Figueroa Street AKA "The Fig", Los Angeles, USA
Which degenerate dosnt dream of visiting LA? The films, the rap music, River Pheonix over dosing in the Viper rooms, Motley Crew filming the video for “Girls Girls Girls” in the Seventh Veil on Sunset Boulevard. It has been a dream of mine to make it over to the West Coast and this year I finally made it.
However, beyond all the fluffy rom-coms and wheat grass shots I had been long following the stories around one of the last places in the USA that still has a strong street walker presence – the legendary “Fig” aka Figueroa Street in South Central LA. Widely reputed to be the largest open air sex market in the USA, it still has that 90s Chicago pimps and hoes kind of vibe. It is also widely covered in the YouTube chanel “soft white underbelly” which features interviews with many of he girls who work “the fig” which you can access for free on YouTube or pay to watch a two hour documentary on their website:
External Link/Members Only. For me, a visit to LaLa land would not be complete without at minimum going and having a look at the Fig.
the only problem was I would not have access to a car. This is no minor problem in LA as the car is king and the distances are massive. On the plus side it means you can’t get done for curb crawling or get pulled over as a foreigner in a rental car with an obvious brass in your car.
Looking at a map revealed another problem - Fig starts in downtown LA and continues for MILES and its not clear where the action is. A quick bit of google research and Gemini kindly revealed the area of “the blade” from around 65th street onwards, but mainly at night from 9-10pm. Target cited now how the fuck would I get there?!? The answer once again came from our friends at Alphabet inc. the number 45 bus from DownTown LA goes almost the full length of the Fig. With a bus there is no awkward conversation from the driver asking where the fuck I am going and why, and I could do a pass on the bus, decide where might be suitable for a walk, and if not (say a bunch of guys blasting music and doing the crip walk) just stay on the bus until it looks safe enough to get off and go back.
I am not gonna lie I was SHITTING myself. I had cash cosseted away in a money belt. I had scenes from Boyz n the Hood, Training Day, Menace replaying in my head. While South Central is nowhere near as openly dangerous as it was in the 90s but my experiences thus far of LA buses was sketchy to say the least – dirty, no FILTHY, junkies, drunks, people with thousand yard stares, loud arguments. but it wasn’t just that I had the image of Hugh Grant’s mugshot in my mind when he got hung out to dry for punting a tranny in 90s LA and the last thing I wanted was an akward chat or worse with the LAPD. I kept telling myself I wasn’t going to punt, I was just going to look from the bus window and at any point I could get an uber back downtown. I boarded the bus at Broadway and 12th Street and settled in for the long ride south. It wasn’t too bad, not too packed, streets were calm and we trundled along without any hitches. So far so good.
At about 60th street they started to appear out of the darkness. Stripper heals, stockings and suspenders, no bras, loads of makeup, bad gang tattoos, tiny shorts with ass cheeks hanging out. Think stripper wear but in the streets. This was wild and literally something lifted from a 70s blacksploitation film. Action seemed to concentrate around 70-75th streets. Fuck me it was PACKED. Everything from PAWGs, skinny black chicks, tall skinny Russian looking model types. All on the street, all touting for business, tarted up to the max in cheap sex shop stripper gear. This is good enough for me, and didn’t seem to sketchy, so I got off at the next stop to walk back.
Needless to say there were no punters on foot, just plenty of cars pulling up, haggling, sometimes picking up girls or dropping them off. All kinds of cars, all races and classes of guys, constant action, but it seemed pretty tame. None of the street boisterousness or petty crime of European red light districts, and thankfully no Training day type guys asking me “where you from homie?!” or “have you had your shit pushed in?”. Walking down the street some girls made eye contact and I approached but they seemed skittish. I wasn’t in a car so I can see why. Some offered to take me to a hotel, but quoted silly money like 200-300 USD. Some flat refused to talk to me, perhaps paranoid I was a copper or a serial killer. One even told me to fuck off! I wasn’t going to argue or hang around! On one corner, just slightly down a side street, was a stunner, mid 20s, skinny, done up old school street walker style, almond eyes and she smiled. I approached and we quickly settled on an almost too good to be true 100USD. Adrenalin pumping I forgot all the usual rules. I didn’t confirm services, didn’t ask questions (this would become important later), just followed behind her into a motel across the street.
The scene in the motel parking lot was bonkers, especially parent given the relative calmness of the actual Blade. An old Gujarati uncle was behind a bullet proof glass window calmy conducting business, taking money, giving out keys, punters nervously fumbling for dollar bills with barely clothed hoes standing nonchalantly next to them. Others calmy queuing up like us, cars coming and going, doors slamming, hoe cackling at each other, punters shamefully staring at the floor post-nut. My catch of the day stood next to me, vaping, checking her phone, making small talk. The strumpet in front of us turned around and hollered out to us “baby, no more rooms” my catch, mid deep vape inhale looked up from her phone “huh?! What?! No rooms? Thanks babe, FUCK!”. She exhaled a massive cloud of fruity cancer towards the floor through her glossy pouted lips and suggested we try somewhere nearby but we would need an uber.
Fuck, an uber with a very obvious brass. In my head this would be crossing a line, but I was already in deep what to do. I look her up and down as she took another deep toke and she looked like something out of a film. Fuck it, YOLO. Handed her my phone to enter the address, request made, 3 minutes until pick up. A non-descript KIA showed up driven by an innocent, slightly nervous, 50 something very strait laced looking white guy and I was hoping not to say a word but after looking us up and down with a mix of shock, disgust and then resignation, he asks me “PIN please?”. Fuck. When a British accent retorted four numbers his face was priceless, and he perked up and started to get friendly in that typical American way. I didn’t need this, I didn’t want a conversation about what exactly was I doing in LA and was I having a good vacation. Added to this, and between chonging on her vape, my soon to be conquest was asking me questions and the three of us struck up quite a conversation and I just thought fuck it go with it and as we pulled into a motel a car was coming the other way and the window came down, and a pretty young Southern belle called out to us in a gorgeous deep southern drawl “no more rooms honey”. Fuck not again! My brass said to me “fuck it we will have to go back to my room, give me your phone I will put in the address” she updates uber, and fuck we are going on a 20 minute drive. I am going far too deep now, but theres no point in bailing. We continue to chat, she continues to vape, I stroke her thigh, she smiles at me through red painted lips and vape smoke and we plough on through the soft California night. We finally pull up at another generic motel, and she tells me to not make too much noise in the courtyard and this time it’s a tall attractive tranny with a punter at another bullet proof glass window.
She tells me that her and her room mate joke around in a British accent (she wanst very good at it when she demonstrated at to me, bless her!) and she hoped her roommate would get to meet me and hear me talk. Fuck sake, this was turning into some kind of love in, Americans really are more friendly than we are! She calls her room mate, who is otherwise engaged in the back of some punters car about to get a shagging. I was thankful not to be tonights show and tell!
We go upstairs to the first floor, she opens the door and in we go. AC is pumping which she dosnt like and turns off complaining. Theres a cuc table and chairs, with an ash tray full of roaches, and blunt making materials are spread across the table. But its clean, tidy, I’ve seen and nutted in way worse digs. I hand over the money, have a piss in the emasculate bathroom careful not to piss all over the floor and come out to find her spread across the bed. She looks fantastic, and shes got a dildo in her hands and calls out “your gonna get a show baby”. This is looking like a good punt until I try and touch her pussy. “no babe, no touching” “ok sure, do you suck with our without?”. She laughs “no babe, I don’t suck and fuck for 100, that’s 200 for a suck, 300 to fuck!”. Fuck. I’ve been Rick Rolled in my haste not to confirm services. At this point I was just happy to be alive and not arrested so I went with it and wanked myself off while she fucked herself with her bright purple dildo in one hand, while occasionally vaping with the other. It was strangely quite erotic watching the satisfaction on her face as she took deep tokes while fucking herself, and I had time to really appreciate how gorgeous she really was, how neat her vagina was, with a perfectly formed tiny hooded clit. I nutted into a wetwipe as she pretended to cum.
I got dressed, washed my cock in the sink as she spoke on her phone with her room mate who had finished her punter but was far away and already going to another John. We made small talk, she asked where I was from, told me she was half black half Korean from Missouri, and she has a young kid. I almost started to catch feelings, theres something about these American girls, there game is polished.
I ordered an uber to get us both back to where we met and spent 20 minutes stroking her cheap stocking clad theigh while she was entranced by her phone and vape. This uber driver was not talkative and seemed visibly annoyed by her vaping and playing loud TikTok hoe videos on speaker. For a moment, I thought about my uber rating and then I had a moment of clarity – how deep in doing dirt I was by that point there was no point in worrying about 5 stars on uber!
We were dropped off where it all began in some grubby side street in south central LA but as we pulled up I noticed blue lights flickering off a house window on the otherside of Fig, She looked panicked, I WAS fucking panicked and we just had time to mutter goodbye to each other as we both scuttled off into the night pretending we had not engage in a punt. I had to walk past the cops to get to the bus stop and I could see they had pulled over a curb crawler who looked suitably ruffled and I did my best to walk not too fast, not too slow past them acting as naturally as possible. I got to the bus stop and I was half/half on ubering it back but it was prohibitively expensive and luckily soon enough the bus pulled up and I was off, with a few final glances at the game unfolding in front of me. Things had picked up and it was even busier than before and I was shocked at the extent of the action – it really was not hyped up by the documentaries I had watched.
I am not sure I would return for a punt. Its too risky as a foreigner to get pulled over the police or worse and its poor value. I would recommend going just to see one of the last few places in the USA where you can see “pimps and hoes” playing out like in the movies.
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