External Link/Members OnlyHappy New Year to you all. I've been eyeing this place up for a while but couldn't manage to make a booking in my previous attempts. The phone just rang the entire time I attempted to call them early last year, with no one answering, on multiple occasions. Thought I'd take a chance again, this time I was in town so simply walked up to the place mid-day last week.
Place: Location is on a busy street near the town center just on the corner of a busy junction, with a pub right next door. The entrance is just the main door on the street. Not so discrete if you are concerned of privacy or know people locally. Couldn't see any other entrance, so just walked in. Main entrance stays unlocked. There is a waiting area/hallway that leads to another LOCKED door, where you need to wait and ring a bell, luckily not outside the street. Bear in mind, there is a cctv located for those who like to be discrete.
Masseuse: Rang the bell and heard some steps, before a chunky little old lady appeared looking rather puzzled as if I was a three-legged dog with the gift of voice. After a failed attempt to speak through my mask, and the glass door to let her know that I was indeed willing to pay for a massage, I yelled to her great surprise "MASSAGE AVAILABLE?" It finally struck her that I might not be an axe-murderer after all, she let me in still unsure . I asked if she was the masseuse and received a nod in the affirmative. I asked for her name, and she mumbled something like MeeMee or MiMi, unless she was just answering my previous question? Hard to guess her exact age since she was wearing a face-mask, but judging by her wise eyes,tone of her voice, and her general body language, I imagine she was a spritely young lass.....back when I was swimming in my dad's bollocks perhaps, so 55+ at-least. Nonetheless, I persevered with a slight feeling of adventure.
Price: MeeeMeee asked me "How long" and I promptly produced £25 of her Majesty's finest (having done my research online), and mumbled 30 minutes.
Room: MiiiiMiii ushered me upstairs into a warm, dimly lit room with a massage bed, and asked me to "get ready" as she made quick work of fleeing the room, only to return a minute later as I got undressed. Her eyes crinkled through the mask as she lay eyes on my crown jewels, I am assuming she was smiling, or perhaps cringing, I will never know. As I was about to lie down, I slipped another £20 of her Majesty's finest, sheepishly smiling. She gawked at me like I was a raging lunatic for a second, before I sheepishly blurted "For you". MeeyMeey was having none of this pleasantry bullshit, and bluntly asked "YOU WANT HANDJOB, YEAH?". I simply smiled before lying down on the bed revealing my sunny side up for her pleasure.
Massage: The massage itself was most excellent. I asked for firm pressure, which she interpreted as, "Got it, 100 Tonne Hydraulic Press, it is". Jokes aside, she seemed to know her way around the woods when it comes to removing knots, and making putty out of my weary muscles. Took me three days to get over her honest work, but man did it feel good afterwards. MimMim also used plenty of oil to inflict said torture. Did I also mention the credit-card swipes and generally flirtatious behavior with my ball-sack?
The deed: About 20 minutes into the massage, MheMhe asked me to turn-over. By this time, mini-me was feeling hopeful of future prospects and starting to dribble like a fatty in a falafel shop. MiiMii then started a thorough inspection of aforementioned fatty, gradually showering him with more and more attention. At this point I was ready to ask for her hand in marriage, but she got the gist and went at him like it was not her first rodeo. A few minutes of wrangling with the slippery bastard until he spilled the beans....the traitor. MayMay let out a short giggle as she handed me wipes to hide my shame. At this point, I was dying to use the facilities, she handed me a towel, and pointed in the general direction leaving me to fend for myself. Quick pee followed by a tedious shower which took forever since she'd exhausted half of Iraq's resources. Jump down stairs to find her smiling, I bid her farewell, a changed man.
Verdict: I give this a fair positive as I went in with little hopes, but all is well that ends well.
