Has punting ruined my dating game? - anyone else experienced this?

[MrMohican]

So I have recently become a single man as of the last few months after having been in a long term relationship for nearly twenty years. Relationship suffered the usual erosion over time which is why I turned to punting.

Eventually the time came to throw in the towel on the relationship and the initial jubilation at being a free man is starting to wane somewhat

Been on the usual dating apps and while its been fun at first going out and dating loads of different women I have started to get dispirited at the lack of women that seem to place any importance on sex or even intimacy. It always seem to be the last thing they want to talk about and god forbid if you bring it up in the early stages of flirting and trying to pin them down on a date. More often than not you'll be binned and written off as some kind of sex pest. Maybe I'm on the wrong dating app? I use Hinge mainly at the moment.

I totally get that most women that are serious about you long term aren't going to put out on the first date but Im seriously getting frustrated. Last date that looked like it was going well - we got to five dates - and got to the snogging and hug stage has just binned me after I told her I wanted to go to the next stage and actually make love to her soon. I mean... thats not unreasonable, right? She told me she didnt feel ready as she didnt feel enough of a connection yet. Did I force things here?... after five dates?

Then it occured to me, maybe my punting has ruined me for regular dating. Im in my 50's so maybe age is a factor here too. Maybe my expectations are now too high. Punting means I can choose from a plethora of nubile young 20-30 year olds and Ive got used to how they look and feel. Im also used to the matter of fact way a WG treats sex as something that is just a normal everyday occurence.

Ive realised Im really choosy on the dating apps too - I genuinely dont find the majority of the women of my age range attractive. Probably 1 in 20 catches my eye. Most women I find attractive seem to be around the 30's-40's age range.

Im struggling to find a date that is both attractive, intelligent and fun that that actually has a decent sexual appetite. That likes touch and massage and regular sex and is happy to place it as a priority in her life.

Then I started to wonder is there a way of finding/filtering these women. At one point I even thought maybe I need to date a WG...

Is it just me? Has anyone else experienced this coming back into the world of dating again?

Have you been succesful in your quest and if so whats your secret? - or like me are struggling to find the right women?... would love some feedback on this especlally from the seasoned punters on here.

[lillythesavage]

Keep punting and forget the dating, plenty of am working girls on apps and hook up sites.

I find for actual dating, much better if it happens naturally, meeting the fun women you require and finding out you enjoy her company, if the ones on dating apps were fun sexy women they probably would not be on apps.
Lockdowns have probably put more there though, just say sex is very important to you early in contact, then you are not wasting time on those not interested or able to talk about it.

Getting to the point quickly works for me. Though I usually find the ones wanting money. 

[rubric]

Naw, what's fucked up dating is dating apps. Not punting.

[winkywanky]

OP, for most women on dating sites their worst nightmare is a prosepctive date raising the spectre of intimacy, before even meeting.

You might get lucky, but for most you're just coming across as wanting a shag (which is possibly correct  ).

Perhaps Tinder might be better to meet your needs in the first instance? I would also add that I dabbled on a sugar daddy site a few years ago, and it resulted in me having a two year relationship with my last gf. And a mate of mine got married to his Tinder date and now has two lovely kids.

[winkywanky]

(And ironically, in my case my 'sugar babe' (only 10yrs younger than I) was incredibly un-needy in financial terms).

[lillythesavage]

OP, for most women on dating sites their worst nightmare is a prosepctive date raising the spectre of intimacy, before even meeting.

You might get lucky, but for most you're just coming across as wanting a shag (which is possibly correct  ).

Perhaps Tinder might be better to meet your needs in the first instance? I would also add that I dabbled on a sugar daddy site a few years ago, and it resulted in me having a two year relationship with my last gf. And a mate of mine got married to his Tinder date and now has two lovely kids.

Not for as long as you but had 2 relationships from the same site, 12 and about 6 months, that is what I meant by things happening naturally, met for sex and it developed. Ironically the shorter time one got broody and said I was too old, I am, we went our separate ways but stayed in touch, the good bye weekend in a hotel though solved her broodiness, did not find out until she met someone her own age, complicated but now solved.

You are right about looking like you are looking for a shag, but if you are, why waste time on those that are not ? Saying sex is important to you will sort the wheat from the chaff.

[Trex]

At one point I even thought maybe I need to date a WG...

I won’t Recommend that specially if she still active. She probably get fucked by 5 guys or more a day and she will get tired and you won’t get any sex with her.

Maybe try a sugar daddy website , that would be a better option if you’re in your 50’s. It’s ok to be single mate and still enjoy your life without a girlfriend or wife.

[Hertsgent]

Not boasting in the slightest (I’m hardly a catch I’m sure), but I’ve found the opposite and it’s something that has surprised me - more often than not highly sexed women, often good professional types. Perhaps my filter is lower than yours is an explanation, but I think/hope I do apply some sort of filter 

Far more funny though is meeting someone for a drink that has used rather favourable photos, and is either clearly older or obviously had an exceptionally demanding paper round  Then you can have fun making sure you come across as an unsuitable match

[winkywanky]

Not for as long as you but had 2 relationships from the same site, 12 and about 6 months, that is what I meant by things happening naturally, met for sex and it developed. Ironically the shorter time one got broody and said I was too old, I am, we went our separate ways but stayed in touch, the good bye weekend in a hotel though solved her broodiness, did not find out until she met someone her own age, complicated but now solved.

You are right about looking like you are looking for a shag, but if you are, why waste time on those that are not ? Saying sex is important to you will sort the wheat from the chaff.

Is it even allowed to mention that in your Biog on there?

I guess the PC way to say it would be I'm looking for a loving relationship (with loving at least four times a week)  .

[winkywanky]

Not boasting in the slightest (I’m hardly a catch I’m sure), but I’ve found the opposite and it’s something that has surprised me - more often than not highly sexed women, often good professional types. Perhaps my filter is lower than yours is an explanation, but I think/hope I do apply some sort of filter 

Far more funny though is meeting someone for a drink that has used rather favourable photos, and is either clearly older or obviously had an exceptionally demanding paper round  Then you can have fun making sure you come across as an unsuitable match

You need to be very canny over how you go about that, you might make yourself even more appealing to her instead of frightening her off    . For instance, she might come across as a shy, Librarian type so you tell her you need a damned good fucking six times a week (even God needed a day off), including anal sex, and then it becomes apparent she's absolutely gagging for a shag and she's totally sold on you  .

[MrT222]

I’ve found the opposite and it’s something that has surprised me - more often than not highly sexed women, often good professional types. Perhaps my filter is lower than yours is an explanation, but I think/hope I do apply some sort of filter 

Same. I think knowing you're only a phone call away from a good fuck eases some of the pressure. Also the good experiences I've had with some WGs helped boost my game and confidence. I have had quite a demanding job so realistically, I don't think I would've been with so many women otherwise.

[lillythesavage]

Is it even allowed to mention that in your Biog on there?

I guess the PC way to say it would be I'm looking for a loving relationship (with loving at least four times a week)  .

That is probably a better way to put it, but I meant in comms once you get to the point of chatting bollocks, nothing worse with long chats only to find out she has already bought a pipe and slippers, get the subject on to sex as smoothly and quick as possible.

Been chatting to one for weeks, actually probably a couple of months, every day morning and evening. Talking sex is not a problem at all, we did the first day and we have an awful lot in common and she is right up my street , a sensible age gap, and we get on oh so well. There in lies the problem.

We are both a bit loathe to meet, her more than me, because the chat went too deep too quickly and goes deeper every day, not sure how to deal with this one but not wanting to give up on it either.

[The Owl]

Punting has improved my dating game. I no longer put up with diva bullshit by women that think they can make obscene demands because men like sex. I also no longer bother with timewasters or game players. Basically the option to have sex at the drop of a hat (with money in it for the prostitute) means I no longer get sucked in to mind fuck relationships. I don't need to compete against any other bloke because the second a date shows interest in someone else or plays games to make me jealous I just think I could shag a prostitute rather than waste time taking out some woman, spending money on her and end up feeling used for nothing.

It's pretty cold, but I'm in dating for a serious relationship that will end my punting hobby. For me to give up punting a woman will need to actually want to date me for a proper relationship. If I get a whiff of non-commitment, playing the field with numerous men or being in it for personal benefit rather than mutual benefit then I'm out.

A good escort is probably far better than a lot of women I've been on dates with over the last few years. They'll come with a price but escorts like Janet of Birmingham, Ellie Rose of London and Farrah Indi of Wales will have an epic romp on the bed with me without any bullshit mind games or manipulation.

[sparkus]

It's entirely horses for courses really, though I've rarely 'dated' while single as I seem to drift between relationships which overlap.

I generally find sex from dating lasts long enough to cost an eye-watering amount if a WG but you tend to see WG naked upfront online first etc.

I have tried to combine my numerous punting interests with dating eg Asian women but it rarely works.  That said, the biggest Chinese chebs I ever got my hands on (and they were immense) was via Tinder rather than any shop.

Ultimately if you're playing around then most activity you will get will be snogs and gropes in pubs or a fuckathon with a tourist in her hotel.  Women know you're attached and they're also seeing multiple men, so that BJ in a pub car park at midnight is risky.  The sole exception was someone who was hopeful I would leave the missus for her and we had twice weekly sessions at hers but she eventually called time on it.

As I said, I've not done it unattached so I don't know.

[lillythesavage]

Punting has improved my dating game. I no longer put up with diva bullshit by women that think they can make obscene demands because men like sex. I also no longer bother with timewasters or game players. Basically the option to have sex at the drop of a hat (with money in it for the prostitute) means I no longer get sucked in to mind fuck relationships. I don't need to compete against any other bloke because the second a date shows interest in someone else or plays games to make me jealous I just think I could shag a prostitute rather than waste time taking out some woman, spending money on her and end up feeling used for nothing.

It's pretty cold, but I'm in dating for a serious relationship that will end my punting hobby. For me to give up punting a woman will need to actually want to date me for a proper relationship. If I get a whiff of non-commitment, playing the field with numerous men or being in it for personal benefit rather than mutual benefit then I'm out.

A good escort is probably far better than a lot of women I've been on dates with over the last few years. They'll come with a price but escorts like Janet of Birmingham, Ellie Rose of London and Farrah Indi of Wales will have an epic romp on the bed with me without any bullshit mind games or manipulation.

A lot of that is true if your are still trying dating and punting, it does make it easier to walk away, but can also make you a little to easy to walk away for reasons that could possibly be overcome, every relationship has some sort of compromise and life style change.

I think @sparkus would probably agree one part is not so true, you will need a very strong will to completely stop punting for Mrs Right. A very strong will indeed once the honeymoon period is over.

[AgedCases]

I'm fucking hopeless with women. Can count the number of gfs I've had on one hand. I always end up with the "no sex before marriage" type if I ever get a lass at all. Being a fat, average-looking bastard doesn't help, I suppose.

But since I began punting, I've had actual physical contact with some fit lasses without all the bullshit and I love it! I've not dated for years and I couldn't give a shit.

[lillythesavage]

It's entirely horses for courses really, though I've rarely 'dated' while single as I seem to drift between relationships which overlap.

I generally find sex from dating lasts long enough to cost an eye-watering amount if a WG but you tend to see WG naked upfront online first etc.

I have tried to combine my numerous punting interests with dating eg Asian women but it rarely works.  That said, the biggest Chinese chebs I ever got my hands on (and they were immense) was via Tinder rather than any shop.

Ultimately if you're playing around then most activity you will get will be snogs and gropes in pubs or a fuckathon with a tourist in her hotel.  Women know you're attached and they're also seeing multiple men, so that BJ in a pub car park at midnight is risky.  The sole exception was someone who was hopeful I would leave the missus for her and we had twice weekly sessions at hers but she eventually called time on it.

As I said, I've not done it unattached so I don't know.

My life has been similar to yours until recent years, no longer living with the wife, no plans to divorce though, I have been exploring much more, it used to be punts and affairs, which are a head fuck, now I am playing more on dating and hook up sites and much preferring to AW punts.
I do have more time than before which helps, but at the moment with the lack of choice, increased use of the extras list and since joining here finding faults in reviews or women I think I would like not doing things I like, arranging a punt can take an awful lot of time in research too.

[sparkus]

My life has been similar to yours until recent years, no longer living with the wife, no plans to divorce though, I have been exploring much more, it used to be punts and affairs, which are a head fuck, now I am playing more on dating and hook up sites and much preferring to AW punts.
I do have more time than before which helps, but at the moment with the lack of choice, increased use of the extras list and since joining here finding faults in reviews or women I think I would like not doing things I like, arranging a punt can take an awful lot of time in research too.

I think you and I have spoken about this a fair bit.

I remember actually swearing off punting because of a sex meet scenario (enormous chebs and quite facially attractive, though very unhinged and clearly most other blokes who'd met her before were swerving) from dating apps, though I eventually got sucked back in due to needing the taste of Chinese minge.

[stampjones]

@OP did you try seeking? Its got that dating vibe and some people do end up having real relationships but at the same time sex is first or second “date”. Of course you are paying initially but you do anyway right. The other advantage is you can stick with the 20 somethings you like as there are enough girls on there who genuinely like older men. Might be worth a shot for you?

[victor989]

James Bond never asked his women if 'he could have sex' with them. He just 'had sex' with them.

[winkywanky]

I remember actually swearing off punting because of a sex meet scenario (enormous chebs and quite facially attractive, though very unhinged and clearly most other blokes who'd met her before were swerving) from dating apps, though I eventually got sucked back in due to needing the taste of Chinese minge.

Sadly, that always has the possibility of either being sweet or going sour.

[lillythesavage]

James Bond never asked his women if 'he could have sex' with them. He just 'had sex' with them.

Very true, but in the real world that could lead to all sorts of allegations and you becoming a bottom bitch in the shower block.

[lillythesavage]

I think you and I have spoken about this a fair bit.

I remember actually swearing off punting because of a sex meet scenario (enormous chebs and quite facially attractive, though very unhinged and clearly most other blokes who'd met her before were swerving) from dating apps, though I eventually got sucked back in due to needing the taste of Chinese minge.

Lol, it seems you got sucked in more by the unhinged one, learning to very quickly spot those. Been lucky so far.

[pythondan]

OP what do you want out of dating? - if it is just fairly casual sex rather than long term relationships you are probably using the wrong app.

I have observed a couple of my partner's friends start on line dating after their marriages. There seems to be a bit of a common theme. When they first register they are inundated with messages from guys, pick the most attractive/charming/polished who are really just interested in sex and soon dump the girl after getting to that stage. After this happened a couple of times the women became more cautious and certainly did not put out on the first few dates - most of this was not leaned first hand but passed on to me by my wife later.

I also worked with a guy who had got divorced and joined Match. He had quite a lot of success but his filter was set quite low.

OP I guess the point I am trying to make is that dating apps do seem to mess with the dynamics of relationships and there can be quite a lot going on - maybe these dates who will not put out think that you will be off once they have had sex with you. One of the wife's friends got seriously concerned that she was unattractive and crap in bed - there is probably more going on than in these women's heads than we realise.

[Payyourwaymate]

Sadly, that always has the possibility of either being sweet or going sour.

 

[Dwayne_Hicks]

OP in my experience on Hinge where the girl is actually from makes quite a lot of difference in terms of when you can start "hinting" at intimacy! Obviously this is a bit of a generalisation and every girl is different but in my general experience girls from the British Isles (and Ireland) are usually fine with moving into intimacy after 3/4 dates (provided they go well and you have a laugh on the dog in between) without you having to talk about or "force the issue" 

On the other end of the spectrum if you have a strong preference for Eastern European women (and there are some absolute worldies from there on Hinge) then be ready for a longer "wait" and not talking about sex much if at all... I think it might be a cultural thing and I've made my peace with it now that I'm 5 dates in with a Latvian and all we did is kiss at a bus stop like bloody teenagers but she is hot so ...

Western European and Nordic girls - typically tend to be the long game from what I've seen as well apart from this one Swedish girl who was very upfront and put out on the 2nd date.

Aussie/NA/SA - a bit of a mixed bag but generally similar to the UK ones with their approach.

But back to your original question I think punting does ruin it slightly as you don't really need to listen to the WG or remember any of her stories whereas in the dating game (esp if you are double/triple/quadruple date on the apps) its important that you do and it can become awkward if you/she keep saying "didn't we talk about this already?" or "I thought I told you this before?". One solution to help you remember could be having a summary in like a spreadsheet   

But as some of the posts above say punting can simplify things a lot if its mainly sex with 20/30 somethings you're after 

[Mr Sinister]

There seems to be a bit of a common theme. When they first register they are inundated with messages from guys, pick the most attractive/charming/polished who are really just interested in sex and soon dump the girl after getting to that stage. After this happened a couple of times the women became more cautious and certainly did not put out on the first few dates - most of this was not leaned first hand but passed on to me by my wife later.

This is called Hypergamy, 80% of women compete for the top 20% of men. Those men have options, these women know these guys will hit and run but still are attracted to the "bad boys". Even the average plain Jane's have become really entitled to wanting a top guy and are turning their nose up at average Joe who is stable, good humoured and an overall nice guy.

[GreyDave]

  In and out of realtionships myself over years .. Punting is matter of fact as are the WG`s in this game Civies are a diffrent thing as a 60 year old I now know why on several occasions when in my 20s and 30s I got to be shagged senseless by some average looking mid 40 and 50`s Milfs that were married to guys in their 60+`s

I pay for slightly younger than me WGs now as the I probally repell some of the younger ones wilth my dried up willy  But dating is not what this site is about its paying and laying mate dating and finding a soulmate that shaggs thats younger than you and hot ... Well you need to check out that Crazy hot index ...theres a reason some Birds are still out there and it aint nice    some are carrer spongers and others car seat covers I think to find a date that you get on with is gonna be difficult ...I mean will you share your love of punting , recount the shapes and sizes of women who have licked and crushed that cock? nah dont think so clam down punt and just meet women as you go about life serching just ends up in the cost v action equation

[southcoastpunter]

Even the average plain Jane's are turning their nose up at average Joe who is stable, good humoured and an overall nice guy.

You are right - the number of ladies in their late 20's and 30's i have chatted to who have said they have been "unlucky" in their relationships - and haven't liked it when i asked whether is was bad luck or wrong choices on their part. It was plainly bad choices on their part but they still go ahead and continue to make bad choices! Women!! Some seem to think they can change "bad boys" or guys that play away!

[MrMohican]

OP what do you want out of dating? - if it is just fairly casual sex rather than long term relationships you are probably using the wrong app.

I have observed a couple of my partner's friends start on line dating after their marriages. There seems to be a bit of a common theme. When they first register they are inundated with messages from guys, pick the most attractive/charming/polished who are really just interested in sex and soon dump the girl after getting to that stage. After this happened a couple of times the women became more cautious and certainly did not put out on the first few dates - most of this was not leaned first hand but passed on to me by my wife later.

I also worked with a guy who had got divorced and joined Match. He had quite a lot of success but his filter was set quite low.

OP I guess the point I am trying to make is that dating apps do seem to mess with the dynamics of relationships and there can be quite a lot going on - maybe these dates who will not put out think that you will be off once they have had sex with you. One of the wife's friends got seriously concerned that she was unattractive and crap in bed - there is probably more going on than in these women's heads than we realise.

What do I want out of dating?... yeah ultimately Im looking for the one. Someone I can have a long term relationship with. A best friend I can shag. I cant imagine ever giving up punting completely. Im a greedy sod and I like the variety it offers, but ultimately I want to have a good enough sex life at home that I wont feel the need for finding it outside of it that often.

The holy grail of course would be a woman that I could talk openly about punting with and who would be open minded enough I could have threesomes with. But I recognise that is like finding a bloody unicorn.

Either way the 'one' has to have a decent sexual appetite and like to initiate and make time for sex. My last relationship did my head in. If I wanted sex I was always the one that initiated it. My other half treated sex like it was a necessary chore, like putting the bins out. She never initiated it, never applied any imagination to it or put time aside for it. She started to make me feel like I was a sex pest for having a normal sexual appetite. Thats when I started turning to punting because I was not having my needs met at home. But then I guess that story is as long as the hills and a story that most blokes on here could relate to.

Either way its a situation I want to avoid being in again.

To clarify I know how to play the long game. Ive done it through all my years dating. Made sure that I didnt come across like all I wanted was a shag. Been a sensitive and caring partner - because ultimately I actually am that guy.

But this time round Im wondering did I have my strategy right - should I front load the fact that sex is an important part of something I need in a partner early into the dating chat and how do you do that without coming across as just a serial shagger. Is there a strategy to find the women that place a high priority on sex. How do you filter them/find them.

Ive seen some suggestions here on trying seeking arrangements but to my mind that just seems like paying over the odds for an escort.

Maybe I do need to try some of the more sexually motivated apps like Tinder and see where that leads. Im on Grindr which Ive not been too impressed by so far. Most of the women on there are ugly as fuck or are confused that they have signed up to a hook-up app and think its just for normal dating.

[JontyR]

What do I want out of dating?... yeah ultimately Im looking for the one. Someone I can have a long term relationship with. A best friend I can shag. I cant imagine ever giving up punting completely. Im a greedy sod and I like the variety it offers, but ultimately I want to have a good enough sex life at home that I wont feel the need for finding it outside of it that often.

The holy grail of course would be a woman that I could talk openly about punting with and who would be open minded enough I could have threesomes with. But I recognise that is like finding a bloody unicorn.

Why don't you post this on a dating website rather than on here. If you want that kind of relationship it's only fair you are completely open about it. Yes, the pool is very small that would accept it. But if you are looking for "the one" then you only need that "one" response.
 
After all, the main requirement of a lot of folks on dating sites - especially as you get older and everyone has bruises - is honesty. 

[southern punter]

I think dating sites / apps are an utter waste of time (for straight men).  Signed up to so many over the years and the "80% of women competing over 20% of men" syndrome mentioned above dominates every time.  The only one I MIGHT bother signing up to in future is that one where only women can message, because in practice that's how it works anyway.  In all my years on various sites I think I only ever went on a physical date with 2 women and both were from her messaging me, I'm sure I've never arranged a single meet based on me messaging someone (out of hundreds). In fact I can barely even recall getting a reply, let alone a date, let alone sex.

If I wanted a civvie relationship I'd join some evening classes, ballroom dancing or pottery or something.  At least that way you have a chance for your personality to grow on people.  All my remotely meaningful relationships have arisen from those organic social scenarios where the woman has actually had an opportunity to get to know me a bit,

[cunningman]

OP I guess the point I am trying to make is that dating apps do seem to mess with the dynamics of relationships and there can be quite a lot going on - maybe these dates who will not put out think that you will be off once they have had sex with you. One of the wife's friends got seriously concerned that she was unattractive and crap in bed - there is probably more going on than in these women's heads than we realise.

I think this is spot on, and I've made good friends on OurTime *even admitting that I'm still unhappily married and looking for friendship*.

I don't need to cheat them - I can buy sex when I want.  You can't buy having a group of friends that you enjoy having a leisurely date with - and it won't be leisurely if you are fishing for sex, even subconsciously.  Have a punt before the date?

A disappointing number of people seem to be saying that dating without eventual sex is a waste of money - I still talk to / meet these people because I like them.

Try not being fixated on sex?

[lillythesavage]

So I have recently become a single man as of the last few months after having been in a long term relationship for nearly twenty years. Relationship suffered the usual erosion over time which is why I turned to punting.

Eventually the time came to throw in the towel on the relationship and the initial jubilation at being a free man is starting to wane somewhat

Been on the usual dating apps and while its been fun at first going out and dating loads of different women I have started to get dispirited at the lack of women that seem to place any importance on sex or even intimacy. It always seem to be the last thing they want to talk about and god forbid if you bring it up in the early stages of flirting and trying to pin them down on a date. More often than not you'll be binned and written off as some kind of sex pest. Maybe I'm on the wrong dating app? I use Hinge mainly at the moment.

Is playing the long game really you? If it is keep playing it in the hope you will find the "One"

Reading that though, you do not want to play it anymore, so be more direct in what you want, politely in comms, not on the site itself.

I am different from you in not looking for the one, so can easily forget if my likes are not for them even if they are lookers, I just do not need the hassle, try thinking like that and maybe you will find one who ticks most of your boxes, probably not all as that would be a miracle, those with a high sex drive usually are able to talk about sex. You obviously need to change strategy if it is not currently working for you.
Your thoughts in your OP about dating an SP is not a good idea, unless you are happy sharing

I totally get that most women that are serious about you long term aren't going to put out on the first date but Im seriously getting frustrated. Last date that looked like it was going well - we got to five dates - and got to the snogging and hug stage has just binned me after I told her I wanted to go to the next stage and actually make love to her soon. I mean... thats not unreasonable, right? She told me she didnt feel ready as she didnt feel enough of a connection yet. Did I force things here?... after five dates?

Then it occured to me, maybe my punting has ruined me for regular dating. Im in my 50's so maybe age is a factor here too. Maybe my expectations are now too high. Punting means I can choose from a plethora of nubile young 20-30 year olds and Ive got used to how they look and feel. Im also used to the matter of fact way a WG treats sex as something that is just a normal everyday occurence.

Ive realised Im really choosy on the dating apps too - I genuinely dont find the majority of the women of my age range attractive. Probably 1 in 20 catches my eye. Most women I find attractive seem to be around the 30's-40's age range.

Im struggling to find a date that is both attractive, intelligent and fun that that actually has a decent sexual appetite. That likes touch and massage and regular sex and is happy to place it as a priority in her life.

Then I started to wonder is there a way of finding/filtering these women. At one point I even thought maybe I need to date a WG...

Is it just me? Has anyone else experienced this coming back into the world of dating again?

Have you been succesful in your quest and if so whats your secret? - or like me are struggling to find the right women?... would love some feedback on this especlally from the seasoned punters on here.

[willie loman]

I think dating sites / apps are an utter waste of time (for straight men).  Signed up to so many over the years and the "80% of women competing over 20% of men" syndrome mentioned above dominates every time.  The only one I MIGHT bother signing up to in future is that one where only women can message, because in practice that's how it works anyway.  In all my years on various sites I think I only ever went on a physical date with 2 women and both were from her messaging me, I'm sure I've never arranged a single meet based on me messaging someone (out of hundreds). In fact I can barely even recall getting a reply, let alone a date, let alone sex.

If I wanted a civvie relationship I'd join some evening classes, ballroom dancing or pottery or something.  At least that way you have a chance for your personality to grow on people.  All my remotely meaningful relationships have arisen from those organic social scenarios where the woman has actually had an opportunity to get to know me a bit,

   i agree,just about any social activity you join, you will be outnumbered by women,

[Watts.E.Dunn]

   i agree,just about any social activity you join, you will be outnumbered by women,

No it blinking well wont!, three i joined were men only!!!

Pwerhaps i ought to take up needlework embriodery or jam making;!...

[BRBRBR]

Dating serves no purpose for me. I use hookers for sex. Have a cleaner at home. Dating a women meets none of my needs

[cunningman]

Dating a women meets none of my needs

What an extraordinary thing to say.  I find it much easier to talk to women about emotional issues, loneliness, friendships etc.  But you don't?  Do you have any EQ at all?

[The Owl]

A lot of that is true if your are still trying dating and punting, it does make it easier to walk away, but can also make you a little to easy to walk away for reasons that could possibly be overcome, every relationship has some sort of compromise and life style change.

I think @sparkus would probably agree one part is not so true, you will need a very strong will to completely stop punting for Mrs Right. A very strong will indeed once the honeymoon period is over.

I disagree with the notion that punting sometimes makes it too easy to walk away from a potential relationship. Yes, relationships take work and some adjustments, but from my past experiences it ended up being a never ending round of adjustments that one side or the other eventually got tired of, or one side got too good a deal at the expense of the other.

Just like punting/escorting, good relationships need solid sensible boundaries that both sides agree to. Far to often the desire to not be alone, have children, have security or feel loved erode those boundaries until it becomes too late. How many punters are on here because they're stuck in a loveless or sexless marriage but they can't get out of it so they fuck prostitutes? Dating is problematic if you don't have a easy way of walking away when it's not good enough.

[NightKid]

Im on Grindr which Ive not been too impressed by so far. Most of the women on there are ugly as fuck or are confused that they have signed up to a hook-up app and think its just for normal dating.

Uh ... isn't Grindr primarily an app for gay men? 

[sparkus]

Lol, it seems you got sucked in more by the unhinged one, learning to very quickly spot those. Been lucky so far.

I think it was a combination of wanting to test my will power and also the belief that I'd discovered this on-tap world of random end away getting and didn't need punting anymore.

[lillythesavage]

I disagree with the notion that punting sometimes makes it too easy to walk away from a potential relationship. Yes, relationships take work and some adjustments, but from my past experiences it ended up being a never ending round of adjustments that one side or the other eventually got tired of, or one side got too good a deal at the expense of the other.

Just like punting/escorting, good relationships need solid sensible boundaries that both sides agree to. Far to often the desire to not be alone, have children, have security or feel loved erode those boundaries until it becomes too late. How many punters are on here because they're stuck in a loveless or sexless marriage but they can't get out of it so they fuck prostitutes? Dating is problematic if you don't have a easy way of walking away when it's not good enough.

You read it wrong lol, not saying it makes it easy to walk away from relationships at all, the OP is looking for a relationship and punting can make it easy to dismiss a possible match for reasons that could be overcome, like walking from a punt, walking away from a possible because she does not tick all the boxes which no one ever will.

If a new relationship needs so many compromises it is pissing off one or the other often, it should not have happened in the first place really, you need to have more agreement than not in the first place or it will never work.

If newish relationship, not a marriage, is not working you have to walk away for your own sanity, the last time I did not I am still married to her over 30 years later lol.
In fairness she has the patience of a saint, a very forgiving nature and my single lifestyle would probably have killed me sooner or later, so I have a lot of respect for her.

[lillythesavage]

I think it was a combination of wanting to test my will power and also the belief that I'd discovered this on-tap world of random end away getting and didn't need punting anymore.

That sums up the dating/hook up thing just perfectly, you never know if you are going to click with a random or where it will go, You just have to know when to get out, nothing like pay, fuck and go, even the paid meets have no time limits, more so if you click, there was no punter just left her or waiting outside but for me the best bit, never bloody extras.

For another thread really but when did they become the norm.? Best not answer that here and hijack the thread.

[Payyourwaymate]

What an extraordinary thing to say.  I find it much easier to talk to women about emotional issues, loneliness, friendships etc.  But you don't?  Do you have any EQ at all?

I have gone down the route of having female friends when I was in university and early 20s. It was a waste of time. I agree with him to an extent. However, a lot of relationships are shallow, regardless of being a male or female in adulthood; as I have come to see in my personal experiences of dealing with people, so I would not just put it down to women. It is not an extraordinary view he has, perhaps you are the naive one or have had good luck with people. I would assume it is the latter as you seem like an alright guy.

[KorbenDallas]

Dating serves no purpose for me. I use hookers for sex. Have a cleaner at home. Dating a women meets none of my needs

Haha, that made me chuckle. 
Honestly, sometimes I feel that way too.  What I do like is the intimacy and the buzz that happens at the start of a relationship.  Ideally hookers + cleaners + sugardaddy relationships that you can bin when they get dull.

[MrMohican]

Uh ... isn't Grindr primarily an app for gay men? 

Hahahahaha... it certainly is!!... I meant the straight version they created Blendr

[The0neAnd0nly]

Hahahahaha... it certainly is!!... I meant the straight version they created Blendr

Thanks for the tip regarding Blendr as never heard of it before.

Installed it last week and met a bird after a few nights in my car - wanked off and played with tits. Looking to meet for 2nd time next week and hoping a shag on the cards. 👍

The quality of 95% of the woman on there is questionable to say the least. It's like a reverse Tinder where I'm swiping left more times then right!

If anything punting has made my dating game much stronger. I'm less inclined to fall for bullshit, not waste time on dead ends or those just looking to message for attention etc.

I'm a lot more ruthless at unmatching with a attractive girl if it seems clear never going to meet after a few messages or she has the personality of a snail. It's taken me quite a while to get to this point though!

[belamy85]

This is called Hypergamy, 80% of women compete for the top 20% of men. Those men have options, these women know these guys will hit and run but still are attracted to the "bad boys". Even the average plain Jane's have become really entitled to wanting a top guy and are turning their nose up at average Joe who is stable, good humoured and an overall nice guy.

I have to say it's been fascinating and eye-opening to read all the posts on this subject. I clearly lead a more sheltered life than I thought!

One thing that intrigues me though... This 20% of men. Who exactly are they? Are we just saying rich, or is it more complex than that. Sorry if this is starting to drift off topic...

[Payyourwaymate]

I have to say it's been fascinating and eye-opening to read all the posts on this subject. I clearly lead a more sheltered life than I thought!

One thing that intrigues me though... This 20% of men. Who exactly are they? Are we just saying rich, or is it more complex than that. Sorry if this is starting to drift off topic...

According to the theory it can include rich men, socially famous men, athletes, men which lookswise would be considered the top end, men in positions of power to an extent which are far above what the average male would possess. Women would rather share access to a man like that than an average guy, if they have the chance to get access to such a man they would drop so the so called average guy in a heartbeat. A recent example of this would include a woman that fucked the rapper Drake and dropped her fiance of 8 years.

External Link/Members Only

Dan bilzerian has also stated watching a woman leave her boyfriend with him present to spend a night with him. I can't remember the interview though.

Here's another example related to Drake

External Link/Members Only

Excuse the explicit language.

[JontyR]

It's not a thing. It's a theory that fits the facts in the minds of men who want there to be some kind of reason or rationale why they can't get what they think they should be entitled to. It provides solace to them and an ongoing income stream to people who write books for this audience,

The fact is that people are individuals, and whilst some traits are more widely found attractive, these things aren't universal and different things matter to different people at different times. Why did Jessica Rabbit marry Roger?

If you want to talk percentages in relation to dating then the simple fact is this...if you don't talk or engage with women then your success rate will be zero. The more times you engage with people the greater chance you have of finding someone you hit it off with.

How engagements with others has changed in this post covid and app-savvy world is a different questions but the fact remains....sitting on your arse and bemoaning things gets you nowhere.

Every time you see someone and think "why is she with him and not me" the answer is not because he has more money, or a bigger cock or a nicer car...but because he talked to her before you saw her.