I have been ccused of being a fantasist by members after posting a report of my best ever punt.
So how about worst ever?
Can anyone beat this?
It was a long time ago, I was in my early forties, bored, very randy, so I made the mistake of picking a number in the Sun or Mirror classified small escort/ massage ads now gone I think).
I can't remember the wording but sort of,
" Ring Mary on 01000 10101 for a really good time, only £99".
I did made an appointment in Berkhampstead, Herts, booked a time say 6.30 and given directions.
I drove up found the house easily and rang the door bell opened, a rather wan, tired late forty year old answered in a housecoat, yes? she said in an annoyed way. I'm "Simon" and here for my appointment with Mary.
Oh she said why did I say 6.30? I'm just making super for the family. Come back in 45 minutes and Mary will be ready"
So I found a local pub , and was considering backing out. If that was Mary, surely not.
Anyway still horny,back i went.
the same woman dressed dressed now with make up, opened the door, "Come in"
I walked in to the kitchen and their was a man, her husband and two children finishing supper.
We walked past them and went upstairs into a bedroom.
The family hardly looked up.
"What the F..k?" I thought.
Upstairs she went to light a self rolled ciggy and said "Got the money?"
I dug out the cash which she pocketed and said "Please don't smoke"
She shrugged but put the ciggy unlit in her pocket.
"Undress there and i will be right back.
It was a bare bed with a dirty stained striped thin mattress.
I undressed dowm to my underpants and sat here feeling .." I should not be here"
She came back wearing teh dirty house coat.
"Ok what yo want?" she said
", " this was getting really awkward
"anything special?"
No just the usual, she shrugged and took off her house coat and said, "take you knickers off"
I reached forward and kissed her neck, and tried to fondle some small very whitey green shrunken breasts.
She puled a pocket of a condon from under the mattress,
"You have to put this on first" she said.
Well that was bad enough.
I was thinking she must be desperate, and is paying to feed her family by this her husband out of work, if I leave or ask for my money back, what chance have they?
The worst part was was when she opened her legs, and I realised she had not wiped her bum properly UGHHHHH! I can sill visualise. If that happened now I would say, "Goand clean yourself up!".
I pretened to come quickly, dressed as fast as I could and shot out, pasing the family with head bowd and looking at the floor.
"Bye!" they called out as I shut the door.
I am NEVER, Never doing this again, I said.
Ihope those members who criticised my last review as being fantasy will see that I am neither an agent, pimp, or fantasist, but write it as it happens, with good recall.
It last five months...
Anyone had worse?
