External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members OnlyFirst review so please forgive any unforgivable breaches of protocol.
This happened shortly before the current lock down.
Communications were a bit laboured. E-mails, then phone calls and finally texts. Well spoken lady so she seemed credible. Bit misleading about location, initially told it was in the centre on Lancaster but was actually a mile or so outside.
£150 for an hour. I wasn't looking for FS just fancied a good sensual massage, giving/getting oral and a hand job. I know it is a bit pricey for that but I was anticipating getting exactly what I wanted without having to travel too far. A fools errand.
The location was a terraced house in North Lancaster, over the river from the city centre. I should have bailed as soon as I walked in the house but I was past the point of no return. The wooden floor in the lounge was soaking. I thought she had just mopped it but then she said “Just watch the floor, it's the damp!” The lady in question did look like the girl in the photos but after a particularly hard year. She was naked apart from some knickers and led me up the stairs. It was colder inside the house than outside and there was a strong smell of weed, another deafening alarm bell which I of course ignored . This is where it got even weirder. A friend suddenly appeared who was way more attractive than the actual SP and I assumed she just lived there and was going to her room. No, she was going to join in as well. Got to say at this point I thought things were looking up. The freezing cold house and stench of chronic were forgotten as I was ushered into a room with a fan belting out some serious kilowattage at one side of a makeshift bed. They both set about massaging me but were talking about me like I wasn't there. I was enjoying the physical side of things so I wasn't particularly bothered about the fact that one half of me was in the early stages of hypothermia while my skin on other half was melting. Nor was I bothered about the League of Gentleman weirdness of it all. After a while I turned over and the good looking friend gave me a really stimulating oily hand job which resulted in me spaffing before you could say “Have you two slipped me an acid tab?” They then took me to the shower and I got in with the SP who washed me down whilst the good looking friend kept wanking me with almost adolescent excitement as if she had never seen a penis before. She then announced, barely able to contain herself, that I had come again, which I hadn't. They then both disappeared and the SP said I could dry myself on what, from a distance in the half light, seemed like a towel. It wasn't, it was a piece of cloth the intended use of which I know not. I went back into the bedroom with two weather systems and they practically threw me out, acting like two semi hysterical harpies. I was out of there in about 25 minutes. I didn't bother to start a discussion about the time and money as I was oscillating between anger, amusement and trauma at the events which had unfolded and was happy/relieved to get the fuck out of there in one piece.
This of course should be a nailed on negative but the comedy value, once I realised I had escaped with my life, has left me calling a neutral. I would recommend it purely for the roller coaster ride through the senses and emotions.
