My first time at this much reviewed location:
External Link/Members OnlyIt's early morning and the door is locked when I arrive. I plant my face on the door and peer inside and shortly a girl in an anorak comes and opens up. The reception is behind a huge glass screen, with a small hole for making payment, a bit like a minicab firm or a bank (wank bank?). It's clear the mammasan has yet to arrive, so the girl who opened the door nips behind the screen to deal with my payment (£60 for an hour). I want to pay by card, but she doesn't know how to use the machine. Cue a slightly comic video call with the mammasan, who patiently explains to her how to take a payment as she struggles to understand. They get there in the end.
Then she leads me to one of the little rooms squeezed along the short corridor behind reception. There's no hint of the line-up this place is known for - I guess it's too early - and it's clear that the anorak girl will be my masseuse. She says her name is Victoria. She's from Brazil, kind of stout, average-looking but somehow still quite hot in a Brazilian kind of way.
Anyway, I strip, assume the position, naked. She returns, takes off her anorak and begins. And it becomes clear pretty quickly that she must have bunked off the massage classes at school. It's more of a rub, with nothing sensual about it. And quite boring, to be honest. I realise I should have asked for 30 minutes.
On the turn, the question is asked (shout out to Google translate). I opt for naked b2b for £70, which seems a bit steep for a place like this, but tbh I'm desperate to get something out of this visit. She then strips off, displaying a taut, fit body, firm c cups and plenty of ink, and proceeds to plop herself on top of me in such a way that somehow most of her body is not touching mine, while her breasts are so tightly clamped against my chest that access is pretty much impossible. It's a bit like a wrestling hold. After a couple of minutes of this, she hops off and turns her attention to my cock.
What follows can only be described as some form of medieval torture. She grabs my balls and proceeds to wring them manically in what she must think is some kind of super-erotic move but is in fact just extremely uncomfortable. This is accompanied by some (literal) scratching of my perineum, which is quite painful. Waving like a drowning man, I mime for her to stop. She desists, but not long afterwards, she's at it again. At this point, I put a stop to the whole massage, and she jumps happily into the shower, leaving me to check all my bits are still in one piece.
All in all, a disappointing experience. To be fair, Victoria is a perfectly nice person, I just think she may be in the wrong job.
