Amy of Tropical Palms

[Steely Dan]

76 Portland Street (per 118118) ... (though I entered off Reyner St). 01612 283746.  Crazy dark alley in China town anyway.

So I left Cosmopolitan with a big smile on my face.  Fucked the shit out of Brooke - always a good thing.  Planned to go back and see-to Sabrina later.  But I needed a break which meant some time in the casino and some time in Longlegs.

As I was walking back to Cosmopolitan, I saw a massage parlour sign up a back alley.  Tropical Palms.  Just a girl on the sign - barely pretending to be a legit Thai massage place.  Curious, had to have a look.

Press buzzer and a 50 something lady lets me in.  Place is a total shit hole - like a 70s hotel.  She does not quite say that this is a full on brothel, but does say the words 'full service'.  Still curious, I walk up with her to the lounge.  Two 40-something ladies there.  She says £40 per HH. You have to be kidding! How could these 2 cows offer sex in this place for only 5 quid less than the quality place around the corner? So I walked. Nah.  Having a laugh.  OMG I got to see where this leads.

So I choose English Amy as slightly slimmer of the two.  Up again to a funny bedroom.  OMG, I love it - it is so shitty it just makes the night! Scruffy decor and a high up massage table thing - not quite a bed but not a normal massage table either.  I strip off and climb up.  She takes off her clothes and the next OMG moment is the most enormous boobs.  They hang down half way to her pussy, but not in a saggy way - just in a 'I am almost 50 with big boobs' way.  Kissing? No. Pussy play? No.  But I can play with and (gently) suck these.  I am really not a boobs guy, but when in Rome....

Eventually she decides to fuck me.  Any position as long as it is cowgirl.  She climbs up on to the table/bed, and sort of rides me sideways.  Weird.  She is facing me, but just sort of moving her hips to the side - my dick doesn't really bend that way, but just about manage to carry on.  She gets bored or tired after a while and climbs off and gives my a hand job until I cum.  She says she was in UK penthouse when she was younger.  I really believe this - nice rack and OK looking at about 50 - probably was hot as shit when early 20s.

Positives.
Not many.  Made me laugh with its style - was I in an episode of 'goodnight sweetheart'? Epic (if way past sell-by date) boobs.

Negatives
Shit hole.  Old girls.  No kissing or touching. poor sex

Should almost be a negative. But gets up to a neutral since I knew I was in a dump and I went for it.  Like watching snakes on a plane. I think this is a place for drunk guys to get off at 3 in the morning when Cosmopolitan turns them away for being too drunk. Good there is still choice in this world.

[davidgood]

Congratulations SD on your 100th review and thanks for all the work you do on Punting Wiki.

Sounds like you needed  relief that night and found it even if not with the best girls in the best surroundings.

Regards,

davidgood

[mh]

Brilliant, you certainly had your eyes open on this one so I really understand the subjective neutral for what was an objectively crap punt.

I had a negative that would have got a neutral not long before I was a member on here. There were so many warning signs but I very positively decided to walk past them. The price went up on arrival, services that were promised on the phone were declined, the beautiful photos had obscured an obvious missing tooth (!), she moaned about every request and position change, kept asking "are you going to come now" etc etc. I threatened to walk out on the price and lacking services which were reluctantly reversed.

But I got to fuck a young, pretty (missing tooth notwithstanding), lithe girl for half an hour every which way, had her piss on me and me on her and then plastered her face with a week's savings. So she'd have got a neutral report from me that day because I knew from the start it was going to be a nightmare but I had made the decision to continue.

Huge congratulations on 100 reviews. At my current declining rate I'll match your current total in about 2049. 

[Steely Dan]

Thanks lads.

Sometime punting is about having a laugh, and doing what you want. Was one of those nights. And she did have epic tits.  I wish I had fucked her when she was a 22 yo penthouse pet.

[Kool Keef]

Used to commute to work every day past Tropical Palms, never been in myself, I remember last summer, on a hot sunny afternoon, I was on the top deck of a bus, going home from work & a brass was hanging out of the top window having a cig, her big tits straining her bra, the people below on Portland St were going about their business neither knowing or caring about the clandestine world of punting, I smiled to myself anyway. 

[Kool Keef]

In the right mood, I'm partial to a sleazy shithole myself, fine dining is fantastic but sometimes you just want a fucking dirty, greasy kebab or burger to clog your arteries & satisfy your cravings.

[Steely Dan]

In the right mood, I'm partial to a sleazy shithole myself, fine dining is fantastic but sometimes you just want a fucking dirty, greasy kebab or burger to clog your arteries & satisfy your cravings.

Your poetry captures it spot on!

[Kool Keef]

Your poetry captures it spot on!

Cheers, probably the Stella I've been drinking

[ulstersubbie]

Fair play to you mate, I ventured in there years ago and walked straight out suitably traumatized. As you correctly say, a complete shit hole that hasn't improved in any way. Yikes!!