External Link/Members Only30 mins £30 (no extras)
Preamble
I don't know what's going on with me and Thai massages lately - this was my third legit massage this year. This time extras were offered but none taken.
Comms
n/a - walked in off the street on spec.
Location
A rather exposed location on Coten End in Warwick, next to an Indian takeaway. Not one for the faint hearted. I'm not local so didn't give a shit who saw me strolling in. The door's not locked, so at least you don't have to stand around waiting outside looking like a complete berk.
Inside, the decor's rather tired, but it's clean and tidy. Not as posh as the smart website would suggest. The downstairs room I used had an ok electric shower ensuite and a very good large sturdy massage table complete with a hole to stick yer face in.
Parking
Parking is a fucking nightmare - all one way streets and residents-only parking zones. I eventually found a space several streets away.
The Visit
This was very much a plan B, as my plans to see a reg had fallen through, but I still had a narrow punting window as I drove back along the M40.
It was early evening when I walked in, and I sensed that it had been a very quiet day. A rather chunky 30 something Thai woman was nattering away to the terrifying-looking Mamasan, and they both looked round with an annoyed expression as if to say, "What the fuck do you want?". This is where it all started to go downhill. I asked for a 30 minute Thai massage, and was quoted £25 by the chunky girl as per the website. She then immediately changed her mind and said, "No, £30." I smiled and jokingly asked if I could take her first offer, to which she scowled and repeated, "No, £30". I managed to drag my eyes away from the impressive cleavage that was on show, handed over the money and was led into the massage room.
As I was undressing I noticed an A4 piece of paper pinned to the inside of the door full of rules. Stuff like "No soliciting prostitution" and "No asking for extras".
Chunky Thai Woman came in and proceeded to give me a good thorough Thai massage, including bending and stretching my arms and legs about. I'd been driving all day and she sorted my shoulders out a treat. I tried to make a little conversation, but she was having none of it, shutting down all my questions with one word answers. I got the impression that this wasn't due to a language barrier, just that she didn't fucking want to talk to me. As I lay there enjoying the admittedly rather good massage I pondered if I wanted a grudging hand job off this woman and surprised myself by realising that actually, no, I couldn't be arsed. With 10 minutes to go she gave me a half-hearted CC swipe and asked, "Any extras?" Mustering as much shocked indignation in my voice as I could, I replied, "No thank you!" Perversely, it was worth it just to see the look on her face, which was a picture. She stormed across the room, opened the door and shouted something in Thai, which was probably something like, "This cunt doesn't want any fucking extras!" She returned and told me to have a shower and stormed out again.
When I'd dressed and walked back into the reception I was all smiles and thank yous. However, she wouldn't even look at me. There was now a much younger, slimmer and pretttier Thai girl in reception who smiled and thanked me for coming. If only it'd been her who'd performed the massage, I think that this review would've been green.
Conclusion
Decent massage, shit customer service. We all get bad days, but a smile wouldn't have gone amiss. Apologies, but I didn't manage to get the name of the girl in question.
