Men support groups (Mental health)

[JPin]

Any of you lot heard of "men's circles"?

They vary in the set up but generally speaking it's a gathering of men led by a guide with the intention of creating a safe space for guys to talk about how they're feeling, what's going on for them and to be supported by the others. That's a very basic explanation, but you get the gist. I've done a few with a guy I know, who organises and leads them, and they're really helpful. It's just nice to be in that kind of open setting with other guys, to hear them speak openly, to be vulnerable and to also feel like you're not alone as a lot of issues that come up are pretty relatable...

This US organisation does circles and other activities on a much larger scale than my mate does, but it's a similar principle --> External Link/Members Only

I'm sure there are lots of these happening around the UK.

[Payyourwaymate]

Any of you lot heard of "men's circles"?

They vary in the set up but generally speaking it's a gathering of men led by a guide with the intention of creating a safe space for guys to talk about how they're feeling, what's going on for them and to be supported by the others. That's a very basic explanation, but you get the gist. I've done a few with a guy I know, who organises and leads them, and they're really helpful. It's just nice to be in that kind of open setting with other guys, to hear them speak openly, to be vulnerable and to also feel like you're not alone as a lot of issues that come up are pretty relatable...

This US organisation does circles and other activities on a much larger scale than my mate does, but it's a similar principle --> External Link/Members Only

I'm sure there are lots of these happening around the UK.

Thanks for posting. I posted on the first page mens groups where men gather to talk and get support if I remember correctly in the UK.

[Payyourwaymate]

External Link/Members Only

Gwarosa: Working to Death in South Korea | Foreign Correspondent

Since the start of the pandemic, 21 delivery workers in South Korea have died. Unions blame overwork. The Koreans even have a word for death by overwork: 'gwarosa'.

We all rely on home deliveries to get us through the pandemic but do we ever spare a thought for the workers who bring them to us?

As demand for home deliveries explodes, the pressure on warehouse sorters and drivers has become relentless.

Lee Seong Wook, 44, is a delivery driver. He works six days a week from early in the morning until late at night.

“I'd be lying if I said it isn't tough for me. But it’s a matter of survival. My children won't eat if I don't earn.”

Lee’s colleague, 47-year-old driver Im Gwang Soo, recently suffered a massive brain haemorrhage and fell into a coma. His life is hanging in the balance. Before his collapse, Im Gwang Soo had been working over 90 hours a week.

[Payyourwaymate]

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Curbing death by overwork in Japan | FT


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Men working to death - Japanese Salary men


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Why Japanese Die From Overwork (Karoshi かろうし) | ASIAN BOSS


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What it's Like Working In Japan | "Short" Version


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Inside Japan Inc.: Suicide as Salvation

[Payyourwaymate]

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The Extreme 996 Work Culture in China

"996" is a common term used by employees at China’s tech companies to describe their working life- starting work at 9am and leaving at 9pm, working six days a week. VICE World News looks at China’s hyper-competitive work culture and the costs to their personal and social lives.

[JPin]

Thanks for posting. I posted on the first page mens groups where men gather to talk and get support if I remember correctly in the UK.

Yeah I saw that. I’ve read through most of this thread.

Men’s circles are more on the conscious tip, drawing on ancient practices and customs rather than simply a formal space for men to talk. So there are exercises and themes with some kind of structure, designed to lead/guide the participants. For instance, my mate’s circle is inspired by Native American practices.

The term “men’s circle” rather than men’s group is what people can search for.

[Payyourwaymate]

Yeah I saw that. I’ve read through most of this thread.

Men’s circles are more on the conscious tip, drawing on ancient practices and customs rather than simply a formal space for men to talk. So there are exercises and themes with some kind of structure, designed to lead/guide the participants. For instance, my mate’s circle is inspired by Native American practices.

The term “men’s circle” rather than men’s group is what people can search for.

Oh I see, fair enough. I have never heard of that. Apologies, seems I completely misunderstood your initial post.

[Payyourwaymate]

“The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered "Man! Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”


"Physical comforts cannot subdue mental suffering, and if we look closely, we can see that those who have many possessions are not necessarily happy. In fact, being wealthy often brings even more anxiety."


"Appearance is something absolute, but reality is not that way - everything is interdependent, not absolute. So that view is very helpful to maintain a peace of mind because the main destroyer of a peaceful mind is anger."


"Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering."


Dalai Lama

[Marmalade]

Dalai Lama: net worth estimated at $150 million.

[Payyourwaymate]

Dalai Lama: net worth estimated at $150 million.

  . What can I say, same with various preachers that sell hope to the masses who become financially well off. It does not completely invalidate his statements though.

[mradventures]

i like him, he does seem a wise and decent man 

[Payyourwaymate]

I never thought I would post a video like this here. At the start I was laughing the whole time then eventually realised that the guy is mentally stronger than a lot of people.

External Link/Members Only

[Payyourwaymate]

I can't be bothered to make a new thread so I'll leave this here.

It's a youtube channel called Diary of a CEO where the host interviews entrepreneurs etc giving on insight on their story, success, challenges etc. The host himself is a multimillionnaire entrepreneur having being the co-founder of social chain so he is a legit guy. There are a couple of billionnaires he manages to get on the podcast such as the deliveroo founder, the founder of Klarna aswell. Might be of use to some.

External Link/Members Only

[mace-window]

I can't be bothered to make a new thread so I'll leave this here.

It's a youtube channel called Diary of a CEO where the host interviews entrepreneurs etc giving on insight on their story, success, challenges etc. The host himself is a multimillionnaire entrepreneur having being the co-founder of social chain so he is a legit guy. There are a couple of billionnaires he manages to get on the podcast such as the deliveroo founder, the founder of Klarna aswell. Might be of use to some.

External Link/Members Only

May give this channel a watch.

[Payyourwaymate]

External Link/Members Only

Monzo CEO On Death Threats, Depression & Digital Banking Wars - Tom Blomfield | E86

[Payyourwaymate]

Sex and Attachment Styles: What You Need to Know
Attachment styles make a difference in navigating the social/sexual environment.

External Link/Members Only

A suprisingly interesting short read.

[Payyourwaymate]

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The Helpline for male victims of domestic abuse.

Our friendly Men’s Advice Line Advisors will believe you, offer you non-judgmental emotional support, practical advice and information.

Men’s Advice Line is a team of friendly Advisors who will listen and believe you. Our team are available to offer you non-judgmental support, practical advice and information.

Our focus is to increase the safety of men experiencing domestic abuse (and the safety of any children) by providing confidential support.

[Payyourwaymate]

External Link/Members Only

As experts in mental illness, we know that with the right support and information people severely affected by mental illness can have a good quality of life. That’s why our aim is to meet each person’s individual needs and make sure everyone living with a mental illness is treated with dignity and respect.

We support tens of thousands of people every year through our diverse range of mental health services and life-changing support groups. These are vital in helping people get through crises, live independently and recognise that they don’t have to face mental illness alone.

[Payyourwaymate]

External Link/Members Only

We provide advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. We campaign to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding.

[PatMacGroin]

Great thread, just spent 2 hours reading it. Had to skip most of the links, but I'll definitely come back and check them out more thoroughly.

One organisation that hasn't been mentioned yet is Mens Sheds: External Link/Members Only

Strictly speaking it's not just a mental health group. Might be more like a mens circle, as mentioned by JPin. They promote mens health and wellbeing primarily through community craft and DIY projects. Creating facilities where guys can get together to pass on their experience and learn from each other. It's not just old ex-tradesmen teaching each other DIY skills either, younger guys contribute lots of useful knowledge from their own career experiences, hobbies and interests.

The movement started in Australia and it's also become very popular in Ireland. I have friends and relatives that are members in both countries. They have tried to encourage me to join. I haven't personally tried it out yet, but it seems to be quickly growing in popularity here in the UK, with more "Sheds" popping up all over the place.

[PatMacGroin]

Sex and Attachment Styles: What You Need to Know
Attachment styles make a difference in navigating the social/sexual environment.

External Link/Members Only

A suprisingly interesting short read.

Reads like it was written by a woman (I know it wasn't) and aimed at female readers. Many will assume the first attachment style, the "Dismissing Attachment", is actually a description of most men. Completely losing interest after we have had sex.

The advice throughout pretty much says it doesn't really matter what style you are, or what style you think your prospective partner is... the answer is don't have sex too early, wait for signs this is truly a relationship. Not exactly new advice for women.

Might be good advice for men too, but most of the time that decision isn't actually made by them. (One night stands don't count, everyone involved knows what's happening in that situation.)

[Followyourdick]

Has anybody any experience of these?

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[lillythesavage]

Has anybody any experience of these?

External Link/Members Only

Not that one particular, but similar, very helpful if you can commit and talk, but not everyone is at the stage where they can.

There is nothing more satisfying than telling your experiences and seeing it help another and witnessing a change in them, just by talking, and it helps you too.

[Payyourwaymate]

Just bumping this thread incase, with the whole cost of living crisis and what not; incase it may be of any use to anyone.

[lillythesavage]

Just bumping this thread incase, with the whole cost of living crisis and what not; incase it may be of any use to anyone.

I spoke to a friend of a friend yesterday, he is in despair, 5 school age kids and 27 quid a day on energy, her car went yesterday for the sake of a 200 quid repair, the first of many changes I suspect.

The guy said he sits on the doorstep crying at times, a third of his salary is going on energy.

[JamesKW]

I spoke to a friend of a friend yesterday, he is in despair, 5 school age kids and 27 quid a day on energy, her car went yesterday for the sake of a 200 quid repair, the first of many changes I suspect.

The guy said he sits on the doorstep crying at times, a third of his salary is going on energy.

Even in todays inflationery environment £27 a day on energy is a fair whack,we dont spend anywhere near that on running an office.

[lillythesavage]

Even in todays inflationery environment £27 a day on energy is a fair whack,we dont spend anywhere near that on running an office.

Sure is, but with 7 of them things are running nearly 24/7 and I guess caught on the standard variable, keeping 7 in clean clothes is a mission alone.

[lillythesavage]

Another story related.

Last bank holiday weekend a friend visited from Ireland, first time we had met since 2019, had a great night out on the Saturday, only to find out another good friend, younger than both of us, had died suddenly at home that evening.

Put a downer on things but when the truth emerged it was a real kick in the guts.

His wife found him hanging in a house they were renovating, no idea why yet, maybe never will know, but it is hurting a lot of people badly.

[Rack Admirer]

Sure is, but with 7 of them things are running nearly 24/7 and I guess caught on the standard variable, keeping 7 in clean clothes is a mission alone.

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is under pressure.

Having 5 kids is for rich people, I think. Tyson Fury will be up to 7 this year, but he's a multi millionaire. For those on modest incomes, 1 or 2 children seems best. I think parents are legally obliged these days to care for their children up to the age of 18, so it's not cheap.

[lillythesavage]

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is under pressure.

Having 5 kids is for rich people, I think. Tyson Fury will be up to 7 this year, but he's a multi millionaire. For those on modest incomes, 1 or 2 children seems best. I think parents are legally obliged these days to care for their children up to the age of 18, so it's not cheap.

They were getting by until recently, but energy, fuel, food increases all in one go is hitting hard, not in a position for a second job either, being a truck driver and away a lot, so no help will be given benefits wise.

1 or 2 is probably best, but he has 5 and got to deal with it, must be others in worse situations, this is going to bite hard.

[shed]

Another story related.



His wife found him hanging in a house they were renovating, no idea why yet, maybe never will know, but it is hurting a lot of people badly.

Had the same absolutely devastating experience with one of my very best mates five years ago. Unknown to anybody outside of his missus he had been suffering with depression for years. Was found hanging from the stairs inside the house. Mental illness in many cases cannot be seen nor heard. I was out with him the day before. I hated myself for a long time wondering why he didn't tell me. Such is life

[Payyourwaymate]

This might seem like a strange post but hear me out please. I don't know if there's many people here that watched dragonball z as a child or teenager but I did. When I think back, I remember I never really paid attention to Vegeta who was basically Gokus rival. I have to say now as I have been getting older I have come to realise that Vegeta mentally is a incredibly well thought character. His mental resilence is off the charts, nothing but set back after set back, humilation and utter defeat but he always rose back up to find confidence in himself. His ability to introspect realistically and find his flaws after setbacks to overcome them is not something that is often displayed in real life or even fictional characters these days to be honest. I always found myself coming back to his moments where he would pick himself up when I would feel down sometimes or had doubts, I would have never imagined of all places to look for a display of mental strength and resilence to look there lool. It's very strange where you can find sources of support sometimes.

As a child I never really appreciated the display of mental resilience and just brushed it aside as ego and he is an antagonist of some sort or just a prick. Now... I see that such qualities are really necessary when there is no one to believe in you but yourself. Personally I think if anyone had even 10% of the mental resilience Vegeta showed they will be successful in any endeavor  . It's a shame there's not really any cartoons or shows that have characters these days that display such values of strength and willpower. If there were no strong male figures of some sort in a young boys life at least they could see it in well designed shows with well thought out characters, values shown, etc, now...no idea. 

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest lol.

[mace-window]

This might seem like a strange post but hear me out please. I don't know if there's many people here that watched dragonball z as a child or teenager but I did. When I think back, I remember I never really paid attention to Vegeta who was basically Gokus rival. I have to say now as I have been getting older I have come to realise that Vegeta mentally is a incredibly well thought character. His mental resilence is off the charts, nothing but set back after set back, humilation and utter defeat but he always rose back up to find confidence in himself. His ability to introspect realistically and find his flaws after setbacks to overcome them is not something that is often displayed in real life or even fictional characters these days to be honest. I always found myself coming back to his moments where he would pick himself up when I would feel down sometimes or had doubts, I would have never imagined of all places to look for a display of mental strength and resilence to look there lool. It's very strange where you can find sources of support sometimes.

As a child I never really appreciated the display of mental resilience and just brushed it aside as ego and he is an antagonist of some sort or just a prick. Now... I see that such qualities are really necessary when there is no one to believe in you but yourself. Personally I think if anyone had even 10% of the mental resilience Vegeta showed they will be successful in any endeavor  . It's a shame there's not really any cartoons or shows that have characters these days that display such values of strength and willpower. If there were no strong male figures of some sort in a young boys life at least they could see it in well designed shows with well thought out characters, values shown, etc, now...no idea. 

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest lol.

Your not only one about Vegeta. I have seen many youtube dragon ball Z videos on Vegeta and most say the same thing and how his character arc is like best one in Dragon Ball Z. And I think it is that reason that Vegeta is most people favorite character than Goku especially now with how they made Goku stupid in Dragon ball Super (in my opinion).

Anyways what are you thoughts on Dragon Ball super? I am not a fan per say.

[Payyourwaymate]

Your not only one about Vegeta. I have seen many youtube dragon ball Z videos on Vegeta and most say the same thing and how his character arc is like best one in Dragon Ball Z. And I think it is that reason that Vegeta is most people favorite character than Goku especially now with how they made Goku stupid in Dragon ball Super (in my opinion).

Anyways what are you thoughts on Dragon Ball super? I am not a fan per say.

From what I have seen Dragon ball super is trash. I don't count that at all in the franchise. The dragonball series ends for me after kid buu  .

[mace-window]

From what I have seen Dragon ball super is trash. I don't count that at all in the franchise. The dragonball series ends for me after kid buu .

Likewise. Should of left the series as it is at the kid buu saga in my opinion.

[Payyourwaymate]

It's world mental health day today so just posting the website.

External Link/Members Only

[Payyourwaymate]

I would just like to say for any men out there wondering what is like for a woman to fall in love with you without you expecting it, in relation to mental well being; it is an extremely mentally taxing situation to deal with, even worse when she is very attractive and toxic.

The movies were telling lies, it is not a blissful experience, you do not suddenly feel like you are on cloud 9 and become the man.

Please, for the love of God.... stay away from women and chase money. You will thank yourself in the future. Please heed my advice, it will save you alot of mental pain and stress. The Trap Lord Future and other Rap prophets were right, just get money and fuck bitches. I have failed to follow the creed and now I must pay the price   .

Well, that's all I'm saying on that. God only helps those who help themselves, I must.... now, help myself lol.

[mace-window]

I would just like to say for any men out there wondering what is like for a woman to fall in love with you without you expecting it, in relation to mental well being; it is an extremely mentally taxing situation to deal with, even worse when she is very attractive and toxic.

The movies were telling lies, it is not a blissful experience, you do not suddenly feel like you are on cloud 9 and become the man.

Please, for the love of God.... stay away from women and chase money. You will thank yourself in the future. Please heed my advice, it will save you alot of mental pain and stress. The Trap Lord Future and other Rap prophets were right, just get money and fuck bitches. I have failed to follow the creed and now I must pay the price   .

Well, that's all I'm saying on that. God only helps those who help themselves, I must.... now, help myself lol.

Amen to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Payyourwaymate]

Not sure if this might seem strange but...has anyone noticed that motivational tropes of positivity and a can do attitude do not really work when trying to achieve things in real life?

Has anyone found themselves motivated by fear and anger? Well, maybe not but I have, it's seems to be more effective than being hopeful and positive. I don't think it's healthy though. To me personally it just feels like fear and anger are much stronger emotions than hope and positivity, so it keeps you going but when motivated by can do attitudes, it fades away and then you have to try to motivate yourself more often. With hope it feels like you are waiting for something to change, with fear and anger it feels like a need is created within yourself that you have to change something to avoid a negative outcome.

Perhaps the intensity of emotions can determine outcomes depending on how you channel it, such as people using mental pain to drive themselves towards success, I feel like hear more stories of that than someone just being a positive person and making it. I'm not sure if I have expressed myself well in saying this.

[Tokidoe]

Not sure if this might seem strange but...has anyone noticed that motivational tropes of positivity and a can do attitude do not really work when trying to achieve things in real life?

Has anyone found themselves motivated by fear and anger? Well, maybe not but I have, it's seems to be more effective than being hopeful and positive. I don't think it's healthy though. To me personally it just feels like fear and anger are much stronger emotions than hope and positivity, so it keeps you going but when motivated by can do attitudes, it fades away and then you have to try to motivate yourself more often. With hope it feels like you are waiting for something to change, with fear and anger it feels like a need is created within yourself that you have to change something to avoid a negative outcome.

Perhaps the intensity of emotions can determine outcomes depending on how you channel it, such as people using mental pain to drive themselves towards success, I feel like hear more stories of that than someone just being a positive person and making it. I'm not sure if I have expressed myself well in saying this.

Just started to delve into off-topic in the new year, but here's my 2ps.

It probably is very toxic to use anger to get yourself "working" towards a goal. My situation is different everytime I reflect on it and I do feel kind of bad doing it times, but it is what it is, everyone has different circumstances in life. I was fairly angry about the position in my current job, generally quite terrible conditions (for a software house), no accountability for anything for what people did or do. I thought I'd stick it out looking forward to the next quarter and riding along of good things will happen. Internally, this made my work day hell as I kept going and was on the lookout for new opportunities.

Eventually, I probably had enough of the shit, became more assertive on my decisions (fueled by anger since I probably didn't give a shit anymore) and ended up scoring a better position (in the same company) and managed to implement what was nescessary to a better process. It was in that moment where it a new opportunity created within the company to split their old practice as it clearly wasnt working out, and here I am still working today. Mind you, this is in a fairly small business/startup, I can't see this happening in larger corporations.

[Payyourwaymate]

Just started to delve into off-topic in the new year, but here's my 2ps.

It probably is very toxic to use anger to get yourself "working" towards a goal. My situation is different everytime I reflect on it and I do feel kind of bad doing it times, but it is what it is, everyone has different circumstances in life. I was fairly angry about the position in my current job, generally quite terrible conditions (for a software house), no accountability for anything for what people did or do. I thought I'd stick it out looking forward to the next quarter and riding along of good things will happen. Internally, this made my work day hell as I kept going and was on the lookout for new opportunities.

Eventually, I probably had enough of the shit, became more assertive on my decisions (fueled by anger since I probably didn't give a shit anymore) and ended up scoring a better position (in the same company) and managed to implement what was nescessary to a better process. It was in that moment where it a new opportunity created within the company to split their old practice as it clearly wasnt working out, and here I am still working today. Mind you, this is in a fairly small business/startup, I can't see this happening in larger corporations.

Thanks for your post. See, that's the thing; if you did not become angry/fed up you would have been stuck in the same frustrations right? At some point in the beginning, do you think you were fueled by hope that as long is you do everything right, someone will see or eventually things will change, then not seeing results the anger made you take decisive actions that you would not have otherwise taken?

It's like when people say that those that have nothing to lose are the most threatening people, I would say most times they are driven by anger and loss, not caring anymore and then their capabilities rise to a level that one would not have thought possible through the actions they then start to take. The same person in calm times or just happy and positive, would they still have the drive to do the same thing? This is what I am unsure of.

We see "successful" people but behind it, they either had backing that helped them....or they came from a situation so extreme it led them to take out of the "norm" action which led towards their success. This is why I question this whole culture of naive positivity as drive towards achieving what you want, it seems good but in the reality I just do not see many examples of this. Of course I think positive thinking does help, I am just also thinking that negative emotions also have value depending how you channel it.

[Payyourwaymate]

It's really strange how the same set of words can impact you depending on your frame of mind at a particular point in time.

I'll give an example. There's a lyric from a rapper that states "Revolvin' doors on them whores, they playthings" with laughter in the background.

The first time I heard that I was laughing in agreement.

The second time I heard that I felt sick to my stomach.

The third time I heard it I felt a strange sense of sombre acknowledgement and acceptance.

All these instances were within a 12 month period. So what's the point I am making? Well, I guess our minds always have the potential to be in a state of flux on fixed statements which are open to interpretation I guess. Having an open mind is always best lol.

Before anyone says me laughing initially at the reference was obnoxious and callous...yes I know so what. Just wanted to put that out there. Words have alot of influence indeed.

[Tokidoe]

It's really strange how the same set of words can impact you depending on your frame of mind at a particular point in time.

I'll give an example. There's a lyric from a rapper that states "Revolvin' doors on them whores, they playthings" with laughter in the background.

The first time I heard that I was laughing in agreement.

The second time I heard that I felt sick to my stomach.

The third time I heard it I felt a strange sense of sombre acknowledgement and acceptance.

All these instances were within a 12 month period. So what's the point I am making? Well, I guess our minds always have the potential to be in a state of flux on fixed statements which are open to interpretation I guess. Having an open mind is always best lol.

Before anyone says me laughing initially at the reference was obnoxious and callous...yes I know so what. Just wanted to put that out there. Words have alot of influence indeed.

I know this track you're on about. Big fan of his work. Delivery of the lyricism can hit hard dependant on context (think of listening to Duppy Freestyle/Story of Adidon without the context). Compare this to inside jokes, without context you wouldn't understand why it'd be funny. When we first process language before thinking in the moment that could be purely influenced on the mindset at the time, doing a big of intepretation/theory can sway your perspective.

Think of comedians, they write jokes that can be offensive but what is the silver lining where they can be offensive? If it was a joke there was no intent for it to be offensive right? I used to laugh at comedians that used to stereotype other accents, was funny to me (especially when it was a good imitation of that accent since I'm from that ethnicity). Looking at it now in this modern PC life, he probably would've been cancelled.

[Payyourwaymate]

Feelings of monetary inadequacy are very real. Ex got flown out abroad by some rich guy, private concierge driver and everything. I have to say I felt upset, not at her but at myself. I was like wow, I can't do something like that, I need money how do you even compete with that? How do you deal with being in a situation that you feel like financially you have not done enough with yourself to acquire access to such services and resources. Anyway, needless to say....Even though I understood the full situation I still felt a part of myself go numb and was just selfishly feeling sorry for myself lol.

[Tokidoe]

Feelings of monetary inadequacy are very real. Ex got flown out abroad by some rich guy, private concierge driver and everything. I have to say I felt upset, not at her but at myself. I was like wow, I can't do something like that, I need money how do you even compete with that? How do you deal with being in a situation that you feel like financially you have not done enough with yourself to acquire access to such services and resources. Anyway, needless to say....Even though I understood the full situation I still felt a part of myself go numb and was just selfishly feeling sorry for myself lol.

As I've grown I've started to blame myself more in things that I can control versus projecting onto others. In terms of self doubt and bringing yourself down, you could channel that into working on your yourself and think about others less, all depends on your own values.

For example, having committed to my gym routine consistently for 2 years I've noticed there are mental gaps that would've been, "I'm too weak or too fat to do something" or "progression from 20-80kg was much easier than 100-110kg". On one hand you could blame yourself for having a weird body type or not built different for pushing to your goal, the other could be identifying what needs to be done in order to push to that goal. It's all down to how you perceive these things. Yes, there may be some 3rd party source that influence these decisions but ultimately they are out of your control and accept that there's potentially nothing can be done about this.

In the case for another person or money involved, that just goes to show their motives and recognising that can help you bounce back. I'm not made of money but I'm financially stable, through recognising this if the other person is aware I'm not going to compromise on a relationship to match what their lifestyle needs are in the sake of burning my finances down. End of the day, money can't buy friends, and money can show what a persons true character is.

[Payyourwaymate]

As I've grown I've started to blame myself more in things that I can control versus projecting onto others. In terms of self doubt and bringing yourself down, you could channel that into working on your yourself and think about others less, all depends on your own values.

For example, having committed to my gym routine consistently for 2 years I've noticed there are mental gaps that would've been, "I'm too weak or too fat to do something" or "progression from 20-80kg was much easier than 100-110kg". On one hand you could blame yourself for having a weird body type or not built different for pushing to your goal, the other could be identifying what needs to be done in order to push to that goal. It's all down to how you perceive these things. Yes, there may be some 3rd party source that influence these decisions but ultimately they are out of your control and accept that there's potentially nothing can be done about this.

In the case for another person or money involved, that just goes to show their motives and recognising that can help you bounce back. I'm not made of money but I'm financially stable, through recognising this if the other person is aware I'm not going to compromise on a relationship to match what their lifestyle needs are in the sake of burning my finances down. End of the day, money can't buy friends, and money can show what a persons true character is.

Very valid points, I agree with you.

[Payyourwaymate]

"You're never fucking me again I swear!"

"Ok that is fine"

"Yes of course because you don't want me!"

Oh heavenly father....I never would have thought women could have such an impact on ones mental health .

[Payyourwaymate]

Man, coming out of a relationship that was not really beneficial towards yourself and compromising yourself to such an extent and the other party does not recognise the sacrifices that you did not have to make but chose to for their sake and still finds a way to blame you.... lol. I swear, the feeling of relief and getting your focus back is priceless.

I done alot of simp things...and I suffered all the karma being a simp brings. I think back now and pray to be forgiven for my transgressions.

Never again.

[contentguy]

On the note of stoicism. Here is a quick wiki description on what it is.

Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions; the philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand the universal reason (logos). A primary aspect of Stoicism involves improving the individual's ethical and moral well-being: "Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature." This principle also applies to the realm of interpersonal relationships; "to be free from anger, envy, and jealousy," and to accept even slaves as "equals of other men, because all men alike are products of nature".

I would recommend reading Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (Roman Emperor from 161 to 180 AD) "Meditations". Great read for understanding the process of how to contemplate situations, ones self and dealing with life. Even though written 1000s of years ago is still relevant in dealing with personal emotions and well being in trials and tribulations.

In a similar vein, "A Guide to the Good Life" by William B Irvine is good too - also based on stoics, though I found it an easier read than Meditations.  Meditations is the widely held as the similar work on this stuff.

[Payyourwaymate]

I think I have a lust addiction. It has now only dawned on me when my Ex told me to choose between her and paying "hoes"...and the outcome led to me, well...choosing "hoes". God forgive me for the pain I have caused her.