Thanks to Admin for generously offering to un-ban my account here for me to post reviews only. I will not be posting anywhere else on UKP but here in the review section. I'm quite happy posting on UKE and that's where I'll remain. (I can hear the collective sigh of relief!
I'll be honest, I was a little reluctant initially to post this review because I really did not even want to admit I'd been dumb enough to book Chloe Kisses. I had asked Admins advice as I felt punters should be warned - there were a few guys on UKE who had clearly HL'd Chloe as I had done. But then Chloe went and announced that I'd walked from our booking so the cat was out of the bag anyway and no reason not to review.
Chloe - always remember you brought this on yourself. www.adultwork.com/811805www.chloekissesescort.co.uk
London / Pimlico incall at serviced apartments
£320!!!! Fortunately cash never changed hands!!
I could sit and plead ignorance and say I had not seen the negative reviews here since being banned, but we all know that would be a lie. I had seen the reviews, and I chose to ignore them. Why? Purely because of the way she presented herself over on UKE. I did like the pics on her profile on AW and on her personal website, so I decided to see for myself. OK - cue uproarious laughter from those here who know better, enjoy your moment, yes "once again Q has been hoist on his own petard!", but as always when I fuck up I'm always willing to admit it and take it on the chin.
I was sold particularly by pics on her private website that made her look just like my perfect type - like this:
More pics on her website here
- note the banner on her website:
LOOK CLOSELY GUYS, AS YOU CAN SEE MY PICTURES ARE 100 % NON EDITED OR PHOTOSHOPED IN ANY WAY
Now - firstly of course it's not true as she's photohopped out her face. But the implication is that these are a genuine representation of the lady in question.
I'd seen on UKE that Chloe was touring London so I went and booked her.
In "fairness" to Chloe after I'd booked her but before we met she did PM me here to say she thought she might be "a bit bigger" than the types of ladies I usually see (I'd recently reviewed Gabbi/Hayley etc
Chloe's website and AW profile says clearly size 14. In PM on UKE she said she's "currently a 16 but on a diet...a dress size and a half bigger than you expect."
So - given this conversation about her size I did get just slightly nervous and asked if she had some recent pics and she pointed me specifically to the selfies on the first page of her AW free public gallery - for example:
I would say that looks like a sexy size 16. As I explained to Chloe - my ex wife was the same height - 5'8" - and when I met her she was a size 16 too - in fact, my ex looked very like the pics on Chloe's website just a bit bigger which probably explains my booking Chloe - a bit of nostalgia. Since punting I've seen a number of size 16 ladies and been delighted every time. Only when you go from "curvy" to BBW for me does it start to become a problem.
So - that sets the scene - and with that in mind off I drove to Pimlico to Chloe's incall location.
And here's where it all goes wrong - location was fine, serviced apartments and I've seen ladies here before. No problems. Got the lift up, found the door....But what opened the door simply looked nothing like her pictures.
Forget a nostalgia trip booking my ex-wife - (who even at her largest which was a size 20 was still smaller than Chloe!) - it was more like booking my mother-in-law!!
Chloe claims on her website and profile to be 41. I am 46. There is absolutely no way on earth she is anywhere NEAR 41. She has to be 50 easily! Probably more. Facially she looks literally nothing like the hints / glimpses in her pictures. Not even remotely. I challenge ANYONE to see her in the flesh and say that her pics are even remotely an accurate and recent representation of her.
Frankly at this point I was like a rabbit in the headlights. Before I could react she'd grabbed me and snogged me!
She pretty much dragged me into the bedroom, offered me a drink - purely instinctively I said yes and asked for water as I thought that would give me a much-needed minute to collect my wits - but before she even turned to get me that drink she forced the issue and asked for the cash!! I've never heard anyone so keen to get the cash out of the way. She knew that as soon as she had my cash it was job done.
At this point - I want to say thank you to UKP for all it's advice over the last 18 months because I knew instinctively this was the time to walk. I made my apologies, told her flatly - she's much bigger than her pics (to which she replied her iPhone doesn't lie) - and walked.
Honestly - this was the worst bait and switch I've ever experienced. Worse even than English Evie who I only gave a neutral to last year. The deception was so outstanding I had to make it a 100% negative.
First time in my punting career I've ever walked - I always wondered if I'd have the balls to do it but I had no choice.
I must admit I felt sorry for her. Clearly she needs to make a living - and must occasionally get enough punters to hand over the cash up front before they run for the hills. Maybe she has some regs who have stuck with her over the years I don't know - but any new punter basing their choice to see her on her AW profile and website are in for a rude awakening. And to me the fact that she is so clearly deceiving punters means I have no sympathy for her.
Chloe had the opportunity to really come clean in PM with me on UKE but instead she still tried to bait me in with pictures that are in no way representative. I think escorts like Chloe give the rest a bad name and need to be called out on it.
Anyone who knows me knows I am usually a pretty fluffy punter, extremely easygoing and always able to see the best in a punting situation - I never give even a neutral without a very good reason. So it's been hard for me posting this - but honestly I felt totally deceived and misled and so I'm not sorry at all.
Chloe - update your pictures and be honest about your age. You actually seem like quite a nice person to talk to - but lying about what a punter is going to get so outrageously is not the answer.
If you really are going to try and claim that I'm making this shit up - you have a very simple option to prove me wrong - go out and buy tomorrow's newspaper, strip to your undies, and take a selfie in the mirror showing the front page and a full body shot of you as you are now and post it on UKE or even here so we can compare it to your AW gallery.