Feeling horny tonight, and there was nobody free in Stevenage with decent reviews so I decided to TOFTT with this SP who looks, from her AW profile, like a damn good shag.
External Link/Members Only External Link/Members OnlyYou'd imagine an SP would think twice about posting stuff like "SLUT QUEEN"...."I LOVE DICK INSIDE ME" and "JUST FOUND THE BITCH WHO LOVES TO FEEL A DICK INSIDE HER PUSSY" if she had absolutely NO intention of delivering on it, and frankly doesn't seem to want to be there at all.
This was one of those punts (thankfully rare these days, thanks to the hive mind of UKP) where you just come away thinking "Why the fk do I still do this...?"
COMMS
Very good actually. Quick and clear, questions answered promptly in excellent English. So let's just say it's obviously someone else managing them for her.
LOCATION
Humungous great apartment block off the main road. Very limited parking around, but managed to squeeze into a space, then wandered around for what felt like forever while she asked me to "bare with me just another 5 / 4 / 3 minutes." Felt downright sus and conspicuous, and ended going to get something from the garage next door to look less obvious.
THE MEET
She finally called me up to her apartment, which was hellishly difficult to find as it was a total rabbit warren. The usual "behind the door" routine, into a flat that was in almost complete darkness.
APPEARANCE
The only good bit about the whole punt. Definitely the woman in the profile photos, and - I'm not gonna lie - as fit as fk; chocolate brown skin, amazing tight corkscrew curls, very very pretty face... Thought I'd go for the full hour I'd booked (£100) as things were looking very promising.
THE MEET
From there, it was vertically downhill. She stashed the cash in another room (definitely someone in there - what's the Latin American version of Sergei called?!) and came back. Finally put a light on so I could see more than the basics, and my initial physical impressions were confirmed.... OK, I thought, so where do we start with the "SLUT BITCH / FK MY TIGHT PUSSY" bit then?
She lay down on the bed in a very passive way, and made a bit of a face pull when I asked her to get rid of her knickers. No signs of the "BITCH" were forthcoming, so I dived down for a bit of DATY to try and warm things up. The odd fake moan, when I'd hardly even touched her, and literally zero proactivity from her.
Played with her nipples a bit (more fake moans) before indicating that it really was time she did some bloody work herself, as she wasn't the flipping punter
Slipped a dark green condom on (I'm really glad I'd kept the extra OWO £20 in my pocket) and gave me a fairly unconvincing blow job with very little enthusiasm. The odd "ooh, it's big" (yawn) play, but frankly downright boring. Convinced her (eventually) to come and sit on my face for some 69 as I was getting bored (more fake moans) before I had to ask her to climb on top for a bit of cowgirl. Again, boring and no enthusiasm at all - why on earth is she even doing this job?!
All the way through she kept complaining about how hot she was (err - it was 15C outside, and a bit warm in the apartment - but she's apparently from Brazil so how TF that counts as "hot" I have no idea. Something doesn't compute there.) She kept going and bending down in front of a small fan, and wiping her face on a towel while moaning about the temperature (the only realistic "moans" in the whole punt) and in the end I suggested she get on all fours in front of the fan, on the floor, while I took her doggy. Rather chivalrous in the circumstances, I thought
Eventually got bored of that as well ("TIGHT PUSSY" my arse - it was like chucking a sausage up the Hatfield tunnel) so eventually we climbed onto the bed, she poured about three pints of baby oil over my old man, and eventually the (I thought First Round) deed was done.
Only 20 minutes into the punt by now, so I was hoping we might have some small talk, a bit of a massage, some banter etc before Round Two (the hour was pitched (by Sergieerano) as "unlimited" cum,) but no...
She spent too long wiping me down, then spent a few more minutes on the floor in front of the fan, before lying next to me on the bed and .... saying absolutely nothing. I tried to make some small talk, but her English was terrible, and eventually I thought I'd got better things to do (I'm staying in a hotel - maybe I could go and put some socks in a drawer, so I could rearrange them?!) and pointed out that as we'd started late I needed to go.
Thirty minutes in, to the minute. Was hoping she'd stump some of the hard-earned back up for the lateness and shortened punt, but - well, you know the rest I guess.
I got my kit on as soon as I can, and made my way back out through the rabbit warren full of disappointment and annoyance. The only good thing, towards the end, was that the additional £50 (for anal) and £20 (for OWO) that I'd taken out in preparation fluttered out of my pocket in front of her when I went for my keys, along with another £50 I'd taken out for something else.
I was sooo tempted to give her a re-run of the Jim Bowen / Bullseye classic "here's what you COULD have won" but I had a feeling that she a) wouldn't understand and b) wouldn't give a shit so I kept my excoriating wit to myself and left £100 quid lighter. Only consolation was that I could have been another £70 lighter as well, but wasn't.
WOULD I RETURN?
Absolutely not. Apart from "Brazilian" and "Pretty" every other word of her profile is utter bullshit. This was my first time seeing a "Brazilian" and - unless I see unequivocally positively reviews from others on here, it will be my last.
Oh well, if nobody on here TOFTT we'll never learn. My turn this time, I guess, and I hope this review saves any of the rest of you falling into the same trap. Stay at home, find some pics / vids of fit Brazilians online, rub one out, and save your readies for an SP who does something to earn and deserve it.
SUMMARY
I went out with some right "sluts" when I was in my twenties, and I know some real "bitches" (including my first wife, and a few people I've worked with.) Despite the breathleass entreaties of her AW profile, I can confirm - without any fear of contradiction - that she is NEITHER of the above. Oh - and she gives an awful blowjob, and is a dreadful shag.
Stay safe, and stay fussy....
Topic: "Naomi" of Stevenage. No...Just No!! (Read 3159 times)