Dunbar suggest 5-15, how many friends does a punter have?

[simon07]

Always curious about research about social contacts. Many Facebook and social influencers mention ‘friends’ in the hundreds?
External Link/Members Only

Aside for close family which might be around five, I wondered how many friends I might (in my 60s) I have and it comes to none.

I guess retiring, moving home to another part of the country has eliminated friends. Spending time researching and carrying out punts reduces contact time to make friends even further. Maybe learning to play a musical instrument even more so?

Just curious how other punters fare, it is unlikely we will tell family and friends of our punting hobby?
How do we make new true friends in later life?
Does it worry you?

[Omadon2001]

My sister killed herself when I was 5.

For the last 50 years I've found it difficult to form friendships and bonds.

I have no friends and no interests that involve other people ( apart from my wife).

Despite this I hate work and I'm planning on retiring at 57. I wonder whether I'll be bored. I think about it everyday.

[simon07]

I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy so early in your life. I am not sure how anyone really copes with that, maybe repressed or hidden in one’s mind? You have the wife, if anything (god forbid) happened to her, how might that affect you as she is your anchor?

My musing was along the lines of —- is it still possible to make friends as we get older?

[southcoastpunter]

Omadon2001 - perhaps you don't mind but you have given info here which probably "outs" you to family.

If you regret the post, report it to the Mods and maybe they can amend it so that it is less incriminating for you!

[Hoping]

My sister killed herself when I was 5.

For the last 50 years I've found it difficult to form friendships and bonds.

I have no friends and no interests that involve other people ( apart from my wife).

Despite this I hate work and I'm planning on retiring at 57. I wonder whether I'll be bored. I think about it everyday.

I am also very sorry to hear of your tragedy.  Don't know how you managed to cope with that but I am sure we all wish you well.
I retired at 56, fortunately on full pension.  I have a loving wife.  I do very little around the house to keep me occupied.  I took up a couple of new hobbies which I have immersed myself in and made many friends through those.  Also I volunteer for a local charity which is time consuming and very satisfying when I see the joy my efforts have brought to people less well off than me.
Keep an open mind.  Who knows where life will take you.  Good luck.

[Colston36]

I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy so early in your life. I am not sure how anyone really copes with that, maybe repressed or hidden in one’s mind? You have the wife, if anything (god forbid) happened to her, how might that affect you as she is your anchor?

My musing was along the lines of —- is it still possible to make friends as we get older?

I am 88. I think it's hard: can't recall making any new friends lately. This is because I don't travel as much any more. But also because when people see me I think they assume I am out of things. But there are compensations. My daughter is over from LA. Her partner who is in the music business has just whizzed off to Las Vegas to work. And I hear a lot from people via the internet - also today I got a message from a friend in Slovenia.

[Charliehutton]

Digressing a bit from your question, Simon; the only really close friends I have are a handful of guys I've known for more than 50 years, from school and university days. We know intimate details about each others various wives, girlfriends and mistresses, and their various sexual tastes, which ones liked it up the arse and so on, our tastes in porn, the lot. But I can never, ever even hint at punting, not even with them.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Got a few mates but none know of what i sometimes get up to or being a member of UKP!...

[Thephoenix]

I have a season ticket at my local crematorium.
I've seen off all but one of my close friends.
Every time I go I check to make sure I'm not on the list .

I've known my best friend for over 60 years and still live with her.

My other old buddy sits in the corner, and waits patiently for me to pick him up.
He's not demanding, and is happy with just the occasional strum.

[Blackpool Rock]

It really depends on how you class someone as a friend 🤔

I've had many over the years who I've been happy to go out with for a few beers but neither would pop round the others house for a coffee

I can probably count on one hand the number of true friends I've had who you could actually rely on to help you out and half of them have died early

As the saying goes a man with many friends has none 

Another quote I've heard is to have a friend you have to be a friend 

[shed]

My very best friend is a male who I can talk to about my deepest secrets without any retribution. He cannot speak but I communicate with him daily about my activities including everything.. yes you've guessed. Better than any human as a best friend. Loyal, loving, and will never let you down. My GSD. 

[catweazle]

I would echo Shed's remarks
 My best friend, who is never judgemental, likes and trusts me totally, is my springer spaniel.

[B4bcock]

My other old buddy sits in the corner, and waits patiently for me to pick him up.
He's not demanding, and is happy with just the occasional strum.

There is nothing more beautiful than a guitar, perhaps save two” - Chopin

[Blackpool Rock]

My very best friend is a male who I can talk to about my deepest secrets without any retribution. He cannot speak but I communicate with him daily about my activities including everything.. yes you've guessed. Better than any human as a best friend. Loyal, loving, and will never let you down. My GSD. 

I'm guessing he's not called Pogba then 

[Omadon2001]

I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy so early in your life. I am not sure how anyone really copes with that, maybe repressed or hidden in one’s mind? You have the wife, if anything (god forbid) happened to her, how might that affect you as she is your anchor?

My musing was along the lines of —- is it still possible to make friends as we get older?

I've no qualms about the fact that my sister killed herself. It was a long time ago. I've adjusted and adapted. It's changed who I am.

I've even thought that the reason why I visit escorts is to get approval / to be accepted / to be liked by women as (as a psychologist put it "I felt, at 5 years old" that my sister had rejected me).

My input into this thread is merely to highlight my own, almost unique perspective, on why I find it difficult to firm friendships and why (apart from my wife) I have none.

For the general population I would imagine that it is easier to make friends as you get older. In theory you're more "worldly" and a bit more confident and can strike up conversations easier which could lead to more friendshiy?

[shed]

I'm guessing he's not called Pogba then 

Eric 

[Colston36]

My sister killed herself when I was 5.

For the last 50 years I've found it difficult to form friendships and bonds.

I have no friends and no interests that involve other people ( apart from my wife).

Despite this I hate work and I'm planning on retiring at 57. I wonder whether I'll be bored. I think about it everyday.

What a terrible thing. Thank goodness you are close to your wife.  I like my work, though I'm semi retired.

Confucius as usual had something important on this: Find something you like and you will never do a day's work in your life. I walked out of Uni many years ago because I found it boring and wanted to write for a living. And have done so ever since.

Mind you I find sex even more interesting than writing. Every week I make it my business to plan a meeting. Preferably with someone really slutty.

Surely there must be something that interests you.

[Omadon2001]

If I had the money I'd pay for sex everyday 😁

I like travelling and having a bath. I'm a simple sort of guy 😊

[simon07]

If I had the money I'd pay for sex everyday 😁

I like travelling and having a bath. I'm a simple sort of guy 😊

You would love the abundant soapy massages in Bangkok and Pattaya then 

[Stevelondon]

What’s a friend. ?

[Omadon2001]

You would love the abundant soapy massages in Bangkok and Pattaya then 

I'll never get the chance to go. It's a pity there's nothing like it in the UK - although I've shared a bath in a couple of punts this year

[shed]

What’s a friend. ?

You won't have ever had one so don't worry about it 

[Colston36]

What’s a friend. ?

Well defined for me by someone years ago: Someone who will help you when it's inconvenient for them.

[alabama1]

Well defined for me by someone years ago: Someone who will help you when it's inconvenient for them.

Can't argue with that 

[GreyDave]

Well defined for me by someone years ago: Someone who will help you when it's inconvenient for them.

A few years ago I was up on a charge ( of which I was aquitted after a what seemed a hell of a long time waiting thought the court process around 22 months ) the so called freinds I had and busines aquaintances knew and all kept a distance except a few who quitely told me of their experiances with the court and legal system they were the shoulders that were the strongest and the steadist of the people I knew at that time . I now feel their anger for what happened to them as much as they did for what happened to me . There`s 3 books by the secrect Barrister one of these explains a case similar to my acusations process and the almost bankruptcy I and my friends faced to pay what the Secret Barrister calls An Inoccence Tax unlike on the TV dramas of America shows in the UK you dont get your legal Expenses back when the Crown has a go at you.
The local press were quick to publish the accusation but funnily they did not report the dismissal of the case even when my self and co defendants asked..."Well we belived we had cause to prosecute you"   ... bit like the postmasters..   Freinds of years sluked off and shuned us ...
Some times its the ones who appear when all the other have made excuses and left that will surprise and help more than youd ever of thought..
Freinds come and go in this life.. Enermies acumalate

[clittielicker]

Always curious about research about social contacts. Many Facebook and social influencers mention ‘friends’ in the hundreds?
External Link/Members Only

Aside for close family which might be around five, I wondered how many friends I might (in my 60s) I have and it comes to none.

I guess retiring, moving home to another part of the country has eliminated friends. Spending time researching and carrying out punts reduces contact time to make friends even further. Maybe learning to play a musical instrument even more so?

Just curious how other punters fare, it is unlikely we will tell family and friends of our punting hobby?
How do we make new true friends in later life?
Does it worry you?

You mention Facebook customers having hundreds of friends, I will say that as a member of staff working for BA where there is  around 1,500 ground staff and many thousands of cabin crew who use Facebook to keep in touch as sometimes they only see each other once a year or even every 2 years. Facebook means they can keep in touch, though some cabin crew have lost their job for commenting on BA. They are not allowed to copy their roster and publish it either, so they have to be very careful what they say. If you see a profile of any member of BA staff you will see high figures of friends, it is not who they socialise with, they are just work friends that they can swap shifts with.

[Stevelondon]

Glad your out the woods GreyDave. As the saying goes. Shit happens.

Friends.
Well I’ve still got my best friend from schooldays hanging around….. just. Another is in Aus so as you can imagine we see each other rarely. But we are always in touch.
I’m lucky in that I do see quite a few mates so to speak ….. in the pub.
When I gan back yem I catch up with some blokes I grew up with 

One of my best mates just happens to be a lass. I think it helps that she is gay 


So yes I’ve got friends and would go out of my way to help them if they needed it. Because I know they would do the same.

[simon07]

You mention Facebook customers having hundreds of friends, I will say that as a member of staff working for BA where there is  around 1,500 ground staff and many thousands of cabin crew who use Facebook to keep in touch as sometimes they only see each other once a year or even every 2 years. Facebook means they can keep in touch, though some cabin crew have lost their job for commenting on BA. They are not allowed to copy their roster and publish it either, so they have to be very careful what they say. If you see a profile of any member of BA staff you will see high figures of friends, it is not who they socialise with, they are just work friends that they can swap shifts with.

Very interesting stuff. Cheers 

[fredhiggins]

A good friend will help you move a piano, a really good friend  - a body.

[Steve2]

I have a lot of "mates", punting and otherwise,  but true friends just one.