Colombia had wet my whistle for some new world adventures so there will be a few random reviews as I take on my new role as Clitterous Colombus spreading (venerial) disease and destruction in my wake.
I had done Rio (nothing to add, fantastic city and punting galore) and headed over to that unwieldily beast of a city Sao Paulo. Looking for digs I was dumstruck with the size of the place and ended up settling for a downtown dive.
Scandallo Lounge had to be done.
External Link/Members OnlyBut it all ended up a bit arse about face. I got in late, getting through and then from the airport was a nightmare - I was close to sacking it all off. But this is the thing with behind enemy lines punting missions - shit goes left and you need to adapt and figure out the least worst option. I had planned on a saturday PM but I figured arriving as I did on the Friday Saturday could be a right off and better to push on. i got dressed with the reluctance of a death row inmate about to go down the corridor for the last time and dragged myself down to the uber.
Rolling through downtown Sao Paulo after midnight in an uber was like some kind of sci-fi dystopian alternative reality. Misery, destitution, rubbish against the backdrop of skyscrapers. The vista was not improving as we got close and I even wondered if I had entered the wrong place.
I got there around 00:30. Blast proof tinted revolving doors, security everywhere. You go to a desk and give you an ID, they check you in. They give you a hotel room key looking plastic card and the receptionist said “pay after”. Fuck me that could be very dangerous!
A quick pat down and then i was directed to a lift to go up to the main event. The entire time there are some of the highest end, best looking tarts I have ever seen in my life coming and going with guys. This was escalating very quickly.
The lift doors opened and the music, chatter, smell of expensive perfume and visual feast of flesh hit me and fuck me I was rocked - Its rare I am intimidated by places but I was well and truly and quite instantly out of my depth. This place makes Artemis FKK Berlin or Sharks FKK Frankfurt look like Aldi or lidl.
I had the asshole from travelling all day. I felt like didnt have the right clothes on. My head wasnt in the game. The place is sophisticated, glamorous and fucking massive. I felt like a country bumpkin. And 600 rials, £85 just to walk through the door its fucking pricey - (but you get 400 55ish to spend on food and drink) My advice go for an early dinner and lounge your way through to a late night and take it the vibes and watch the comings and goings.
There are multiple connected rooms, an outdoor terrace/garden, a nightclub area, a restaurant, a lounge. And bitches EVERYWHERE! Of every imaginable type, size, some natural, some BBLs, some oldschool boulder style clown tits with big erect nipples. They say that in the international underworld the most popular and valuable hookie passport is Brazillian because everyone could be Brazillian. And this was visible - tall blonde Russian looking runway models, Niomie Campbel type black chics, Kim Kardashian wanabes and all kinds of looks i have never seen. Plastic surgeries of all types - a trend seems to be showing chiseled abs which gave some of the women a Queensway fitness tranny kind of vibe but without the 9 inch package in their gym shorts.
It was all a bit much as I wandered around, took in the spectacle and was treated to one of the worlds undoubtedly best “tits and teeth” displays as the girls sized me up and tried to lure me in. I needed a breather, my instinct was to find a dark warm corner to hide in, adopt the foetal position and sob gutturally. On a more serious note the lack of a sauna was the one area in which this place falls bellow a German FKK club.
I pitched up at the bar in the restaurant in a comfy chair to watch some sports on the big screen. A moody brunette effortlessly high end in an evening dress a few seats away eyes me suspiciously and she asked the barman the time, he said 1am and she rolled her eyes exasperatedly which made me think about the dynamics at play. Yes the place was busy, but there were a LOT of whores and actually not as many punters as it first seemed in terms of ratio. Maybe there was a bargain to eek out here. I also had to get rid of 400 Rials on food and drink - you can actually get it to go (a saw a few guys on their ways out with what looking like uber eats orders!) so i paroused the menu as girls came and went and smilled and said “todo bien”.
A slightly mumsy brunette in a red dress finally came and sat down. From the outset I knew she wasnt my type but out of politeness we spoke for a bit she told me her friends were in London on their backs making coin shagging (probably!) a few of us! To be honest I wanted rid of her so i asked directly how much. $600USD. 3200 Rials. I didnt have the Portuguese vocab for “bubble bath” “are you having a” or even “does that include your toothless grandmother tea bagging me?”. I quickly disavowed her of the possibility of relieving me of anything close to that - she flashed a boob at me, opened her legs to show me she had no panties on. Darling please people are eating sushi next to us! They say the best way to haggle was to fein disinterest and I didnt need to pretend. Very quickly because “she liked me” we got down to 190usd 1000 rials. Thats quite a drop! 1) I wasnt interested in her and 2) i didnt want to spend that much even on one of the stunners. I politely got rid of her. Realising how deep in I was and how expensive this night could be was scary and a bit demoralising.
I had a chat with myself. I wasnt particularily gagging for a punt and if these are the prices I can shag a decent Brazillian bird in London for the same or less. Sao Paulo has almost infinite, and many far cheaper, punting options so there was no rush. In my head I chalked it up to experience - I had seen the spectacle, and I settled on a doggy bag of over priced sushi and a hand shandy back at my hotel.
Next up for the hard sell were a Brazillian girl (Japanese/German mix) and a classic latina looking Paraguayan who arrived to proposition me for a threesome. Soon they also dropped down to 1000 rials each - 190USD/140GBP - either together or separate. Still steep but
I tall waife runway model type strutted past and interupted my internal dialogue - she was something out of a streetware add campain - trendy jeans, small chest in bra with a baggy white shirt over the top, a few well done tats she was smoking. If I could get a bank loan of what have done it. To be honest for what she had, the circa £250 she was asking would have been well worth it.
I was doing the final rounds before calling it a night at about 2:30am. The crowd, men wise, had thinned out substantially and the girls seemed more intent on catching your eye than before. I saw just my type - tats, petite, silicone tits on a stick, looking sophisticated in a red evening dress. She smilled but I wrote it off in my head, shes going to ask silly money, then I had a moment if clarity - no ask her its free to ask after all! So I doubled back and through google translate she shot straight out with 800 reals - How much? - I didnt need any more convincing she matched my desired look and price point AND i could stake my claim to a scandelo punt.
I am very glad I doubled back as it happened she straight away snogged my face off when we got in the lift. Cultural observation time but Ive heard that a kiss for Brazillian women is not such a big deal - that in a normal night club if a girl likes you a random smooch is on the cards, just FYI. After a shower she fucked me well and hard, eye contact gagging OWO plenty of sloppy DFK and we fucked in multiple positions for quite a while (not usual for me but she really got me turned on) before I nutted in mish in the bag (I asked for CIM not offered). After there was no rush we just lay in post coital bliss, kissed a bit and chatted through our phones. We also swapped numbers and if I had been her longer I would have seen her again outside.
£250 approx all in is fucking steep especially in LATAM. And I would not rush to repeat it unless I had the wedge and wanted a once in a lifetime punt with a runway model or two.
But it also does go to show - sometimes pushing through fatigue and anxiety can yield results!
