My first review and unfortunately it’s not a positive one. Ironic the user name I chose unintensionally perfectly fits this review.
External Link/Members OnlyThis encounter happened end of Dec 2025 in Marylebone. I noticed Ysa profile and she looks great in the photos. With the price set at £150 for 1 hour I thought it seemed too good to be true for Central London. I texted her and she responded quickly and seemed reasonably genuine. I asked if it was defo her in the photos and she sent me a couple of non photoshop ones she said were from 5 days ago, which were the same person and looked good. When asked about passionate french kiss she said ok but extra £50, cum another £50. Still £250 for that is about standard here these days. I also requested an outfit from her profile which she said was ok too and she talked about how it was important we both had a good time and promised the best expereince and other stuff that gave me some confidence it would be a decent punt. I did call her at one point to clarify something and also hear her voice but she didn’t pick up, claimed she was on the other line to her mom. I said “but you do speak english?” she confirmed she did.
I get to the appartment in Marlybone, the buzzing in and that side of things is smooth. She meets me at the door on 4th floor, and yes it is the girl in the pics but hair is tied back and not much effort put into her appearance. She wasn’t in the requested outfit either, even tho we spoke in detail about it by text - just had on a tatty pair of stockings and bra/panties. However, she still looked nice as she is petite/attractive/convincing and seemed to have a nice friendly manor about her. She led me down a corridor and then some stairs to a room, which was very small and literally just had a bed in it. There was an old towel over the top of the pillows, it all looked pretty low end and uninviting. In retrospect I should have walked at this point but I still thought it might be ok. I handed over the money and we got onto the bed. She was faffing around with her phone trying play music (I don’t like brazilian dance rap blurring out a phone speaker whilst making sweet passionate love) so asked her if it was possible to turn it off. This is when I realised she spoke virtually no english, as we had to use a translator even for that. We started cuddling and I tried to kiss her on the mouth and I could see she wasn’t really comfortable with it and was actually trying to avoid it. Maybe she didnt find me attractive as I am older, but I did mention my age in the text conversation and she said it was fine. I explained I paid for kissing but everything needed to be done via the bloody phone translator. So there was a bit a kissing (tho really not much) and cuddling, she was rubbing me though my jeans, she asked I pulled them down and things seemed to be getting better. She took off her knickers and is still totally flaccid….Great!!! I on the other hand was hard and she got my cock out, she seemed genuinly pleased to see it and gesticulated to suck - of course I nod but then she produces a condom. I was fairly sure it says oral without on her profile (which it does) but to keep the momentum going I didn’t bring it up and start another translator debate. She is sucking though the condom and I massage her cock (prob about 6”) and it finally starts to get hard. However after a few mins of this we need to move on to something else. Normally there would be more kissing but she doesn’t want to do that. I point to her cock as in we have a 69 or I suck it and she says something about that’s extra baby. I’m not even sure what she could want more money for but she gets the phone out and starts talking into it and i feel her loose the erection. At this point I loose my patience (not my erection) and say this isn’t what I paid for but of course she can’t understand. My punting phone is old and dictating into google translate doesn’t work very well. I just think what is the point of carrying on as I’m not enjoying it. The surroundings are depressing, the action is much more frustrating than sexy and I can’t see how it’s going to get much better. I get up to leave and she seems a little surprised/upset and doesn’t want me to go but as we really can’t communicate it, along with the lack of kissing and constant stop/start it just feels pointless. To turn it around, we probably needed to thoroughly go through the pre booking text conversation with the translator then begin again. Even asking for some of the money back would be long and I’ve been there 15 mins - I should have got at least £100 but I just wanted to leave. Though it’s not ideal I have met with escorts who speak very little english but there’s not been so much translator discussion required during the session. Or maybe they didnt stop completly when they did use it. Of course I don’t expect everyone to speak English but she had said she could several times.
When i got back in the car and re read our pre meet texts I wondered if someone else was communicating on her behalf, as this defo happens sometimes and of course they are saying what you want to hear to close the deal. The replies were sometimes too quick to always be via translate and you can often tell translate is used by the wording. If that was the case, then why not at the very least tell the escort what you’ve agreed to?
Anyway, a very poor expereince and though I’m annoyed about the money, I’m also glad I left. I texted after and said I was extremely dissatisfied and didnt get what I paid for but after a couple of replies whoever is manning the phone unsurprisingly ignored further communication. I see the ad is still appearing on Birchplace. Maybe if you spoke Portuguese then it would be different as at least the discussions would be straight forward but otherwise I can’t see it being a particuarly good.
We all have bad punts, it’s par for the course to some degree, but this incident does make me question my approach when booking an escort. Most don’t pick up the phone or want to actually speak. By text I tend to place value somebody who seems friendly and replies reasonably quickly with more than one word responses. I also probably ask too many questions to clarify exactly what I’m getting. In a situation like this, that was all a complete waste of time and another girl who was less forthcoming by text might well have been a much better punt.
Anyway, long review, hopefully next will be short and positive )
