Sarah33 - Haslingden - Wtf was I thinking

[Captain caveman 69]

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Comms.....Aw then txt
Fee.............50 No blow n go
Location..... terrace house
When.......... very recent

Ive yet again pressed the punting self destruction button i had every warning about this sp and after being stuck in Haslingden on a work related issue i had two hours to kill.

I hit the green button and this  was the only one to come  up so i thought fuck a quick blow job no harm in that.

Made contact comms ok postcode given i was in a large vehicle so couldn't park on road so looked on Google earth and parked up on a shithole council estate looked liked east Germany full of caravans and boats looking like they were won on bullseye 30 years ago.

Down a dirt track slipped in the rain ffs could this get any worse.
Finally gets to the door knocks on door opens it was completely dark in there i mean like black out linings couldn't  see fuck all door slams behind and a stern voice upstairs first on left i was beginning to feel slightly uneasy.

She followed behind me and the stairs creaked under her weight i just knew she was gonna be huge .
In the room money first she barked I'd still not had a good look at her. Every footstep i took it was like i was walking on grit the place beyond imagination filthy.


Paid the 50 quid and she puts a lamp on this is when things reallly went downhill

If you could imagine Abzorbalof with a wig and a basque that sums her up .
Her aw pics must be no joke 20 years old and 1 million calories ago 22 stone easy

I was in a mess and i knew it ....lay on the bed she shouts i sat down on the bed the quilt was beyond words dirty it was actually gritty like a dog rolls in mud and sleeps on it

Get the hell out of here by any means possible not gonna tell the excuse i gave her as that would identify me . But out of there i was never ever to return

Summary........

My own fault as i got home i was gutted I'd just lost 50 pound but looking back on it i escaped without being abzorbed.
Onto the next one.

Respect to Gerald warrmaker who did a review on the beast which she answered on her aw page i can categorically say his review is all true.

Caveman out

[Cheshuk]

The creatures aw feedback is hidden right now, that sounds horrendous but well written. In normal circumstances I would've said I need some light to find the money and takien that as an opportunity to get a look at her, however I guess the extremely uncomfortable setting made you not want to cause a commotion

[Your_dark_knight]

It also does bareback.

[frankc]

Fuck me that sounds grim...at least you escaped with your sense of humour Pal....thanks for the warning

[Captain caveman 69]

Grim it was beyond grim as for getting my money back i just wanted out of there i think the first floor window would of sufficed .

[Scousemouse]

Does she DFKBby any chance 

[Bustydusty]

Cheers captain for the entertainment - will you be seeing her again?

[BobbyDazzler99]

That sounds horrendous.. fuck me my heart would’ve been pounding.
I swear the risks we take but that’s part of the fun.
Glad you got out of there safely though.

p.s

Some of the reviews the way they are written you guys would give Shakespeare a run for his money. Epic  literature 😂

[sir wanksalot]

Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there where your brain is racing to find an excuse for your naked skin not to come into contact with the beast

[SeekingSteve]

Cheers for the review, one for the never even consider it list.
Who would have thought falling on your arse would be the best thing about the punt   

[Thephoenix]

I thought the experience would have appealed to your caveman instincts Captain.
Although in this case you might have been better to take your club with you to aid in your escape.
At least your misfortune has resulted in us enjoying you entertaining review, and recalling some of our own punting nightmares.

[Captain caveman 69]

Cheers for the positive comments appreciated.  I think i have definitely learned a lesson this time. Stick to what i know and leave the dodgy ones to the younger lads who can run fast. 

[redandbar]

Jeez. Well done for getting out without waking up with a kidney missing. Sounds like a right horror show.

[Philmeboots]

parked up on a shithole council estate looked liked east Germany full of caravans and boats looking like they were won on bullseye 30 years ago

You have used some cracking quotes to describe the punt and state of the house,but the one above had me spitting my coffee out.

Great review and suitable warning to everyone who reads it.