"Linda Sweety" is something of a forum favourite, tons of positives with the odd neutral and negative sprinkled in there. I previously reviewed this place and gave it a positive but on this review, I won't bother going back.
For those who don't know, Linda Sweety isn't the profile of one woman, it's a Chinese rotation place. You don't know who or what you're getting until you go. Some will be young, some older, some tall, some short, some slim, some chunky. Some will go all out to please you, some will make misguided attempts at humour but it'll feel more like they're insulting you. This was that.
Comms - I fired off a text, got a fast reply. 10 minutes later, I was there.
The girl - not the best looking, but slim and relatively tall, seemed friendly enough. Aged maybe around 35, cracking ass, enhanced tits but not big, they looked great. While she didn't speak much English, it was enough.
The massage - functional. You'll get better off an older Thai woman, but we don't come to these Chinese places for the last word in massage. While I was lying on my front, she got a text message. She didn't break off the massage to read it but she did sort of lean over to read the notification. Then she broke off the massage. "Here we go", I thought, "this is going to be fucking constant." But no, she actually broke off the massage to open up the translation app on the phone to talk to me. She asked when I made the booking, I replied just 20 minutes ago. Turns out she had a punter outside who'd booked for the time I was there. FFS. We continued with the massage.
Halfway through, flip over, time for the front! This is where she started to really piss me off. Using the translation app, she proceeded to lecture me on the hygiene issues caused by having a foreskin and the health and attractiveness issues caused by being a little fat. It didn't make me feel special but I let it slide. Then when she was stroking up my cock, she started making wretching sounds and movements like my unhygienic foreskinned cock was manky and full of cheese and stinking the place out... it wasn't, she was trying to be funny. Unfortunately, a sense of deep shame and embarrassment had immediately set in and just like the Titanic, my cock was only heading one way. Down. She tried to get it back with a bit of b2b, tried a 69, but the damage had been done, I just wanted to get out of there. I called time on it, got my clothes on and left, feeling very flat indeed.
90 quid for the hour.
External Link/Members Only