External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members Only If there was a fucking disastrous button this prossie would definitely qualify.
Fancied a punt yesterday. Plans A, B and C not available so rang Nikki. Sounded alright if a little verbose as previous reviews had mentioned. She said she would text address & postcode. Twenty minutes elapsed before I rang again for said postcode. "I thought I sent it to you" said she. "Well I haven't received it and I'm not about to drive for over an hour without knowing where I'm going". Address and apologies arrived by text.
Got to address - block of flats 5 mins off A1M. Buzzed in and knock her door. Nikki was wearing the white dress in her profile pics with bare legs and thong. Into the bedroom and the chatter started which I attempted to circumvent by suggesting we do the money bit and get naked. And so we did.
Nikki is a size 8 as stated with small tits. Chatter continued as we got on the bed.
It was at this stage when she made moves for a kiss that I smelled the familiar vodka breath. She reluctantly made a feeble attempt at owo which was pathetic. Just a bit of licking and kissing. I tried to finger her fanny which she told me to stop as she was still sore from her previous punter. Charming!
Right, thought I. Let's get this over with. "Do you want to fuck?" she slurred. "Yes, why not" was my reply. She could barely get the condom wrapper open as the alcohol was now taking more effect so I did it for her. On with the condom and in we go. Within two minutes she was complaining that her neck hurt and she wanted to change position. By this stage I thought fuck it. I've had enough of this so told her I wanted to come over her tits. Load delivered and she said "Wow, you must have been really horny". The truth was that I just wanted to get the whole sorry session over with.
She stumbled off the bed and, as I dressed, attempted a drunken, slurred conversation with legs so wobbly she could barely stand. Now fully dressed (and 30 minutes into an hour punt) I made it clear I wanted to leave and closed the door behind me as Nikki hung onto the wall in the hallway still spouting her inane shite.
Now fellas, I know there's different strokes for different folks but this was absolutely the worst punt I have had in all my punting career. My guess is she is so slim because she is likely to be an alcoholic and therefore drinks rather than eats.
Those of you who have done the courses will be familiar with the 5 P's - Perfect Planning Prevents Poor Performance. Well, here's another little aide memoire for you - Pissed Prossies Provide Piss Poor Punts.
So, £90 and three hours of my life completely wasted. In my opinion this prossie if one to definitely avoid. If she gets any more business after this it will be out of sheer curiosity to see if she really is completely fucking awful.