When wanking just isn't enough . . .Married Man Dilemmna

[smartieshouse]

I think the other point to consider is some guys just adore WG sex.Ive had desires to pay from my mid teens up to my current 40's.

Irrespective of GFs wives etc I still crave and enjoy the thrill of paying for it, I dont think that will ever change.

[MrMatrix]

I think the other point to consider is some guys just adore WG sex.Ive had desires to pay from my mid teens up to my current 40's.

Irrespective of GFs wives etc I still crave and enjoy the thrill of paying for it, I don't think that will ever change.

No my needs are purely out sexual deprivation and wasted years hoping my OH would see the light as to the misery I've born.   I'm quite eloquent in putting a case forward. But in the face of constant and a myriad of excuses I was left with no option but to use WG's and go over board after 30 years of being totally faithful. No one can say I didn't give it a good try. It takes a lot of guts for someone like me to do this for the 1st time as there is no way back.

Blufin is right that if we were outed, friends and family would only see the OH's perspective that how could I do that and be totally castigated. I wonder if any of them would say why did  he have the need to do this in the 1st place (you know the1 obvious fucking question). This isn't what he's about and then and only if they are prepared to listen would you possibly understand the misery of being rejected pretty well all your marriage as in my case.

I told 2 of my closest friends. One called me a cunt and the other said he'd disown me if I did it again. Considering the 3 of us has had a friendship of over 20 years and watched porn, usual blokey comments. I was disheartened and upset at their rejection. The guy who called me a cunt told 3 weeks later when he realised the level of no sex said he would have left years ago. The other guy 2 years later said he would have gone over board years ago aswell. But it didn't stop them judging me when I was at my lowest. AND they knew I had these problems as well. This is what we can expect......
Bit of a shit deal when you're in a sexless relationship.... long term its a no win scenario

[Aspen]

Come to my next party and I'll introduce you to 30 of them in one room. I'm starting to wonder if my friends and I are even more abnormal than I thought.

30 !!!

You don't go in for small parties then - lol  Are you referring to purely social i.e. amateur events?

Of course I am aware that these things happen. But I thought long and hard about this and I cannot remember any occasion in my life when a female companion has instigated sex. Aside from the obvious paid situation. It has always had to come from me, and as a matter of fact my ex-wife and I discussed this and she was adamant that it was not her place to do any such thing, and that it was down to me. Other women I have been with have been very similar in approach. If I am realistic and analytical about it, probably most of them felt that they were doing a favour. Not necessarily without anything in return. If that sounds cynical, you'd be right. I've become quite cynical over a long period simply by observing human behaviour in all its forms. There is a stark reality about the way people behave towards each other which manifests itself especially in stressful situations.

[Nagilum]

As far as I'm concerned, if you're not having sex, long term, it's not cheating.  I'm sure they wouldn't see it that way, but tbh I'm waaaay past giving a fuck.  Truth be told, I do have one eye on the exit now, but having kids etc means I need to play the long game.    If things improve between now and me eventually running out of patience, great, I'll re-evaluate. If they don't, well, that's life.

There are a few people very close to me who know how bleak things are at home, and they're amazed at how I'm not particularly unhappy.  If only they knew...  (but I'm not bloody telling anyone!!) 

I hear you - My advice if its worth anything at this stage.  I was also in a semi unhappy marriage and never once cheating on her.  Lo and behold she had a 2 year affair behind my back, not saying that will happen, but people do move on in their own way.  Now I'm punting away and couldn't be happier.

So I know exactly where you are coming from.

[Mansell]

No my needs are purely out sexual deprivation and wasted years hoping my OH would see the light as to the misery I've born.   I'm quite eloquent in putting a case forward. But in the face of constant and a myriad of excuses I was left with no option but to use WG's and go over board after 30 years of being totally faithful. No one can say I didn't give it a good try. It takes a lot of guts for someone like me to do this for the 1st time as there is no way back.

Blufin is right that if we were outed, friends and family would only see the OH's perspective that how could I do that and be totally castigated. I wonder if any of them would say why did  he have the need to do this in the 1st place (you know the1 obvious fucking question). This isn't what he's about and then and only if they are prepared to listen would you possibly understand the misery of being rejected pretty well all your marriage as in my case.

I told 2 of my closest friends. One called me a cunt and the other said he'd disown me if I did it again. Considering the 3 of us has had a friendship of over 20 years and watched porn, usual blokey comments. I was disheartened and upset at their rejection. The guy who called me a cunt told 3 weeks later when he realised the level of no sex said he would have left years ago. The other guy 2 years later said he would have gone over board years ago aswell. But it didn't stop them judging me when I was at my lowest. AND they knew I had these problems as well. This is what we can expect......
Bit of a shit deal when you're in a sexless relationship.... long term its a no win scenario

And I guess one of the key lessons is "don't tell anyone"

[newforthisyear]

I've been with my missus nearly 4 years now and it's going downhill in the bedroom, less and less often.

I have punted, she still doesn't know, but it certainly released any tension between us for a few weeks!

Do I feel guilty, kind of? But she wouldn't have done half of the things the WG would.. Oral for one....

[vw]

I told 2 of my closest friends. One called me a cunt and the other said he'd disown me if I did it again.

Imagine they were saying what their wives would expect them to say, last thing they would want back to the OH is they agree with you which would put them under scrutiny.

A wise philosopher one wrote;

Those who shout the loudest Usually have the most to hide.  Conclusion the cunt one probably has more reviews than you !

[Turtle Z]

I tell people fuck all because people can be incredibly judgmental without having the faintest idea as to the dynamics of relationships or the lives that married couples lead but whatever the reasons you pay for sex, most people who don't pay for sex would see you as in some way defective or the stereotypical male who can't keep his cock under control.
Would any of us have committed to the OH or married them if the Vicar had asked, "Do you Mrs Smith take Mr Smith and promise to love honour, obey and provide sex once a year, or possibly not at all?"  No, most women who go off sex, were never particularly into sex in my opinion but they managed to maintain the pretence long enough to put the shackles on some poor twat. I accept that menopause can reduce sexual drive but this can be managed rather than used as an excuse. So who cheated on who first? You marry someone who provided sex on tap and they turn off the tap a few years into marriage? Is that what you signed up for, a life of sexual deprivation? No, but sometimes it's just too fucking late because we have kids and other obligations, if not then anyone with any sense would have fucked off long ago.

[americandianna]

30 !!!

You don't go in for small parties then - lol  Are you referring to purely social i.e. amateur events?

I used to host swingers' parties that would have 50-70 people. If I threw a social party now it would probably be 40 people, so I guess 20 women would be more like it.

Of course I am aware that these things happen. But I thought long and hard about this and I cannot remember any occasion in my life when a female companion has instigated sex. Aside from the obvious paid situation. It has always had to come from me, and as a matter of fact my ex-wife and I discussed this and she was adamant that it was not her place to do any such thing, and that it was down to me.

That seems outright bizarre to me. I wonder if we are looking at a US/UK cultural difference.

[Bluefin]

Would any of us have committed to the OH or married them if the Vicar had asked, "Do you Mrs Smith take Mr Smith and promise to love honour, obey and provide sex once a year, or possibly not at all?"  No, most women who go off sex, were never particularly into sex in my opinion but they managed to maintain the pretence long enough to put the shackles on some poor twat. I accept that menopause can reduce sexual drive but this can be managed rather than used as an excuse. So who cheated on who first? You marry someone who provided sex on tap and they turn off the tap a few years into marriage? Is that what you signed up for, a life of sexual deprivation? No, but sometimes it's just too fucking late because we have kids and other obligations, if not then anyone with any sense would have fucked off long ago.

Good point, because I feel cheated. This is not what I signed up for.

When I met my wife she was as horny as fuck and we would do some amazing things sexually, unfortunately these are now consigned to the memory bank, so I would disagree with your point that women who go off sex were never really into it in the first place.
Like Mr Matrix I never so much as kissed a woman for the first 15 years that we were married, but as the years went by and the sex got less and less I wondered what I was getting from being such a "good boy".

I think one of the things that made me face up to the state of our sex life was when I booked a nice hotel for the weekend on our anniversary and she didn't want to have sex, what a waste that was!

I don't want to live without sex and regret it at the end of my life, I also don't think that divorce would make me any happier,as other aspects of our marriage are ok.
So while I'm still able to enjoy one of life's greatest pleasures, sex, punting provides the perfect opportunity.

[Turtle Z]

Good point, because I feel cheated. This is not what I signed up for.

When I met my wife she was as horny as fuck and we would do some amazing things sexually, unfortunately these are now consigned to the memory bank, so I would disagree with your point that women who go off sex were never really into it in the first place.

Well it only happened to me once, I've never had a partner go off sex but then all my relationships have been driven by initial sexual attraction. Ironically, the one time I decide to go against the grain and hook up because we were friends, it all went wrong. I kind of knew it would never work sexually but I wanted someone 'nice' who would give me an easy life. Perhaps I'd had one over emotional woman too many. I  do wonder if there's that perfect woman out there who is a nymphomaniac in the bedroom but in all other respects calm, balanced and rational. My ex wife was 'horny as fuck' when we met but she was a walking case study for a woman who used sex purely to get what she wanted. I don't underestimate that power and how convincing or 'horny as fuck' they can be prior to getting what they want. My ex-wife turned off the tap 3 months after getting married but thankfully no kids so I walked away no problem.

[Mansell]

I don't want to live without sex and regret it at the end of my life, I also don't think that divorce would make me any happier,as other aspects of our marriage are ok.
So while I'm still able to enjoy one of life's greatest pleasures, sex, punting provides the perfect opportunity.

Exactly,  best advert for Punting I have ever seen. 

[Aspen]

That seems outright bizarre to me. I wonder if we are looking at a US/UK cultural difference.

I doubt it.

Bizarre or not, that is my experience. Everyone has different life experiences. If it hadn't been mine it's highly unlikely I would be on here. I'm not here to complain, just to learn, inform and make comparisons.

[Agent W]

Exactly, but if your punting habit was ever found out, all the focus would be on your wrong doing,  nobody would even know of your years of suffering!

If I'm ever in that situation I going to use the "You'd bloody well better not be annoyed with me" line I get from her whenever some shit happens that's not exactly her fault but kind of is.

OH started going off sex while we were still engaged, but like an idiot I didn't see it and call things off. Then as time went on the cold shoulders got more frequent and the spontaneity started going out of it along with my favourite stuff, until eventually it was a duty-based Sunday morning missionary following a mandatory 10 minute therapeutic backrub that left me exhausted and gave me backache. Eventually the effort/benefit ratio got such that I gave up trying, so no sex since late last decade.

I have never felt the slightest pang of guilt for making my own arrangements to fulfill a basic need the only way I can.

[Aspen]

I tell people fuck all because people can be incredibly judgmental without having the faintest idea as to the dynamics of relationships or the lives that married couples lead but whatever the reasons you pay for sex, most people who don't pay for sex would see you as in some way defective or the stereotypical male who can't keep his cock under control.
Would any of us have committed to the OH or married them if the Vicar had asked, "Do you Mrs Smith take Mr Smith and promise to love honour, obey and provide sex once a year, or possibly not at all?"  No, most women who go off sex, were never particularly into sex in my opinion but they managed to maintain the pretence long enough to put the shackles on some poor twat. I accept that menopause can reduce sexual drive but this can be managed rather than used as an excuse. So who cheated on who first? You marry someone who provided sex on tap and they turn off the tap a few years into marriage? Is that what you signed up for, a life of sexual deprivation? No, but sometimes it's just too fucking late because we have kids and other obligations, if not then anyone with any sense would have fucked off long ago.

I think that's pretty much spot on, except that when you share so much of your life with someone, you do tend to form a strong attachment regardless of how much sex there is.

I think the truth of it is that most women have no concept of how it feels to be male, and they just do what they want to do and leave their nearest and dearest high and dry.

[charger70]

Seems a family common issue, and one that has had various threads devoted to it.

I for one, discovered the joys of punting just over  year ago, and have used it to go through my fetish / kink list, things `i could never get up to with er indoors.
But the reason was like so many,  a desert at  home , I sed to get worked up about it, but the punting seems to have disputed that frustration nicely.

I don't feel guilty, as that would detract from he whole business, but equally I wouldn't want the OH to find out and be upset, as she no doubt would be, other aspects of the married life seem to be OK.


But hey, no doubt we have all had other secrets throughout life, so this is just another one.


Interestingly, as women seem to go off of the sex side of a relationship, they still seem to have an opinion, and its generally what  rotter a bloke is for working some other female!

But this issue is obviously something we are all concerned about, otherwise the threads wouldn't keep appearing, and us posting!

[Aspen]

Interestingly, as women seem to go off of the sex side of a relationship, they still seem to have an opinion, and its generally what  rotter a bloke is for working some other female!

Yes, it's funny how they become rabidly anti-men, and yet completely overlook their own performance as women. That's pretty much a consistent phenomenon amongst the couples I know reasonably well. Women who have good sex lives tend not to be so anti-men. And those are almost entirely confined to the under 40's.

I would say that prostitutes are just as bad - if not worse considering they are supposedly experts in these matters. The number that in the past have told me they have a partner but don't have sex with them even though they are shagging other guys all the time used to surprise me. But not any more, because I've got used to hearing it from across the spectrum.

[gamelghari]

What galls me is being dragged out to go shopping for undies; 'What do I think of this, that, these .....' How do you politely say 'It doesn't fucking matter what I think because I'll never see you wearing them?'  All the while I'm eyeing up the crumpet and seeing what they're selecting.

Once, in a shop I was holding some stuff and this similar aged but attractive woman said to me, 'They're nice ...' indicating a petticoat and matching set over my arm that my missus had selected.
I replied 'Well this is the closest I'll ever get to them now' to which the woman surprised me with 'Same for my husband.' My missus even laughed when she said that. Talk about a lost cause.

'Mansell' previously asked 'what's the point' when I stated I won't go on holiday with my missus .... well why should I, there's sadly not a lot going on in my household and I'm not taking that on my hols when I want to enjoy myself.

Yesterday was my department's Xmas bash. I sat in the boozer looking at all the women there, done up to the nines [some very nice legs on display] and then I look at the blokes with them and I'm thinking 'wonder which of you have to punt?'

So yes, years without have left me sad, lonely, angry and aggressive. For an hour or so, a couple of times a month, I feel the warmth of a woman's body against mine; it doesn't really matter if things finish with a shag because for those minutes I actually feel warm, safe and wanted [even if it is a professional contractual obligation with a WG]. My missus isn't even up for a cuddle or anything remotely intimate.

When I was younger I used to look at all the old blokes in the office hanging around all the totty at the office bash, making absolute cnuts of themselves.
I never knew why they did it then, but I know now. Unlike them I know I have no chance so I just have a pint or two, look at the crumpet about, perhaps have a quick mental fantasy and go home in good order. Perhaps via a punt on the way.

I've been watching 'Cuffs' on BBC and the character 'Felix' the DI has been shown on a punt a couple of times - his construed misery being dementia in his father and a crap relationship, but I wonder how many of us identify with the 'misery' prospect his character faces - I know I do.

[uksaldn]

As a new poster to your forum, wanking has never been good enough 
For myself, punting reaches quickly the parts that simple dating can take too long to reach.

[jcdmj12]

As a new poster to your forum, wanking has never been good enough 
For myself, punting reaches quickly the parts that simple dating can take too long to reach.

+1 very few civvies respond well to being asked "How about anal then? And can I facefuck you?" in the second email.

[jcdmj12]

I suspect a therapist would have a field day with this, but I have faced up to the fact I enjoy sex a lot more when it requires clandestine activities to arrange.  The idea of meeting a complete stranger at a random hotel knowing she'll have her tongue down my throat within 5 minutes is quite a thrill.

[Sunnysunny]

If it was left up to the missus we would have sex about once per year where as I would fuck every night if possible. If it was down to some medical condition I would have a bit more sympathy but the only reason is that she can't be bothered and when we do, do it, its like the previously mentioned sack of spuds!
This creates a huge sticking point for me, I have tried to suggest that we make an effort once per week but it never lasts and you go back to the porn/wanking cycle.
She does not seem to realise the resentment it causes and I genuinely wouldn't punt if it was on the table once per week.
I wouldn't leave because of reasons mentioned earlier, kids, no mortgage, big house etc but why should I have to endure forced celibacy?

So for me punting, I think in some way reduces the resentment caused, even though I'm not a prolific punter, and I wonder how many marriages are improved because of the option to punt?
Hopefully she will never find out, and if not, struggling to find a downside.

You have summed up my reasons far more eloquently than I could ever have hoped to. I was planning on buying a nice car after Christmas, but we have had sex twice this year, and she still appears blaisé to my needs. So buying a banger and punt more for the sake of my sanity

[jcdmj12]

You have summed up my reasons far more eloquently than I could ever have hoped to. I was planning on buying a nice car after Christmas, but we have had sex twice this year, and she still appears blaisé to my needs. So buying a banger and punt more for the sake of my sanity

Haha, yes my punting budget would allow me to drive something really rather nice, but I'd much rather be driving something cheap and fulfilling my sexual fantasies on a regular basis.   

[Sunnysunny]

Reading everyone's life stories here has actually given me some hope. Married 26 years, and a good relationship, with a nice house and grown up children. Yet bring up the subject of sex, and how we haven't engaged in it for a while .... And the cold mist descends.
Tonight I have sat in the study,watching TV on my own, and really contemplating why I stay with a women, that rejects my love,passion and companionship when I mention sex.

[Sparquin]

Reading everyone's life stories here has actually given me some hope. Married 26 years, and a good relationship, with a nice house and grown up children. Yet bring up the subject of sex, and how we haven't engaged in it for a while .... And the cold mist descends.
Tonight I have sat in the study,watching TV on my own, and really contemplating why I stay with a women, that rejects my love,passion and companionship when I mention sex.

I totally get it, but once resentment starts creeping in then things can get difficult.  My punting has pretty much saved me from being a dreadfully bitter and cynical person towards Mrs. S.

I would suggest punting not out of spite or unhappiness but as a means of reaffirming who you are and your own sexual needs. Seen from that perspective I enjoy my punting and find it liberating. No guilt attached. I would prefer a better and fulfilling marriage but after 27 years I know it is not available. 

[shagbambi]

I would suggest punting not out of spite or unhappiness but as a means of reaffirming who you are and your own sexual needs. Seen from that perspective I enjoy my punting and find it liberating. No guilt attached. I would prefer a better and fulfilling marriage but after 27 years I know it is not available.

Sums up things very well from my perspective.  I punt to keep part of me alive.

[gamelghari]

'Sunnysunny' I sit most nights in my upstairs den reading and/or listening to the radio; occasionally I have porn on screen as well whilst my missus sits downstairs glued to the idiots lantern enjoying her favourite soaps. At the weekend I'm up there all the time.

I watch only one programme on TV now and that's on the small screen in my bedroom.

Married for 40 years and no sex for the past 22 years I enjoy the odd punt and the temporary closeness of a woman's body. From what I've been told and seen most punters are married and in their late 50's and 60's and I'll bet they'll all relate to what's been written on this subject.

The only time there is discourse between my wife and I occurs when we eat at the table - after that we do our own thing, our paths meeting only when I nip downstairs to make a coffee before I turn in of a night. 

So, why do I stay with my missus? It has to be no mortgage and half a million quids worth of house with 5 bedrooms and my den. She's a good cook, bloody handy when it comes to decorating and keeping the place clean and she doesn't crib too much when I piss off to Bangkok.
"I don't want you bringing back something anti-social" [Read STI], " You've no need to worry, you won't be catching it!" being the reply that resulted in the look of a suddenly stunned mullet and a silent tongue when she said it last July.

From my point of view there's no need to go through the expensive business of a divorce, lining a Brief's pocket exponentially and losing at least 50% of the worth of the existing estate. A punting budget of a couple of hundred quid a month from my disposable income more than sates the problem of the unwanted celibacy foisted upon me by my wife and the prospect of paying for two Briefs and all court costs [never goes the bloke's way].

The sad thing is that even in the unlikely event of the missus being interested again I'd still have to go punting for satisfaction as there'll be none of the trimmings we expect from a WG.  What a quandry!

[MrMatrix]

I totally get it, but once resentment starts creeping in then things can get difficult.  My punting has pretty much saved me from being a dreadfully bitter and cynical person towards Mrs. S.

I would suggest punting not out of spite or unhappiness but as a means of reaffirming who you are and your own sexual needs. Seen from that perspective I enjoy my punting and find it liberating. No guilt attached. I would prefer a better and fulfilling marriage but after 27 years I know it is not available.

+1 sparquin. I was desperate, but I've added my views earlier in this thread. The resentment became all consuming at one stage and really, I'm still pissed off over it and remain bitter and cynical although to a lesser extent now. The OH often says you only come this way once. Soo right darling.............shame you never read the fucking message that's been staring at you for 30 years And the punting does relieve the stress and you do start to feel better about yourself again. 

[wheeliebinwanking]

Been off the scene for a few months and come back to read the comments.

Very insightful, every one of them. Clearly my problem is shared and experienced in different ways by men and women.

Funny how some manage to do the guilt thing as well. When I punted (infrequently I had guilt) when I FBSM'd I had pretty much zero guilt and I had the ability to block things out of my mind (coping mechanism).

Things have improved for me personally as we're TTC, but I fear once that stops the situation may repeat itself. I'll try my damndest to not let it though and keep something ticking over. Once a week missionary works fine for me. . .  honestly I know some posts have indicated more and wanting the OH to instigate but I am not sure if this is realistic over the long run.

My OH was a beast when we met, instigating and what not. But do not underestimate the effects of child birth on sex!

I'd never leave her because of sex though and though I was resentful at the time, I didn't really get angry. I just found a young lady to choke my chicken instead 

Anyway, thanks again for the replies. Great thread and wish everyone the best of luck and a guilt free existence

WBW

[easynow]

This has been a great thread to read.
Been together with OH 9 years but not married. (Done that once before).
The first 6 months were unbelievable. Then things started to dip and it coincided with her IBS.  She has it really bad and we have been to specialists etc.
Anyway we moved in the summer and I thought she would be happy and she is she loved the new house.  However since July we have had sex 3 times.  She has never instigated and last time was 11th December.  I know the date!
Ironically my first punt was organised for 12th December. Had 3 since mainly massage and hand job.  I had initial guilt from first punt as I had OWO twice and was worried about an STD.

My OH asks about marriage and a while back I said give me oral once a week and I will marry you on the spot.  I don't get any reply.

She knows I go without and I know she doesn't like instigating and is often ill. She isn't the most tactile but we do cuddle from time to time.

For me being touched and having someone want to make me happy is what it is all about.  My last punt was 15 min quick and OW and it was over quickly but didn't cut it for me.

It's a balancing act between STDS, getting caught and guilt but so far the little fella is winning the war.

Easy

[gamelghari]

For me being touched and having someone want to make me happy is what it is all about.  My last punt was 15 min quick and OW and it was over quickly but didn't cut it for me.

It's a balancing act between STDS, getting caught and guilt but so far the little fella is winning the war.

Easy

If I meet a bint in Bangkok it's the closeness of the body; I have no need for a shag [a wank is just as good and safer as far as I'm concerned].
I've been without sex with my missus for 22 years and I don't feel guilty when I employ a WG to satisfy me.

From your point I don't see a balancing act,  Easynow; it's more of an equation. Being sensible and staying covered takes out 99% of the risk of a STI and the 1% is further reducible with mouthwash and iodine in your punting washbag for a before and after wash. You'll not get caught if you use your loaf and punt away from your locale, use a punting phone, have a decent legend and make sure that your missus has a credible explanation as to where you'll be when you're punting. Why feel guilty when you are only sating a need that is being denied you?

[easynow]

If I meet a bint in Bangkok it's the closeness of the body; I have no need for a shag [a wank is just as good and safer as far as I'm concerned].
I've been without sex with my missus for 22 years and I don't feel guilty when I employ a WG to satisfy me.

From your point I don't see a balancing act,  Easynow; it's more of an equation. Being sensible and staying covered takes out 99% of the risk of a STI and the 1% is further reducible with mouthwash and iodine in your punting washbag for a before and after wash. You'll not get caught if you use your loaf and punt away from your locale, use a punting phone, have a decent legend and make sure that your missus has a credible explanation as to where you'll be when you're punting. Why feel guilty when you are only sating a need that is being denied you?
[/quote

After 8 Guinness that is he most sensible thing I have heard I  years

[MJ.spritzen]

Im 31, been married 7 years. My wife stopped having regular sex with me about 3 years ago. In fact, we havent had sex at all in 3 years. Asking or instigating it now is just embarrassing. When we were dating she was a fiend. Sucking me off in parks, cinemas, me fucking her in public at night over a bench, rimming, oral etc etc. Now, I still love giving oral, she hates it. The sad thing is, she's got a great body and ticks all the boxes for me but is now zero interested in sex. She's only 27 and all!
So i transitioned from porn to finding a hot girl to fuck. At first i'd feel guilty, now i dont at all. I mean what does she expect? I was 27 when it all dried up and reduced to celibacy? No fucking way. I've been with, at my estimate, 80 girls in those years. Get checked every now and then and im clean. My tastes change so i've been with a varied amount, which is the nice thing about punting. Older women, Teens, Black women, small tits, big tits, blondes, watersports, two girls etc.

I havent been for a few months now. My last one was Melinda's MelonsExternal Link/Members Only in Liverpool but i've just not felt like going through the rigmarole of seeing a WG.

[Mrsimple]

Here was me thinking I'm the only bloke going through this until I read this thread. Been with OH for 9 years not married. She asked me about marriage but when the sex stopped I thought bugger this.

Your not getting your hands on my money or my house. Think things are going to end very soon hence why I joined this forum. Not been with a WG yet as I'm reading up learning about this new interest before I take the plunge. These nights I spend most of my time at the gym whilst she sits and watches tv.

[Aspen]

Here was me thinking I'm the only bloke going through this until I read this thread.

It's very common. So much so I'd say it's normal.

I have a lot of married friends in their 40's and 50's and I can't identify a single one that is having a regular sex life with his misses. That's not to say there isn't, but I do know for sure substantially more than half are not.

[Bluefin]

It's very common. So much so I'd say it's normal.

I have a lot of married friends in their 40's and 50's and I can't identify a single one that is having a regular sex life with his misses. That's not to say there isn't, but I do know for sure substantially more than half are not.

+1
All of my mates have the same complaint too, same age bracket.
When I was younger I heard the myth about women being horny as fuck when they reach their forties, but it turned out to be a lot of bollocks 

[Aspen]

+1
All of my mates have the same complaint too, same age bracket.
When I was younger I heard the myth about women being horny as fuck when they reach their forties, but it turned out to be a lot of bollocks

Yup!   Around 25 - 35 is about as much as it lasts, if you're lucky.

Anyway, it's more attention seeking than actual horniness.

[Mrsimple]

Not wanting to give out too much info but me and my friends are in our early 30s all of them in a relationship and they're all unhappy with their sex life.

Im wondering whether there's a universal code for women that when they know they've got the bloke they can relax and not feel the need to satisfy our sex drive.

[bfl]

Once a month is all I get and I'm 30. Once kids came along that was it. Why do we fucking bother ay? What's the point of having a woman at home taking money and paying wg's? I've got a lot of mates in the same situation at the same age, the only happy ones are single 

[MrMatrix]

Im 31, been married 7 years. My wife stopped having regular sex with me about 3 years ago. In fact, we havent had sex at all in 3 years. Asking or instigating it now is just embarrassing. When we were dating she was a fiend. Sucking me off in parks, cinemas, me fucking her in public at night over a bench, rimming, oral etc etc. Now, I still love giving oral, she hates it. The sad thing is, she's got a great body and ticks all the boxes for me but is now zero interested in sex. She's only 27 and all!
So i transitioned from porn to finding a hot girl to fuck. At first i'd feel guilty, now i dont at all. I mean what does she expect? I was 27 when it all dried up and reduced to celibacy? No fucking way. I've been with, at my estimate, 80 girls in those years. Get checked every now and then and im clean. My tastes change so i've been with a varied amount, which is the nice thing about punting. Older women, Teens, Black women, small tits, big tits, blondes, watersports, two girls etc.

I havent been for a few months now. My last one was Melinda's MelonsExternal Link/Members Only in Liverpool but i've just not felt like going through the rigmarole of seeing a WG.

MJS It guts me to hear a young man like you (and many others) with this problem and no change for 3 years. Your scenario isn't quite as bad as mine but at your age you NEED to do some thing about this other wise you will have years of angst, rejection which I assure you will turn to anger if you stay with the OH. I don't want anyone to walk my path in this respect, for its awful. If you have children as I did you are kinda tied in as I was. Try counseling its worth the investment even now, get her down there so she can see how pissed off and upset you are. No one should endure this unreasonable behavior at a young age, that will only jeopardize your relationship and family stability. If you don't it will get worse- I've got the fucking T shirt

Yes there are loads of us in this situation, but whilst punting is fun and does help, the majority of us i think would rather be in a regular relationship with the OH, including me. But after 30+ years its not going to happen.
You mention you get health checks. Some of the bigger health centres also provide counselling within their service (its free). Give it a go. Best of luck.
Sorry if i come across as a preacher don't mean too. Just does my head in....

[onion]

Im 31, been married 7 years. My wife stopped having regular sex with me about 3 years ago. In fact, we havent had sex at all in 3 years. Asking or instigating it now is just embarrassing. When we were dating she was a fiend. Sucking me off in parks, cinemas, me fucking her in public at night over a bench, rimming, oral etc etc. Now, I still love giving oral, she hates it. The sad thing is, she's got a great body and ticks all the boxes for me but is now zero interested in sex. She's only 27 and all!
So i transitioned from porn to finding a hot girl to fuck. At first i'd feel guilty, now i dont at all. I mean what does she expect? I was 27 when it all dried up and reduced to celibacy? No fucking way. I've been with, at my estimate, 80 girls in those years. Get checked every now and then and im clean. My tastes change so i've been with a varied amount, which is the nice thing about punting. Older women, Teens, Black women, small tits, big tits, blondes, watersports, two girls etc.

I havent been for a few months now. My last one was Melinda's MelonsExternal Link/Members Only in Liverpool but i've just not felt like going through the rigmarole of seeing a WG.

Good lord, I'm not too far off your age and from reading this and others it rather puts me off marriage if that's what I'm to expect. But then as some people mention you cant beat having a regular partner for company and use as a free taxi whenever I can't be arsed driving

[MrMatrix]

I think anyone entering a new relationship, especially this day needs to make it clear that if the GF withdraws their favours you'll be looking elsewhere or its over. SEX is very important in a relationship. If you are indifferent to sex then we aren't compatible. You need to keep reinforcing this so it keeps their focus and they are in no doubt what the issues are. Hopefully with good TWO way communication you won't need this site.

[americandianna]

.
When I was younger I heard the myth about women being horny as fuck when they reach their forties, but it turned out to be a lot of bollocks 

No, it isn't. I always liked sex, but in my late 30s I hit an intensely horny period when I was masturbating 7 times a day. Many of my girlfriends had the same experience. That ridiculous intensity lasted around 8 years but I'm still hornier now than I was 20 years ago, which is saying something.

Women who lose interest instead appear to be more common, but there's a substantial minority about whom that myth was written.

[Aspen]

I'm wondering whether there's a universal code for women that when they know they've got the bloke they can relax and not feel the need to satisfy our sex drive.

There's no code. It just happens naturally.

You might get the occasional woman that is different, but they are extremely rare.

Anyone who knows one wouldn't be thinking of paying for it anyway. But for most of us to all intents and purposes they don't exist.

[Bluefin]

There's no code. It just happens naturally.

You might get the occasional woman that is different, but they are extremely rare.

Anyone who knows one wouldn't be thinking of paying for it anyway. But for most of us to all intents and purposes they don't exist.

Spot on!

[wheeliebinwanking]

I think anyone entering a new relationship, especially this day needs to make it clear that if the GF withdraws their favours you'll be looking elsewhere or its over. SEX is very important in a relationship. If you are indifferent to sex then we aren't compatible. You need to keep reinforcing this so it keeps their focus and they are in no doubt what the issues are. Hopefully with good TWO way communication you won't need this site.

Totally agree with your reply to MJ.Spritzen Matrix. The fella is way too young to settle for mediocrity but I can only think that there must be children involved to stay together? MJ do enlighten us. Either way, counselling would help and be a wise move. If things do not improve and if you don't have any messy situations you may need to cut loose.

But Matrix - Unless guys start writing a written contract before marriage or getting together there is no way you can ensure the lady in question will keep the sex coming. Like has been said, age, child birth, contentedness all play a massive part.

I remember when I met my OH, I literally used to have to tell her to get off me as I didn't want to be too tired for work. Luckily in those years I made some nice 'recordings' so watching our home made porn helps the situation. But it's also a stark reminder of just how much things have changed in 7 years.

One of the reasons I go for massage over WG is for the intimacy and closeness. Also the the incredible build up and release. I don't need to worry (as much) regarding STD's and no one is bumping uglies but coming back to the crux, I WOULD RATHER  BE WITH MY OH JUST ONCE A WEEK EVERY WEEK. That would be enough for me.

Once again, I'm glad many guys are finding solice in knowing their not alone. But can we actually do anything to change the predicament?

I did receive a nice private PM, telling me to read 'The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011'. I started the book and it seems to make sense.

Touches upon being a perfect blend of Alpha Male (The Fonz) and Beta Male (Ross from Friends) and making sure we're 'still' attractive and in shape, etc. All makes sense. I am working my way through it and I'll see.

But I do not think it's a magic pill for everyone, purely because 'some' of the issues are with the OH so I am not sure how a male self help book can fix that

[Speed Racer]

It's interesting what you say about that book as that's absolutely the approach I took.

When it dried up for me (and it was borderline spectacular beforehand), I obviously blamed her immediately. What I never did was look to address why she wasn't in the mood, and see if the issue lay partly with me.

I think it's a fair assumption that a lot of blokes are lying around on the sofa, overweight and out of shape, contributing little in the way of excitement or happiness to the relationship, so we can't really be surprised if the wives don't get turned on in the same way we do.

In my experience, the other half looks at sex as the culmination of a lot of other criteria that need to be satisfied before she mentally allows herself to open up (in all senses of the word).

My solution was to change a lot of things. I'm in pretty reasonable shape anyway, but I looked back to the way I used to treat her.... flowers on the way home from work on a Friday, more spontaneity in what we did over the weekend, pushing her to get out midweek with the girls, both of us hitting the gym harder, doing more stuff with our daughter, more fun etc etc...

Worked temporarily, but was nothing like it had been in frequency or style, and I'm a reasonably experimental type with a higher drive than her. Unfortunately, like a lot of women, the concept of talking about sex or being open filled her with dread and she got all embarassed, so we never dealt with the issues.

Like many, I started with massages before moving onwards and upwards, but I will quite happily admit that I don't find the closeness or the satisfaction from wgs that I did with her. This is quite possibly down to some elements of guilt, or that one night stand type interactions will never compare to two people who are intimate with each other in every way, but after a year without, you take what you can get/afford!

All a bit fluffy and therapy-like this is, but just some honesty. Incidentally, we split recently for several reasons (sex being one of them), but maybe just proof that women who aren't happy in themselves are never going to make you happy in that department over the long term.

Right enough waffling from me....off for a browse of AW!

[Mutinyonthecounty]

To be fair to my missus she has kept herself in good condition and is still into fucking - usually about 1-2 a month. We've been together since 1998.

That said, I'm a proper cunt and sexual deviant me, and my missus could fuck me everyday and I would still want to punt with whores. I've been punting since I was 17 and I'm not likely to stop now at 51. I don't feel any guilt as I've abdicated responsibility for my actions as I truly believe that I'm fucked up in the head.

[MrMatrix]

But Matrix - Unless guys start writing a written contract before marriage or getting together there is no way you can ensure the lady in question will keep the sex coming. Like has been said, age, child birth, contentedness all play a massive part.

I remember when I met my OH, I literally used to have to tell her to get off me as I didn't want to be too tired for work. Luckily in those years I made some nice 'recordings' so watching our home made porn helps the situation. But it's also a stark reminder of just how much things have changed in 7 years.

One of the reasons I go for massage over WG is for the intimacy and closeness. Also the the incredible build up and release. I don't need to worry (as much) regarding STD's and no one is bumping uglies but coming back to the crux, I WOULD RATHER  BE WITH MY OH JUST ONCE A WEEK EVERY WEEK. That would be enough for me.

Once again, I'm glad many guys are finding solice in knowing their not alone. But can we actually do anything to change the predicament?

But I do not think it's a magic pill for everyone, purely because 'some' of the issues are with the OH so I am not sure how a male self help book can fix that
[/quote]

You are right about the issue of contract and there are many factors that influence as you point out. However in the early years I feel its important to keep their attention focused on what keeps YOU happy. For if you are happy the OH will also be happy as the positive karma that sex brings is circulated between the two of you. It is a win win situation for both of you and a stress buster of huge proportions. If you are a good provider, a good father a good husband you would expect the OH to value these attributes for you already appreciate hers. The thought of that breaking up should be an incentive to keep him fully occupied so that she doesn't lose such top husband. And for the sake of 30 minutes together a week of personal time why wouldn't you she want to make that effort.
I try explaining this to my OH and she use to go blah blah blah heard all before I kid you not. So after 30 years of faithfully yet sexless marriage I went on to AW. Obviously a lots happened in 30 years, its a very long story. Unlike you my OH has never hit on me for sex its not been good. I consider I've never had a fulfilling sex life.
Like you I would rather have sex once a week to enjoy the closeness , much better than a WG. However my OH has just lied through out our marriage and she says things would change but nothing has ever changed through loads of arguments so now there is no passion any more hence gave up years ago.
I don't want to see any youngsters go through what I've been through. hence I'm proactive on this thread.

[wheeliebinwanking]

Your post wasn't at all Fluffy Speed Racer, just another honest insightful post about your situation. Before you look at AW, why don't you have a read of the Seeking Arrangement thread? https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=54610.2075;topicseen If I was in the market and now seperate I may chance my luck their if your looking for something a little more intimate?


Matrix - I totally understand your viewpoint and 30 years is a long time. I've had bad luck with girls closing the cookie jar. In my prime when I was 19/20 my g/f suddenly went off sex. And it was literally a ball ache to be around her, I had to knock one out every day just to keep sane. Luckily she'd help me finish. But it was soul destroying being with a beautiful women and not being able to be intimate.

I think we could all do with being a bit more honest with our OH's about sex, but I guess we need to make sure we're also open to making changes on our side. Like I said in my thread earlier my OH and it would appear other folks OH's know but they seem not to be willing enough to do something about it. Like you said ..  . 30 mins a week if that (Truth be told I haven't had a good 30 min session with my OH for years!) but it seems too difficult. This maybe due to a number of reasons such as 'not feeling sexy', 'body image', 'The man not as sexy/appealing'

I may need to do some research on Mumsnet

External Link/Members Only

External Link/Members Only

External Link/Members Only

No clear consensus. Some of the ladies are calling us bastards and abusive. Strange species..

WBW