it lasts. 

I'd say in the end sex is always about emotions and feelings, but maybe that's too deep to get into! I know what you mean though, but if someone's asking if it's a good idea to see an escort after a breakup they aren't asking for practical reasons they're asking if it could be emotionally positive or negative for them.

Quote
Only he can decide ultimately, but from experience and having been there myself, I believe he will be fine.

Remember it isn't real, it's not supposed to be. If you are doing it for that reason, then don't.

Depends what you mean by real and depends what someone hopes to get out of it. It can be more "real" than having sex with your girlfriend or wife if the relationships deteriorated to that point. He probably will be fine, but he could be more upset than he lets on and so I gave a longer answer just in case he might want to have more to chew on.

Offline Swansea lad

Hi all, I started punting just over a year ago, I was punting regularly until around Christmas, but a few months ago started seeing a civilian girl, so put a stop to it. It was my first relationship in a good few years, but sadly as of a few days ago is now over, however for the few months we were together it was very intense and passionate.

I'm feeling pretty blue as I was dumped by this girl out of nowhere, and I still don't understand the reasons why. My question is, will a good punt cheer me up, or make me feel worse? Obviously I'm not looking for a WG to replace the void left by this girl, I know it's not a substitute for dating, I just thought it might help distract me and get over this girl more quickly. Anyone have any experience with this?

Side note, a few things I'd forgotten about sex with civilian girls - they definitely are not as skilled or adventurous, but much easier to make them cum! Oh to find a civvie who can fuck like a top pro... that's the dream :D

Generally I think sex with a civvie is better its the oral where you notice the pro is much better.
The oldest civvie I have had sex with though is 37, I might feel different as I get older.

Offline oring123

Answer is only you can say punt or wait
Your question your answer !
Banning reason: Previously banned (306)

Similar story just happened to me, so thanks guys for the insightful analysis.
I'm going to hold off for a while, simply feel too emotionally tender & half expect i couldn't perform as I'd hope & feel shitter as a result.

Offline fairfield

I do feel your pain ... still... just a suggestion...
       - could u find a WG who is a ringer for your ex? Might resolve any performance issues and help put her into perspective?

"Time's a great healer" blah, blah, ...but personally if aye didnae live by the auld Robbie Burns adage - "when you fall off one hoor, you'd better climb on another" - aye woudnae ever leave the hoose. 

After my divorce, it was hard to afford the price of a mars bar, nvm a fanny to shove it up.   


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