Author Topic: Review of a bed, and a massage I guess, pink peony liverpool  (Read 1334 times)

Offline 23Rangersman23

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Searching for the details of Pink Peony as I hadnt been for a while and my phone is unable to store certain numbers, if you know what I mean, and I couldnt find PP on the usual gumtree site. It must have closed down I assumed. Later I was trawling vivastreet for a more obvious sexual encounter minus the massage and there was PP relocated from gumtree to viva. Hmmm I thought, this could only mean one thing, its sex back on the menu.
I called the number and couldnt really understand the receptionist but think I booked for later that day.
Arriving at said time I was delighted to learn that I was expected, considering the communication difficulty I wasnt sure.
The receptionist was no looker. And thats as polite as I can be. Long gone are the days of the previous owner. Anyways, I was shown into the first room and was delighted to find a new wide and comfy bed. Now, not to put too fine a point on things, I am a big lad. Sadly not in the pants department, just that im a fat fuck. But this bed accommodated me no problem at all. In fact it was roomy, soft, warm and as comfy a massage bed as I had ever been on. Now I know you will all want to hear about the massage but damn this was a good bed!
Anyways after not long enough of me laying on my new fave place in came the girl. She said Cundy I think. Oh like Jason Cundy the ex Chelsea midfielder I thought, but it could have been cunny, or something else. I thought her English was no better than my chinese.
She started the massage but it seemed half hearted and after ten minutes she kinda rolled me over. Or attempted too as she had no chance of moving me. This is when I got my first look at her as I had been face down when she entered the room and I was already enjoying the bed!
Cundy was quite pretty, I was a little surprised as I wasnt expecting it.  I mean she wasnt a supermodel but certainly a cut above the usual, and a step or two up from the receptionist. I thought her English was no good and then she said “sex £80, blow £60, hand job naked £40”. Well that took me by surprise. Errr sex please I said.
Now dear reader, please dont judge me. Its been a while since I had been with a woman and she was sort of pretty so, she undressed, half decent boobies, mummy tummy with stretch marks and a bush which was a little too think, but anyways, a condom appeared. I was rock by this point, and she slipped it on my gentleman no bother and proceeded to climb on while I was laying on my back. She had added some lube for ease of entry and then I was inside her. And, errrr, 8 hearty and manly thrusts later, I was out again.
Oh dear.
£80 for 8 thrusts. Now Im no maths genius but value for money I didnt get. Not the girls fault, all mine.
And then, after I had shrunk back to normal, she ever so softly lay on my chest and said” never mind dear”. It was tender and full of disappointment. It was like you had just lost your first girlfriend and your mum was comforting you. “Never mind dear”. FML!
Actually she continued to massage me for another ten mins before I dressed and made my way back into the scouse night.
So £40 for 30mins and £80 for a quick intertwining. Pleased that fs was back on the menu at PP and devastated at my performance.
Think it may be a while before I return though, at least until the disappointing voice subsides. Although the bed was very nice
As usual any questions just ask.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2023, 11:53:11 pm by 23Rangersman23 »

Offline Thephoenix

Thanks for the review....very entertaining. :thumbsup:

Offline paper5

External Link/Members Only

Searching for the details of Pink Peony as I hadnt been for a while and my phone is unable to store certain numbers, if you know what I mean, and I couldnt find PP on the usual gumtree site. It must have closed down I assumed. Later I was trawling vivastreet for a more obvious sexual encounter minus the massage and there was PP relocated from gumtree to viva. Hmmm I thought, this could only mean one thing, its sex back on the menu.
I called the number and couldnt really understand the receptionist but think I booked for later that day.
Arriving at said time I was delighted to learn that I was expected, considering the communication difficulty I wasnt sure.
The receptionist was no looker. And thats as polite as I can be. Long gone are the days of the previous owner. Anyways, I was shown into the first room and was delighted to find a new wide and comfy bed. Now, not to put too fine a point on things, I am a big lad. Sadly not in the pants department, just that im a fat fuck. But this bed accommodated me no problem at all. In fact it was roomy, soft, warm and as comfy a massage bed as I had ever been on. Now I know you will all want to hear about the massage but damn this was a good bed!
Anyways after not long enough of me laying on my new fave place in came the girl. She said Cundy I think. Oh like Jason Cundy the ex Chelsea midfielder I thought, but it could have been cunny, or something else. I thought her English was no better than my chinese.
She started the massage but it seemed half hearted and after ten minutes she kinda rolled me over. Or attempted too as she had no chance of moving me. This is when I got my first look at her as I had been face down when she entered the room and I was already enjoying the bed!
Cundy was quite pretty, I was a little surprised as I wasnt expecting it.  I mean she wasnt a supermodel but certainly a cut above the usual, and a step or two up from the receptionist. I thought her English was no good and then she said “sex £80, blow £60, hand job naked £40”. Well that took me by surprise. Errr sex please I said.
Now dear reader, please dont judge me. Its been a while since I had been with a woman and she was sort of pretty so, she undressed, half decent boobies, mummy tummy with stretch marks and a bush which was a little too think, but anyways, a condom appeared. I was rock by this point, and she slipped it on my gentleman no bother and proceeded to climb on while I was laying on my back. She had added some lube for ease of entry and then I was inside her. And, errrr, 8 hearty and manly thrusts later, I was out again.
Oh dear.
£80 for 8 thrusts. Now Im no maths genius but value for money I didnt get. Not the girls fault, all mine.
And then, after I had shrunk back to normal, she ever so softly lay on my chest and said” never mind dear”. It was tender and full of disappointment. It was like you had just lost your first girlfriend and your mum was comforting you. “Never mind dear”. FML!
Actually she continued to massage me for another ten mins before I dressed and made my way back into the scouse night.
So £40 for 30mins and £80 for a quick intertwining. Pleased that fs was back on the menu at PP and devastated at my performance.
Think it may be a while before I return though, at least until the disappointing voice subsides. Although the bed was very nice
As usual any questions just ask.

That was a belter - thanks mate  :thumbsup:

Offline RogerHealey

Disappointed you didn't do a better bed review Ranger, next time at least check the label on the mattress.
Still at least you mentioned the lady. Don't be tough on yourself, 8 strokes? You are some sex machine! I usually manage two and a half before needing breakdown cover.
It made me laugh she was saying "never mind", bless her though it made it ten times worse. Still look on the bright side, you left her enough time for her weekly shop!
Thanks for your funny review - I seem to have been crashing and burning recently. Will def drop in here when I'm over in 'pool. Never mind Ranger, onwards and upwards!

Offline Shadowxe67

External Link/Members Only

Searching for the details of Pink Peony as I hadnt been for a while and my phone is unable to store certain numbers, if you know what I mean, and I couldnt find PP on the usual gumtree site. It must have closed down I assumed. Later I was trawling vivastreet for a more obvious sexual encounter minus the massage and there was PP relocated from gumtree to viva. Hmmm I thought, this could only mean one thing, its sex back on the menu.
I called the number and couldnt really understand the receptionist but think I booked for later that day.
Arriving at said time I was delighted to learn that I was expected, considering the communication difficulty I wasnt sure.
The receptionist was no looker. And thats as polite as I can be. Long gone are the days of the previous owner. Anyways, I was shown into the first room and was delighted to find a new wide and comfy bed. Now, not to put too fine a point on things, I am a big lad. Sadly not in the pants department, just that im a fat fuck. But this bed accommodated me no problem at all. In fact it was roomy, soft, warm and as comfy a massage bed as I had ever been on. Now I know you will all want to hear about the massage but damn this was a good bed!
Anyways after not long enough of me laying on my new fave place in came the girl. She said Cundy I think. Oh like Jason Cundy the ex Chelsea midfielder I thought, but it could have been cunny, or something else. I thought her English was no better than my chinese.
She started the massage but it seemed half hearted and after ten minutes she kinda rolled me over. Or attempted too as she had no chance of moving me. This is when I got my first look at her as I had been face down when she entered the room and I was already enjoying the bed!
Cundy was quite pretty, I was a little surprised as I wasnt expecting it.  I mean she wasnt a supermodel but certainly a cut above the usual, and a step or two up from the receptionist. I thought her English was no good and then she said “sex £80, blow £60, hand job naked £40”. Well that took me by surprise. Errr sex please I said.
Now dear reader, please dont judge me. Its been a while since I had been with a woman and she was sort of pretty so, she undressed, half decent boobies, mummy tummy with stretch marks and a bush which was a little too think, but anyways, a condom appeared. I was rock by this point, and she slipped it on my gentleman no bother and proceeded to climb on while I was laying on my back. She had added some lube for ease of entry and then I was inside her. And, errrr, 8 hearty and manly thrusts later, I was out again.
Oh dear.
£80 for 8 thrusts. Now Im no maths genius but value for money I didnt get. Not the girls fault, all mine.
And then, after I had shrunk back to normal, she ever so softly lay on my chest and said” never mind dear”. It was tender and full of disappointment. It was like you had just lost your first girlfriend and your mum was comforting you. “Never mind dear”. FML!
Actually she continued to massage me for another ten mins before I dressed and made my way back into the scouse night.
So £40 for 30mins and £80 for a quick intertwining. Pleased that fs was back on the menu at PP and devastated at my performance.
Think it may be a while before I return though, at least until the disappointing voice subsides. Although the bed was very nice
As usual any questions just ask.
So was it £40 + £80?

Offline Princealbert1985


Offline Thephoenix


Offline scutty brown

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must  have been difficult getting a decent sized bed down those steps!

is the nosy bloke from the barbers next door still eyeballing everyone who goes in?

Offline 23Rangersman23

must  have been difficult getting a decent sized bed down those steps!

is the nosy bloke from the barbers next door still eyeballing everyone who goes in?

Yeah mate he is. I gave him a little wave and he turned around sharpish!


Offline 23Rangersman23

Cracking review sir!
Thanks chaps. I shall do a better mattress review on my next outing somewhere. I feel I’ve let you all down with a substandard mattress review after promising so much. My bad!

Offline nightmare

You need to adhere to the rule that was applied in the film, Something about Mary! Never go out with a loaded gun! Choke the chicken, spank the monkey etc etc. Should help you to at least double your stroke rate next time! 😋

Offline 23Rangersman23

You need to adhere to the rule that was applied in the film, Something about Mary! Never go out with a loaded gun! Choke the chicken, spank the monkey etc etc. Should help you to at least double your stroke rate next time! 😋

Haha!! You are assuming I didnt…