Bea, surbiton massage (used to be Iysh Cream)

[bhudda]

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When I go for a rub and tug I want the massage to be good as well as any extras on offer - not a combination you find every time of course.

I entered the shop and was pleased with what I saw. She was youngish (I'm rubbish at guessing but I'd say in her 20s, no more than 30) attractive and appeared to have a decent set of norks. Said she's called Bea and works there Monday and Friday.

The first red flag was she told me it was £55 for an hour - the website says £50 but she quickly accepted my offer of £50 with a nice smile.

She started the massage and within 5 mins it was clearly apparent that she hadn't a clue how to give a massage. She simply lightly spreads oil over you with no pressure at all and no focus on areas that are likely to benefit (I know my muscles aren't immediately obvious but she should at least know where they are supposed to be).

She did manage a few reach unders and nice brushes of my dangly bits about 10 minutes in though so I touched her leg (she was wearing jeans and a top).
This immediately prompted the question did I want extras? I asked what was on offer.

£40 hand relief
£70 topless hand relief.
£100 body to body.
£150 sex.

I may be out of touch but I was not going to pay these prices on top of the £50 already paid.

I offered £20 for hr - nothing doing.
I offered £30 - no.
I offered £40 for topless hr - no.

So I declined the offer of extras and she continued to smear oil over me in a manner that was neither therapeutic nor erotic for what seemed like an age. I was very tempted to cut it short but a) it is never totally unpleasant to be in close proximity to an attractive woman and b) I'd paid my £50!

However I didn't complain when she told me my hour was up only about 45 minutes after she had started.

I'm not giving the negative because of her prices - she can ask whatever she likes and we choose whether we are willing to pay or not. I'm giving a neg because the massage was so completely and utterly useless. I get a better massage off my cat when it is trying to tell me it is hungry.