Extreme, eccentric, startling - raised the near dead: MistressMusclePP, Crayford

[Colston36]

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

I was insane to attempt this. I was flying into Stansted having got up at 5. am. I arrived at hers at 4. p.m. on the hottest day ever recorded in the U.K. And I am 82, nearing 83. Second childhood looming obviously.

She was very patient (I was an hour later than planned) and helpful with very precise instructions on how to get to hers, a very nice flat in a modern development a minute away from the rail station

Her photos are pretty accurate. Very good physique. When I got in she just said "Get undressed. Have a shower. Then I will do all the things you asked for," and started helping me take - well, rip - my clothes off.

Shower taken, into her main room. Quite a few framed covers of bodybuilding magazines with her on them. Dolls and other oddities. She took control, but started by licking my feet then rimming me. Then crushed me between her very strong thighs. Told me to tap her twice if it was too much like in an all-in wrestling match. This happened twice.

It was all a blur. At one point I was on this huge rubber ball while she did whatever. Lots of mutual licking. And flattery. She said "You are amazing" repeatedly when I said how old I am. Maybe because I am quite fit. Then "You must come back."

I did come eventually, but not without a lot of oral help.

We talked for a while. Wouldn't tell me where she's from. I've visited 60 countries - still have no idea; very odd accent, half oriental, half Eastern European I thought.

We've exchanged messages since and I think I will try again, but have no idea what it will be like. But at only £80 well, amazing. Unique.

[Liverpool]

At least we know how Jeanette Krankie is passing the time these days.

[Heph]

Enjoyable review though.
Vive Colston!

[whoya.kiddin]

Colston36

EIGHTY TWO YEARS OLD!!!!

You are an inspiration to us all, Sir.

[Sheraton]

Respect to you Sir for keeping the proverbial flag flying into your '80s.  Not sure how many of us will be able to keep up with you when we reach your age !!

[Raven]

Colston36

EIGHTY TWO YEARS OLD!!!!

You are an inspiration to us all, Sir.

+1 

[RAJEC]

First time I’ve read a colston review...

Very few words to describe a legend such as this. Good on your sir! 

[winkywanky]

Colston, you old fucker (I mean that in a totally good way)  .

Nearly saw this girl about 6mths ago but logistics didn't work out. She intrigues me, I think one day I shall.

I see she states 'British' as her nationality now - perhaps with Brexit she's applied for dual nationality now or something, after years of living here? (I don't know the technicalities of that stuff). Certainly she used to state Spanish, and she does have a Spanish look about her.

Great review, keep up the good work  .

[akauya]

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

I was insane to attempt this. I was flying into Stansted having got up at 5. am. I arrived at hers at 4. p.m. on the hottest day ever recorded in the U.K. And I am 82, nearing 83. Second childhood looming obviously.

Hats off to you Mr Colston 

You just reminded me of the book Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel García Márquez (External Link/Members Only)

I hope to be still punting when I'm in my 80s too.

[Xtro]

Good review sir.   

We talked for a while. Wouldn't tell me where she's from. I've visited 60 countries - still have no idea; very odd accent, half oriental, half Eastern European I thought.

Apparently, she originates from Ukraine where she was a former Russian gymnast.
She came to the UK after the collapse of the USSR.

[Colston36]

Hats off to you Mr Colston 

You just reminded me of the book Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel García Márquez (External Link/Members Only)

I hope to be still punting when I'm in my 80s too.

Life is full of bizarre twists and turns.
When I was 31 I went to live with a retired lady of the night who turned out to be the most jealous woman I ever met. I left her for a stripper.
In my 40's I worked for a Polish Count who at 60 lived with a 19 year old. What a hero! That gave me something to aim for.
I never paid for sex until my early '60's as I was quite rich and presentable. Then at 68 I started a relationship with someone 39 years younger than me.
Only when that ended 4 years ago did I start seriously punting. I have enjoyed it far more than I ever expected.
I've been able to do the most obscene things I ever imagined - and many I never did. How could I have imagined at this age I'd be frolicking regularly with a 21 year old, as I was this morning? And no, I don't care if she lies a bit about her age.
I take childish delight in planning the most complex, filthy and perverse scenarios. I like whores. I very often enjoy their company. I spend hours happily corresponding with my regulars.  Far more interesting (and sometimes harder working) than people I deal with in my business.
I never expected to live this long, let alone do what I do. I think between them AW and UKP are a boon to the dedicated pervert.

[winkywanky]

Good review sir.   

Apparently, she originates from Ukraine where she was a former Russian gymnast.
She came to the UK after the collapse of the USSR.

Ooer!

A defector?

[Colston36]

Good review sir.   

Apparently, she originates from Ukraine where she was a former Russian gymnast.
She came to the UK after the collapse of the USSR.

Thank you for that, your honour. It was really irritating me that I couldn't work it out. I did ask "are you slavonic? She just said her father (she showed me a photo) was very mixed.

I've just pulled my calf muscle - right idea, poor sense of direction - so I can't conduct further exploration for a bit. I think she makes a lot of money because she has another job.

[JackTheStripper]

Life is full of bizarre twists and turns.
When I was 31 I went to live with a retired lady of the night who turned out to be the most jealous woman I ever met. I left her for a stripper.
In my 40's I worked for a Polish Count who at 60 lived with a 19 year old. What a hero! That gave me something to aim for.
I never paid for sex until my early '60's as I was quite rich and presentable. Then at 68 I started a relationship with someone 39 years younger than me.
Only when that ended 4 years ago did I start seriously punting. I have enjoyed it far more than I ever expected.
I've been able to do the most obscene things I ever imagined - and many I never did. How could I have imagined at this age I'd be frolicking regularly with a 21 year old, as I was this morning? And no, I don't care if she lies a bit about her age.
I take childish delight in planning the most complex, filthy and perverse scenarios. I like whores. I very often enjoy their company. I spend hours happily corresponding with my regulars.  Far more interesting (and sometimes harder working) than people I deal with in my business.
I never expected to live this long, let alone do what I do. I think between them AW and UKP are a boon to the dedicated pervert.

Haha Colston, you are my hero. I want to be like you when I eventually grow up

[Colston36]

Haha Colston, you are my hero. I want to be like you when I eventually grow up

Don't grow up, my dear chap. I never did. I still do the most amazingly stupid things. One of my heroines is Tallulah Bankhead the bisexual 1930's movie star. When asked if she regretted some of her antics she replied "I'd do it all again - only sooner". I would do it all again, sooner - and MORE. Three-some lined up for Tuesday with two of my fave bi-sexual ladies and a really filthy darling on Saturday, preferably after she's been well fucked and reeks of sex. The best possible taste.

[tantraman]

... Three-some lined up for Tuesday with two of my fave bi-sexual ladies and a really filthy darling on Saturday ...

You, sir, are legend!

[hp181284]

"Life is full of bizarre twists and turns.
.....I never expected to live this long, let alone do what I do. I think between them AW and UKP are a boon to the dedicated pervert.

This was better than the review! 

Would love to know which country offers the best "services" as per your experiences?

[Colston36]

This was better than the review! 

Would love to know which country offers the best "services" as per your experiences?

NATIONALITIES i

I fear I am not equipped to reply. My job was quite high profile; I was less of a wreck and it enabled me to fuck many nationalities and colours without paying.
I didn't cough up until drunk one night in Paris on the Rue St. Jacques, famous for its whores - by which time I was 43. It was with a dominatrix and I was clueless.

Apart from a few little tries when my final marriage was on the blink in 2001 I only really started coughing up big time after my last long-term relationship fizzled out.
Well, not strictly true; I still live with her and we are close, but no sex and she has another partner.

But looking back I am not really interested in straight sex. It has to be kinky. In past years my best were a girl in Munich I used to fly to see when I was seriously rich; she was a bit of a porn star on HighTide called ChrisExtreme; and another German, Domina Silvia, who is very filthy, and very expensive but amazing. I paid £450 for two spectacular hours with her two years ago. Saw her again, but not here often enough to get to know properly, which is what I like.

Today I have my roster of about seven - keeps changing very slightly.

I love spending time besides having fun with Kelly-Ann-Kink of Newport and Morgan of Cheltenham; Angel-Lea Rose in Kidderminster; GypsyDream of South Hams; Louisa Smith in Plymouth - both spectacularly filthy and very interesting people; Riveronknees in Dudley (with Mistress Alice); and one pretty straight, LottieLou21 in Gloucester who gives amazing blow-jobs. She's just started working in a sex club in Birmingham. I like to hear what it's like.

I often see combinations of those ladies, sometimes with another guy.

I have a couple of couples - Dave and Claire in Cheltenham and DomFilth with her partner in Cardiff that I've seen and plan to again. There are more I like but don't see regularly, usually because they're not convenient geographically - I don't drive.

I don't see any of these just for sex. Unless there is something interesting about  them, no point. Unlike many here I find and have always found many whores fascinating - I lived with one 54 years ago. She introduced me to some great music, was very interesting but crazy. I know enough about the realities of whoring and business to tell it is a very tricky business to manage, and very few prosper.

More than enough from me.

[M1lfhunt3r1963]

legend

And your life story should be turned into a movie, who would you get to play the part I wonder?

Excellent reading

[dieseldriver]

I'm 70 and my whoring started prior to my first marriage aged 21. In those days it was the French lessons on postcards in shop windows. First was off of Edgware Rd London what must be sometime between 1967 - 1970? Then the contact mags started appearing around 1971. Lived in Forest Gate at the time, and met one few minutes away in Green St.
From then on escalated with the contact mags including computer dating. Like MatcherMaker, Dateline, and a few others that escapes my memory.

Can remember Dateline very well. The company produced a singles mag monthly with a personals section. Had to select who you fancied, write them a letter, put the letters in a sealed envelope with their profile number on, post to Dateline with a fee (depended on amount of letters), and wait while Dateline forwarded the letters on. Also the computer dating. Fill in a form ticking the boxes about yourself and the women of choice. Send to Dateline, Matchmaker or others with a fee, and wait for your contacts to arrive. Usually six. Re-runs if none worked out at a lower cost.
I went for black/Asian and fucked loads. Most first meet or second.

These days now just troll through AW when feel the need. Playing in a marching band sometimes stay overnight at the venue town/city if too far for a day performance and return same day. Done loads in and out calls various places. Probabely like what must be a majority of us married men, happy at home but still miss the chase. Hence the 'punting phone' posts seen on here...

[Colston36]

legend

And your life story should be turned into a movie, who would you get to play the part I wonder?

Excellent reading

Thank you. Oddly enough I am in the nightmare throes of writing my autobiography.

Looking back I am astounded at my folly. but delighted I did it all.

And even more astounded to be still at it.

I spent about 90 minutes today with two of my absolute faves.

A piss-drenched kaleidoscope of filth climaxing in the bathroom.

Can't write about it here as I've reviewed both ladies separately, but God how wonderful whores are!

Especially with a little latex here and there.

[Belgarion]

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

I was insane to attempt this. I was flying into Stansted having got up at 5. am. I arrived at hers at 4. p.m. on the hottest day ever recorded in the U.K. And I am 82, nearing 83. Second childhood looming obviously.

She was very patient (I was an hour later than planned) and helpful with very precise instructions on how to get to hers, a very nice flat in a modern development a minute away from the rail station

Her photos are pretty accurate. Very good physique. When I got in she just said "Get undressed. Have a shower. Then I will do all the things you asked for," and started helping me take - well, rip - my clothes off.

Shower taken, into her main room. Quite a few framed covers of bodybuilding magazines with her on them. Dolls and other oddities. She took control, but started by licking my feet then rimming me. Then crushed me between her very strong thighs. Told me to tap her twice if it was too much like in an all-in wrestling match. This happened twice.

It was all a blur. At one point I was on this huge rubber ball while she did whatever. Lots of mutual licking. And flattery. She said "You are amazing" repeatedly when I said how old I am. Maybe because I am quite fit. Then "You must come back."

I did come eventually, but not without a lot of oral help.

We talked for a while. Wouldn't tell me where she's from. I've visited 60 countries - still have no idea; very odd accent, half oriental, half Eastern European I thought.

We've exchanged messages since and I think I will try again, but have no idea what it will be like. But at only £80 well, amazing. Unique.

Hope I'm still as active as you at 82. You are an inspiration 

[unus669]

I salute you OP

[winkywanky]

Thank you. Oddly enough I am in the nightmare throes of writing my autobiography.

Looking back I am astounded at my folly. but delighted I did it all.

And even more astounded to be still at it.

I spent about 90 minutes today with two of my absolute faves.

A piss-drenched kaleidoscope of filth climaxing in the bathroom.

Can't write about it here as I've reviewed both ladies separately, but God how wonderful whores are!

Especially with a little latex here and there.

That will be an interesting read Colston.

Are you going to release it before your demise, or will it be in your will to publish after you're gone?

And presumably it won't be anonymous, otherwise it's not really an autobiography?

[Colston36]

That will be an interesting read Colston.

Are you going to release it before your demise, or will it be in your will to publish after you're gone?

And presumably it won't be anonymous, otherwise it's not really an autobiography?

It will not be anonymous. I have been working on it for a few months. Out of all my books (only a handful) it has been the hardest to write. It is scheduled to appear just before Christmas. One of my biggest problems is deciding what not to say. I think my family would go ape-shit if they saw everything I get up to. Yesterday's session was really a bit rude. I know many - probably most - on here who like old-fashioned mummies and daddies would disapprove. I am in the throes of setting one even more extreme for next week. 

[winkywanky]

It will not be anonymous. I have been working on it for a few months. Out of all my books (only a handful) it has been the hardest to write. It is scheduled to appear just before Christmas. One of my biggest problems is deciding what not to say. I think my family would go ape-shit if they saw everything I get up to. Yesterday's session was really a bit rude. I know many - probably most - on here who like old-fashioned mummies and daddies would disapprove. I am in the throes of setting one even more extreme for next week.

Blimey, this year. Will it be a proper bound book, hardback and paperback, or a digital book? 'Pukka' mainstream publisher, available on Amazon etc?

May I ask what your previous books have been about? (Be vague).

[Colston36]

I like the look of the three you reviewed. The Chinese one seems very interesting, and cheap. I wonder if I could persuade her to be a little less hygienic. I do like the reek of cunt.

[winkywanky]

She's gone back on the slowboat to China, no-one knows whether she's coming back.

You're not 'Dave' are you?  (You'll have to research that on here a little  ).

[Fuzzyduck]

It will not be anonymous. I have been working on it for a few months. Out of all my books (only a handful) it has been the hardest to write. It is scheduled to appear just before Christmas. One of my biggest problems is deciding what not to say. I think my family would go ape-shit if they saw everything I get up to. Yesterday's session was really a bit rude. I know many - probably most - on here who like old-fashioned mummies and daddies would disapprove. I am in the throes of setting one even more extreme for next week.

Quality work, Sir. I appreciate you might omit the racier escapades to save your family's blushes but perhaps you might post them ahem anonymously online somewhere. It might ease any angst you feel that you can't fully express yourself.

[Colston36]

Blimey, this year. Will it be a proper bound book, hardback and paperback, or a digital book? 'Pukka' mainstream publisher, available on Amazon etc?

May I ask what your previous books have been about? (Be vague).

Proper books.

My first was a novel. Like most first novels was about me.  Well reviewed, interviewed by Parkinson. The others all about an aspect of business I know an absurd amount about. Also well reviewed and out in many languages.

I hate my publisher; they are parasites. The founder with whom I used to get pissed and liked has retired.  So will self-publish.

My dream is to live in a brothel; like Toulouse-Lautrec but taller and with less talent.

[winkywanky]

Proper books.

My first was a novel. Like most first novels was about me.  Well reviewed, interviewed by Parkinson. The others all about an aspect of business I know an absurd amount about. Also well reviewed and out in many languages.

I hate my publisher; they are parasites. The founder with whom I used to get pissed and liked has retired.  So will self-publish.

My dream is to live in a brothel; like Toulouse-Lautrec but taller and with less talent.

I don't think he was particulary talented, the girls only liked him because he could lick them out standing up.

Oh, you mean his paintings! 

[ulstersubbie]

F**king brilliant!   

[Colston36]

[quote author=Colston36 link=topic=257778.msg2636665#msg2636665 date=15657732

My dream is to live in a brothel; like Toulouse-Lautrec but taller and with less talent.


F**king brilliant!   

What is interesting is that someone else did. In "Both the Ladies and the Gentlemen". William Donaldson recounts his experience of living with a whore or two. A splendid man. As one reader commented: One of the all time great comic novels in the English language. Don't bother with Wodehouse, Tom Sharpe or the others just read this and all his others. Not only funny but also wise, intelligent and bittersweet.

His biographical survey of roguish Britons through the ages, Brewer's Rogues, Villains and Eccentrics (2002), has been described as "a breathtaking triumph of misdirected scholarship". I gave it to my son in New York, who I am pleased to say takes after me, but must try harder.

He also wrote the Henry Root Letters, a wonderful piss take of the great and good (the twats who run Britain).

He backed the show that made Dudley Moore, Peter Cook, Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller famous

Read this bio and realise what a GREAT man he was:

Donaldson married Sonia Avory in 1957 and she bore him his only child, Charlie. However, he left her for Jacki Ellis, then the wife of Jeffrey Bernard, but in due course she left him. A sequence of affairs followed, including liaisons with Sarah Miles and Carly Simon.

He left Miles for Simon, whom he described as "the answer to any sane man's prayers; funny, quick, erotic, extravagantly talented", but this did not prevent him from jilting her while they were engaged and returning to Miles. In 1968, Donaldson married Claire Gordon. The couple epitomised 1960s Swinging London.

He later remembered that "sex, whether in company or not, has been the only department in life in which I have demanded from anyone taking part the very highest standards of seriousness."

What a fucking hero. I am lucky to have outlived him- we were born in the same year.

[winkywanky]

At age 15 I was in love with Carly Simon. A mate of mine's mum had just got the album No Secrets and while playing Cluedo round his house with some other kids I perused the cover. Love at first sight    . I was comforted to find that the music within was just as amazing as her incredible knockers, especially the lyrics. Bought the album and just loved her even more.

Her dad was one half of Simon & Schuster the publishers. She was a daddy's girl, but daddy never gave her the love she craved. She married James Taylor (another stunning vocal talent) but he was an alcoholic & heroin addict and he treated her like shit.

AFAIK she still lives in the house that she and Taylor refurbished/rebuilt themselves, in Martha's Vineyard. I think she's an old cat lady now, what a shame, because I believe she was a great fuck as well as being a lovely human being (but probably high maintenace emotionally).

Her autobiography is fascinating, by the way. Can't remember if it's on Simon & Schuster because I lent it to my ex and never got it back  .

[Colston36]

At age 15 I was in love with Carly Simon. A mate of mine's mum had just got the album No Secrets and while playing Cluedo round his house with some other kids I perused the cover. Love at first sight    . I was comforted to find that the music within was just as amazing as her incredible knockers, especially the lyrics. Bought the album and just loved her even more.

Her dad was one half of Simon & Schuster the publishers. She was a daddy's girl, but daddy never gave her the love she craved. She married James Taylor (another stunning vocal talent) but he was an alcoholic & heroin addict and he treated her like shit.

AFAIK she still lives in the house that she and Taylor refurbished/rebuilt themselves, in Martha's Vineyard. I think she's an old cat lady now, what a shame, because I believe she was a great fuck as well as being a lovely human being (but probably high maintenace emotionally).

Her autobiography is fascinating, by the way. Can't remember if it's on Simon & Schuster because I lent it to my ex and never got it back  .

At my age I get dreadfully lugubrious about music I have loved - and some musicians I have known.

When I was about 18 I went to see the Tony Crombie band at a dance hall I used to frequent in the vain hope of getting laid. The singer was the incomparable and gorgeous Annie Ross of Lambert, Hendricks and Ross. Somehow I ended up talking to her for quite a while during the interval.

She was one of those very special people one meets occasionally - treated me as an equal.

She's still alive at 89 which is amazing as she did heroin for quite a while. .

[RobinBrod]

Ah, the great Annie Ross - what a legend, along with Cleo Lane. Both in their days incredibly sexy ladies.

William Donaldson was also a hero of mine. I have all his books. He was taught by my grandfather!

Was your publisher mainly into military books? The one I'm thinking of used to drink a lot and was a really lovely man, but, alas, now sadly dead.

This has become a fascinating thread.

[Colston36]

Quality work, Sir. I appreciate you might omit the racier escapades to save your family's blushes but perhaps you might post them ahem anonymously online somewhere. It might ease any angst you feel that you can't fully express yourself.

I am thinking about that actually.

[Colston36]

Ah, the great Annie Ross - what a legend, along with Cleo Lane. Both in their days incredibly sexy ladies.

William Donaldson was also a hero of mine. I have all his books. He was taught by my grandfather!

Was your publisher mainly into military books? The one I'm thinking of used to drink a lot and was a really lovely man, but, alas, now sadly dead.

This has become a fascinating thread.

I was at school - 16 I thin, and so was she -when i heard Cleo Lane make her very first broadcast.

It was a most unusual voice; few contraltos seem to do that well. My publisher was not him, but a firm that sells business books, which is mostly my area of expertise.

I have a pretty encyclopaedic knowledge of music, and it seems appropriate to recommend anyone here to listen to The Rising Cost of Love by Millie Jackson. (Copied note for note by Elkie Brooks).

[Colston36]

Due to my senile incompetence the second, misspelled part of the above was yours witlessly.