Those married 25 years plus ....

[Payyourwaymate]

Maybe the husband is no longer sexually attracted to a 60 year old wife when there are 25 year old girls available for hire.

Just to play devils advocate for a sense a balance there probably are many men in that age range who are not attractive either, eg, unfit, beer bellies/overweight, smokers, teeth/oral hygiene decline etc. It goes both ways. Only difference is those men have the access and are more prepared to pay for an SP to have a good time with them regardless of how they look.

Not really fair to put all the sexual attraction decline only on the woman for getting older and not doing anything to maintain herself, if the man is also getting older but does nothing to maintain his appearance either. Both parties are at fault.

[signy]

Not really fair to put all the sexual attraction decline only on the woman for getting older and not doing anything to maintain herself, if the man is also getting older but does nothing to maintain his appearance either. Both parties are at fault.

Just from casual observation, I think there is a lot of truth in this. If one partner is letting themselves go, then so is the other (and tragically this is too often passed on to their children). OTOH, when I know someone who is putting the effort in, then I find that when I meet their partner the same applies.

[MissWolf]

Just to play devils advocate for a sense a balance there probably are many men in that age range who are not attractive either, eg, unfit, beer bellies/overweight, smokers, teeth/oral hygiene decline etc. It goes both ways. Only difference is those men have the access and are more prepared to pay for an SP to have a good time with them regardless of how they look.

Not really fair to put all the sexual attraction decline only on the woman for getting older and not doing anything to maintain herself, if the man is also getting older but does nothing to maintain his appearance either. Both parties are at fault.

 

[Doc Holliday]

Just to play devils advocate for a sense a balance there probably are many men in that age range who are not attractive either, eg, unfit, beer bellies/overweight, smokers, teeth/oral hygiene decline etc. It goes both ways. Only difference is those men have the access and are more prepared to pay for an SP to have a good time with them regardless of how they look.

Not really fair to put all the sexual attraction decline only on the woman for getting older and not doing anything to maintain herself, if the man is also getting older but does nothing to maintain his appearance either. Both parties are at fault.

Yes indeed. Many men also lose interest in sex (with anyone). You are unlikely to find them as members of UKP!

Sex with your partner as you both age, involves continued communication, discussion and understanding that things change. It also requires patience, evolving, adapting and compromising as required ... from both parties. Also avoid blame.

[flouch]

I love my wife.  I just like fucking different women, and I don't want to split up to do it.  Not married 25 years though I fully expect to be in 15 years.

[proton.punter]

Been married a looong time. Wife knows I punt and is fine with it as long as no feelings develop. We both find each other attractive and sex is every other day’ish and it’s good sex. We both swing as well sometimes and she likes the ladies too. Guess this is pretty unusual and I forget how lucky I am sometimes!

[advent2016]

Some great replies and thank you.

I see others in a similar conundrum and do what I do, which is make the best of the situation.
Her health issues are coming more to the fore as we both get older, but our sex life has never been great. She was sexually active when we wanted a family and cares for me deeply (as i do for her), but the lack of regular sex has always been our contention point and has been discussed many times.

I will continue to punt and not get so hung up about the lack of marital sex.

My long time partner until recently whenever I wanted sex, we had sex, and usually great sex, but she rarely initiated it, then she started saying it felt uncomfortable and after her hysterectomy she stopped completely.
She still gave me regular sloppy blow jobs as she doesn't consider that sex and I gave her RO (but she rarely came) , then she gave me handjobs and let me come on her tits.
Slowly, this stopped as she said she didn't enjoy it. She started reading a lot of Marie Force books (I tried a few, quite graphic sex in them).
Good parts - she still makes me breakfast before she goes to work, we share main meals, watch TV and films, cuddle in bed (both enjoy this), we travel abroad.
When she stopped wanting regular (love making and "let's fuck") sex, I started punting more. I can still work almost anywhere I like on demand.

These days I like more blowjobs and usually have a bit of doggy sex as some SPs seem to think this is a requirement, personally I'd rather have a long BJ.
I've been having more massages where the ending is a Handjob - It's an easy release. If I get a BJ it's a bonus, if it's BBBJ/CIM then even better, though often these days it's sandwich bag.
I still seek out punting nirvana - threesome and shared snowball. I still punt about twice a week. Watch football and drink with mates in London.

[Thephoenix]

Yes indeed. Many men also lose interest in sex (with anyone). You are unlikely to find them as members of UKP!

Sex with your partner as you both age, involves continued communication, discussion and understanding that things change. It also requires patience, evolving, adapting and compromising as required ... from both parties. Also avoid blame.

Absolutely!

Then if that doesn't work there's UKP. 

[LeedsGent]

Do you really want to take a massive financial hit and start over again? What about companionship with your wife? What about the shared experiences that you have and will have more of in the future? What about your kids and possible grandchildren in the future? What about Christmas and birthdays? The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Thank you for all of your good points.  I have considered all the points you have made.  I just can’t imagine spending the next 40 years as I am now.  I still see divorce as a short term pain for a long time gain.

Here is a little more info.  I am 46.  When my wife and I met, everyone said “how did I pull her” as she was definitely an 8, I was probably a 6.  I would now say that I am 7 and she is now a 5.  One of my many issues is that she has late herself go from a size 8 to 16.  She is so confident that I won’t leave, she doesn’t try any more.  Our sex live was dull 20 years ago and is now virtually no existent.  My wife’s idea of sex is to rub my cock for 30 seconds and then sex in missionary and that is all you get.  My issue is I struggle to get am maintain an erection.  Which is totally depressing.  I always assumed that if I wanted a hardon I could just summon one. It is now clear to me that erections are not guaranteed, and the woman makes all the difference. Even on our honeymoon, I have never had multiple rounds with my wife.  When we just met, I probably got sex 2 to 3 times per month.  I very rarely get my cock in her mouth. If I do it is just for a couple of minutes and never with cim.  With my SB we will have sex for 2 to 3 hours.  I will come 2 or 3 times, and she will come about 6 times.  If on the third round I am struggling to get hard she uses her mouth to make sure I do. 

[LeedsGent]

I think money / financial impact is a poor reason to stay with someone!

This is my point exactly, just becase we are married it dosn't mean that we must stay together for ever.

[LeedsGent]

often seeing a SB long term is an indication of something more than just sex!  - but it seems to me that the Op has thought that it’s more than just lack of sex

You are absolutely correct.  I lost the will to live about 6 years ago and pretty much decided then that it would end in divorce.  I stayed for my sons sake, but they are now 16 and 18.  I, like many on here decided to take the middle road, stay with my wife and look for the sex elsewhere.  I started off on AW and had a few disappointing mechanical punts, they were better than nothing.  I realised that I was not just looking to put my dick in a hole, I needed more.  So I moved to seeking I found it much more natural and to my liking and found my current SB. 
For those who say stay married and keep my SB.  I can’t see me doing it for the next 30 years.
 

[JontyR]

Thank you for all of your good points.  I have considered all the points you have made.  I just can’t imagine spending the next 40 years as I am now.  I still see divorce as a short term pain for a long time gain.

Here is a little more info.  I am 46.  When my wife and I met, everyone said “how did I pull her” as she was definitely an 8, I was probably a 6.  I would now say that I am 7 and she is now a 5. 

Just one thing to consider, I'm not sure what age you would be looking for in another long term civvie relationship, but try to consider how many 7 rated 46 years olds there are out there without baggage that would take you on with whatever committments you have. And what level of approaches would they get.

I've recently had another splurge on the dating apps. Had some success but it was amazing to see the levels of likes that the women get. I'm quite fussy on who i swipe but it isn't beyond the realms of possibility that most women over a 5 will be getting a hundred likes to every one a bloke rating 7 will get.

Moving on from your wife won't make you happy and totally fulfilled. But it may give you a chance to be happy

[Jumping Jack Flash]

Thank you for all of your good points.  I have considered all the points you have made.  I just can’t imagine spending the next 40 years as I am now.  I still see divorce as a short term pain for a long time gain.

Here is a little more info.  I am 46.  When my wife and I met, everyone said “how did I pull her” as she was definitely an 8, I was probably a 6.  I would now say that I am 7 and she is now a 5.  One of my many issues is that she has late herself go from a size 8 to 16.  She is so confident that I won’t leave, she doesn’t try any more.  Our sex live was dull 20 years ago and is now virtually no existent.  My wife’s idea of sex is to rub my cock for 30 seconds and then sex in missionary and that is all you get.  My issue is I struggle to get am maintain an erection.  Which is totally depressing.  I always assumed that if I wanted a hardon I could just summon one. It is now clear to me that erections are not guaranteed, and the woman makes all the difference. Even on our honeymoon, I have never had multiple rounds with my wife.  When we just met, I probably got sex 2 to 3 times per month.  I very rarely get my cock in her mouth. If I do it is just for a couple of minutes and never with cim.  With my SB we will have sex for 2 to 3 hours.  I will come 2 or 3 times, and she will come about 6 times.  If on the third round I am struggling to get hard she uses her mouth to make sure I do.

Have you talked to your wife about how you feel?

And your comment about struggling to get hard on your third round with your SB is part of getting old; you’re not 18 anymore so you need to accept that personal performance does drop off as you get older.

[LeedsGent]

Have you talked to your wife about how you feel?

And your comment about struggling to get hard on your third round with your SB is part of getting old; you’re not 18 anymore so you need to accept that personal performance does drop off as you get older.

We have had discussions.  I cannot and would not expect her to change so dramatically to make me happier.  Please remember I have known this woman for 25 years.

The point I was trying to make is that I have never had 2 rounds with my wife even when we were younger.  I struggle to manage 1 erection with my wife and she does little to help.

[JontyR]

I struggle to manage 1 erection with my wife and she does little to help.

Wonder how she views this...

[LeedsGent]

Just one thing to consider, I'm not sure what age you would be looking for in another long term civvie relationship, but try to consider how many 7 rated 46 years olds there are out there without baggage that would take you on with whatever committments you have. And what level of approaches would they get.

I've recently had another splurge on the dating apps. Had some success but it was amazing to see the levels of likes that the women get. I'm quite fussy on who i swipe but it isn't beyond the realms of possibility that most women over a 5 will be getting a hundred likes to every one a bloke rating 7 will get.

Moving on from your wife won't make you happy and totally fulfilled. But it may give you a chance to be happy

I have considered all of your points.  You are correct I may struggle, to find someone who ticks all of my boxes.  Like you I plan to be very selective, but I want the possibility of something better.  If my life was fantastic in every way and lack of sex was my only issue.  I would do like many on here keep the wife and find the sex elsewhere.  I think that I should have put a little more in my original post.  Even though I am getting sex elsewhere I am still unhappy at home.  Simply put I can not imagine staying with my wife for the next 40 years. 
I am not anti-relationships, I would ultimately like a long term civvie relationship.  I am not hoping for years of being single and shagging my way around the world.  I would continue my current sugar relationship while looking.  I would prefer not to have to worry about being caught.  If the right lady came along, I would end it with my SB.  I would be more concerned about getting into a civvie relationship where she saw me as a meal ticket.  I would also be worried about a relationship with someone much younger than me, in case she got bored of me and dumped me a when I am 65 or 70.

I do of course have the ultimate back up plan.  The decision made by any over 50 single man, Thailand or Philippines.

[MissWolf]

I have considered all of your points.  You are correct I may struggle, to find someone who ticks all of my boxes.  Like you I plan to be very selective, but I want the possibility of something better.  If my life was fantastic in every way and lack of sex was my only issue.  I would do like many on here keep the wife and find the sex elsewhere.  I think that I should have put a little more in my original post.  Even though I am getting sex elsewhere I am still unhappy at home.  Simply put I can not imagine staying with my wife for the next 40 years. 
I am not anti-relationships, I would ultimately like a long term civvie relationship.  I am not hoping for years of being single and shagging my way around the world.  I would continue my current sugar relationship while looking.  I would prefer not to have to worry about being caught.  If the right lady came along, I would end it with my SB.  I would be more concerned about getting into a civvie relationship where she saw me as a meal ticket.  I would also be worried about a relationship with someone much younger than me, in case she got bored of me and dumped me a when I am 65 or 70.

I do of course have the ultimate back up plan.  The decision made by any over 50 single man, Thailand or Philippines.

I have been out of my marriage since 2005, absolutely my choice and it was the best thing, in those almost 20 years I have had a couple of relationships, one for over 3 years and we lived together,  I walked from that too as it made me unhappy, I will not put up with a relationship that doesn't make us both happy, life is too short.

I have come to understand that it is better to be single and happy than in a relationship that makes me unhappy,  it wasn't till I was single that I really learned to love the person I am.

Better to have no relationship than the wrong relationship 

[pbrown355]

I agree

[lillythesavage]

I have considered all of your points.  You are correct I may struggle, to find someone who ticks all of my boxes.  Like you I plan to be very selective, but I want the possibility of something better.  If my life was fantastic in every way and lack of sex was my only issue.  I would do like many on here keep the wife and find the sex elsewhere.  I think that I should have put a little more in my original post.  Even though I am getting sex elsewhere I am still unhappy at home.  Simply put I can not imagine staying with my wife for the next 40 years. 
I am not anti-relationships, I would ultimately like a long term civvie relationship.  I am not hoping for years of being single and shagging my way around the world.  I would continue my current sugar relationship while looking.  I would prefer not to have to worry about being caught.  If the right lady came along, I would end it with my SB.  I would be more concerned about getting into a civvie relationship where she saw me as a meal ticket.  I would also be worried about a relationship with someone much younger than me, in case she got bored of me and dumped me a when I am 65 or 70.

I do of course have the ultimate back up plan.  The decision made by any over 50 single man, Thailand or Philippines.

You seem lonely, unhappy and confused, searching for perfection which does not exist without compromise, while living with your wife and in a sugar thing in your spare time, give yourself a break man.

@Miss Wolf has pointed out in the post above the flaws in your plans, you need to be in a happy place before anyone else can make you happy  , and that means finding yourself, alone and in your own time.

Taken me 10 years since the end of my marraige, had 3 fairly short relationships, 18 months max, that I knew would end up nowhere but enjoyed the company at the time, only just learned about 6 months ago I want more, to have a serious relationship and got lucky, there is always luck involved.

You seem to not only seeking perfection, but guarantees of spending your life together happily, and you are never going to get either, life is about taking chances, and that is exactly what anyone does entering into a relationship 

Anyone of any age could see you as a meal ticket, anyone of any age could get bored of you, as you could them, at anytime, it is not age restricted or have deadlines, if it does I am fucked in two years  .

Asia is not the answer either, I know people who have taken that road, only one has worked out, because he moved there, bringing a dial a bride miles from home and family has more complications than you will ever take into consideration, and again, comes with no guarantees.

You are posting from a miserable place in a poor state of mind, with ideas that you have not thought through, leave the wife if things are so bad, she probably knows you play away and she does not care, where does she think you are when buried up to the nuts in the SB ?

Until you do, and spend some time working on yourself, learning perfection in humans and guarantees of happiness do not exist, you are going to torment yourself no end, and spend your life ticking boxes but never ticking every one, there is always a few crosses in those boxes.

[Jumping Jack Flash]

That is a thoughtful and considered post, bravo, Sir. Your first line really sums the situation up.

[Josler]

Married for many years beyond 25.
In my experience, wives tend to fall into one of three categories as they get older:
1. Seek to stay attractive and want to have fun and the husband remains a priority (ideal)
2. Get into the menopause and things change completely and sex is no longer a priority
3. Become mumsy - priority is the children and no the husband

A mans option then is divorce and seek someone knew, but with the consequences to children and life this leads to, or
A man turns to punting as a means to satisfy certain needs not accommodated at home.

As men get older, its feels like our own menopause, albeit usually called prostate, remaining married becomes a benefit again as the physical need reduces/diminishes. Getting old is horrid.

[LeedsGent]

Thank you for all for your opinions and observations.  I have been thinking long and hard. I have realised that I started punting because I was missing sex.  I moved on from ladies off AW, to a long-term SB arrangement.  It is clear to me now that I was looking for more than just sex and my SB provides this.  If I was happy with every other part of my marriage and it is just sex that I am missing. I would do like many on here, stay married and get the sex elsewhere.   I have instead asked the simple question.  Can I stay married and live with my wife for the next 30 to 40 years.  The simple answer is no, I cannot.  I feel that I have two options, the same ongoing monotony or divorce and a complete change.  I appreciate that divorce will be difficult on everyone.  Life will probably be worse initially.  I am hoping it will be a short-term pain for a long-term gain.  I know that there is no guarantee of a happy ending.  I am just looking to swop guaranteed monotony for the possibility of something better.  I have decided to tell my wife I want a divorce.  I will do it next year after I have spoken with a solicitor.  I just then have work out how to drop the hammer.

[Chazz]

Thank you for all for your opinions and observations.  I have been thinking long and hard. I have realised that I started punting because I was missing sex.  I moved on from ladies off AW, to a long-term SB arrangement.  It is clear to me now that I was looking for more than just sex and my SB provides this.  If I was happy with every other part of my marriage and it is just sex that I am missing. I would do like many on here, stay married and get the sex elsewhere.   I have instead asked the simple question.  Can I stay married and live with my wife for the next 30 to 40 years.  The simple answer is no, I cannot.  I feel that I have two options, the same ongoing monotony or divorce and a complete change.  I appreciate that divorce will be difficult on everyone.  Life will probably be worse initially.  I am hoping it will be a short-term pain for a long-term gain.  I know that there is no guarantee of a happy ending.  I am just looking to swop guaranteed monotony for the possibility of something better.  I have decided to tell my wife I want a divorce.  I will do it next year after I have spoken with a solicitor.  I just then have work out how to drop the hammer.

Good luck with your decision LG! The very best of British to you. 

[Payyourwaymate]

Thank you for all for your opinions and observations.  I have been thinking long and hard. I have realised that I started punting because I was missing sex.  I moved on from ladies off AW, to a long-term SB arrangement.  It is clear to me now that I was looking for more than just sex and my SB provides this.  If I was happy with every other part of my marriage and it is just sex that I am missing. I would do like many on here, stay married and get the sex elsewhere.   I have instead asked the simple question.  Can I stay married and live with my wife for the next 30 to 40 years.  The simple answer is no, I cannot.  I feel that I have two options, the same ongoing monotony or divorce and a complete change.  I appreciate that divorce will be difficult on everyone.  Life will probably be worse initially.  I am hoping it will be a short-term pain for a long-term gain.  I know that there is no guarantee of a happy ending.  I am just looking to swop guaranteed monotony for the possibility of something better.  I have decided to tell my wife I want a divorce.  I will do it next year after I have spoken with a solicitor.  I just then have work out how to drop the hammer.

Best of luck and wish you a result you will be happy with.

[JontyR]

Thank you for all for your opinions and observations.  I have been thinking long and hard. I have realised that I started punting because I was missing sex.  I moved on from ladies off AW, to a long-term SB arrangement.  It is clear to me now that I was looking for more than just sex and my SB provides this.  If I was happy with every other part of my marriage and it is just sex that I am missing. I would do like many on here, stay married and get the sex elsewhere.   I have instead asked the simple question.  Can I stay married and live with my wife for the next 30 to 40 years.  The simple answer is no, I cannot.  I feel that I have two options, the same ongoing monotony or divorce and a complete change.  I appreciate that divorce will be difficult on everyone.  Life will probably be worse initially.  I am hoping it will be a short-term pain for a long-term gain.  I know that there is no guarantee of a happy ending.  I am just looking to swop guaranteed monotony for the possibility of something better.  I have decided to tell my wife I want a divorce.  I will do it next year after I have spoken with a solicitor.  I just then have work out how to drop the hammer.

Just a couple of notes here, be careful on any internet searches you carry out. I've heard of more than one occasion where a spouse has found out what their other half has planned by the sudden change in their internet advertising to include Divorce Lawyers.

The Gov.uk website also contains some handy calculators as to what maintenance is payable /receivable (if you have kids).

Also be very prepared for a sudden change in your wife as soon as you tell her.

[Thephoenix]

Thank you for all for your opinions and observations.  I have been thinking long and hard. I have realised that I started punting because I was missing sex.  I moved on from ladies off AW, to a long-term SB arrangement.  It is clear to me now that I was looking for more than just sex and my SB provides this.  If I was happy with every other part of my marriage and it is just sex that I am missing. I would do like many on here, stay married and get the sex elsewhere.   I have instead asked the simple question.  Can I stay married and live with my wife for the next 30 to 40 years.  The simple answer is no, I cannot.  I feel that I have two options, the same ongoing monotony or divorce and a complete change.  I appreciate that divorce will be difficult on everyone.  Life will probably be worse initially.  I am hoping it will be a short-term pain for a long-term gain.  I know that there is no guarantee of a happy ending.  I am just looking to swop guaranteed monotony for the possibility of something better.  I have decided to tell my wife I want a divorce.  I will do it next year after I have spoken with a solicitor.  I just then have work out how to drop the hammer.

Best wishes for the future.
Hope you can find what you're looking for.

[lillythesavage]

Thank you for all for your opinions and observations.  I have been thinking long and hard. I have realised that I started punting because I was missing sex.  I moved on from ladies off AW, to a long-term SB arrangement.  It is clear to me now that I was looking for more than just sex and my SB provides this.  If I was happy with every other part of my marriage and it is just sex that I am missing. I would do like many on here, stay married and get the sex elsewhere.   I have instead asked the simple question.  Can I stay married and live with my wife for the next 30 to 40 years.  The simple answer is no, I cannot.  I feel that I have two options, the same ongoing monotony or divorce and a complete change.  I appreciate that divorce will be difficult on everyone.  Life will probably be worse initially.  I am hoping it will be a short-term pain for a long-term gain.  I know that there is no guarantee of a happy ending.  I am just looking to swop guaranteed monotony for the possibility of something better.  I have decided to tell my wife I want a divorce.  I will do it next year after I have spoken with a solicitor.  I just then have work out how to drop the hammer.

That is the best outcome for her and you, we only have your side of a two sided story, you have not mentioned discussing the situation with your wife.

Reading that you are suggesting your SB gives you more than just sex, are you thinking of divorce to be with her?

Tbf, if not, to yourself and your wife, probably the SB too, you need time alone before entering into another relationship, and you need to be open and truthful in what you want from a relationship, with yourself and the person you try to get into a relationship with 

[dobob]

Thanks for replying and being so open. It is very interesting. I think all men will look at young skinny pretty girls, and probably want to fuck them. It doesn't mean we still don't find our girlfriend/partner/wife attractive and love them also.

I agree with you that punting saves many marriages.

I think all men will look at the women around them and want to fuck the ones that tick their boxes. That is not young and skinny for me - my dream screw is Marilyn Monroe. But apart from that you are exactly right: my wife and I get on brilliantly apart from in the sack, and punting fills a gap in our marriage.

Cheers!

[youcantsnortpepsi]

I was very happy married. When we had our first child, sex for her became painful but she wanted another one after a few years ago we tried. Only from two goes and it worked, then no more sex for years since. It was too painful for her but I love sex so had to get it from somewhere.

I am the only earner in our house and pay for everything. She would be lost without me. I would miss her very much as I do love her to bits but she cannot scratch that itch I have. I only started because of this. I know she would be so unhappy if she found out so I would not want to hurt her.

I have no guilt because she has my heart and soul and those random women have all my cum. Good deal I think.

[hullad]

I was very happy married. When we had our first child, sex for her became painful but she wanted another one after a few years ago we tried. Only from two goes and it worked, then no more sex for years since. It was too painful for her but I love sex so had to get it from somewhere.

I am the only earner in our house and pay for everything. She would be lost without me. I would miss her very much as I do love her to bits but she cannot scratch that itch I have. I only started because of this. I know she would be so unhappy if she found out so I would not want to hurt her.

I have no guilt because she has my heart and soul and those random women have all my cum. Good deal I think.

I can identify with your post almost exactly.

We had sex once this century after a ten year absence, I had a fling at work for a few years. Both of us where in the same boat it was never going to go any further and it petered out when I took early retirement. It was then I discovered punting .
Now my wife has passed away, she never knew anything nobody does its my secret. I am about done with punting now my final punt may have happened or its not far away who knows.