The Joke Thread

[mr.bluesky]

It took a couple of seconds for the penny to drop
Brilliant

  only those of a certain age will get it.

[Jonestown]

Last night I dreamt I had become very very tiny and weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like, 0mg.

[DastardlyDick]

only those of a certain age will get it.

I got it - now I have to decide whether that's a good or bad thing 

[webpunter]

I got it - now I have to decide whether that's a good or bad thing 

I was briefly distracted thinking it might be sum chinese malaysian R&T gaff like really ? 

[Jonestown]

Archaeologists in Israel have located King Solomon’s temple, it was in front of his ear.

[WARSZAWA16]

I had to start smoking in IKEA just so they’d throw me out.
 I couldn’t find the exit.

[timsussex]

Angus went for a hearing test and was told that he needed a hearing aid
He was offered a choice of models ranging from the free NHS one to a £2000 hi-tech invisible one

As a parsimonious Scot he chose the NHS one and was presented with a large white earpiece attached with a length of white wire 
He asked how long the batteries would last only to be told there are no batteries
So he asked "how does it worrk ?"

well people see the earpiece and the wire then they TALK LOUDER

[mr.bluesky]

I had to start smoking in IKEA just so they’d throw me out.
 I couldn’t find the exit.

 Reminds me of the episode of Father Ted where the priests find themselves lost in the lingerie section of a department store and can't find their way out .