Staying with wives and girlfriends

[pewpewpew]

Maybe a silly question I don't know. Why do us men, married or otherwise in a relationship stay in relationships when there is little or no sex?

I am really considering breaking up with my long term girlfriend as recently I have found punting as a way to get what I want a bit distasteful. She should want to fuck me but she doesn't and I can't help but think that there is another woman out there that would want to fuck. I've barely punted for a year or so as it just leaves me feeling worse

I love her in every other way but this is really starting to mess me up and I don't know why now or even where the idea came from but this is some serious shit

[Billy no mates]

“I love her in every other way”

That’s your answer I guess.


Whilst I understand your frustration, have you spoken to her about this issue ?
She may, mistakenly presume you are happy, it’s worth a shot.

I’ve been very lucky with my wife sexually, but don’t be under the misconception there aren’t other things she does that piss me off, and I envy things about other women. Let’s be honest I probably do things to piss her off as well.

[Munter84]

Maybe a silly question I don't know. Why do us men, married or otherwise in a relationship stay in relationships when there is little or no sex?

Fear of the unknown, holding out hope the relationship will change for the better, acceptance of the "new normal"...

I am really considering breaking up with my long term girlfriend as recently I have found punting as a way to get what I want a bit distasteful. She should want to fuck me but she doesn't and I can't help but think that there is another woman out there that would want to fuck. I've barely punted for a year or so as it just leaves me feeling worse

She SHOULD want to have sex with you and it would be interesting to know why she doesn't, especially if you point out that it's something that's important to you and you miss doing with her. Still, genuine desire can't be negotiated: she should WANT to jump your bones as you walk through the door, she shouldn't need to be reminded or begged or bargained with.

I don't know your circumstances but it's a truism that the time and effort it takes to fix a relationship is usually better spent pursuing a new relationship with somebody who's more on your wavelength. Obviously if shared finances, housing or kids are involved it's not as simple as "no sex, just leave her bro", but at the same time, life is too short to constantly feel like you're over-compromising or being short changed.

[LincsLad12]

How long you been together bro?

Me and the mrs are thirteen years gone this year, and we're basically house mates rather than a married couple 

We have both cheated in the past, but neither really had the bottle to end things. Punting is just a way for me to be more discreetly unfaithful. Affairs always end in tears.

As to how she feels, I don't have a fucking clue. Every now and again we have great sex, but it's only once or twice or a month.

Get to share a bed, a mortgage, bills and shit. Think we both just happy to not be alone to be honest 

[Huge Ackman]

“I love her in every other way”

That’s your answer I guess.

It genuinely is the answer for me. My wife can’t have sex since childbirth crippled her from the hips down, but I’ll never leave her. I love her to bits.

I am however a horny bastard and life without sex is impossible for me to handle, that’s why i’m here. I’m thinking about bringing up the subject of an open marriage, or asking how she would feel about me getting a massage with a happy ending.

Any advice would be appreciated chaps.

[RandomGuy99]

How much is 3 nights B&B?

Is it a full English breakfast?

[RandomGuy99]

It genuinely is the answer for me. My wife can’t have sex since childbirth crippled her from the hips down, but I’ll never leave her. I love her to bits.

I am however a horny bastard and life without sex is impossible for me to handle, that’s why i’m here. I’m thinking about bringing up the subject of an open marriage, or asking how she would feel about me getting a massage with a happy ending.

Any advice would be appreciated chaps.

I would say don't discuss it with her. Just discreetly do what you need to do and continue loving your wife.

[LLPunting]

Maybe a silly question I don't know. Why do us men, married or otherwise in a relationship stay in relationships when there is little or no sex?

I am really considering breaking up with my long term girlfriend as recently I have found punting as a way to get what I want a bit distasteful. She should want to fuck me but she doesn't and I can't help but think that there is another woman out there that would want to fuck. I've barely punted for a year or so as it just leaves me feeling worse

I love her in every other way but this is really starting to mess me up and I don't know why now or even where the idea came from but this is some serious shit

You've been a member here since Sept 2015... you've been cheating on or thinking about it for a long time...
52 reviews and however many other unmentioned encounters in a year, that's an awful lot of offending yourself about your infidelity to the woman you love to bits.

[LLPunting]

It genuinely is the answer for me. My wife can’t have sex since childbirth crippled her from the hips down, but I’ll never leave her. I love her to bits.

I am however a horny bastard and life without sex is impossible for me to handle, that’s why i’m here. I’m thinking about bringing up the subject of an open marriage, or asking how she would feel about me getting a massage with a happy ending.

Any advice would be appreciated chaps.

Has she categorically stated that sex between you two is over?
Has she ever acknowledged the change in the sex life between you? 
Have you ever broached the subject, preferably in a level, loving and not frustrated moment and way?
Have you two ever been to a sex counsellor? 
Has she seen anyone professionally to discuss how she feels about her (lack of) sex life?
There's more to a sexual relationship than just sex below the waistline.  What have you two done together to discover what sexual intimacy you can share?
Openly and lovingly discuss the situation with your wife first, about what you can do TOGETHER about having some kind of sex life IF she wants one.  IF in this discussion she acknowledges your needs then ask her what you're allowed to do about it.  Negotiating what's permissible may best be done with a sex or couple counsellor to arbitrate or advise and to be sure that all implications and considerations are recognised.

[Jonestown]

I would say don't discuss it with her. Just discreetly do what you need to do and continue loving your wife.

+1

I’d say the chances of her wholeheartedly agreeing are slim to zero and thereafter you’d have opened the door to a lifetime of suspicion.

[Huge Ackman]

Has she categorically stated that sex between you two is over?
Has she ever acknowledged the change in the sex life between you? 
Have you ever broached the subject, preferably in a level, loving and not frustrated moment and way?
Have you two ever been to a sex counsellor? 
Has she seen anyone professionally to discuss how she feels about her (lack of) sex life?
There's more to a sexual relationship than just sex below the waistline.  What have you two done together to discover what sexual intimacy you can share?
Openly and lovingly discuss the situation with your wife first, about what you can do TOGETHER about having some kind of sex life IF she wants one.  IF in this discussion she acknowledges your needs then ask her what you're allowed to do about it.  Negotiating what's permissible may best be done with a sex or couple counsellor to arbitrate or advise and to be sure that all implications and considerations are recognised.

That’s good advice thank you! She doesn’t have a sex drive at all so I’ve never been successful at seducing her with sexual activities not involving intercourse. Other than asking her how her libido is I’ve never approached the subject. She is a sex positive person with strong views on sex workers rights and funnily enough was involved with a sex work charity for a few years. We used to talk about (but never actually doing) having a threesome (we’re both bi), and we visited a swingers club once for a laugh. We never actually done anything except watch an old man walk around wanking so it’s more of a funny memory for us instead of an erotic one.

On the other hand, I was heavily into the punting scene between 2007-2012 and we started dating in 2011. She found out and got me to see a sex therapist who diagnosed me with sex addiction and ultimately got me to stop, until now that is. So she might see me going back to sex workers as an absolute no no.

A sex counsellor may be the way to go. Given our history I might just ask how she feels about a lingam massage, I can’t foresee her being too offended by such a question.

I should mention too that she said she’s becoming more gay as she gets older. I told her if she wanted to come out as gay I’d fully support her, but she said she’s not gay as she still fancies one bloke: me. 

[Jonestown]

That’s good advice thank you! She doesn’t have a sex drive at all so I’ve never been successful at seducing her with sexual activities not involving intercourse. Other than asking her how her libido is I’ve never approached the subject. She is a sex positive person with strong views on sex workers rights and funnily enough was involved with a sex work charity for a few years. We used to talk about (but never actually doing) having a threesome (we’re both bi), and we visited a swingers club once for a laugh. We never actually done anything except watch an old man walk around wanking so it’s more of a funny memory for us instead of an erotic one.

On the other hand, I was heavily into the punting scene between 2007-2012 and we started dating in 2011. She found out and got me to see a sex therapist who diagnosed me with sex addiction and ultimately got me to stop, until now that is. So she might see me going back to sex workers as an absolute no no.

A sex counsellor may be the way to go. Given our history I might just ask how she feels about a lingam massage, I can’t foresee her being too offended by such a question.

I should mention too that she said she’s becoming more gay as she gets older. I told her if she wanted to come out as gay I’d fully support her, but she said she’s not gay as she still fancies one bloke: me. 

As You’ve only been on the forum for less than a month could I be so bold as to suggest you be very careful what personal information you post, this stuff can and will bounce back on you.

[Huge Ackman]

As You’ve only been on the forum for less than a month could I be so bold as to suggest you be very careful what personal information you post, this stuff can and will bounce back on you.

Yeah you’re right. Maybe I should edit the post slightly, but there’s no modify button. 

[RandomGuy99]

Yeah you’re right. Maybe I should edit the post slightly, but there’s no modify button. 

You get a certain number of minutes to edit it after the initial posting time. When that time expires it's no longer editable.

[JontyR]

If you ever think about asking a question in the relationship always consider what would happen if you didn't get the answer you were hoping for.

If you ever ask about being able to engage outside of your relationship and you get knocked back then you can be pretty certain as to what the repercussions would be if you then are caught.

As for the op...why do people stay together...lots of reasons and they all depend on an individuals situation. The impacts on access to kids, the impacts on finances, the grass not always being greener are three main ones.

One thing I will also state is this, as you progress through middle age the chances of entering into a civvie relationship where there is no emotional baggage or complications are reduced massively. Don't know if some of the more seasoned members can detail how it looks and gets as you enter the third age. 

Oh and the other thing I'll always say in situations like this, I don't always think that women go off sex, they just go off sex with you. My most fun and filthy bunk ups have always been with married women whose husbands think she is as dry as a bone.

[southcoastpunter]

You get a certain number of minutes to edit it after the initial posting time. When that time expires it's no longer editable.

its no longer editable ...... by us, the poster. Nor by a Forum Helper but a Mod can. Obviously they aren't going to be changing or deleting stuff just like that and have other important things to do but if there is something that may "out you" or similar, you can report your post and ask a Mod to change it.

[mr.bluesky]

its no longer editable ...... by us, the poster. Nor by a Forum Helper but a Mod can. Obviously they aren't going to be changing or deleting stuff just like that and have other important things to do but if there is something that may "out you" or similar, you can report your post and ask a Mod to change it.

Not so, you can modify what you have written  but you only have a few minutes to do it in . The modify link appears in the top right hand corner of the screen but is only there for a short amount of time as I've just used it to post this 

[alabama1]

Not so, you can modify what you have written  but you only have a few minutes to do it in . The modify link appears in the top right hand corner of the screen but is only there for a short amount of time as I've just used it to post this 

Ref. Reply #13 ? Come on mate, get up to speed 

[Spacecowb0y]

Married 25+ years with grown kids. We fuck once or twice a year and it's been that way for 15 years. House mates now.
Mortgage paid off, like being married and just easier to punt

[Colston36]

That’s good advice thank you! She doesn’t have a sex drive at all so I’ve never been successful at seducing her with sexual activities not involving intercourse. Other than asking her how her libido is I’ve never approached the subject. She is a sex positive person with strong views on sex workers rights and funnily enough was involved with a sex work charity for a few years. We used to talk about (but never actually doing) having a threesome (we’re both bi), and we visited a swingers club once for a laugh. We never actually done anything except watch an old man walk around wanking so it’s more of a funny memory for us instead of an erotic one.

On the other hand, I was heavily into the punting scene between 2007-2012 and we started dating in 2011. She found out and got me to see a sex therapist who diagnosed me with sex addiction and ultimately got me to stop, until now that is. So she might see me going back to sex workers as an absolute no no.

A sex counsellor may be the way to go. Given our history I might just ask how she feels about a lingam massage, I can’t foresee her being too offended by such a question.

I should mention too that she said she’s becoming more gay as she gets older. I told her if she wanted to come out as gay I’d fully support her, but she said she’s not gay as she still fancies one bloke: me. 

"she still fancies one bloke: me". But not enough to have sex. Bizarre, really. But I recall seeing research that suggested staying together even without sex is better than being alone. I am lucky in a strange way. I live with my ex partner, her husband and their little daughter as  a household - no sex - and go elsewhere for my fun.