Let me preface this review by saying it doesn't add anything to the plethora of negatives this skank has, and is more of an attempt to cathartically free me from the memory of the bad punt by putting it in words and entrust it to the sands of time. And, also, a monument to my stupidity.
I knew full well that Antonia would be a shitty punt, or at least I had all the instruments to know: various negative reviews on UKP, including one by a guy who was offsetting with a negative a previous positive. For some reason, though, I decided to ignore the reviews and when I was in the area I gave her a call to check availability. She doesn't speak by phone (shitty English, probably), but confirmed via SMS she was available.
She receives in a hotel near Aldgate East. She gave me the room number a few minutes before our planned time, which was the only positive thing about the punt. Immediately after she sent me a text telling me to "be discreet and not go to the reception": she probably thinks everybody has her IQ and would introduce himself to the receptionist saying "hi, there's this lass I'm going to fuck on room 206, could you tell me what floor is it? and how to press the button on the lift? and how to tie my shoes in the meantime?".
She opened the door in an open bathrobe with nothing underneath. In my experience this kind of sleaziness is not promising, and in fact I found it annoying. Even more annoying was the fact she barely looked at me, engaged as she was in texting with someone.
I took a quick shower and got back to the room. I noticed that she had removed the sheets from the bed, so I probably lied on the encrusted sperm of a thousand punters, and so will you if you have the very bad idea to visit her.
Body-wise, I would say Antonia is a 7.5: she is on the "too slim" side of slimness, but still attractive. She could be a 8 or 8.5 if she hadn't gotten that ridiculous boob job, which she probably had done in an underpass in Morocco using second hand materials: she has now ruined what I'm sure were nice breasts by turning them into two oversized cupolas, perfectly semi-spheric, hard as stone, and awkwarly placed on her chest. Face-wise she's a 6/7: not a stunner, I would describe her as reasonably cute. Given she didn't make the minimum effort to prepare for me I probably saw her at her worst: hair picked up, no make up, nothing on.
She is nowhere as sexy or as beautiful as she appears on her pictures, but for some reason I mistook her initial calm attitude for friendliness, and very stupidly I paid for an hour.
She started the session by sitting awkwardly on my side and wanking me for a bit. What? Yes, she wanked me, because she wanted... to get me hard so she could put a condom on and give me one the worst OWs I've ever had (no OWO, of course). Oh, and she doesn't do FK ("Full GFE" my ass). Why in the world did I keep a girl in a hotlist that doesn't FK? Because she lied on the profile, that's why, and I didn't read the part of the review on UKP that mentioned about this.
I went down on her, and had these very, very bizarre 5 minutes where I was eating her pussy and not a sound came out of her mouth. Absolutely lifeless throughout. I could have chewed a steak and I would have got a more vibrant reaction. Very, very depressing. Did a bit of 69, but with the condom on I couldn't feel anything, and noticed that she was still jerking me furiously, probably in an attempt to make me come sooner.
After a while she told me "me on top?"... well, ok, go on top. And this is where things really started to piss me off, because most bad escorts are bad at BJs, but at least generally can take a vague pounding. Not Antonia, whose incompetence is so humongous that she is not even able to ride a cock in a barely decent way. See for your self in this gem of a video
that some poor idiot took, probably thinking he had a great time. You'll notice: 1) great ass (and that's all she's got), 2) how she doesn't take the full length, she actually barely takes in the tip, 3) how she histerically "vibrates" up and down, rather than moving. You'll notice the guy in the video is barely hard, and so was I while considering how completely useless this girl was at what she does for a living.
After a minute of this travesty I put her on her back, counting on a different position to regain a stronger erection and get some value off my money. Missionary wasn't where I got that value: she was rigid like a piece of ice, keeping her leg muscles tense (probably in an attempt to keep me out). I was able to put it all in, but the whole thing felt like trying to manipulate a piece of equipment. Even though she started sighing a little, she still had a completely emotionless expression, if anything showing a little annoyance, as if I was someone sitting too close to her on the tube.
I moved her to doggie, and she asked me to keep my legs close behind her (as opposed to sticking out, either one or both): this in my experience is another mark of the shitty prossie, but the doggie was still the only part of the experience that brought me close to coming. After a while I moved her to lie down, and she turned on her side, so I got to fuck her in that position: still not nice, but a little better.
By this time, though, the whole thing felt so lifeless that I struggled to stay hard. I was probably also physically tired, and the room was hot and humid: I kept sweating and this thing wasn't helping. After a while, she looked annoyed because I told her I was too hot, and with a berating tone she started saying that it wasn't too hot. Still, she turned the air conditioning on, which helped a little. Unfortunately by the time she got back on the bed I was completely soft. She then proceeded to jerk me off for a few more minutes, more or less with the same passion and participation than farmers put in the act when they need to collect the semen of the bulls. That didn't help: the whole experience felt so aseptic and artificial that I started thinking that for the first time in years I wouldn't be able to come.
After a while she removed the condom, and I hoped she decided to give me OWO, but no way: she wanted to just apply some lube on the shaft so that she could jerk me off in a bit of a more sloppy way. Nothing of what I really needed. By this time I was disheartened, so I asked her if we could convert the punt into an half an hour one.
Guess what? She informed me with an annoyed tone that "she can't do that", because she had to reject another customer, given I was staying an hour. Deciding to keep 40£ when someone is clearly pissed off by your performance to decide they want to go: what better than this could show what kind of lowlife you are? I didn't insist, but thought I would try to squeeze some more value from the punt. I tried to eat her some more, but by now I was so annoyed at her that I realize that the best way to live the next few minutes was leaving her in my past.
And this is was what I did, running quickly away from this piece of frozen meat (and silicone), thinking about when I could go home and jerk off properly, this time, dreaming of when I will meet again someone who will erase this bad experience from my memory: Peneloppe Ferré, Sweet Maria, Sophie A., London is full of good performers that I connect well with, I will forget.