Overcoming common sense prevailing

[Cheltclient]

I was curious about something and wondered if anyone had any advice. I’ll explain my situation. I have punted for years. Always been a bit of a horny guy, masturbating a couple times a day, easily turned on by most things I see (you can imagine, see a skimpy babe in a Love Island advert, instantly hard). In terms of my past approach, I was a fairly prolific user of escorts. My approach was simple. I would log onto AW. There would be a host of local women available and most I would be really keen to see. I would fire off a text and more often than not, an hour later I would be having sex with them. In time where money was tighter, I’d occasionally feel guilty about the spend and wondered wether I had an addiction, but all in all, I enjoyed the hobby.

Fast forward to now. I find myself rarely seeing escorts and finding it hard to follow through on a booking. To explain, gone are the days where I can log onto AW and find an easy option. Generally, I’ll log on and there’s no one I want to see, they either have no reviews, bad ones, or they’re stupendously expensive. From there, I will look further afield, often the same result, so then I move onto a possible future booking. If I want to see an attractive English girl, the price is usually high but I see past that during the horn. If I want a booking, I usually have to arrange one a week/two weeks in the future. Then this happens;

I am horny about the idea. I whack off each night, mainly thinking about it, and when I’m finished - I am struck with the dreaded ‘common sense’ debate. The girl isn’t quite who I want to see, so I’m not crazy excited about it.. I have to travel. The price is pretty expensive. The experience is essentially going to lead to the same outcome as the wank five minutes ago and is going to cost me £200. And it’s going to something fleeting, an hour that is ticking down the moment I walk through the door and that I will remember little of in a few weeks. Oh, and I think that I crave really intimacy (which I can’t get in civvy life), rather than sex on a transactional basis. Invariably, after a few nights of that, I cancel the advanced booking, always giving the escort plenty of time. I feel it’s the right decision, then the horn creeps back in and the devil on the shoulder reminds me that if I don’t see escorts, there is little chance of sex on the horizon. And back around we go again.

Sorry, that’s a longer whine than I expected. I guess I was wondering wether anyone goes through something similar and if so, how they approach it? There may be no useful advice here, but you never know. Thought it worth asking as at the moment I find myself sexually frustrated and it’s almost like I’m working against myself.

[RandomGuy99]

Sounds like you should just have a wank and give the SPs a break

[nombre]

You're seeking intimacy, not just sex, and it's causing a dilemma

[Cheltclient]

Sounds like you should just have a wank and give the SPs a break

That’s exactly what is happening but end up very sexually frustrated. I know I know - then the answers is have sex with SP’s - but the lack of options when you are in the moment and impulsive is not helpful.

Apologies- now I think about it was prob a pointless post.

[Cheltclient]

You're seeking intimacy, not just sex, and it's causing a dilemma

I think that is def a big part of it.

[midspunter]

Maybe - and it's not always easy - find yourself a regular with whom you can develop some kind of ongoing rapport over time. There are escorts out there who are good at providing intimacy and even something like friendship as well as sex, even if it is still a service.

[Cheltclient]

Maybe - and it's not always easy - find yourself a regular with whom you can develop some kind of ongoing rapport over time. There are escorts out there who are good at providing intimacy and even something like friendship as well as sex, even if it is still a service.

See, this is maybe a good idea. I was hoping for some suggestions, as keen to get out of this cycle. The obvious approach would be to try and date but I’ve tried that to within an inch of its life and no one is ever interested. That’s often my mind change after I’ve decided to not see an escort. Commit to dating. Sign up to the apps. Within a fortnight it’s clear it’s a pointless endeavour.

Essentially, just trying to find a way to reignite the passion for the hobby.

I’ve been looking all week, hoping to see someone alluring available today so I’ve no chance for common sense to kick in. Hopefully it’ll happen

[Stevelondon]

You are covering a couple of things really. The sex is ok at the time but gives you no longer kind of satisfaction …… or a happy memory by the sound of it. But you also mention you think about the cash you’ve laid out and whether it could have been saved or used elsewhere.

There’s no answer really. If you feel Puntings not giving you the required emotional needs. Then try giving it a break and try to find what it sounds like you’re wanting in the civvy world.

[Cheltclient]

You are covering a couple of things really. The sex is ok at the time but gives you no longer kind of satisfaction …… or a happy memory by the sound of it. But you also mention you think about the cash you’ve laid out and whether it could have been saved or used elsewhere.

There’s no answer really. If you feel Puntings not giving you the required emotional needs. Then try giving it a break and try to find what it sounds like you’re wanting in the civvy world.

Good advice but therein lies the problem, I can’t find it in the civvie world. I’m not saying I 100% can’t find it, but believe me, the interest in me is almost non existent. Essentially, I want to have sex, but probably really crave true intimacy, which punting doesn’t provide. Can’t get the intimacy in real life, despite my best efforts, so then escorts seem the only option. But with on the day and impulsive bookings feeling very difficult, that’s when the common sense argument kicks in and I end up doing nothing and just ending up sexually frustrated to the point of distraction.

I’m probably not making much sense. Money is not really problem, albeit there is always something else you can spend it on.

[Maak]

  Commit to dating. Sign up to the apps. Within a fortnight it’s clear it’s a pointless endeavour.

Dating apps do work, but it takes a lot of patience. It took me 1.5 years on a dating app to meet someone I was compatible with. I had 2-3 first date sex from dating apps. 2 weeks is such a short time, some women check their dating apps when they are bored only.

When I was single, I kept two regulars WGs & was putting myself out there to meet single civvies on dating apps, music festivals, night clubs etc

[Cheltclient]

Dating apps do work, but it takes a lot of patience. It took me 1.5 years on a dating app to meet someone I was compatible with. I had 2-3 first date sex from dating apps. 2 weeks is such a short time, some women check their dating apps when their bored only.

When I was single, I kept two regulars WGs & was putting myself out there to meet single civvies on dating apps, music festivals, night clubs etc

Oh although I often delete, I often re register. I’ve been on them consistently for years.

Of course, that’s one of the options. Retire from punting. Commit to dating. But I genuinely have no likes on them. That options feels like a commitment to celibacy

[Maak]

Oh although I often delete, I often re register. I’ve been on them consistently for years.

Of course, that’s one of the options. Retire from punting. Commit to dating. But I genuinely have no likes on them. That options feels like a commitment to celibacy

I understand dating apps can be tiring, I been using them since 2017. I have got 2 serious relationships & few "1 night stands".

Dating apps are all about pictures. The better pictures you have, the better chances of scoring a date. Use pictures of yourself on holiday, having fun etc. Try using the more popular dating apps like Hinge, bumble etc.

[JontyR]

Think there are many things at play here.

1. A dissatisfaction with your civvy interactions - or lack of them.
2. A lack of the rush that accompanied your first punting experinces.
3. Life.

So in terms of suggestions I'd say look at doing something new in each of these sections that may lead to something else. In footballing terminology - get yourself in the box and see if anything happens.

Join a dance class or something like that, drama group, vocals etc. High female percentage. And just enjoy it for what it is, not as a thing to find a woman.

Maybe look for different services in the punting world. Parties aren't my thing but maybe they are something you'd like to do? I'd personally suggest going for a massage, and enjoy the massage in itself and then see what you feel like doing after. It may reignite your passion for following through with punts.

Have you considered you may actually be experiencing the symptoms of depression. Doctors will often ask how you feel presently about something you were once passionate about. Maybe just pop to the Docs and get checked over. You could be a vitamin pill away from your old self.

[RandomGuy99]

Try taking up knitting, but I would suggest not doing it at the same time as wanking, but... Whatever floats your boat and doesn't put you in A&E

[southcoastpunter]

Op - have you thought about something like Seeking?

when i became single a few years ago, i didn't want another relationship and the WG's in my area were non existent or not my type. So i tried Seeking and had a lot of fun (sex) in the first few months - a bit like a kid in a sweet shop - many and different ladies and pretty much just for sex. But i then realised that although the sex was (mainly) good, it wasn't fulfilling me - maybe like you i actually sought "intimacy" and some parts of a relationship but without the drama and with agreed boundaries.

i then found a long term seeking lady - and although they inevitably come to an end at some stage, i have had 5 or 6 long term arrangements (about a year long each) and had some great sex but also some great experiences/times/activities etc with them too and that "intimacy" too where we genuinely care about each other. mine have all been in their 20's or 30's but there are ladies of all ages from 18 to 50's and probably 60's too (never searched for anyone that old!!).

yes Seeking can be expensive (and time consuming to find the right one for you) - i give a monthly allowance and typically get 4 or 5 meets (overnights) per month. i think it works better if you are single (which i am) and can host(which i can) so that opens up doing things like cooking for each other and/or movie nights etc which enhances the "intimacy" part.

Maybe something to consider if your circumstances allow!

[ik8133]

Op - have you thought about something like Seeking?

when i became single a few years ago, i didn't want another relationship and the WG's in my area were non existent or not my type. So i tried Seeking and had a lot of fun (sex) in the first few months - a bit like a kid in a sweet shop - many and different ladies and pretty much just for sex. But i then realised that although the sex was (mainly) good, it wasn't fulfilling me - maybe like you i actually sought "intimacy" and some parts of a relationship but without the drama and with agreed boundaries.

i then found a long term seeking lady - and although they inevitably come to an end at some stage, i have had 5 or 6 long term arrangements (about a year long each) and had some great sex but also some great experiences/times/activities etc with them too and that "intimacy" too where we genuinely care about each other. mine have all been in their 20's or 30's but there are ladies of all ages from 18 to 50's and probably 60's too (never searched for anyone that old!!).

yes Seeking can be expensive (and time consuming to find the right one for you) - i give a monthly allowance and typically get 4 or 5 meets (overnights) per month. i think it works better if you are single (which i am) and can host(which i can) so that opens up doing things like cooking for each other and/or movie nights etc which enhances the "intimacy" part.

Maybe something to consider if your circumstances allow!

Exactly what I was going to suggest, Seeking or Secret Benefits, I've had success on both sites..

[Stevelondon]

Op - have you thought about something like Seeking?

when i became single a few years ago, i didn't want another relationship and the WG's in my area were non existent or not my type. So i tried Seeking and had a lot of fun (sex) in the first few months - a bit like a kid in a sweet shop - many and different ladies and pretty much just for sex. But i then realised that although the sex was (mainly) good, it wasn't fulfilling me - maybe like you i actually sought "intimacy" and some parts of a relationship but without the drama and with agreed boundaries.

i then found a long term seeking lady - and although they inevitably come to an end at some stage, i have had 5 or 6 long term arrangements (about a year long each) and had some great sex but also some great experiences/times/activities etc with them too and that "intimacy" too where we genuinely care about each other. mine have all been in their 20's or 30's but there are ladies of all ages from 18 to 50's and probably 60's too (never searched for anyone that old!!).

yes Seeking can be expensive (and time consuming to find the right one for you) - i give a monthly allowance and typically get 4 or 5 meets (overnights) per month. i think it works better if you are single (which i am) and can host(which i can) so that opens up doing things like cooking for each other and/or movie nights etc which enhances the "intimacy" part.

Maybe something to consider if your circumstances allow!

By the sound of things this is probably the OP best option. Going from what he has been saying.

Even if it is still just an illusion (let’s face it……. It’s still buying sex) ……… it might just appear real enough to provide that intimate emotional connection he seeks.

[Cheltclient]

Thanks all for your replies. I won’t start a new seeking thread here as there’s plenty doing the rounds but actually, it might be a good shout. I’ve never really seriously looked into it as for some reason, I envisage myself getting little action from it. But perhaps I need to do some research

[MissWolf]

Good advice but therein lies the problem, I can’t find it in the civvie world. I’m not saying I 100% can’t find it, but believe me, the interest in me is almost non existent. Essentially, I want to have sex, but probably really crave true intimacy, which punting doesn’t provide. Can’t get the intimacy in real life, despite my best efforts, so then escorts seem the only option. But with on the day and impulsive bookings feeling very difficult, that’s when the common sense argument kicks in and I end up doing nothing and just ending up sexually frustrated to the point of distraction.

I’m probably not making much sense. Money is not really problem, albeit there is always something else you can spend it on.

This is a really interesting one and I can get your issue and frustration.  Like others I would suggest looking at seeking etc for a more long term, less transactional on the day type experience as you may find someone closer to your eatable age who is happy to do cinema and dinner dates as well as the sex type meets, ie more social time and longer meets for less finance, it's not unknown for relationships to start from those platforms.

Other thought on reading your posts are that when dating it can be a case of the more desperate or intense the vibe is coming across the faster the other side goes backwards.
I know for me when I was dating in my 40s I didn't want massively keen and in my face within the first week of chatting or even after the first couple of meets, when someone comes across as desperate it's quite off putting,  I'm not saying that's you but it may be unconsciously.

[RandomGuy99]

This is a really interesting one and I can get your issue and frustration.  Like others I would suggest looking at seeking etc for a more long term, less transactional on the day type experience as you may find someone closer to your eatable age who is happy to do cinema and dinner dates as well as the sex type meets, ie more social time and longer meets for less finance, it's not unknown for relationships to start from those platforms.

Other thought on reading your posts are that when dating it can be a case of the more desperate or intense the vibe is coming across the faster the other side goes backwards.
I know for me when I was dating in my 40s I didn't want massively keen and in my face within the first week of chatting or even after the first couple of meets, when someone comes across as desperate it's quite off putting,  I'm not saying that's you but it may be unconsciously.

But isn't Seeking more of a mind fuck?

Playing hard to get? Manipulation from the SP for cash?

Seeing escorts is easier as there's no attachment and no mind fucking to deal with.

[southcoastpunter]

But isn't Seeking more of a mind fuck?

Playing hard to get? Manipulation from the SP for cash?

Seeing escorts is easier as there's no attachment and no mind fucking to deal with.

there are all sorts on Seeking - so some (in my personal experience only a few) who i would say are a "mind fuck".

but there are some genuine ladies on there.  But in my experience, with hard work you can find the genuine ones who don't do PPM's and want a more personal and long term (almost exclusive) arrangement.

[Cheltclient]

This is a really interesting one and I can get your issue and frustration.  Like others I would suggest looking at seeking etc for a more long term, less transactional on the day type experience as you may find someone closer to your eatable age who is happy to do cinema and dinner dates as well as the sex type meets, ie more social time and longer meets for less finance, it's not unknown for relationships to start from those platforms.

Other thought on reading your posts are that when dating it can be a case of the more desperate or intense the vibe is coming across the faster the other side goes backwards.
I know for me when I was dating in my 40s I didn't want massively keen and in my face within the first week of chatting or even after the first couple of meets, when someone comes across as desperate it's quite off putting,  I'm not saying that's you but it may be unconsciously.

Yeah, the dating thing is a little simpler than that. Unfortunately, im just not very attractive. That’s not  me being down on myself - just realistic. So when I go on the apps, I don’t tend to get any responses. Every so often I might, but it’s rare. On the odd miraculous occasion I do get a date, women just don’t tend to be interested. I’m relatively confident it’s not a vibe thing as I’m always a gent and when it’s dating, I’m not too fussed about sex. Happy for that to come naturally. Unless they get the vibe I’m a loser 

I’ve been thinking about seeking this afternoon and I think it was a great suggestion but not sure it would solve the problem. I think it could be a better experience but it’s unlikely to satisfy the things I’m really craving.

Apologies I sound like a right moaning old tit. The actual crux of the post was to see if anyone had any advice about how to stop yourself talking yourself out of it when you can only book far in advance. I suspect I’m not alone with that. But some very interesting responses, thank you. I confess, the more I’ve thought about it today, the more I’ve started to wonder. Perhaps the reason I keep talking myself out of the bookings is that deep down I know that punting just doesn’t provide me with what it once did. I probably do crave something real, connected, and intimate. The road ahead is prob to stop punting, put everything into dating, and accept there’s a good chance that means enforced celibacy for years. Crickey, a scary thought!

Gosh I sound like I should be on Jeremy Kyle!!

[MLawro93]

Yeah, the dating thing is a little simpler than that. Unfortunately, im just not very attractive. That’s not  me being down on myself - just realistic. So when I go on the apps, I don’t tend to get any responses. Every so often I might, but it’s rare. On the odd miraculous occasion I do get a date, women just don’t tend to be interested. I’m relatively confident it’s not a vibe thing as I’m always a gent and when it’s dating, I’m not too fussed about sex. Happy for that to come naturally. Unless they get the vibe I’m a loser 

If that is a genuine issue, what can you do to change that? I appreciate it is also a huge element of the genetic lottery, but there are things physically you can help yourself with. Outside of that, just need to find someone who vibes with your personality.

[Cheltclient]

If that is a genuine issue, what can you do to change that? I appreciate it is also a huge element of the genetic lottery, but there are things physically you can help yourself with. Outside of that, just need to find someone who vibes with your personality.

Oh can’t do much about it. To be fair, online dating is online dating. It’s always been quite superficial. It just is what it is. I don’t have many friends (gosh how alluring do I sound - form an orderly queue ladies  ) but getting out and socialising the old fashioned way would probably be positive. I often say, before online dating, how did people meet in the old days!!

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Cheltclient.. finding the right woman is rather akin to finding the Holy Grail, i reckon thats easier;!...

[Cheltclient]

Cheltclient.. finding the right woman is rather akin to finding the Holy Grail, i reckon thats easier;!...

Perhaps I should go on a theological quest instead … play the odds

[southern punter]

I have no advice Cheltclient but I am in the same boat if it helps at all to know you're not alone. I could have written your posts almost word for word, except I don't go around the advance booking, advance cancelling loop because I have parlours nearby.  So instead I can take myself to a parlour before I can change my mind but then it's crap and I end up thinking, as you put it, that was "the same outcome as the wank five minutes ago and cost me £200" .

Maybe - and it's not always easy - find yourself a regular with whom you can develop some kind of ongoing rapport over time. There are escorts out there who are good at providing intimacy and even something like friendship as well as sex, even if it is still a service.

I do have this going on but I don't know if I'd recommend it to OP frankly.  Sometimes I'm not even very horny and I end up booking her anyway for the "something like friendship" side and then I'm essentially paying £100 for a chat which might feel even worse than paying £200 for a wank.

Honestly I think it's quite simple, we need friends.  Unfortunately our society is very keen on writing pearl-clutching editorials about the epidemic of male loneliness, or putting up charity posters encouraging men to talk, but go out to bars and clubs as a lonely ugly man and try striking up conversation, suddenly society is not so keen.

[MissWolf]

Oh can’t do much about it. To be fair, online dating is online dating. It’s always been quite superficial. It just is what it is. I don’t have many friends (gosh how alluring do I sound - form an orderly queue ladies  ) but getting out and socialising the old fashioned way would probably be positive. I often say, before online dating, how did people meet in the old days!!

I appreciate your reply and I'm going to say that looks are not everything,  I know that's an old line and lots will say yeah yeah etc but honestly it's not.

If as you say you don't have many friends then how about taking up an interest or giving some time to charity, there are normally male groups like mansheds etc to expand you friendship circle, dogs homes and wildlife charities are always looking for volunteers and you will meet lots of fellow volunteers,  there are organisations like the wildlife trusts,  national trust and hundreds more who you can find volunteering opportunities with, all of which will get you out of the house, meeting new people,  expanding your friendship circle and possibly meeting potential dates, it will also give you things to do that reduce your free time and that will take up some of your punting windows.

Just a few musings I hope that's not offensive 

[Strawberry]

I appreciate your reply and I'm going to say that looks are not everything,  I know that's an old line and lots will say yeah yeah etc but honestly it's not.

If as you say you don't have many friends then how about taking up an interest or giving some time to charity, there are normally male groups like mansheds etc to expand you friendship circle, dogs homes and wildlife charities are always looking for volunteers and you will meet lots of fellow volunteers,  there are organisations like the wildlife trusts,  national trust and hundreds more who you can find volunteering opportunities with, all of which will get you out of the house, meeting new people,  expanding your friendship circle and possibly meeting potential dates, it will also give you things to do that reduce your free time and that will take up some of your punting windows.

Just a few musings I hope that's not offensive 

I agree, some of the most successful-with-women-men I have known, are not typically handsome as such, certainly not the expected 'tall, dark, handsome, car, job whatever' they simply talk to women 'as a normal person'.

[Cheltclient]

I have no advice Cheltclient but I am in the same boat if it helps at all to know you're not alone. I could have written your posts almost word for word, except I don't go around the advance booking, advance cancelling loop because I have parlours nearby.  So instead I can take myself to a parlour before I can change my mind but then it's crap and I end up thinking, as you put it, that was "the same outcome as the wank five minutes ago and cost me £200" .

I do have this going on but I don't know if I'd recommend it to OP frankly.  Sometimes I'm not even very horny and I end up booking her anyway for the "something like friendship" side and then I'm essentially paying £100 for a chat which might feel even worse than paying £200 for a wank.

Honestly I think it's quite simple, we need friends.  Unfortunately our society is very keen on writing pearl-clutching editorials about the epidemic of male loneliness, or putting up charity posters encouraging men to talk, but go out to bars and clubs as a lonely ugly man and try striking up conversation, suddenly society is not so keen.

Thanks for the reply. Interesting to hear of someone in the same boat.

And you are right. Often the advice is go date, go make friends. But it’s not always so easy, and I’ve never made friends easily. Crickey, if I went to a bar and started chatting to women, I can’t imagine it going too well.

[Cheltclient]

I appreciate your reply and I'm going to say that looks are not everything,  I know that's an old line and lots will say yeah yeah etc but honestly it's not.

If as you say you don't have many friends then how about taking up an interest or giving some time to charity, there are normally male groups like mansheds etc to expand you friendship circle, dogs homes and wildlife charities are always looking for volunteers and you will meet lots of fellow volunteers,  there are organisations like the wildlife trusts,  national trust and hundreds more who you can find volunteering opportunities with, all of which will get you out of the house, meeting new people,  expanding your friendship circle and possibly meeting potential dates, it will also give you things to do that reduce your free time and that will take up some of your punting windows.

Just a few musings I hope that's not offensive 

Not remotely offensive and thanks for the suggestions. To be fair, you are exactly right - that’s exactly what I should be doing. I guess sometimes getting out there and doing it though is another thing entirely. At the moment, my hobbies tend to be quite solitary. Running. Reading. Movies.

It is quite interesting though how escorting can confuse things,, when you are trying to sort things out in your life.  When you use it to replace some of the things missing in your life. I think for some it can be such a positive thing, almost like a form of therapy. I think it has been for me in the past. I hadn’t quite realised when it all became a bit ‘meh’ and that feeling of excitement started to be replace by emptiness. It’s no real reflection on the escorts, it is what it is and I’ve met some lovely ladies. Safe to say, I am very surprised I’ve got to this place.

[Cheltclient]

I agree, some of the most successful-with-women-men I have known, are not typically handsome as such, certainly not the expected 'tall, dark, handsome, car, job whatever' they simply talk to women 'as a normal person'.

Gosh would be lovely to be one of those guys!! But you are right. You see that all the time. Mind you, with online dating, it can be hard to get to a point where someone goes for personality over looks. I am stereotyping of course and I am sure there are ladies out there who are less superficial, but my experience of the apps hasn’t been like that.

I sound like I’m moaning but I’m not really. It can just be a brutal experience for some guys

[southern punter]

And you are right. Often the advice is go date, go make friends. But it’s not always so easy, and I’ve never made friends easily. Crickey, if I went to a bar and started chatting to women, I can’t imagine it going too well.

Right and I'm not even talking about chatting up women as such.  I've gone out trying to build a social life, safe in the knowledge I can punt for sex any time so no thought of looking desperate for that, just joining hobby groups and things like that, equally keen to chat to men or women with whom there is no attraction.  Still get absolutely nowhere.

Honestly I'm completely sick of attractive, extroverted, neurotypical people telling me to join a society or evening class, talk to people without sexual or romantic expectation, and friends or dates will magically appear.  That might be there experience.  It's not mine.

[Cheltclient]

Right and I'm not even talking about chatting up women as such.  I've gone out trying to build a social life, safe in the knowledge I can punt for sex any time so no thought of looking desperate for that, just joining hobby groups and things like that, equally keen to chat to men or women with whom there is no attraction.  Still get absolutely nowhere.

Honestly I'm completely sick of attractive, extroverted, neurotypical people telling me to join a society or evening class, talk to people without sexual or romantic expectation, and friends or dates will magically appear.  That might be there experience.  It's not mine.

Well, you are in good company. I’m not sick of people making helpful suggestions, as they mean well. But you are right, for some of us, it’s just not that easy. It never has been for me.

Of course, I also had paying for sex as a fall back. Perhaps it meant I didn’t try hard enough in years gone by, as I would get rejected and I’d think ‘ok, but I can have sex with a stunning woman’! Fucking sucks that even that fall back is just not doing it

[RedKettle]

I don't think I have anything useful to add but just wanted to say what an great thread, really mature and with some good ideas, follow ons and general interaction.  As someone who has probably been using this site for far too long I would say that this thread would have been very different some years ago.

All the best.

 

[RandomGuy99]

There's definitely a loneliness side to this. I think in the modern world there are less opportunities to make friends or meet partners. We work from home, so you don't bump into people on the way to and from work or at lunch or even at work. We get our food delivered. we stream movies at home instead of going to the cinema. We don't go to shops to buy stuff as we get it delivered.  I think this is partly what drives men to cam sites. It's not just to see naked women, but it's to interact with people and build some kind of relationship even though it's just a seller-buyer one. It's a bit sad that people end up paying just to have a relationship/interact with others. 

[alabama1]

There's definitely a loneliness side to this. I think in the modern world there are less opportunities to make friends or meet partners. We work from home, so you don't bump into people on the way to and from work or at lunch or even at work. We get our food delivered. we stream movies at home instead of going to the cinema. We don't go to shops to buy stuff as we get it delivered.  I think this is partly what drives men to cam sites. It's not just to see naked women, but it's to interact with people and build some kind of relationship even though it's just a seller-buyer one. It's a bit sad that people end up paying just to have a relationship/interact with others.

Most people do not work from home

[Atrueyorkie]

What I read from your initial post is at the start of your punting career you had a lot of disposable income.

Then later down the line the purse strings became tighter triggering your common sense not to splurge your money as much.

That couple with post nut regret you now meticulously research your next punt to make sure it’s actual worth it as times are rough.

Due to the rough times you could do with a girlfriend/partner for free sex.

That’s what I’ve gathered. My advice is to tone down your punting, track your expenses and get a higher paying job.

[RandomGuy99]

Most people do not work from home

I think quite a lot do these days at least part of the time.

[alabama1]

I think quite a lot do these days at least part of the time.

Not here in the West Midlands, which still has mostly industrial jobs.

[Cheltclient]

What I read from your initial post is at the start of your punting career you had a lot of disposable income.

Then later down the line the purse strings became tighter triggering your common sense not to splurge your money as much.

That couple with post nut regret you now meticulously research your next punt to make sure it’s actual worth it as times are rough.

Due to the rough times you could do with a girlfriend/partner for free sex.

That’s what I’ve gathered. My advice is to tone down your punting, track your expenses and get a higher paying job.

It’s the opposite, oddly. Back in the day, money was a lot tighter. Now, all these years later, have loads of disposable cash and fortunate to have a very well paid job. So it’s not about money. Of course, wasting the money forms one of the counter arguments when the horn has gone and I’m struggling to justify the impending booking, but it’s not a concern of spending money I don’t have, just spending money that could go on something else.

But nope, sorry if I explained things poorly. Money is not the issue.

[Cheltclient]

I think quite a lot do these days at least part of the time.

I work from home and I think the point is valid for those who do.

[MissWolf]

Not remotely offensive and thanks for the suggestions. To be fair, you are exactly right - that’s exactly what I should be doing. I guess sometimes getting out there and doing it though is another thing entirely. At the moment, my hobbies tend to be quite solitary. Running. Reading. Movies.

It is quite interesting though how escorting can confuse things,, when you are trying to sort things out in your life.  When you use it to replace some of the things missing in your life. I think for some it can be such a positive thing, almost like a form of therapy. I think it has been for me in the past. I hadn’t quite realised when it all became a bit ‘meh’ and that feeling of excitement started to be replace by emptiness. It’s no real reflection on the escorts, it is what it is and I’ve met some lovely ladies. Safe to say, I am very surprised I’ve got to this place.

I totally agree, getting out there and doing it are completely different to saying it, thinking it and knowing that's what you need to do, lots of us are no different,  you are not alone in this.
That's kind of why I suggested exploring some volunteering ideas, they can align with an interest you already have or be completely outside of your knowledge base, if it gives you a weekly commitment where you know you're being relied on to be there it can help.

It's quite a pivotal moment when you realise that what you have always done is no longer what you want, it's a really good thing that you are recognising and acknowledging that and where you are right now and seeking help on how to move on from that place.

[Cheltclient]

I totally agree, getting out there and doing it are completely different to saying it, thinking it and knowing that's what you need to do, lots of us are no different,  you are not alone in this.
That's kind of why I suggested exploring some volunteering ideas, they can align with an interest you already have or be completely outside of your knowledge base, if it gives you a weekly commitment where you know you're being relied on to be there it can help.

It's quite a pivotal moment when you realise that what you have always done is no longer what you want, it's a really good thing that you are recognising and acknowledging that and where you are right now and seeking help on how to move on from that place.

Thanks. I wouldn’t say I feel all that positive at the moment but it’s certainly got to a place where I’m keen to start sorting things out, hence starting the thread. I guess even if I don’t feel it, that is moderately positive.

I think sometimes in life it’s so easy to take the easy option. I think for some, seeing escorts can be that easy option. Of course, I’m not applying that notion wholesale and people see escorts for a variety of reasons and many love it. Just really uttering that notion about my own situation. I think there’s always been a loneliness in my life and for a long time, seeing escorts was a wonderful tonic. Genuinely gutted that it seems to have lost its allure. But then I think what I’ve always craved is connection and closeness, and for a long while it felt like escorts provided some relief (and that’s prob why I’ve always favoured a GFE) I guess as those feelings of loneliness have grown  and the craving for true connection has also become more prominent, the escort experience has just stopped doing what it used to do.

Been an interesting discussion this and thank you for all your contributions. This morning, the motivation was more ‘it’s lost it’s appeal, any advice as to how I can rediscover it and follow through on advanced bookings’ - and my thoughts have probably changed, so I’m wondering if, if I truly no longer find it fulfilling, whether I should keep doing it.

[alabama1]

I fill the void with a long term WG/GFE. Works fine for me 

[Cheltclient]

I fill the void with a long term WG/GFE. Works fine for me 

Kudos mate. I’m envious.

[alabama1]

Kudos mate. I’m envious.

All the best mate 

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Sign of the digital world it is..

Once upon a time people used to do things like meet someone on a train journey, i know two relatives who did just that.

So wattsey went down the olde smoke last year to a Prom concert at the Albert hall and took the train OK blinking electric one it was years ago that smell of Coal and smoke, nectar of ye gods:-)

around me in the class 700 were around 8 people half male and half femms. All of them had a bloody smartfone with headset connected  couldnt talk to any of them, times have chaged thats a bloody fact, not for the socialising better:-(

I think there is somer mileage in the voluntering line i have got a few intrests apart from punting or foxhunting or never mind!!!

So i'm going to give it a go i'm capable of taliking to Women tho i do thend to treat them as special 'cos theys ladies and the fairer sexes, i know watching the progl re Miss Austen the othe nite

I do tend to intertrview people, suppose a time spent on radio years ago makes the easy 'tho not quite a normal conversation but what is one of they I  ask Ye;?....

[shylad57]

Very interesting thread and I take my hat off to the OP for his openess and honesty.

From my point of view, I am old enough to remember the old "personal" section in local newspapers. For men seeking a woman, their ad pretty much always started with something like 60 year old male, tall, own house and car, seeks lady for friendship and maybe more.
Women seeking a man would usually put 55 year old lady, slim and considered attractive seeks solvent man for friendship and maybe relationship.

And I am not sure a whole lot has changed. I think you are probably selling yourself short on your dating profile. Like another poster has mentioned, put completely different photos on. I would completely change the text as well. Make sure you list your qualities (the way you have conducted yourself in this forum is great evidence of your writing and kinesthetic skills). And make a gentle mention that you are solvent. Believe me, a lot of women would rather be with someone who isnt up to their eyes in debt and all that goes with it. They are nowhere near as looks driven as maybe we are. Being solvent and being able to take a lady nice places is attractive in itself. Whether we like it or not thats the way it is a lot of the time.

And an odd one to finish. Get a dog! You will be amazed at how many available women are dog lovers and walkers. Its a rich source of female company, I promise you!

And good luck for the future. Dont give up!

[Colston36]

I fill the void with a long term WG/GFE. Works fine for me 

I guess to some extent it depends on how many women's company you like or maybe how much you like female company in itself. Setting sex aside I communicate with several from day to day because I am interested in them and their lives. There is one I talk to or exchange news with every day and a few I talk to/message regularly.

My impression is that many if not most men aren't interested in women and begrudge parting with money for sex. If you are genuinely interested you do build a relationship which also involves sex - and leads to better sex. I spent time yesterday talking to three women, one about her birthday, which she hates, one about a client she was going to flog, and where to find a convenient hotel in Exeter, one about her liking for drugs.

I have known all three for years. Also I find them more interesting than the soccer scores.