Blondie00 Bracknell

[Bonker]

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Da comms:
Shot this HoGirl a SMS
She reply right quick
Took ma bookin
Agree to da fookin, No messin


Da venoo:
Park my caddy
Smart flat in culdy sack
Vest and a ratchet, army jacket, black Timberlands
But no homies or cracks to witness
No biggy, get my admiration in ma own hood


Da HoGirl:
5/10 quality
10/10 quantity
Man, dat col sanders mus luv her ass
Or dat Ronald guy wiv da shagger boss
But she clean and tidy
Tits fill haf de room
Ass da other haf, and de kitchen
Stan back y'all

Da ackshun:
Bonky-bonk bang dat bitch from bee hind
Slap ma thighs on her butt
Deep throat? Sheet. I talkin eesofagus
Mebbe even more
Man I's a big mother-fucker, I expec to see ma dick come out her ass.
Cum so hard, hosed her face, tits, ass - even white - washed her walls.
Shut up. Is true.

She frennly. Tries to woo my ass. Shut the fuck up bitch.
Wimmin! Da big guy in da sky gave dem a tongue to lick dick, dey gotta waste it by makin words.

Gas pedal down
fuck out of dis fucking white sub urbier.
Yeah, I'm your typical sNigga

[wildcard50]

fuck me , reading this just gave me a headache.

Best read stoned, i guess.

Very funny though.

[DrConners]

Sometimes you try too hard Bonks - to be funny that is.

#fail

I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one to appreciate the account of your encounter in English.

Your review, your choice - Just saying.

[time2play]

Jeez come on fellas. 10 for effort surely!

Made a change from the usual run of the mill.

[contentguy]

Jeez come on fellas. 10 for effort surely!

Made a change from the usual run of the mill.

He was stoned when he wrote it if you ask me.

And having met Blondie ages ago, she was fatter and older then than her current pics suggest.  She’s prolly early 70s but enough ganja and dAgUY can Tink Dat dA crinkly Grannie is Da bestest Babe inde Holla Bracknell.

Definately not recommended.

If yaGetMe.

Guy

[contentguy]

But to just add, thanks to the OP for his review in a novel style.

Even if it was bollocks, it adds depth here and for that I’m grateful.

Guy

[BSG85]

I don't even have a clue what any of this means.

But you seem to have had a good time, mostly with the drugs you took but also possibly with this lady.

[Bonker]

Parody of a rap song.
Is it that hard to work out?
Don't do drugs.

[millbush]

  quality review style.

[James999]

Don't do drugs.

Perhaps it's time you started 

[Bonker]

No thanks, I've seen what they've done to you.
  

[James999]

You've really not grasped this humour thing have you, probably best to leave it to those who know how / when to use it 

[Bonker]

OK will do.

[contentguy]

She was in he late 60s when I saw her in Heathrow, must be over 5 years ago.
A definite never to repeat for me!

I think your cred as a hip hop rapper will be tarnished somewhat if "da crew" find out you spent £120 for an hour with a fat old grannie.  You could'a had similar for a pint of mild and one or Tupac's (geddit) of pork scratchings down the local. 
And you're claiming you weren't even stoned  .

Oh dear!

Guy

[James999]

She was in he late 60s when I saw her in Heathrow, must be over 5 years ago.

Shit, so he paid to shag a 70+ year old 

[contentguy]

Shit, so he paid to shag a 70+ year old 

And insists he was sober when he did the deed.

Fat girls and mopeds I get.

Fat grannies and mopeds, I wouldn’t have reviewed out of sheer embarrassment!
But others with similar tastes will no doubt appreciate, innit!

Guy

[houseboot]

And insists he was sober when he did the deed.

Fat girls and mopeds I get.

Fat grannies and mopeds, I wouldn’t have reviewed out of sheer embarrassment!
But others with similar tastes will no doubt appreciate, innit!

Guy

They'll be too late .... she's gone.

[contentguy]

They'll be too late .... she's gone.

To quote Arnie... 

Guy

[iq129]

Even Google Translate failed to convert the text into English.

[Suzukiboy03]

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 Hey, brilliant!!! a great piece of work.  Loved it.