Location: Peterborough, house in reasonably nice area
Fee: £70
Duration: 30 mins
Services: rimming (me on her), OWO, sex
Let's start with the conclusion: this was a huge mistake, and I do NOT recommend to anyone.
If you like the idea of having sex with a very wrinkled, gaunt-looking zombie with a somewhat smelly downstairs who's hard of hearing and likes to insult her clients, then read on. Otherwise save yourself the time and just put her on the no-go list and move on with your life.
I called her and made the arrangements. She directed me to a nearby-ish shop then I rang (having arrived at that place more or less at the start time, as I'd imagined she should be very nearby). She then gave me very unclear directions while stressing "well your appointment starts from X o'clock" (i.e. telling me my time was ticking). After a while of following her shitty instructions and having to call back once or twice, eventually I make it there and that's when I see her poking her head out of the door.
If even 10% of my brain was working, I'd have just walked on and left it there because she looks nothing like in the photos. Her size is the only accurate thing but she's got to be a good 10+ years older than her stated fifties (either that or she's aged like milk). As I said above - zombie. But I'm an idiot so I walk in and then she starts ranting about how she keeps on giving men directions to her house and how they all keep fucking it up and can't "follow simple instructions". The saying "if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your own shoes" comes to mind but I keep quiet and note how this is off to a fantastic start.
I ask to use the toilet, then return to the bedroom, strip off, and get on the bed while she gets on top of me to start oral. Before she does, she asks me if I "took something" in the toilet. I answer that I had not (all I did was piss and wash my hands) but she replies with "I think you did..." which was fucking weird and just continues to ruin the horrible mood. There are many points at which, if I had a shred of self-respect, I'd have stood up for myself or just walked or whatever, but there we go. I don't know why she seems to get off on insulting her clients and antagonising them. I soon get her in doggy, make the mistake of rimming her, then put on a condom for sex in doggy and finish in about two or three strokes before she continues to yap on about how quickly I finished while I ignore her, get showered, and get the fuck out of there. Oh yeah, she's also half-deaf so that also adds to all the fun.
Conclusion: I repeat, do NOT go unless you want to fuck a half-deaf, wrinkly, rude zombie. Your choice, I guess.
Glad I've written this review, feels a bit cathartic like I've finally processed the trauma
Happy punting!
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Topic: One of my worst: petite_nikki in Peterborough (Read 2033 times)
