Idiots at work and anger management

[Doormatt]

Sick and tired of working with an idiot boss (obvz not an idiot or wouldn't be boss). They make poor decisions and always chip away at people. Never thanking , rewarding or recognising achievement. If 90 % is great they'll focus on the other 10%. not because they want excellence but it gives them a sense of power. Thoughts on how to tackle this would be very welcome. Unable to leave as getting on in years and not sure skills are transferable. Do I take them to one side and say I'm unhappy with their behaviour (accusatory) say I'm unhappy how I feel ,or shut up and take it up the wrongun?
I shouldn't be thinking about this after work. I'd rather turn up , do the job and go home to the family.

[mr.bluesky]

I'd  do exactly that, just turn up to work, keep your head down and do your job  don't worry about anything or any one else and never take your work worries home with you. Ps In my experience a lot of gaffers are arseholes. The bigger the knob head you are the higher up the ladder they seem to go. It's a British trait I'm afraid   
Quite often it's not what you know but who you know that seems to count for most things. From someone who started work at the age of 16 as an apprentice the number of good gaffers I've had have been few and far between.
As the saying goes " don't let the bastards grind you down"

[RandomGuy99]

Probably the shut up and take it. Just make sure you take holidays throughout the year so you get a break from the environment. Sounds like a bit of a toxic workplace and you're unlikely to he able to change it and you don't want to leave, so you got to lump it.

[pbrown355]

If the boss was going to be any nicer they already would be without you having a word. All you're likely to do IMHO by having a word is make your own situation worse. I don't know what skills you think aren't transferrable but enthusiasm and common sense were always high on the list of what I looked for when employing people.

[Lou2019]

Do you have an appraisal coming up?

[WARSZAWA16]

In my experience I have very often found that "The Peter Principle" usually applies.

This states that an employee continues to receive promotions to work in higher ranks up to that point where he reaches a level of incompetence. In simple terms, the higher the hierarchy ladder an individual goes, the more likely he is to fail in his new position.

In your case it seems the person in question realises this, knows he is out of his depth and this accounts for his behaviour.

The Peter Principle by Laurence J. Peter is well worth a read and is very profound. It was originally published in 1969 but is still available. 

 

[Blackpool Rock]

Got the T-Shirt mate and i'd say everyone i've ever worked for has been an arsehole in some way; shape or form but some were just bigger wankers than the others.

Seems to me that the pricks have some sort of personality disorder of various kinds which allow them to rise to the top, not sure if they are just a bit thicker skinned and don't care who they piss off along the way but semi psychopathic / narcissistic seem to be traits that help them.
I can only conclude that people promote them to get them out of their hair and to stop bothering them 

I still utterly despise the guy I was reporting to about 8 years ago to the point if I was ever in a situation where I saw him again then i'd have to remove myself from the situation as i'm not sure I could control my actions 

It's a tough one alright and hard to know what advice to give without knowing you and the exact situation.
I was going to say that you have to find a way to bring about change or control your situation however if you're not able to do that then you need to be prepared to walk away but you have said you don't want to leave and find something else at your stage in life.

Someone above mentioned "A toxic work environment" and that's what I was told along with a few other things that suddenly made sense of things, it was also pointed out to me that there was nothing fundamentally wrong with me which is important to remember 

I'm assuming you aren't that far off of retirement, what helped me was to sit down and actually assess all of my finances and goals, you may actually have a bit more tucked away than you think so could bring retirement forward a year or two, check for lost pensions or dormant ones you have for 20/30 years ago but crucially get yourself an exit plan / strategy and then every day you work mentally tick it off the calendar 

Assess your spending but sit down with the OH (you mentioned family) and let her know exactly how you feel and that you can't do this any more, she may not want to give luxury's up but faced with the scenario of you bailing out and downsizing the house or her not getting her nails done twice a month reality may kick in.

I followed the acronym FIRE - Financial Independence Retire Early where you basically just focus on the end game of getting out ASAP.
I didn't get coffee / breakfast from Costa on the way to work like others did but got up 15 minutes earlier and had it at home, sounds like a big deal but £7 or £8 a day 5 days a week, multiply it up over 10; 15 or 20 years and that money invested and growing will knock years off of your retirement date
I wanted another flash car but resisted and went without other luxury's too, obviously punting remained as you can't cut core essentials 

In the end I actually dropped down a level and the shit went away, it was a tough call to make with the potential embarrassment factor but actually people were OK about it and supported me, only 2 people had a dig and tried to use it against me and I was to the point saying "Yeah I couldn't take it any more", I think my blunt openness took the wind out of their sails
Earning 80% of what I was previously on was a knock but then I only had 20% of the stress

I was actually in a position at this point where my calculations indicated that I could have walked away albeit on a fairly subsistence style of living however knowing that you can stick 2 fingers up and walk through the door is really empowering as it takes so much pressure off
The next 5 years were just about cruising to an early retirement without any stress or pressure, it was a shock to them when I handed my notice in and they asked me to stay but they couldn't have paid me enough money, oh and my exit interview was interesting     

Remember - Nothing is forever and your time WILL come but you need to get your own head and mental health in a good place otherwise time drags so slowly and XYZ years are like an ice age 

[Adoniron]

Do your job.
Collect your wages
Go home.
Try to forget about work.

Maybe also look for a new job.

[scutty brown]

One place I worked at the directors used to spend all day hunched up in meetings and wouldn't spend any time doing the important things like signing cheques or agreeing contracts.
So I conspired with the secretaries to switch the directors coffee supply with one doped with fig and prunes.
Worked wonders.......meetings lasted no more than half an hour and things got done.

[shed]

The answer is in the last sentence of your original post 

[Thephoenix]

IMO:

Count your blessings.
You've got a job.
Probably get a reasonable salary to be able to punt.
Make sure you get enough breaks/holidays to look forward to.

You can't always change a person or situation, but you can change they way you deal with it.
Do your job well and have pride in your work. That gives you more self esteem than any false praise from a fucktard.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

British management best in crap class!..

Gave up dealing with them and started my own outfit some 30 years ago never looked back, best decision i ever made:)

Any chance you could do your own thing at all?

There was one frim where i worked, they did manage it very well if only they could all be as good!...

[myothernameis]

Its not just idiot bosses you have to deal with, but other staff member, whose role is to delegate.   But they then go on a power-trip, there word is final, and your expected to obey them

They can also be very bad tempered, and for no reason, will shout and repatriate customers, which management dont like, as the customers leave feedback, and rate this person as 0/10

[RandomGuy99]

Have a conversation with ChatGPT about it. It seems to know a lot about these situations and will provide advice.

This is what ChatGPT advises to survive in a toxic work environment

Surviving a toxic work environment is tough—but you *can* do it, especially with a strategy that protects your **mental health**, **career**, and **dignity**.

Here’s a practical survival guide:

---

## 🛡️ 1. **Protect Your Mental and Emotional Health**

* **Set Boundaries**
  Say no (or not now) when you're overloaded. Avoid checking emails/messages after hours if possible.

* **Don't Personalize the Toxicity**
  Their dysfunction is *not* a reflection of your worth. Detach emotionally where possible.

* **Use Emotional Buffering**
  Create a mental script: *“This isn’t about me. I’m doing my job well. This is their behavior, not my fault.”*

* **Find Support Outside Work**
  Talk to friends, a therapist, or support groups. You need a safe outlet.

---

## 📓 2. **Document Everything**

* **Track Incidents**
  Keep a personal log (not on work devices) of toxic interactions, bullying, unreasonable demands, or HR violations.

* **Save Emails & Messages**
  Back up communications showing inappropriate behavior, shifting expectations, or gaslighting—just in case.

> Protect yourself first. Even if you don’t plan to report anything now, you'll be glad you documented later.

---

## 🎯 3. **Stay Professional, Not Passive**

* **Choose Battles Wisely**
  Not everything is worth reacting to. Preserve your energy for what matters.

* **Hold Your Ground Calmly**
  Don’t let toxic people bait you into unprofessional responses—staying composed is your power.

* **Maintain Your Standards**
  Keep doing good work. Your integrity is your armor.

---

## 🚪 4. **Create an Exit Strategy (Even If You’re Not Leaving Yet)**

* **Update Your Resume & LinkedIn**
  Even if you're not applying right now, it puts *you* back in control.

* **Network Quietly**
  Reach out to old colleagues, go to industry events, or join online communities.

* **Identify What You Want Next**
  Toxic environments can clarify your values. Write down what kind of culture or leadership you want in your next role.

---

## 🧘 5. **Create Micro-Moments of Control and Joy**

* Take short walks or breaks
* Listen to music or calming podcasts during work
* Celebrate your small wins privately
* Use humor as a shield if it helps

> *“You might not control the environment—but you can control how you nourish yourself inside it.”*

---

## 🆘 6. **Know When It’s Time to Leave**

If the toxicity is affecting your health, safety, or identity—it’s okay to walk away.

> No job is worth losing your peace or self-respect.

---

### Want tailored advice?

Let me know your role, what kind of toxicity you’re dealing with (e.g., bad boss, gossip, burnout, gaslighting), and I’ll help build a strategy specific to you.

[Squire Haggard]

Sick and tired of working with an idiot boss (obvz not an idiot or wouldn't be boss).

I dont agree with this. I'm now retired, and I can look back and say without a doubt that I knew a few total arseholes in positions of power. Your boss sounds like one, because he regularly pisses off those working under him. Maybe look for another job or be absent due to stress?

[JontyR]

If you are going to act then you have to be prepared for the consequences. The company may welcome a complaint, because they think the boss is a twat and they need an excuse to act.

Or they may decide that the boss is much more important than you and you will be on your way soon enough.

Honestly though, just start looking for another job. Your outlook seems a little depressed, which isn't a good look to prospective employers. Most 20 - 25 year olds don't last 12 months in a role. If you can give an employer 36 months, they'll be happy. If you are looking to retire before then then can't you just stick your head down for the remainder of the time?

Certain other bits of advice depend on the job and sector you are in...

* Is there an HR person to talk to?
* Is there a union rep to talk to?
* Can you ask for redundancy - this could make them enquire why you are unhappy.
* Is there a dignity at work or anti bullying policy.
* Whats the likelihood of the boss finding another job?
* Is there any possibility of being transferred to someone else's management?
* Maybe go and speak to your Doctor. He may sign you off for a bit, offer counselling or prescribe something which may assist your mood or get some tests done to see there isn't anything else that's imoacting on how you are responding to this.

[Doormatt]

I seem to have tapped a rich vein here. Thanks for all the advice. I hope this helps others too. I'll make some notes and give it a think. I try to separate work and life. Moaning to the OH is not fair on them IMHO.
Thanks again.

[RandomGuy99]

Been there, done that. I complained and nothing changed, so I found another job and quit. Life is too short.

[PilotMan]

Very interesting thread.

The answer provided by chat gpt, courtesy of @myothernameis, brilliant.

Can I say, don't be a doormat  ,  be proactive.

Top of what what I have learnt in life.

Do more than you're paid for, (and be fucking brilliant). Eventually, someone will pay more for what you do.

Although, it sounds like you might be too old for this to be a strategy 

The top 10 -20 % performers in any industry, receive proportionally far in excess of the 80% who just do the job.

Or you could just keep your head down, stay in the 80%, and just get on with it.

[ulstersubbie]

Been there, done that. I complained and nothing changed, so I found another job and quit. Life is too short.

+1

[JohnsonSchlong]

Fuck having a job. I gave up working for 'the man' a decade ago to follow my own dream and now I earn more than twice as much as I did then, doing the thing I love so much I'd do it all day for free anyway.

Like others have already said here - life's too short. We all worry that we won't be able to survive on our own but we can, because we must so we do. And when we do boy does it feel good.

If you have a passion, get after it now.

Don't wait.

[JRWK]

After leaving the Armed Forces in the mid 1990's, during the following 30+ years before I finally retired, I had 3 different jobs;
of  these jobs, only 1 was a good boss (shared company's profits as well as taking on numerous apprentices) -
the other 2 were, to put it politely, absolute numpties, absolutely no idea about man management,
1 of them would rather overcharge a new customer, rather than charge a decent price and ensure return business.

It seems the "lions led by donkeys" saying from WW1 is still alive in the 21st century UK

[advent2016]

We've all had that. In the forces you just had to suck it up, in civvy street, I missed the structure.  I did great work the boss took the credit, if his plan went wrong, his underlings took the crap, often people lost their jobs.
When I was stressed I visited an SP for an hour had a shag, BJ etc and then my stress was gone for a while.

Then one day a new guy took over, and he encouraged personal development for me and anyone else. He said make yourself indispensable, and if you're not being rewarded the right way, threaten to leave (get a job first), give your boss 2 weeks usually they gave me a big rise, promotion, better car, more in the pension sadly I had to stop doing the petty cash and stamps
Then I was in a position to leave and work for myself with a list of contacts and name my day rate. I've been very lucky to do a job I liked, chose hours, plenty of scope to visit SPs, masses of expenses and retire early and only work very occasionally.

Bottom line - Stressed at work - Have BJ, treat it as therapy.

[PilotMan]

Then one day a new guy took over, and he encouraged personal development for me and anyone else. He said make yourself indispensable,

If there's one thing I would say to anyone in any job, or in a business relationship, it's that - make yourself so valuable that your employer can't afford you to leave.

I always think of Zig Ziglar when that comes to mind, he said; "If you do more than you're paid to do, someone else will pay you more for what you do,"

If someone works for me and they make themselves indispensable, it makes my life easier and customers tend to be happier too. Not only that, if a great person leaves, it's a real pain in the arse to replace them with someone who can do what they did, even if I do pay them less money.

I did lose a very valuable employee many years ago. Maybe it was my own pride or ego, but I didn't like the way he basically put a gun to my head and said this is what I've been offered, match it or I'm gone. So I let him go. I would have matched the offer he had, but the ultimatum wasn't palatable.

What I would say to anyone in the position of being offered better terms elsewhere, or seeking better terms with your current employer. If you would rather stay, make it a discussion with your employer. Don't make it about being offered another job, don't even mention it, don't threaten to leave if you don't get what you want.

Make it about your current situation, don't ask for improvements first, start with asking what you can do to improve and add value. You'll soon find out if you are perceived as valuable. If your employer doesn't see a future with you being in a better position / better paid, don't waste any more time, just move on.

If you and your employer can agree and visualise a better future for you both, then set time frames / targets, milestones or goals to get where you both want to be.

[advent2016]

My favourite quote is from Nevil Shute's autobiography - Slide Rule
“An engineer is a man who can do for ten shillings what any fool can do for a pound”

[catweazle]

Long post, so I apologise in advance!
I worked for a company for a month or so short of 15 years.

Started out as one of a seven strong field based team. Was promoted to supervising the northern part of the field team, then, later, to supervising the whole team.

Following an internal reshuffle I was offered a post in the office, managing both the field team and a 10 strong desk based team.

Was asked - and accepted for extra pay - to take on some additional duties that didn't really fit into any department.

All going well, got excellent year on year appraisal results.

It all changed when they hired ( let's call him Gareth). He came in to run multiple departments, mine included.

From day 1, he didn't like me. My management 'style' was MBWA (manage by walking around). I liked to sit with the team, watch what they were doing and offer support or praise as required ("catch them doing something good").  Gareth hated this, wanted me to stay sat at my desk.

He started having quiet conversations with one of the field team (who I had actually recruited).

One of my desk team took me aside in the kitchen and said "I dunno why, but Gareth is out to get you".

I gathered from other managers at the same level as me that he was "empire building" and wanted a squadron of mini-Gareths, all acting how he wanted, with the ultimate aim of being offered a seat on the Board.

Mentioned it formally to HR, who said they'd noted my comments.

He started having frequent little niggles about things I did, but I always had the correct answer.  I suspected that, at some point, he would latch on to one ( probably minor) issue where I had (possibly) fallen short.

Gareth had the ear of one of the Directors ( the one who had hired him in the first place) and one day, I got summonsed to that Directors office.

I had  failed to report an issue with a client, which could potentially cause reputational damage. ( It didn't, but Gareth had laid it on thick). The Director said that this was nothing to do with the matter I had previously reported, but now I had lost the Directors confidence.

I was offered the chance to resign, with a good reference. I took it, as, knowing what was going on , I had been job searching and had another post lined up.

Gareth never did get a seat on the Board, and the company went into liquidation about a year after I left.

[Blackpool Rock]

Catweazle - I can sympathise with your post above, i'd like to say i'm glad the business folded apart from the innocent people who lost their jobs

Unfortunately these Gareth type people do seem to be able to get more jobs 
Essentially they are Bullshitters who are able to say the right things at interview, I had a convo with one of the Directors where I worked and on the quiet he volunteered information about the guy I had an issue with.
He basically said that they didn't actually employ the person they interviewed as he said all the right things and then did the opposite and it was clear from day 1 that he was going to be a disaster.
Instead of getting shot or telling him it wasn't acceptable to piss off all the long standing members of staff they doubled down and gave the guy everything he wanted, extra staff, extra layers of new staff and created jobs / posts it must have cost a fucking fortune.

Long standing members of staff and Managers were basically driven into leaving one way or another, many ended up off sick with long term work related stress, people were replaced with useless fuckwits who didn't have a fucking clue and then you learn that they were all either people he'd worked with before; friends or family 

A couple of years down the line what had been a profitable business was losing money and they have continued to haemorrhage money ever since but presumably he and the MD are very good at spinning a good story to the higher board of directors
Last I heard the business is up for sale and has a buyer who looking at their business model will basically get shot of the deadwood and extra people and then sell it on in a few years time

[Iamforreal]

We do spend a lot of time at work, if you feel miserable on a daily basis due to stress/toxic environment at work it's not good at all, I would leave.
I know it's easier said than done, do what you think is best for your health, that's the most important thing.
 

[GreyDave]

  I am at that age where getting work is getting rarer and I feel for your delma , the Lads seem to have mirrored alot of what i would say.

The best people Ive worked for walked the job and asked all about me and my work mates and all ways put themselves in the firing line for problems The worst passed blame and excuses all the time and did not know your name...I think one boss who sold the small firm i was in then but was contracted to work for the firm in a hand over period gave the best answer to me as we left the firm together ....  Life is a Shit Sandwich mate, But the more Bread youve got the less you taste the shit!    ( He all ways made me feel good working for him and he gave that really apriciated feeling and did as he said and cared I wish he was still alive 59 had heart attack died )...

[Punterperson1971]

I work for a biggish company and been there for years,I used to hate the place especially when they hire young workers who get on with the management then promote them because they are youngish themselves,the kids they give more responsibility too have no idea how to talk to workers older than them,but I’ve recently had a lot gone on in my personal life quite bad really and to be fair the management team have changed my opinion of them as they’ve been very supportive.