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Author Topic: Q's first ever "walk" - Chloe Kisses - Mother-In-Law-Experience  (Read 6429 times)


2 review(s) for Chloe Kisses (0 positive, 0 neutral, 2 negative) [Indexed by Admin]


Offline Quesadilla

Thanks to Admin for generously offering to un-ban my account here for me to post reviews only.  I will not be posting anywhere else on UKP but here in the review section. I'm quite happy posting on UKE and that's where I'll remain. (I can hear the collective sigh of relief!  :hi: :sarcastic: :drinks:).

I'll be honest, I was a little reluctant initially to post this review because I really did not even want to admit I'd been dumb enough to book Chloe Kisses.  I had asked Admins advice as I felt punters should be warned - there were a few guys on UKE who had clearly HL'd Chloe as I had done. But then Chloe went and announced that I'd walked from our booking so the cat was out of the bag anyway and no reason not to review.

Chloe - always remember you brought this on yourself.  :(

www.adultwork.com/811805
www.chloekissesescort.co.uk
London / Pimlico incall at serviced apartments
£320!!!! Fortunately cash never changed hands!!  :yahoo:
 
I could sit and plead ignorance and say I had not seen the negative reviews here since being banned, but we all know that would be a lie.  I had seen the reviews, and I chose to ignore them. Why? Purely because of the way she presented herself over on UKE.  I did like the pics on her profile on AW and on her personal website, so I decided to see for myself.  OK - cue uproarious laughter from those here who know better, enjoy your moment, yes "once again Q has been hoist on his own petard!", but as always when I fuck up I'm always willing to admit it and take it on the chin. 

I was sold particularly by pics on her private website that made her look just like my perfect type - like this:


More pics on her website here - note the banner on her website:
Quote from: Chloe Kisses website
LOOK CLOSELY GUYS, AS YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURES ARE 100 % NON EDITED OR PHOTOSHOPED IN ANY WAY

Now - firstly of course it's not true as she's photohopped out her face.  But the implication is that these are a genuine representation of the lady in question. 

I'd seen on UKE that Chloe was touring London so I went and booked her.

In "fairness" to Chloe after I'd booked her but before we met she did PM me here to say she thought she might be "a bit bigger" than the types of ladies I usually see (I'd recently reviewed Gabbi/Hayley etc  :kissgirl:).

Chloe's website and AW profile says clearly size 14. In PM on UKE she said she's "currently a 16 but on a diet...a dress size and a half bigger than you expect."

So - given this conversation about her size I did get just slightly nervous and asked if she had some recent pics and she pointed me specifically to the selfies on the first page of her AW free public gallery - for example:



I would say that looks like a sexy size 16.  As I explained to Chloe - my ex wife was the same height - 5'8" - and when I met her she was a size 16 too - in fact, my ex looked very like the pics on Chloe's website just a bit bigger which probably explains my booking Chloe - a bit of nostalgia. Since punting I've seen a number of size 16 ladies and been delighted every time.  Only when you go from "curvy" to BBW for me does it start to become a problem.

So - that sets the scene - and with that in mind off I drove to Pimlico to Chloe's incall location.

And here's where it all goes wrong - location was fine, serviced apartments and I've seen ladies here before. No problems. Got the lift up, found the door....But what opened the door simply looked nothing like her pictures.

Forget a nostalgia trip booking my ex-wife - (who even at her largest which was a size 20 was still smaller than Chloe!) - it was more like booking my mother-in-law!! :scare: :scare:

Chloe claims on her website and profile to be 41.  I am 46.  There is absolutely no way on earth she is anywhere NEAR 41.  She has to be 50 easily! Probably more.  Facially she looks literally nothing like the hints / glimpses in her pictures. Not even remotely. I challenge ANYONE to see her in the flesh and say that her pics are even remotely an accurate and recent representation of her.

Frankly at this point I was like a rabbit in the headlights. Before I could react she'd grabbed me and snogged me!  :scare: She pretty much dragged me into the bedroom, offered me a drink - purely instinctively I said yes and asked for water as I thought that would give me a much-needed minute to collect my wits - but before she even turned to get me that drink she forced the issue and asked for the cash!!  I've never heard anyone so keen to get the cash out of the way. She knew that as soon as she had my cash it was job done.

At this point - I want to say thank you to UKP for all it's advice over the last 18 months because I knew instinctively this was the time to walk. I made my apologies, told her flatly - she's much bigger than her pics (to which she replied her iPhone doesn't lie) - and walked.

Honestly - this was the worst bait and switch I've ever experienced. Worse even than English Evie who I only gave a neutral to last year.  The deception was so outstanding I had to make it a 100% negative.

First time in my punting career I've ever walked - I always wondered if I'd have the balls to do it but I had no choice.

I must admit I felt sorry for her. Clearly she needs to make a living - and must occasionally get enough punters to hand over the cash up front before they run for the hills. Maybe she has some regs who have stuck with her over the years I don't know - but any new punter basing their choice to see her on her AW profile and website are in for a rude awakening.  And to me the fact that she is so clearly deceiving punters means I have no sympathy for her.

Chloe had the opportunity to really come clean in PM with me on UKE but instead she still tried to bait me in with pictures that are in no way representative.  I think escorts like Chloe give the rest a bad name and need to be called out on it. 

Anyone who knows me knows I am usually a pretty fluffy punter, extremely easygoing and always able to see the best in a punting situation - I never give even a neutral without a very good reason.  So it's been hard for me posting this - but honestly I felt totally deceived and misled and so I'm not sorry at all.

Chloe - update your pictures and be honest about your age.  You actually seem like quite a nice person to talk to - but lying about what a punter is going to get so outrageously is not the answer.

If you really are going to try and claim that I'm making this shit up - you have a very simple option to prove me wrong - go out and buy tomorrow's newspaper, strip to your undies, and take a selfie in the mirror showing the front page and a full body shot of you as you are now and post it on UKE or even here so we can compare it to your AW gallery.


Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE


2 review(s) found for Chloe Kisses linked to in above post (0 positive, 0 neutral, 2 negative)


What does UKE mean? UKE is short for www.UKEscorting.com

Welcome back, and good for you for walking.  :hi:

Seems she took the photos down, maybe the first step to honesty.
« Last Edit: November 28, 2015, 07:40:39 PM by virtualwaster »

Offline Quesadilla

Welcome back, and good for you for walking.  :hi:

Seems she took the photos down, maybe the first step to honesty.
Cheers VW.  :hi:

Which pics are down - they all seem to show up for me?
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Cheers VW.  :hi:

Which pics are down - they all seem to show up for me?
Possibly private on UKE

If you log out there or use inprivate you will see !
« Last Edit: November 28, 2015, 08:19:19 PM by virtualwaster »

Offline Admin

  • Site Owner
That attachment link doesn't work for me either, if it's from PM discussion then it won't load.

Lost for words here. One question though. Why is this posted in the SE section if it was in Pimlico?

Offline Quesadilla

Lost for words here. One question though. Why is this posted in the SE section if it was in Pimlico?
Chloe is based in Milton Keynes - she rarely tours London - most punters will see her there.
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline Quesadilla

That attachment link doesn't work for me either, if it's from PM discussion then it won't load.

I thought I'd gone back to the sources for any links - obviously the links all work for me so can someone tell me exactly which ones don't work and I'll repost them?
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline Quesadilla

Thanks for pointing out my fuckup VW.

The first pic I was referencing you can see from her website - URL -
http://chloekissesescort.co.uk/#/gallery/4583158887

It's the first pic on the page of her sitting on the floor. But any one of those pics is a great example of why her profile is a total and utter lie. No resemblance to Chloe today whatsoever. Not even close

The second pic from her AW gallery is this one - this she says is a "recent selfie". My fucking arse!!

Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

welcome back Mr Q - keep bringing the drama! Where would we be without it....
 :music:

Offline Quesadilla

welcome back Mr Q - keep bringing the drama! Where would we be without it....
 :music:

I thank you! I try!   :drinks:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Iv seen her for 30min a while back, shes professional but minging, didnt find her attractive at all (how on earth has she so many positives do guys not care about looks?), she was also very large and had bad teeth

Ok service just hard to get in the mood  :(

Offline Quesadilla

Iv seen her for 30min a while back, shes professional but minging, didnt find her attractive at all (how on earth has she so many positives do guys not care about looks?), she was also very large and had bad teeth

Ok service just hard to get in the mood  :(

Thanks for the validation mate - sorry you had to go there!  :(
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Chloe is based in Milton Keynes - she rarely tours London - most punters will see her there.

I would always post in the relevant section for the location of the punt being reviewed. A review is a record of what happened; what may or may not happen as a consequence is unimportant. Many WGs change location with little or no notice as we know from AW, and anticipating future location seems to me a fool's errand. YMMV :hi:

Offline Quesadilla

I would always post in the relevant section for the location of the punt being reviewed. A review is a record of what happened; what may or may not happen as a consequence is unimportant. Many WGs change location with little or no notice as we know from AW, and anticipating future location seems to me a fool's errand. YMMV :hi:

To each their own - I review based on where I think it will most benefit the punters who read it. In this case, given her relatively lax London tours and her being mainly based in MK I figured SE made more sense.  :unknown:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Moreover a WG might behave significantly differently on tour than on home turf (cf. 'demob-happy') :hi:

Offline lkiu6433

Go back to Chloes free public gallery on AW and look at that pic entitled 'Secretary/PA' on page 1. How you could not tell from that pic that she's clearly an old woman at least in her early to mid fifties is absoultely beyond me.

Banning reason: Making threats

Chloe is also on the prettybigescorts website, claims to be 41 but on her own websites pictures does look older, says a size 14 but to be on that certain website must show put on weight. Shame about the review, has put me off, don't mind a chubby girl occasionally but not too good facially, well....

Offline James999

So in summary form those that have seen her,

she's fat (size 20+)
she's old (50+)
Bad teeth


Sounds like a nightmare  :thumbsdown:

Well done for walking Quas "me old mate"  :sarcastic:

Offline Quesadilla

So in summary form those that have seen her,

she's fat (size 20+)
she's old (50+)
Bad teeth


Sounds like a nightmare  :thumbsdown:

Well done for walking Quas "me old mate"  :sarcastic:

Did I mention she has at least two fairly large prominent moles or warts?

Thanks for the warm welcome James! Good to see you too!  :P :drinks:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

You should have taken Bangers with you for a MMF (Male Male Furniture) session! Everyone knows that wrestling with a Sofa is definitely a two man job!  :lol:

Welcome back Q! You are clearly insane to even have considered that punt after all the wonderful source material provided in here!  :wackogirl:
« Last Edit: November 29, 2015, 10:25:35 AM by Bigus Dickus »

Online Cunning Punt

Thanks for the warning.

As you say, Chloe Kisses was the subject of a previous negative review with damning comments, not just from the OP.
Link to the thread with all the comments:
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=25656.0

Just goes to show that whatever way you look at it, UKP is a far superior, more reliable and accurate site than UKE.


What does UKE mean? UKE is short for www.UKEscorting.com

Offline Quesadilla

You should have taken Bangers with you for a MMF (Male Male Furniture) session! Everyone knows that wrestling with a Sofa is definitely a two man job!  :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Welcome back Q! You are clearly insane to even have considered that punt after all the wonderful source material provided in here!  :wackogirl:

Cheers BD, good to be back. 

Yes, I agree - clearly insane - B&G's review of her was before I started punting back in March last year and to be honest it's it's rare he and I agree on anything so I figured I should see for myself.  So to some extent I'm glad I did book her as it's good to get a fresh and recent review on the books to remind people - no. Hell no. FUCKING HELL NOOOOO!!!  :scare: :vomit: :scare:

B&G I take off my cap to you - you have a stronger stomach than I sir for going through with that punt!  :hi:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE


Offline Quesadilla

AW profile now gone.

Do you think AW took it down as it was breaking the trades description act? Or it was an advertising standards violation?  :lol: :lol: :lol:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE




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