She’s actually so beautiful but I just can’t bring myself to ‘wife’/ date an escort even if they were to stop.
Is this wrong and hypocritical of me. Please share any similar experiences and your thoughts.
I am generally a big supporter of the fuck around and find out approach to romantic and sexual experiences so I say go for it brother. You've had some sound advice on this thread and while the post does read a bit like fantasy, I'll just take you at your word and offer some input in the hopes that it might help you.
Over the last 15 years or so, I've dated several women who were sex workers - there's been two dancers, three content/video creators, two webcam models, an escort, and a pro-dominatrix. There was a second escort once that started speaking to me in a similar way to what you described, but we never explored that beyond a short FWB thing. She met someone else and we remained close friends until she passed away.
I was also always under the impression that one of the dancers also escorted, but I never knew for certain.
One of the dancers and both escorts I met was as a customer first. The others I met somewhat organically (apps and dating). In a couple of those more organic situations I was aware of their job early or before we started dating. The shortest length of time dated was around 3 or 4 months - the longest was just shy of 5 years. The escort was for around 18 months.
The dancers and the domme assured me that full-service was never part of what they offer. I had my doubts and it took me a long time to trust this, particularly of the domme, but I think that could be attributed to how little I knew about that world at the time. The domme was my second experience of dating a sex worker and it was genuinely incredible after I got over all the trust stuff and probably helped me compartmentalise some things in later relationships. A dancer was the first and was not positive.
Like you, I was initially wary of the agenda - even with the ones I met organically. I thought it was a sales technique. I found that a careful approach worked for me, and tried not to get too emotionally involved too soon (a mistake I made with the first one, a dancer, I was head over heels for her within a few weeks).
It did get to the point where I trusted their intentions, but I found the journey up to that point to be often difficult due to the uniqueness of their job(s). It might be worth explaining that I am not a jealous person, generally very confident, and do not find it difficult to speak to people - perhaps this is you also.
When things started "evolving" with the escorts, it was in a similar way to what you described - both times. Friendly and flirty texts, "real-life" interactions, invites to visit, overstaying by several hours and even overnight, and we'd hang out as civvies as well and grab coffee or go to the movies, date stuff.
One of my biggest challenges with all of these women used to be when we were seen in public together, and people would recognise her and sometimes interact with her/us. It took time to feel comfortable with this - I initially found it kind of embarrassing. In all cases, though, that ended once I trusted their intentions more completely.
I would say that your main concerns should be the level of jealousy you tend to experience in general with civilians (as the SPs chosen work will probably amplify this emotion - it did for me) - if it is high, then I'd put it to you that this is maybe not a good situation for you to be in. While I do experience jealousy, the levels are very low, but they were still amplified, and I think it was largely based on how things started in each relationship as well as my own skepticism.
Also, your ability to take the woman at her word needs to be good - it's never going to work if you cannot trust what she says to you about how they feel.
And your opinion of their job needs to improve. From what you've written, it appears to be low and that can be easily compounded if you guys become "public"; your parents might not approve (mine didn't) of their jobs, your friends might tease or repeatedly warn you about many of the things you feel insecure or unsure about regarding their job/your relationship (mine did), and you will quite possibly meet their customers in the street or at places like bars and so on.
I found this difficult at first. Particularly when I was in a place where I wasn't completely trusting of my partner's intentions or their word. The sooner you trust them, the sooner everything else becomes noise.
Another issue I experienced that I think you would do well to be mindful of - opposing work schedules were probably the most frustrating problem for me throughout all of these experiences. My evenings were almost always free; theirs often weren't. And often the opposite for mornings. It was kind of hard sometimes to spend time together.
Also, I think it's a bad idea to get into a relationship with someone you are seeking to change or that you hope will change. Be OK with her doing the job permanently/for the duration of your relationship. Your post reads as though you hope they will change.
I also think it's a bad idea to place someone on some sort of pedestal because of their looks in the way you've described, as this might cause you to compromise in a place that you generally would not be comfortable compromising in under more normal circumstances. I'm not saying don't acknowledge that they are attractive to you - I'm just saying be wary of viewing them as unobtainable.
I still think you should fuck around and find out but I would do so with protection - she seems quick to offer unprotected sex to you. Maybe it's a way to offer more intimacy. Maybe she just doesn't like them in her personal life, maybe something else. Regardless, in the past, probably due to my aversion to children, I've been with people for over a year before moving to unprotected. Perhaps I am paranoid but I'd say stay wrapped for sure and enjoy the ride.
