Morbid? Mawkish? What do you guys think?

[catweazle]

Like most UKPers I'm a member of other forums devoted to subjects that interest me.  I was browsing a forum about holidays  earlier today,  when I read a thread that gave me really mixed feelings.

A woman and her husband  were thinking of booking a ( quite expensive) cruise holiday. She was enquiring about a specific issue: their 8 year old son had died 3 and a half years ago, and she wanted to bring the  full urn  containing  his ashes, with them. Not for scattering at sea , just because she " wanted him to enjoy the holiday, too , and she didn't want to leave him at home".

So, I firstly thought that that is a bit macabre, carting someone's ashes around on holiday.  Then I thought  well, she quite naturally misses him, but is clearly not yet over his death, three and a half years later, so may be in need of some grief counselling.

I have disturbing  visions of her plonking the urn down at the dinner table : " hello, I'm Jill, this is my husband Jack, and this (patting the urn) is our son Ben".
I just find the whole concept weird and mawkish.  What do you chaps say?

[standardpostage]

I think it's OK.
Just part of the grieving process.
I don't think a mother, or father ever gets over the loss of a child !
I think, they just learn to live with it ?
The urn would most probably, just be kept in the bedroom, or carried discreetly in a bag or small holdall ?

[mr.bluesky]

I agree with catweazle too mawkish, I can understand not getting over the sons death but lugging about his ashes in an urn on holiday - no

[standardpostage]

Some people are more mawkish than others.

e.g. My in-laws have previously buried there pets in the garden ( rabbits and small dogs).

Some people taxidermy their pets and have them at home.

Apologies if this post sidetracks the original post 

[DastardlyDick]

My ex still (afaik) still got both her parents Ashes in their caskets stored away at home - she just can't/won't make a decision on where to bury/scatter them.

[mr.bluesky]

Some people are more mawkish than others.

e.g. My in-laws have previously buried there pets in the garden ( rabbits and small dogs).

Some people taxidermy their pets and have them at home.

Apologies if this post sidetracks the original post 

That I can understand, we had our old dog cremated then took his ashes and scattered them in the country side where we took it for walks. Someone I know had her dog cremated and has the ashes on display in a wooden box in a cabinet along with some of his favourite toys but wouldn't dream of taking any ones ashes or any pets ashes on holiday .

[Colston36]

It is not for us to criticise how people mourn.

[timsussex]

Lost a wife but losing a child must be 100x worse but frankly dont understand taking ashes of holiday
If you are  a believer and "know" that they are in heaven looking down then why carry the ashes ?

Of course I'm not a believer but while I will cut them some slack that, after over 3 years, is OTT

[RandomGuy99]

I took my Dad's ashes on holiday. Security made me explain why I had this dark mass in the middle of my suitcase. I had a load of paperwork to prove it. They stopped asking questions once I'd explained what thet were.  Ashes were deposited into the sea at his favourite holiday destination.

[catweazle]

I took my Dad's ashes on holiday. Security made me explain why I had this dark mass in the middle of my suitcase. I had a load of paperwork to prove it. They stopped asking questions once I'd explained what thet were.  Ashes were deposited into the sea at his favourite holiday destination.

That idea I get,  but this lady specifically wasn't going to scatter, just didn't want to leave the urn behind.

[shed]

The worst thing to happen in life is if a child dies before the parents. It destroys life and the horrendous pain never leaves. The decision of grieving should be respected

[scutty brown]

she  needs a dose of ECT treatment to bring her back to reality

Shit happens, people die. You have to get over it, otherwise the rest of your life is going to be fucked up.

[myothernameis]

The worst thing to happen in life is if a child dies before the parents. It destroys life and the horrendous pain never leaves. The decision of grieving should be respected

This happened to someone I know, where his 30 yr old son dropped dead, and after a autopsy, they found he had a brain aneurysm.   I have never seen a family so devastated, it was just so sad

[Blackpool Rock]

she  needs a dose of ECT treatment to bring her back to reality

Shit happens, people die. You have to get over it, otherwise the rest of your life is going to be fucked up.

Ever thought of becoming a grief councillor Scutty 

[Thephoenix]

I took my Dad's ashes on holiday. Security made me explain why I had this dark mass in the middle of my suitcase. I had a load of paperwork to prove it. They stopped asking questions once I'd explained what thet were.  Ashes were deposited into the sea at his favourite holiday destination.

I attended a funeral service a few years ago on one of the Mersey ferries.

An old Liverpudlian who'd lived in Canada for many years had requested his ashes be sprinkled into the river.
Apparently it's quite a common request.
The ferry stopped for a short time mid river and a short service was conducted by a minister provided by the ferry.
This was followed by a short blast on the ship's horn.

It appeals to me a bit.......my ashes drifting out to sea and dispersing my remains around the world, but knowing my luck the bloody tide would be coming in and I'd get stuck on the mud flats by a sewer outlet in Widnes.

[Blackpool Rock]

I agree with catweazle too mawkish, I can understand not getting over the sons death but lugging about his ashes in an urn on holiday - no

Yeah personally I think it's OTT, I can understand that a parent won't ever get over losing an 8 year old child however the ashes themselves are only symbolic as very little of the person are actually contained in the ash anyway.

My betting is that the child's old bedroom is now basically a shrine as they aren't able to move on, the problem with that is it will ruin the rest of their lives too, i've seen this 1st hand

[Bonker]

It depends entirely on the name of the deceased child. If it happened to be Ernest, they could carry it off.

[mr.bluesky]

I attended a funeral service a few years ago on one of the Mersey ferries.

An old Liverpudlian who'd lived in Canada for many years had requested his ashes be sprinkled into the river.
Apparently it's quite a common request.
The ferry stopped for a short time mid river and a short service was conducted by a minister provided by the ferry.
This was followed by a short blast on the ship's horn.

It appeals to me a bit.......my ashes drifting out to sea and dispersing my remains around the world, but knowing my luck the bloody tide would be coming in and I'd get stuck on the mud flats by a sewer outlet in Widnes.

A bit like Gene Roddenberry creator of Star Trek had his ashes taken into space aboard one of the space shuttles
after he died.

[mr.bluesky]

It depends entirely on the name of the deceased child. If it happened to be Ernest, they could carry it off.

 

[RandomGuy99]

A bit like Gene Roddenberry creator of Star Trek had his ashes taken into space aboard one of the space shuttles
after he died.

And Scotty External Link/Members Only

No doubt James T Kirk will send up in space or on the moon.

[mr.bluesky]

And Scotty External Link/Members Only

No doubt James T Kirk will send up in space or on the moon.

James T Kirk ( or rather William Shatner ) went up into space not so long ago although he is still alive 

[Thephoenix]

James T Kirk ( or rather William Shatner ) went up into space not so long ago although he is still alive 

I remember saying to my Pa when I was a lad that I wanted to be shot into space.

He said I could have been if he wasn't so pissed at the time.

[daviemac]

You can get keepsakes made from a loved one's ashes, an egg timer for one and I think some kind of jewelry. The egg timer could be easily carried with you anywhere.

[RandomGuy99]

And Scotty External Link/Members Only

No doubt James T Kirk will send up in space or on the moon.

Yep, but I can see Elon or maybe NASA depositing his ashes in space when he dies.

[JontyR]

Honestly I'd be terrified about losing them.

Apparently Wille Rushton brough Tony Hancock's ashes back from Australia. And Clyde Tombaugh, who discovered Pluto, had a gram of his Ashes on the probe which first visited the planet.

[Bonker]

I didn't know mickey mouse was so randy!

[mr.bluesky]

You can get keepsakes made from a loved one's ashes, an egg timer for one and I think some kind of jewelry. The egg timer could be easily carried with you anywhere.

I think that's even more mawkish / morbid especially the jewellery