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Author Topic: GUM Clinic - Some advice please.  (Read 3568 times)

Offline TheCape

Ok, I've read some other threads, many of which go off topic after a few posts so I'll try to keep to relevant.  I haven't been to one before, but I've had a little soreness after peeing for a few days and wonder if it is best to be checked out.  Been to the doctor, did a urine sample and she had a quick look down the japs eye and nothing found.  Suggests I give it a few days as it may well pass. I didn't discuss my 'hobby' as I think she'd have said 'go to the clinic' anyway so kept that off my records.  I intend going to a private one, not too far from where I work, but before I do, some help with the following please:

1) It appears to be generally accepted, I can give false details. Ok, will give a good friends name (He lives miles away and is an alcoholic anyway - chances of him tipping up in the area are zero). DOB - Easy, my football team won a major trophy a couple of years after I was born, that'll be fine.  But address and postcode, does this need to be an actual address with a postcode that matches, if so I'll have to memorise before I go and does that need to be in a certain catchment area? If I want to subsequently pay with a credit card with my real name, does that cause an issue (So should I pay cash?)
2) The swab, how bad is it? I've had a camera put down the old fellow a couple of years ago, not a great morning, would be keen to avoid.  How often does that test need to happen? What is involved with Hep B jab?  Just that, a jab? 
3) How detailed is the questioning?  As above, I can remember a certain amount of false info but not too much, will be unsettling enough anyway without having to remember too much false info, though I do intend to be honest about my 'activities', otherwise little point in going I suppose.

I have only ever had protected sex (vaginal only, never had anal), oral both ways (Oral on me is now more covered than not but has occasionally happened), DFK, fingering and on one occasion, fisting. 

Apologies if this is basic stuff to the experienced, but as you can see, I am relatively new on here (Although I have punted and viewed this site for a few years).  I'm one of those characters that worry more than most, I would say. 

Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.

Cheers

Offline GreyDave

They do`not Judge or enquire to much they are helpfull and will give you a ref card so thats the important bit for further vists not football team dates ect . the test are easy its getting the neve to go in and accept what you have been up to might not be looked upon well but these people are fine just go then relax worry causes more probs than anything and if you have guilt pangs  KEEP THEM TO YOUR SELF :drinks: dont thow away a realtionship over worries about a few mircrob`s
« Last Edit: May 03, 2015, 07:35:31 PM by GreyDave »

Offline TheCape

Thanks Dave, I think I'm pretty Ok with the 'embarrassment' bit of it, it's been likened to a first punt and I got through that ok.  It's main the swab that puts me off and just 'keeping up the lie' about false details if I have to start giving them.

Offline GreyDave

Swabs not what they used to be just a small cotton wad thing I did not notice it at bit (more worried about the nurse holding it) they test some things there and then its free and others you have to wait a few days for. Oh and dont drink to much fruit juice or Lager it can give you an irritant.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2015, 07:40:23 PM by GreyDave »

Offline Steely Dan

Not understand why you will go to a private one.  But I don't understand why others pay £350 for a punt - to each their own.  Same result more money. 

So I have no experience with private, just the normal one.  I reviewed one - look at my posts.  Two things.  This is your health = your life, not just something to add to your enjoyment.  Seriously, man up and get on with it.  Tell the truth as much as possible - they really are there to keep you alive not to 'out' you. 

OK the main thing is DOB.  It sounds like you know it.  The rest doesn't matter.  Heb B is a course of 3 jabs.  That is it.  The questioning was neutral but asked about my history.  They wont ask much more than you just posted above.  How many?  Where?  What nationality?  Did you use condom?

For test for STI, the only other thing is blood and urine.  If you have something else wrong, of course it can lead to more intervention.  But the nice people at the GUM clinic will give you the best advice.  The only advice I offer is to GO.   

Offline JV547845

They won't do a swab at NHS clinics unless you say you've got symptoms in your jap's eye.

The questioning after I tell them I pay for it is normally, how many sexual partners, girls or boys, (and then presumably top or bottom if yes to boys), from what countries (higher HIV risk in Africa and Asia), what kind of sexy time, did you use condoms for penetration, etc.?  Once they asked have I got their contact details, which was a yes to a spreadsheet I keep.  Nothing major.  Just to assess risk and track outbreaks.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2015, 07:44:11 PM by JV547845 »

Offline iPad3

I went to  the paddington gum in London. Gave completely false details, they use various items and your phone number to confirm its you on subsequent visits and I forgot them, this was greeted with a smirk and a roll of the eyes, they know what's going on and couldn't give a shit.

Tests were no problem at all

Attitude from the staff was completely fine, told them all about my activities and they sorted me out no problem, had NSU, so pleased I went.

My veiw now is regular checks and if anything is amiss get straight down as not going could be far worse.

I've you've any specific queries please feel free to PM

 :drinks:

Offline TheCape

Dan - Going private as I'd rather pay a little and have someone being as nice as possible to my knob.  I know, I know, the local one will be fine but part of it, in all seriousness, is the reduced chance of bumping into anyone I know.  I know the chances are slim but also anywhere other than local will need a weekend visit and I can't do the next couple of Saturdays for family commitments (Relatives rather than wife - I am single).

I'm happy to pay to reduce the chance of an awkward 'bumping into someone' anywhere near the clinic.   

Offline TheCape

Thanks guys - this is reassuring.

1) It appears to be generally accepted, I can give false details. Ok, will give a good friends name (He lives miles away and is an alcoholic anyway - chances of him tipping up in the area are zero). DOB - Easy, my football team won a major trophy a couple of years after I was born, that'll be fine.  But address and postcode, does this need to be an actual address with a postcode that matches, if so I'll have to memorise before I go and does that need to be in a certain catchment area? If I want to subsequently pay with a credit card with my real name, does that cause an issue (So should I pay cash?)
2) The swab, how bad is it? I've had a camera put down the old fellow a couple of years ago, not a great morning, would be keen to avoid.  How often does that test need to happen? What is involved with Hep B jab?  Just that, a jab? 
3) How detailed is the questioning?  As above, I can remember a certain amount of false info but not too much, will be unsettling enough anyway without having to remember too much false info, though I do intend to be honest about my 'activities', otherwise little point in going I suppose.

1 - You can make up whatever you want, you'll be given a reference number for future visits. I'm not sure what it is you think you'll be paying for?  If you need any prescription stuff that you have to actually buy you'll go and get it from a pharmacy elsewhere so I wouldn't worry about that. Sorry just seen that you said you were going somewhere private.

2 - If you've had one of those camera procedures, it's nowhere near that.  It's literally just half a second of unpleasantness and that's it.  I've got a real issue with things going there, and I was ok - not enjoyable but if I had to do it again I could cope.

3 - They'll ask you what kind of sex you've had and with whom (as in male/female, relationship partner/casual thing/WG, nationality etc.).  You shouldn't really have to remember any false info unless there's something in particular you're keen not to tell them, in which case prepare your lie beforehand.  Ultimately though, you're under no obligation to tell them stuff, you can just not answer, though I think it's a bit less awkward to just lie.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2015, 07:51:37 PM by domino131 »

Offline Johny Stone

I have a coded note in my phone with the fake name and address I give at GUM.
I gave them my work number so I should be fine.
Ive been there twice in the past year, all good.
They are not nosey at all, very helpfull and discreet.
When your results are done you get a text on your phone to make an appointement with them to get the results. You can go in person or call them for the appointment. Simples.

Offline TheCape

Yes, the benefits of a punting phone are ever more obvious, sounds like I don't have too much to worry about.  I am also hopeful that a further benefit of going private is that I can be in and out quite quickly and put it down to 'taking a late lunch' from work.

Offline herbie007

I use my local NHS GUM clinic, They don’t care if I call myself Mickey mouse, as long as I give them my correct date of birth and a mobile number that they can contact me on, no need for addresses or post codes either, but as mentioned above you should make a note of the ref number of the card they give you.

Another plus for using the NHS is that you don’t have to worry about using a card to make payments and you can be up front about shagging WG’s, they will advise that you get checked for everything and give you a quick once over, the Japs eye check is not as bad as it used to be.
 
 They say It usually takes up to seven days to get the results back, I usually get mine back within 2 to 3 days. They will ask if you prefer a text or email, If they find anything they will call instead.

Loads of advice on here about Hep B, but if you need them it’s best to get the ball rolling with the first of 3 when you have the above tests done, then 1 a week later and then the final 1 after a further 2 weeks.

Offline badsin

I go fairly regularly to the GUM clinic close to where I live- normally around four times a year.
I do the blood and urine tests, and give all my correct personal details. I am single, and therefore my mindset tells me that I am not being unfaithful to anybody - so I do as I please :hi:
I receive the results via a text message - and have never waited more than around 8 to 10 days.

The clinic itself, is clean and modern. With nice staff, whom I have never found to be judgemental or critical.The only thing that I think about is seeing anybody I know as I walk through the hospital/clinic area. However I do have a cover storey: as I have very low blood pressure - and can make an excuse up along those lines if required.
 There is both a male & female clinic so no embarrassment on that front. However, on at least two occasions I have seen quite tidy yound birds with their boyfriends waiting in the male section of the clinic........ I have to say I do wonder what they have been upto? ;)

Id say just get yourself down there, get checked out - and hopefully that will put your mind at risk :thumbsup:


I looked at going private but its really not worth it.. the service at my NHS GUM is easy going and very non-judgemental..

I made up a name but kept my first name/DOB, they give a unique ID and its tied to your punting phone number..

I book an appointment and I'm the only one in the waiting room... Choose a town some distance away and no probs...

With regard the questioning, you can tell them as much as you want, I was completely open about Qty/variety/TSs etc and nadda... not phased at all...

Just remember the first name you gave and have the little id card ready.. All jabs/tests are free. Going private frequently will cost you a fortune..




I go to my local NHS GUM clinic as I can pop in during the day (no questions asked by the wifey).

When you fill out your details on the form they ask you how you would prefer to be contacted - text/phone/email- and if you wish your doctor to be given results or not. So I just give my punting mobile number & request my doctor doesn't know.

As for someone seeing me - I've had urinary problems in the past and referred to the GUM clinic for that, so can use that as an excuse. I also use my own name too in case someone I know is there. Can't really use the urinary prob excuse if they call out a different name (only first names are called BTW).

Get checked regularly and protect yourself as much as poss on a punt. OWO is a no-no for me personally.

Offline AnthG


2) The swab, how bad is it? I've had a camera put down the old fellow a couple of years ago, not a great morning, would be keen to avoid.  How often does that test need to happen? What is involved with Hep B jab?  Just that, a jab? 

There is one swab that is not a nice feeling at all. Its either the Gonorrhea or the Chlamydia one but they want to get a swab of the back of your throat and it is not a nice feeling at all.

The rest are nothing.

My advice is they will need a urine sample so do not go before leaving the house. And specifcially ask for the Hep B vaccine. Also they do not pass info on to your GP. The only time you need to be worried is if you have something they will want to tell all the people you have come in contact with. So be careful what you say as they do the questionaire first.

Offline Captain Caveman

I wouldn't waste your money on a private clinic - I went to one once and it was worse service than the NHS

Have been to my local hospital GUM clinic twice in last 12 months and have found it plain sailing.

Rest assured the NHS takes patient confidentiality VERY seriously.

Banning reason: Making racist slur

Offline AnthG

Rest assured the NHS takes patient confidentiality VERY seriously.

Not if you have something though. They are obligated to breach confidentiality then. This is why you need to be careful who you say you have had sex with as they always ask you who you have before they do the tests.

Offline Captain Caveman

Not if you have something though. They are obligated to breach confidentiality then. This is why you need to be careful who you say you have had sex with as they always ask you who you have before they do the tests.

That is not my understanding of it.

At my last visit, I was asked the name of my sexual partner (which was a WG but I didn't tell them that).

They took a name but there was no obligation to provide a real name or any contact details. They told me it was a box ticking exercise so they could report they had collected a partner's name and meet a target.

They don't get it touch with that person, and don't have the info to anyway even if they wanted to.


Banning reason: Making racist slur

I went to my local GUM clinic and they were really nice and non-judgemental. They know what goes on and all of the patients are there for the same reason so no-one sits in judgement.

I visited because my foreskin was really sore and had tiny scabs on it. I was very painful to peel it back to even wash it. I was convinced I'd picked something up after a particularly heavy oral session with a civvie. It turns out I had thrush which is a side effect of my then undiagnosed type 2 diabetes.

Whilst I was there they were filming for a channel 4 documentary series about GUM clinics. I politely declined!

Offline JV547845

There is one swab that is not a nice feeling at all. Its either the Gonorrhea or the Chlamydia one but they want to get a swab of the back of your throat and it is not a nice feeling at all.

That swab is really no big deal.

Offline JV547845

Not if you have something though. They are obligated to breach confidentiality then. This is why you need to be careful who you say you have had sex with as they always ask you who you have before they do the tests.

If you have a reportable condition they might have to refer you to the council health investigation team.  I've always told them I've paid for sex and have records of all their contact details and they've never asked me anymore than how many partners, what activities, and what nationality?  Even if I was pretending to be a local Cassanova, I could say they were all one night stands after meeting girls in night clubs or meeting girls on Plenty of Fish.

Offline TheCape

Thanks for the advice all.  Having got the visit over and done with I thought I would give me own observations.

Firstly, don't go the private route.  It costs a frigging fortune!  I was expecting something in the £100-£200 range but it was a lot more than that and I could have had punts for the better part of a year for what it would have cost! So decided to go the NHS route and contacted the clinic a ten minute drive from where I work (But far enough away that I shouldn't be spotted, at least during office hours when everyone else will be working).

It was nigh on impossible to get through on the phone line during the day (I assume there is just one line) but easier in the evening after 5pm.  Was advised there was a walk in clinic the following morning and if I arrived before the official opening time of 8:30, I should been seen pretty quickly.  So I turned up at 8:10 to be greeted by a crowd that felt like Wembley stadium on cup final day! Took my number in the high twenties and when they called out 'Number 4 please' I thought sod this and asked if I could book an appointment which they happily arranged for the following morning.   So back in to work with no-one the wiser and returned the following day to a waiting room with just a handful of people.  Much better, much calmer and something to consider for someone visiting for the first time.

In with the doc, an Asian, Indian I think, man with a serious poker face.  A few questions as to why I was there and finally my admission that I had been with WG's.  No change in tone, really want him to say something funny or reassuring but complete blank.  Questions on sexual activity.  Nothing too raunchy here so I feel a bit more relaxed.  Have I has sex abroad?  No. He asks this more than once and then 'Thai'?  I sure that's covered in the previous question but again answer no.  Oral without is clearly the problem here.

So to the test.  First is the swab of which he takes two.  The first takes about a second, the second, maybe 2-3 seconds and are uncomfortable but not painful.  I'm 'clenched', but its more through uncertainty having not been through this before.  Once done, I give blood test and then urine with the nurse.  No residual feeling from the swab when I pee, so feeling better.  Back to the doc who tells me the jabs and treatments I'm having and gives a little lecture on safe sex etc.  Get the feeling he would seriously disapprove of unprotected sex, sex abroad and would just saw the poor fellow off if I had had sex in Thailand!

Off to see second, younger nursey who has a great figure and is quite pretty.  I'm think £150 per hour?? but that this really isn't the time for asking!  Tells me I'll be having Hep B jab in arm and something else in my arse and taking 4 tablets in one go.  I'm thinking of changing my username to 'dartboard' as the first jab goes in the arm.  No pain at all, two more of these over the next two months will be a breeze.  Then Michael Van Gerwen puts one in the backside which is actually lower hip (Don't need to remove trousers, just pull them and underwear down a bit).  Again, no pain and its all done.  Just to mention here, in my conversation with fit nursey, I am pretty sure that she is not told of why I am here and what I have been up to.  She just does the injections.  Not that it's important but if anyone was put off by the 'embarrassment factor', they really needn't be.  She tells me there is no need to be embarrassed and is very chatty and friendly. We're then all done.  Results to punting phone in a week or so and then book in 1 month for 2nd Hep B jab and again 1 month after than.  No sex at all for 10 days (Which fucks up me rather pleasant plan for next weekend but hey ho) and off I go.

Having 'taken the plunge' I would summarise the following:
1) Private is too expensive and the NHS staff are magnificent as ever. Don't hesitate to use their services.
2) The walk in clinic was daunting given the number of people in there.  I kept looking to see if there was anyone I knew and didn't enjoy being sat there.  If you can make an appointment, it may be better.  I felt much less nervous to be greeted by about half a dozen people the next day.       
3) Be honest about your activities.  I was going to lie and mention 'one night stand' or met someone online. But I think the WG issue needs to be mentioned.  The jabs are nothing and 'poker face' didn't seem too shocked or bothered in the slightest.
4) I gave false details and this nearly caught me out when he called my false name.  As no-one responded he went back up to reception with me chasing after him saying 'err, yes that's me'.  I'm sure he knew and my slight concern is that they will pull me up on this more my treatment is over.  So far so good though.

So thanks for the replies and hopefully this will help someone who finds themselves in a similar position.

Offline Captain Caveman

Thanks for providing this account

Hope you'll be back in action soon

 :thumbsup:

Banning reason: Making racist slur


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