Auburndelight - Portsmouth

[Zimbaman]

I booked Amy after seeing a couple of reviews on here. She has been working in the region for years, and now I know why I never booked her before now. She is the second most boring person I’ve ever met. The first was a girl that used to work from a boat in Port Solent. Pretty sure that on actually fell asleep when I was doing some of my best moves. At least Amy stayed awake..  I nearly dozed off though. I don’t mind that in a massage booking but not in an escort booking.

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I didn’t know whether to rate Amy as red or grey. I think red might be a bit harsh so I’m sticking with neutral. I wish I hadn’t gone and that’s what it comes down to. She did everything asked, but extremely mechanical. And boring. I paid £130 for the hour and was out in 30 minutes. Felt like hours though.

The venue was fine. Discreet terrace house. Comms were good and she gave good directions with the house number given once I was parked. House was functional and clean. Initial impressions of Amy are that she is a fair bit bigger than I was expecting from her pictures. That’s on me though as there are some more accurate pictures, you just need to look in the private gallery and use the password on her profile. I’ve not come across that before. Quite the chunky monkey. Guessing size 14.

Her profile is extensive, and she offers the opportunity to select a DVD to get things going. This was my first mistake. Amy put a dvd on and transported us right back to 1973. Christ just stick with internet porn.

I had asked for a GFE, and in fairness, Amy did give it a go. She started with the silent treatment and the occasional grunt when I spoke to her. Pretty accurate to be honest. Moving on, I thought conversation might just not be her strong point. Tried a little kissing, and this wasn’t bad. DFK. Pretty good to be honest… only criticism was heavy breathing through her nose… after a bit of this, I thought she would be nicely warmed up so slipped a hand into her knickers. Honestly… that was the driest pussy I’ve ever felt. Clearly my kissing was a disappointment. Not to worry… she leapt into action and lubed up. Nothing as sexy as seeing a terminally depressed woman smear a load of lube on. I put a Johnny on (really have no idea how I was ready) and went for missionary… she closed her eyes. Fuck that. Flash backs to boat woman. I pull out before she had a chance to nod off. Back to the kissing and I wanked myself off. I asked to cum in her mouth and she was ‘happy’ enough to accommodate. Even that was boring though. Certainly not swallow… just let it all run back down. Could barely feel anything to be honest.

Got dressed and back outside within 30 minutes.

Positives… good value if you can eke it out for an hour. I’d rather read a knitting magazine though to be honest. Kissing wasn’t bad.

Negatives… bigger than I thought. Utterly unresponsive in every way. You may as well rub her elbow as her tits or pussy. It’ll be just as erotic for her. Sex was just shite.

All in all I think neutral is fair. She did everything asked even if only in body. Not entirely sure there is any spirit left in this one. Maybe others will have more fun.

[Mr lovepants]

Saw her a few months back, was going to see her again, however, yes you are right, on reflection, she is boring, hardly any conversation, just going though the motions.

[shyleo]

What a shame. Had her on my HL.

[wadblower]

A lot must depend on your expectations.  I have seen Amy on a few occasions now and I've mostly been very happy with the experiences - and the time I wasn't was really my fault.  Personally, I'd rather she spent a lot of the time with her mouth engulfing my (uncovered) cock, rather than chatting!  I think she does try to to give an enjoyable sex experience at a reasonable price, and as that's why I saw her it worked well for me - and I wouldn't be put off in future by reviews that criticise her for not being a conversationalist!  But.... chacun a son gout!

[Zimbaman]

Thanks for your input Amy 

[wadblower]

Thanks for your input Amy 

If you have taken the trouble to look back on my previous posts you should have deduced that I'm definitely not Amy.    I however have a punting history going back over 25 years now, although I'm an infrequent indulger.  On the whole I've been very satisfied with most of the providers I've met, which does not seem to be the case shown by your past history.  Perhaps you prefer to moan and give poor reviews after the event, rather than enjoy yourself at it.  Perhaps you should join a debating club rather than put, it would seem to be closer ligned with your experiences?

[Zimbaman]

If you have taken the trouble to look back on my previous posts you should have deduced that I'm definitely not Amy.    I however have a punting history going back over 25 years now, although I'm an infrequent indulger.  On the whole I've been very satisfied with most of the providers I've met, which does not seem to be the case shown by your past history.  Perhaps you prefer to moan and give poor reviews after the event, rather than enjoy yourself at it.  Perhaps you should join a debating club rather than put, it would seem to be closer ligned with your experiences?

I think you are confused by the concept of balance 

On the whole I've been very satisfied with most of the providers I've met, which does not seem to be the case shown by your past history.

I have 4x neutral, 13x positive, 9x negative. All in all, more positive than negative.

You have a single glowing review of Amy. I. On top of that you bring her up in rather a lot of your posts. If you aren’t Amy, you certainly seem to be suffering from EAS 

[Hantsolo]

Saw her years ago via SA, wasn't a meet I repeated and can only really remember that she was a boring fuck. So would agree with the neutral rating. Don't think she was on AW at the time, she clearly enjoyed the SA money.

[wadblower]

I think you are confused by the concept of balance 

I have 4x neutral, 13x positive, 9x negative. All in all, more positive than negative.

You have a single glowing review of Amy. I. On top of that you bring her up in rather a lot of your posts. If you aren’t Amy, you certainly seem to be suffering from EAS 

Actually, if you regard "neutrals" as "damning with faint praise", and include them as "negatives", you have been satisfied, it would seem, on just 50% of meets, which suggests to me that you are rather choosy. 

The reasons why Amy is my only review so far are two-fold, namely that she is the only provider I have used in the time I have been on UKP, and all but one of the ones I used before then have retired Lara Brooks, Ruth Beaufort in Nottingham etc.  The only one still going is Kay-Lauren Burns, but she was a long time ago.  Others I've met came via different routes - e.g. Craigslist, back when they carried "personals" ads, and there wouldn't have been any point reviewing them, because they weren't "career" SPs.  I'll close y saying that Amy has been a good choice for me, personally as a gfe;  that's fine if you like what she offers, and I recommend her on that basis.  If not, imho you've missed out but that's your loss!

[Zimbaman]

Luckily Amy has you here to defend her honour 

[richardlbym]

You don't need the password to view the recent naked pictures.  Just go to the Private Gallery and click on "click here to view them all".

She used to be very skinny but is now a normal weight for her (tall) height.  I would hardly describe her as "chunky".  She's obviously young looking but admits to being 41, so clearly isn't lying about her age. 

This level of transparency is unrivalled in UK escorting as far as I can tell so there can be no complaints about appearance.

[Zimbaman]

She used to be very skinny but is now a normal weight for her (tall) height.  I would hardly describe her as "chunky".  She's obviously young looking but admits to being 41, so clearly isn't lying about her age. 

This level of transparency is unrivalled in UK escorting as far as I can tell so there can be no complaints about appearance.

Good grief… another one here to defend Amy. What would have happened if I’d have given the chunky old doorstop a red? Look. I said nothing about her age. I gave an honest accounting of her performance, attitude and size. I also commented that there are some accurate pics. You need to hunt for them though. Most are not representative. As they say, my review, my experience, my rating 

You are of course free to leave your own rating and review. That’s the magic of this site. The more reviews from more punters the better for all of us. Your last with Amy was in 2024. Was that the last time you saw her? Do you know how many pies one chunky woman can eat in two years? Maybe she has put a few pounds on since you last saw her

[richardlbym]

Good grief… another one here to defend Amy. What would have happened if I’d have given the chunky old doorstop a red? Look. I said nothing about her age. I gave an honest accounting of her performance, attitude and size. I also commented that there are some accurate pics. You need to hunt for them though. Most are not representative. As they say, my review, my experience, my rating 

You are of course free to leave your own rating and review. That’s the magic of this site. The more reviews from more punters the better for all of us. Your last with Amy was in 2024. Was that the last time you saw her? Do you know how many pies one chunky woman can eat in two years? Maybe she has put a few pounds on since you last saw her

I mentioned her age because it demonstrates the great effort she makes to ensure everything is as real as possible.  She could easily put her age down as 30 and nobody would be any the wiser.  Most escorts in her position wouldn't put her age as old as 41.  Most English girls don't even show their face in their private gallery, never mind profile picture, yet here is an intelligent, middle class English girl who shows her face, and everything else, for free.

You missed my more recent review in March and she certainly wasn't "chunky" then and her naked pictures from last month don't show her to be chunky either (in my opinion).

[Zimbaman]

(in my opinion).

Exactly. Your opinion. Which you are welcome to. My opinion is she is chunky. Probably size 14, and her pictures, for the most part, do not give a realistic idea of what do expect.

Did she ask you to come here and defend her?

[richardlbym]

Exactly. Your opinion. Which you are welcome to. My opinion is she is chunky. Probably size 14, and her pictures, for the most part, do not give a realistic idea of what do expect.

Did she ask you to come here and defend her?

Of course she didn't.  I'm not a regular so she wouldn't even think of contacting me, even if she knew that I post on here (which she doesn't).  I doubt she cares that much about what is written here as she already had some earlier mixed reviews on here.

She's been on the site for years now so some of the pictures are going to be old.  If you look at pictures from other escorts who have been on the site for a similar length of time they generally still keep their old pictures up as well.  Maybe they should be deleted or at least labelled with the year.  I wouldn't argue with that, but that would be very difficult to enforce.

[Zimbaman]

Of course she didn't.  I'm not a regular so she wouldn't even think of contacting me, even if she knew that I post on here (which she doesn't).

It’s really not coming across like that. Why did you go looking through old reviews to ‘correct’ the details you think she might be upset by if she didn’t ask you to? You’ve written your own review. Isn’t that enough?