Where: Terraced house on Haydon's Road, Wimbledon (nearer the Merton High Street end than AFC Wimbledon's ground).
When: Today (23rd April 2025) about 2pm.
Paid: £60 for 30 minutes + £20 for cum on tits
Comms: Rang number on vivastreet, got a text in return with prices and post code. Reconfirmed I was on my way when parked and got remaining address details immediately.
External Link/Members OnlyThe Punt:
After reading Pumps' review for his most recent visit to this place, I wanted to check it out myself as the option of a good 'pump & dump' site on Haydon's Road appealed as I often find myself in the area for work at weekends. Pumps' review mentioned the opportunity to choose from a selection of girls on arrival too, which was another appealing factor. I've been to Brazilian brothels in Sutton before, but at those you tend to only see the girl you've been communicating with on the phone, unless you change your mind on arrival, at which point they shout for their "friend" to come out in case you'd be interested in seeing her instead.
On arrival on Haydon's Road, I paid for parking on a side street a few hundred metres away and walked to the terraced house I had been given the number to by text. First impressions were not great, as the front of the house had overflowing bins right next to the front door, with half eaten food and used condoms dumped on top for the world to see. I rang the Ring doorbell and waited. There was a small delay in the door being opened, as they readied the girls inside to be stood to greet me as I came in. On being let-in, you step into a hallway with a bedroom door to your left and stairs going upstairs directly opposite. Five girls were stood there for me to choose from. I had gone there with the intention to see a black girl called Zoe, but on entry my eyes immediately went to the girl stood half way up the stairs directly opposite me, as she was just in her bra and knickers and had a fantastic set of knockers. Feeling pressed to make an immediate decision, I pointed at her without really even looking at the other girls properly, which was a real rookie mistake. As soon as I pointed at the girl on the stairs, the others (who were all in underwear too, but with open dressing gowns on over it) all started to retreat back to their rooms, and I realised that Zoe was indeed one of them. The girl I had chosen (Michele) turned around on the stairs to lead me back up to her room and that's when regret set in, as on turning around I saw her arse. Now, whilst I do like a big bottom, hers was massive and rather dimpled. Her right buttock also has a big dent in it, which I assume is the result of some botched surgery. Still, I'd made my choice and I wasn't going to change my mind now.
On getting to her room upstairs, Michele asked how long I wanted. I knew from the initial text as well as Pumps' review that if you just want a quick 15 minutes it's £40, and any extras are £20 on top. As it was my first time there, I wanted to go for a less rushed experience however, so I paid £60 for 30 minutes and asked what that would get me, hoping Michele would reel-off a menu of sordid things she'd do with me over the next half an hour. Instead, she just looked at me and said "£60...30 minutes". So, I suggested a few things instead, like "lick you" and "cum on your tits", all of which she replied to with "£20 extra". So, I opted for 30 minutes and an extra £20 so I could shoot my load over her breasts.
After handing the money over, she put some music on on her phone and took her bra off. That's when I realised that her breasts didn't move at all. They were rock hard and had thick scarring on. Not Brazilian plastic surgery's finest hour, I must say.
We attempted to chat whilst I undressed and her English, whilst not great, was sufficient enough for her to tell me that her name was Michele, she was from Brazil and would be at this address until Sunday when she'll move onto somewhere else in London. She gave me a peck on the cheek and said it was nice to meet me, then asked me to lie on the bed. The bed was so low to the ground that on lying down on it, I was looking directly up at her unmoving bowling ball breasts jutting out over me. At this point my inner voice was cursing me out for not having stuck with Zoe.
Despite having paid for 30 minutes, Michele still seemed to be treating our time like a 15 minute booking too, as there was no hanging around. As soon as I got onto the bed, she took out a condom and slipped it onto my semi-on, before launching straight into a blow job. To be fair to her, whilst she was rushing, her technique was good and within seconds she had me rock hard. She took it in deep and fast, stopping occasionally to quickly flick the tip of my dick rapidly with her tongue before pushing it back down her throat. After a couple of minutes of that, I could feel my sap rising so I asked her to stop so we could move onto sex. She didn't even ask what position, and whilst I stood up she positioned herself on all fours on the bed with her arse up in the air facing me. "Kiss it" she demanded. "What, your arse?" I replied. "No, kiss my pussy" she retorted. "Oh, okay" I said, a little taken aback. I got down on my knees by the bed and plunged my head deep into her gigantic (soft) arse cheeks to get as close to her pussy as possible, before giving it a kiss, then a few flicks of my tongue. Happy to report no bad smells or anything, but she tasted of lube so I was glad that I had opted not to pay to lick her pussy from the list of £20 extras. She had a nice clean inviting little sphincter, so I gave that a little peck too since I was in the general vacinity and it seemed rude not to. There were no objections from Michele.
After kissing the ring, it was onto doggy. This was easier said than done, as the bed was so ridiculously low and Michele's arse so incredibly large, that it took a bit of gymnastic flexibility to get myself low enough to then angle my dick upwards into the general postcode of her pussy. She then used her hand to guide it inside her. She had the warmest pussy I can recall ever encountering. It was like sliding into a Domino pizza chef's oven glove. Whilst not the tightest pussy, the warmth of it was very pleasant and with it my regrets about this particular life choice disappeared. I started to pump away, holding onto her massive arse as I did so. She clearly considers her arse her best feature, so ready was she to assume the doggy position, and whilst I pumped she twerked her enormous buttocks so they'd clap shut on me as I thrust inward and open up as I pulled back. She also made a few demands that I fuck her deeper and harder, which had my inner voice snapping back "easier said than done" as I did my best to keep-up with her.
After a few minutes of that, mindful that I wanted to cum over her tits and with my legs starting to buckle from the weird position I'd had to work myself into to make doggy possible, I asked her to switch to missionary. Her pussy felt a little more cavernous in that position, which gave me a little longer to work myself up to ejaculation than I'd have managed in doggy. Whilst I did horizontal press-ups on top of her, she kept-up what I assume were her attempts to turn me on, with drill sergeant
sounding demands that I "fuck harder" and "come on my tits baby". When it was time to cum, I pulled out and sat up over her to whip the condom off - but rather than lie there, she sat up too, pressing her rock hard tits onto my dick, therefore angling it upwards as I fired-off my baby batter between them, hitting her square on the chin. As she sat there in stunned silence, I attempted a bit of a cheeky tit wank by pressing her tits together as I slid by dick back down away from her face, but they were so immovable and rigid that it wasn't anything to write home about. Thankfully, she didn't seem too pissed-off about her new spunk goatee, and quickly removed it with some wet wipes before handing me some tissue to clean myself up with. As I got dressed again, she stayed completely naked and attempted to make small talk, basically repeating the same information we'd exchanged at the beginning of the encounter, about how long she'd be there for. She then asked that I take her number, as if I'd want to stay in touch with her after she'd left this place. She attempted to use my phone to take a photo of her contact details, but the room was so dim that every photo she took was just a blur, so eventually she just read out her number, which I put into my phone. She then walked me to the front door (she was still completely naked and not giving a fuck, which I found quite endearing). As soon as I was outside, I did the sensible thing and deleted her number. Once was enough.
Overall, I will give this a low positive. I was very much expecting a pump and dump no frills encounter, and any regrets I had about my choice of woman were all my own doing as I stupidly felt pressured to make an immediate decision rather than actually give all five women a proper inspection before proceeding. The pictures used on the vivastreet ads are of the women you'll find at the house, albeit airbrushed or photoshopped to such an extent that they're really just there to give you a general idea of what size and colour the lady will end-up being. Zoe did look enough like her picture that I will try and make it back before the end of the week to try her out too.
General advice: Had I listened to Pumps' review/advice properly, I'd have just gone with the 15 minute £40 option, as even having paid for 30 minutes I was in and out in about 15 anyway. Paying the extra didn't stop Michele from rushing me in and out. Also, if you're driving, I would suggest timing your visit for after 6:30, when you can park on Haydon's Road itself without a residents permit. Otherwise, you may end-up doing what I did and shelling out £3.60 for 45 minutes parking via RingGo, which seems excessive. The alternative is to try and grab one of the parking bays next to the Sainsburys local, Chinese take away and William Hill row of shops a few hundred yards away. From memory, you only get twenty minutes free parking in those though, so you'd really have to be using those for a well-timed pump and dump rush job.
First two photos are Michele, with the one of her back being the most accurate. The third pic is Zoe who I'd actually gone there with the intention of seeing.
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