Budda - Stockport Chinese Massage

[spiralnotebook]

Stockport Chinese Massage  -  Budda


Terms of Reference  -  Had pretty crap luck recently - have standards dropped so much despite silly prices? Anyway recently had some business to attend to in Stockport so decided to include a little pleasure. Noting the lack of subtlety and it not being dark nights I missed out a couple of the areas advertised lurid frontages and went for this place as parking is included and it has a sane frontal aspect.


Contact  -   Website :-
External Link/Members Only
External Link/Members Only


Comms  -    Good. Made appointment clear booking no issues.


Location  -  52+54 Lower Hillgate, Stockport, SK13AL. Slightly set back in pedestrianised area. Park in car park at rear walk through hole in hedge and you`re at the door. Call to let them know you have arrived and waiting to open the door for you.

 
Premesis  -  One of the better places, neat tidy and clean. Shower/toilet off reception area and two rooms upstairs. Front not plastered in posters of grinning Asian birds or lurid lighting (one place up the road even has a bright red revolving LED sign MASSAGE!!!).


The Girl  -  Told to park in private car park at rear. First shock came when the door opened and no one was there then I looked down and I thought `fuck me  - it`s Budda`. The second shock when I realised grinning Budda was my masseuse. Asked her name and then motor neuron failure meant I had forgotten it withen 90 seconds. Something like hung low but I think that may have been her stomach. Vertically challenged, tubby and looking Pan Asian, by that I mean it looked like she had been hit in the face by a pan. Lots of smiles and friendly, access turned out to be almost all holes a goal.


The Service  - As per advert menu 1 hour massage was £45. I asked about B2B 10 mins in, she said £60 I said include OWO and you have a deal, she furiously nodded agreement and said yes grinning at the money she was getting for doing nothing. The massage had started off face down and she was pretty good with plenty of bollock nudges, as soon as B2B was agreed off came her shit and she shoved her pert titties straight into my bung hole. Her version of the B2B was to lie flat on top of me and provide death by flab bath. No reciprocal action, no oil not even a wank. I think she fell asleep. I think I fell asleep. I think she thought I was paying  to bring HER off. Ended up with a finger inserted up her bum watching her panting and flapping about like something landed in an extreme fishing documentary. Still little response on my excitometer. Finally she got the hint as I was losing patience. A  most uninspiring flippy floppy wank ensued, had she ever handled a cock before? She was not useless she was completely fucking useless. I tried to encourage a little bit of anal touching, the silly cow tore a bit of the paper sheet off the table cover, rolled it into a ball and from what I could tell attempted to shove it up my arse.  I said Blow Job pointing at my dick she went uuurgh and shook her head - no blow job. Her comprehension of the English language had dropped to zero. That was it. Enough! Shower I said to the lesbian munter. Her comprehension of the English language suddenly rocketed, given a bath sheet (half size towel) and shown downstairs past the glass front door and window into the bog/shower. The shower was actually one of the best I`ve used in such a place with controllable heat, no farting drains or mould and plenty of smelly shit.
Returned home to Spiral towers for another wank over the stunning and reliable May Thai`s cyber tits. God bless PornBB.


Comments Thoughts & Price  -   No gripes with the place itself, one of the better appointed ones, reasonably discreet entry and good comms. The girl I had an issue with, not because she was a contender for lesbian munter of the year in the lard ass class, but she charged for  services not provided. I suspected she might be trying to run the clock down and that was pretty much  it. Anyone with a thing for obese ladies mediocre HJ`s and suffering from mental issues regarding throwing money down drains would love her. Save your money and get a lobotomy! Price for the masochistical experience as above = £45 massage and alleged but unconsumated B2B/OWO was £60.



Marks out of 10

Comms - 8

Area - 7.5

Premesis - 8

Massage - 6

B2B - 0

HJ  -  0

OWO - 0

Would I Return - actually yes love to but not with this one. Another girl was there who did look pretty fit.

[Bustydusty]

Obviously this was shit but I honestly don’t get paying a ton plus for this kind of service even if it was good   

[spiralnotebook]

Totally agree but I suppose that’s market forces for you. I’ve recently been thinking that at those prices an hour FS with a Thai/Chinese tart is looking better value.

[Bustydusty]

Totally agree but I suppose that’s market forces for you. I’ve recently been thinking that at those prices an hour FS with a Thai/Chinese tart is looking better value.

Have you tried Claire or Sofia in Middleton or Prisca in Ardwick?
£50,£65 and £50 respectively for an hour all inc with 2 pops if you want - I’ve reviewed all 3

[Synbad]

Thanks for the review. Really enjoyed reading it.
Sounds like it could be my kind of place if the girl was half decent,  unlike the one you ended up with.
Do you think this is one of those revolving door kind of places where the girls change every 5 minutes?

[Thephoenix]

Great review.
Had me giggling throughout.
Glad you enjoyed the shower.

[RogerHealey]

Sorry to hear about your experience spiral, though it did make me laugh. One thing that is not funny is top dollar being charged (fleeced) with a piss poor performance that in no way represents the shed load of cash you paid. Admittedly when I visited this place a couple of years ago I had good experiences but this has put me off trying again. It's one thing the lady being middle aged but a lazy 'can't be arsed' service at these prices is a joke. At least Dick Turpin wore a mask.
Next time try J&J 50 yards up the road and you'll have cash to spare and no Buddha's.

[spiralnotebook]

I looked at JJ’s as others but aren’t the frontages a little conspicuous? When are the Thai and Chinese going to learn that we prefer subtle to overt, is there such a word at all in Mandarin? Ban Thai in Wolstanton S-O-T is pretty much perfect on that score, I’ve walked past a couple of times missing the door completely and had to retrace my steps - dickhead  .

 

[spiralnotebook]

Sofia and Claire have always sounded good thanks, but with no BJ’s or prostate on offer it’s not worth the drive over for my jaded palate.
 I only did this place as it was 5 mins from my business visit and street view showed it was reasonably inconspicuous, no idea on staff rotation but the other fit looking girl, when I left gave me a sly ‘look what you’ve missed’ glance. She looked as though she might have been pleasingly filthy to add more to my frustration. Will call back in at some point but walk if I get Chubby Brown.

[vsurfer]

I think its a ploy to usher you into the first room  with the less attractive SP

When told 'no thanks' the other SP pops her head Straight-Otta Room 2 and gives it I still said no...!

#1 older like 50+ short and blocky.. (Lily)
#2 Younger maybe 30ish a bit taller more Japanese looking.. can't be sure but possibly wearing an Air hostesses outfit..

£45 for 1hr

On this occasion I didn't stay, from experience they're never that good looking here.. they do change every 2-3 weeks, same with JJs and Happy Spa and Jasmine.. much of a muchness..

Hopefully helps..

As for conspicuous entrance,  a lot of people still wearing a face mask.. so wack that on?

I presume some members of the public don't realise its a clichéd H.E massage parlour, surely some people must think 'us' guys are going in for a legit massage?

I wouldn't be so paranoid, I've done the walk of shame plenty of times and 99% other people just don't care!

[spiralnotebook]

I wouldn't be so paranoid, I've done the walk of shame plenty of times

Same here but I`d rather not, the general public seems to have an adversity to being told to fuck off.