I’m a cunt me.
I continually try to analyse, dissect and figure out why I’ve turned out like I have; why am I such a dysfunctional cunt ? And the conclusion I’ve come to is that it’s all about your parents and adolescence – What do you remember first ? The quality of your parents; a girl; your first sexual tremor; success or failure at school; some still unconfessed humiliation; happiness; unhappiness; or, perhaps, a trivial action which first revealed to you what you might become later in life. When I was about 13 or 14 I found a magazine called Phoenix in my dad’s shed, which contained adverts and telephone numbers for prostitutes…..
So I’m sat infront of my new client – and he looks like a grey, boring old twat. The sort who drives a Ford Mondeo, has a wank over the RS Components Catalogue and keeps Koi Carp. And I’m trying to explain to him the difference between Objectives and Goals and how one supports and leads to the other and he doesn’t get it and he never will and I am losing the will to live as I’ve been around this discussion now a few times with him and he still doesn’t get it - it’s like trying to shove an octopus through a venetian blind and I’ve been with this particular client now for 4 weeks and they are a bunch of losers and mainly pond life. And I know that they are going to do my head in.
And I’m having a half day as my sanity can’t take it anymore and I don’t care about losing half a day’s day rate and I put the heating on in the car and for some reason I begin to feel festive and all religious like – and I’m thinking about Pope Francis and what a wonderful human being he is and wondering what he’s got lined up for the Christmas period.
And I’m driving back into Mansfield and the phone goes off and a voice goes at the other end, “are you at home and is your wife at work “ and I’m like “yes she’s in London all week”, and then the voice goes “ok, I’m coming over to fuck you up” – and I’m like, fuck me, putting me foot down, and I get home and Lucie is pulling up in a van which looks like it could be a tradesman’s transport, and she can’t get the fucking thing on the drive, and the neighbour opposite is out putting up the Christmas decorations – but I don’t care, and Lucie gets out and she looks nothing like a plumber or gardener or an electrician. She looks like a hooker.
And then she’s in the hall and telling me that she feels like a piss and asks me where she should do it and I’m like, here in the hall and we are both bollock naked in the hall and she is asking me where I want it and I’m like anywhere – cock, mouth, and before I know it, fuck me, she is releasing a mornings worth of piss all over me and in my mouth and face and cock and there is a good pint there and quite honestly I’m impressed and it’s all over the wooden floor in the hall and I look at it and it’s forming a nice pool which actually looks a bit like £ sign and that makes me smile.
And then Lucie is racing up the stairs and she has a bottle of fresh poppers and we are on the bed and the curtains are slightly open so the neighbours might just get a glimpse and I like the element of jeopardy in this approach. And Lucie is ordering me to take a shit load of poppers in the first instance and calling me a useless cunt and how she would love to tell my missus that I’m a hooker addicted cunt and at this point she is sat on a pillow rubbing her cunt and arse into it and that looks like a great picture from behind – her tanned arse and pussy going backwards and forwards over the pillow.
We are then on the stairs and she is at the top on all fours and it is a good sight and she’s encouraging me to eat out her ass hole and I love this kind of banter and she does too and I have my tongue inside and she is telling me that I have to kiss my missus when I see her and I agree that this would seem sensible. And I am alternating between her cunt and arse and a bottle of poppers and the room is spinning and I’m blue by this stage and all the time Lucie is ordering me to sniff more and get further fucked up and tongue her arse hole.
And finally, we find ourselves in the back bedroom overlooking the garden and I have Lucie bent over infront of the window and fucking her from behind, which feels nice and she is pushing back and grinding herself on my cock and I am going at it like a deranged, dribbling deviant, and I look out over the garden and I find myself thinking that I need to get out there and pick up a few leaves and then finally she tells me to get on all fours on the bed whilst she bites my cock and wanks me off to a very satisfying orgasm. And I am shooting my load over the bedding and thinking to myself I’m going to have to clean that up at some point over the next couple of days.
And then she is dressing downstairs and I see her out to the van and I try and exchange a bit of chit chat about her getting back to me with a quote – all for the benefit of any innocent bystanders. And I cannot help but laugh to myself and then I’m in the house and checking my emails and guess what, my client has just emailed me to say he gets the difference between Goals and Objectives and it’s only took him 4 weeks. What a cunt.
And so finally, I go into the utility room to get the mop and bucket, take it into the hall and start mopping up the piss.
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